13. Sugar We’re Going Down #3
“Fuck it. Come here.” He said as he quickly bent down and lifted me onto the counter. My heart caught in my throat as he moved me. What in the world was he thinking?
“Oh my god, what are you doing! I’m going to break the counter or something!” I swatted at his shoulders and arms, trying to get away.
“No, you’re not, but you are going to hurt yourself if you don’t sit still.” He gave me a pointed look. “Now explain. What’s this all about, sweetheart?” I nibbled on my bottom lip, looking everywhere but at him. This was not a conversation I wanted to have.
“It’s nothing, seriously, Spencer. It’s fine, I'm fine.” I tried to scoot forward so I could hop off the counter, but Spencer planted both hands on either side of me.
Those giant hands splayed across the counter, caging me in so I couldn’t move an inch.
My mouth dried at the sight of them and what I’d like them to do.
“Allie. Look at me.” His tone was firm, but his touch as he tilted my chin up was soft. “You’re beautiful, you know that, right?”
“I—in theory, yes? I don’t know? Can I plead the fifth?” Part of me knew it wasn’t fair to not talk about my self-esteem issues after all he shared, but it terrified me to do so. What if he saw the cracks in the perfect mask I’ve created, and that was finally what sent him packing?
But what if he stayed?
Taking a calming breath, I decided to trust my gut on how I was feeling about Spencer and his actions thus far.
“I’m not a small girl, that’s obvious.” I waved my hand up and down my body.
He went to talk, but I covered his mouth with my finger and cocked a brow at him in a are you going to let me finish way.
Spencer raised his hand and zipped his lips, even going as far as to throw away the keys. I rolled my eyes and continued.
“Being big isn’t a bad thing, but growing up in the 90s and early 2000s when every fad diet known to man was being shoved down your throat does little to help with how you view yourself and how others treat you.
You're made to feel like some hideous weirdo. All because you’re not what society deems as skinny and pretty.
Now pair that with never being in the latest fashions, and well, I was easy pickings.
” Thinking back, I remember all the times I’d catch the other girls pointing and laughing at me for no reason.
Boys coming up to me and asking me out on a dare cause that’s all a fat girl was good for.
Shaking my head, I zoned back in and went on.
“Now pair this with my lovely daddy issues, and finding shitty men who always had comments to say about my body once I was older and well. Recipe for low, low self-worth. Cameron, the last guy I dated, always had something to say about what I ate, what I wore, basically anything I did, now that I think about it. I was too much. Too loud. Too wild. Anytime we had sex, the lights were off, or I kept my shirt on.” Thinking back, I realized how detrimental that last relationship was to me.
Future me wishes she could slap some sense into younger me right now.
You know what they say, hindsight is twenty-twenty.
Spencer traced his finger along my cheeks, my jaw, and then my bottom lip.
“Allie, you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.
Every bit of you is perfect.” He kissed me deeply and placed his hands on my hips.
His tongue stoked the fire building within me.
“These curves? Fucking phenomenal, and if the boys you were with before couldn’t appreciate them, then it’s their loss and my gain.
” His words settled in me like a comforting weight.
I ran my fingers through his hair, and he let out a low moan as I raked my nails against his scalp.
The flames inside burned brighter and brighter.
He pushed my legs apart and hooked his thumbs into my pajama shorts and went to pull them down.
“No, no, it’s okay, you don’t have to do that. I promise it’s okay, you don’t need to feel obligated to do something you don’t want.” Fear and embarrassment made my skin heat and my throat feel tight. I tried to scoot off the island again, but he grabbed my thighs and held me in place again.
“Look at me, Allie.” Fuucckk the command in his voice made my stomach swoop, my arousal building more and more. He pushed his glasses up his nose and fixed me with a look that made me freeze.
“I don’t feel obligated to do anything here.
If I didn’t want to do something, then I promise you I wouldn't. And this is going to be a conversation we circle back to.” His tone left no room for argument.
“However, I want to taste what my new favorite snack might be. So stop talking and let me show you how a real man worships a goddess. Lie back for me and feet on the counter.”
I simply nodded, lying back and propping myself up on my elbows, and then he pulled me to the ledge of the island, positioning me where he wanted me. He pulled my shorts and underwear completely off and tossed them to the side.
“Fucking perfect,” he said before he slid his glasses off and followed up on his word, and my world shattered.