13. Sugar We’re Going Down
Sugar We’re Going Down
It was almost midnight when we decided to load up and head over to Spencer's apartment so he could grab a change of clothes and his laptop. He opened my door for me, like always, and told me to get music going while he got Dolly situated. The warmth from summer still lingered in the air. The scent of the late summer air and fresh-cut grass surrounded us as the wind whipped through the car. “Sugar We’re Going Down” by Fall Out Boy started playing, so I cranked it up.
We both started to sing along, putting on a full concert for ourselves and having the best time.
Spencer even pulled out the air drums. I couldn’t hold back the fit of giggles I had.
His singing was off-key, but it was charming.
Normally, hearing anyone sing off-key would make my ears itch and skin crawl, but hearing him made my heart warm.
Everything about him made me melt if we’re being honest.
When the song finished, I turned it back down, “Okay, well it’s official, we have to go see them live together the next time they tour.
” I said, beaming over at him. Knowing how Fall Out Boy was, we’d get a single dropped, a new album release date, and a tour announcement out of nowhere, all in the span of a week.
“I agree, I want to see them live so badly, and I think we’d have the best time.” His smile was equally as wide as mine as he continued drumming his fingers offbeat on the steering wheel to the next song.
“If we do go, Em will probably want to come because they're kind of our thing too.” They were our all-time favorite band and what we bonded over. One morning before class, I sat next to her and asked what she was listening to—Saturday from Take This To Your Grave,” a top-tier song—and we started listing all of our favorites.
After that, we were inseparable, and well, the rest is history.
“That’s totally fine with me. Maybe Carson would wanna join us? I don’t know if you noticed that day at the gym, but there was some tension.”
“Oh, I noticed, alright, but for once she’s being tight-lipped about it. She said that she, and I quote, won’t be giving some pretty boy playboy her time.”
“Carson will get a kick out of that. Do they know each other?”
“Not that I know of, which is weird that she would say that. I mean, she’s had a bit of a rough past, and she was previously married, but she also wasn’t big on the dating scene after.
Not that I could blame her.” Thinking back to her shitty excuse of an ex tampered with my mood, but I shook it off. That wasn’t my story to tell.
“Hmm, who knows. Carson is a little bit of a playboy, as Emma called him, and as far as I know, he doesn’t know her either. He even said she was pretty. Oh well, I’m sure they’ll tell us something eventually.”
He tentatively reached over and hovered over my hand. “Is this okay? To hold your hand, I mean?”
“Yeah, I’d like that.” He interlaced our fingers, and our hands fit together so perfectly. His calloused hands felt warm and strong wrapped around mine. We went back to listening to the music together and jamming out till we got to his apartment.
His apartment was in a set of newer builds that sat on top of a hill. They were more like townhomes since there were two per unit from what I could see. Spencer's front porch light was on, so I could get a decent look at his building as we headed up the walkway.
His was quaint with white wooden siding on the top half, and river rock along the bottom. It had a small front porch with two small steps leading up to it. He didn’t have any decorations, which didn’t totally surprise me, as most men probably didn’t worry about that type of thing.
Spencer quickly unlocked the door and led me inside. He flipped the lights on, and I began wandering around. Not much adorned the walls or space. A cream couch sat against the wall with a small table sitting in front of it.
“I’m gonna grab my stuff quickly. It’s not much, but make yourself at home.
” He placed a quick kiss on my cheek and headed down the small hallway that I assumed led to his bedroom.
Taking the space in some more, I realized there were no pictures either.
Nothing showed him and his family. Nothing to show his accomplishments and milestones.
My lips tipped down in a frown, and a deep sadness washed over me, knowing that whatever happened between them was clearly bad enough that he had nothing to show of his life.
Spencer seemed so kind and warm. I couldn’t picture something awful happening to his sweet soul that would cause him to have nothing.
Dolly headed off in her own direction to another door in the hall. I followed, not wanting her to mess anything up, and we stumbled upon his gaming setup. There was a wide desk nestled in the corner next to a window with two large monitors atop it and a computer tower and PlayStation as well.
Being my nosy self, I sat down and jiggled the mouse. The system kicked on, and the lights behind the monitors illuminated a multitude of colors. The side of his tower was clear, so I could see all of the wires and hookups, and the fan running.
“This is pretty impressive,” I said, half mumbling to myself.
“Thank you. I built it myself, but I know it may be kind of lame.” Spencer's voice whispered against the shell of my ear. Goosebumps danced across my skin, and my eyes fluttered closed. I hadn’t heard him come in, let alone get this close to me.
“Caught you snooping.” I could feel his smile as his breath tickled my skin, causing arousal to pool low in my stomach.
Slowly, I turned his chair around to face him and locked onto his eyes that seemed more of a sapphire shade in the dim light.
I swallowed, and it occurred to me I may be truly fucked when it comes to Spencer and my safe walls. He was demolishing them brick by brick with the simplest of things. Whether I liked it or not.
“Guess we were caught red-handed, huh?” I reached up and tangled my fingers in the hair at the base of his neck. “No, I don’t think it’s lame, it’s something you're interested in, which makes it cool. You’ll have to let me watch you play sometime. Also, your apartment is really nice.”
“Sure, I’d like that, and thank you. I haven’t been in it long, so I’m still getting stuff put up and all, but it’s nice to have my own place and safe spot. I got everything I need, y’all ready?”
“Yep, we’re done snooping now!”
Turning all the lights off and heading to the car, we loaded up and drove back to my house. The windows were still down, and the wind was swirling the short strands of hair around my face. It was going to be a tangled mess that would be a pain in the ass to rake a brush through later.
Turning the music down, I reached over and intertwined our fingers.
Our hands fit perfectly intertwined. Two puzzle pieces snapping together.
I swallowed the rising fear of panic that tried to suffocate me at how at ease I was with him.
How, instead of taking this at a slow and steady pace, I was about to start running headfirst.
My thoughts kept circling back to him and the bare walls of his apartment.
I knew he said he only recently moved in, but it had me examining each interaction of ours under a new light.
He already mentioned he had a rough childhood, no pictures even temporarily set out or stuck to the fridge, and he seemed hesitant to talk about his family.
Feeling brave, I braced myself and outright asked.
“Tell me a little bit more about yourself. Maybe about your family…” Immediately, I could feel him tense up beneath me.
“You can tell me anything you’re comfortable sharing.
We don’t have to go into anything crazy deep yet if you don’t want to, Spence.
” Another moment went by, and I thought maybe I shouldn’t have asked.
“Well, you did go into your childhood, so it’s only fair we swap trauma, I guess.
” He let out a laugh. “Let’s see, I know I already mentioned previously I’m the middle child, and that my family is awful, but my parents weren’t good people.
They would leave for days at a time, and we wouldn’t have much food, if any, no way to get to a store, and at that time, I was too young for a cellphone, so we only had the landline that would get shut off sometimes.
” He released my hand and flexed his fingers out before settling them on my thigh.
I turned to face him more, and I could barely make out the tick in his jaw.
Letting out a deep, almost exhausted, sigh, he continued on.
“Even when they were home, it was awful. I was usually overlooked, which sucked, but I preferred it. Jason was the favorite, and as he grew up, he became more and more like our father. Just a total dick and mean for no reason. His picking on me went beyond the normal sibling stuff, especially if my parents weren’t around.
” Spencer took a deep breath and squeezed my thigh, almost as if grounding himself.
We didn’t have much growing up, but we never had to worry about the power or food.
At least from what I was aware of. Maybe my mom hid it better.
She always made sure we had anything we needed because that’s what a parent does.
Spencer’s voice cut through the trip down memory lane and brought me back to the present.