19. My Personal Heaven #3
Taking another giant bite of my breakfast, I took in the living room, noticing more had been put out since we were here last. He had a partially filled bookshelf next to his TV stand with a mixture of books lining it.
There were fantasy, some graphic novels, and some old history books.
There were also little knickknacks throughout it, as well.
There was a little Millennium Falcon figure, a shield, and TriForce from The Legend of Zelda.
It was cute that he displayed the things he loved, knowing he more than likely didn’t get that chance when he was a kid.
Once we finished, we took a quick shower together and got ready.
I put my usual everyday makeup on, with a comfy leopard print skit, a black cropped tee, and my trusty Doc Martens.
Spencer had on a well-worn pair of checkered Vans, jeans that hugged his muscles, a slightly cropped, light blue T-shirt that was way too distracting, and a black jacket on top.
I was a simple woman because nothing made me more feral than a man in a crop top.
Honestly, more men should wear them, if you ask me.
“You keep looking at me like that, and we’ll never make it out of the house.
” His lazy voice crooned as a crooked grin plastered his face, causing one of his dimples to pop out.
My eyes shot up to his, and I could feel my body burn from blushing at being caught.
He pulled me into him and placed a soft kiss on my lips.
“Come on, pretty girl. Let's get this day started.”
“First stop, let's get you an iced coffee, shall we?” he said as he turned the music down and pulled into my favorite spot, Brewed Stories. When I was in college, I loved coming here to study. It was the perfect cozy place to focus on my task, so I didn’t get distracted.
“You are truly amazing, you know that?”
“Meh, you may have mentioned it once or twice.” He winked at me before getting out and coming around to open my door for me.
We walked into the most amazing smell of fresh coffee and baked goods.
Seriously, if my house smelled like this all the time, that would be amazing.
Spence ordered for us, and we went and took a seat in the corner spot while we waited since they were a little busy.
“This is seriously one of my favorites, it’s just so cozy here, and I love that they sell books too. It's a perfect combination.”
“Yeah, I stopped in on a whim one morning when I came back, and I really enjoyed it.”
We chatted a little more till our coffees were ready, and then we got back in the car and back on the road. He told me we were heading to Harper’s Crossing since they had the luxury stores at one of the malls in their town.
While we were driving, Spencer pointed out the accounting firm that Carson worked at and some of their favorite places for dinner.
I showed him the hospital where Emma worked, and the coffee shop we sometimes met at if we had overlapping work schedules, and the bookstore I try to stop in when I have time.
Little places that were all so close to one another with our day-to-day lives that it was crazy we had never run into one another before.
It was very busy since it was a sunny Saturday, but we found parking fairly quickly.
Climbing out of the car, I grabbed my coffee and adjusted my sunglasses and hair.
The outdoor mall in Harpers Crossing was gorgeous.
String lights crisscrossed between all the stores, tall black iron lamp posts lined the path, and even though fall hadn’t officially begun, they had different autumn colored wreaths hung on them, as well as different fall-themed setups where you could take pictures.
They always went all out for the different seasons and holidays, and typically had the decorations up early for any tourist.
As we started making our way to all the stores through the crowd of people, Spencer grabbed my hand and interlaced our fingers. First, we headed to the map with the layout to see where we wanted to start.
“There are seriously too many people out today. Why don’t y’all go home?” I grumbled as we pushed through the stream of people.
“What, you don’t want to enjoy all the hustle and bustle?” He playfully bumped his shoulder into mine as he waved to a couple passing by. This man was like a golden retriever. He was always smiling and would talk to anyone. Social anxiety was scared of him.
“I would absolutely not like to enjoy it. I don’t like crowds, and half the time people aren’t paying attention to what they’re doing, like that asshole!” I yelled the last word as this man almost ran into me because his nose was in his phone. “Ugh, it’s awful.”
“You’re cute when you’re angry, you know that?”
“Oh, bite me,” I shot back.
“Really? Right here in front of these people? They may ask us to leave.” He clamped his lips together to try to keep his laugh in.
“Ha. Ha. You’re so funny, Spencer. A real jester.” I tried my best to keep my face blank, but failed completely, and started laughing.
“How about we head to this corner here first since it’s got a couple of men's and women’s stores?”
“Who died and made you king?” I stepped up to the map, taking a look at the layout. Damn it. He had a good starting point. Letting out a huff, I turned around to find him watching me.
“Fine, we can start there. I hope they have something that will look good on me. And hopefully the stores aren’t full of people either. Alright lets get this show on the road and stop standing around.” My attitude was already starting to come through more because of the nerves.
He stepped up and carefully slid my sunglasses up so he could see my eyes.
It was like he stripped away a piece of armor instead.
They kept me hidden. They hid the tears that would eventually fall because of the panic.
He could see too much, and I didn’t like it.
I reached up to pull them back down, but his hand shot out to stop me.
“Leave them off for now, Allie. Look at me. Talk to me about what’s going on.” Of course, he knew something was wrong. I could push and push, but he’d still be there, standing strong like an oak tree. Swallowing and looking anywhere but at him, I finally spoke.
“Trying on clothes can be hard for me sometimes, and this is going to be for a formal dress. The sizing is always all over the place, and it can be total hell going through this process.” I was rambling now because I was nervous, and I didn’t want to have a full-on panic attack.
“You’ll look good in anything you wear, I promise, but if it gets to be too much, we can leave anytime, just give me the word.
Your mental health isn’t worth an outfit.
” He leaned in and placed a small kiss on my forehead.
“You can talk to me, sweetheart. Whenever something is wrong, you don’t have to keep it inside.
No matter what it is, or if you think it’s small. Just talk to me, okay?”
“Okay, thank you for understanding. I was kinda worried you’d think I was being dramatic.” I let out a deep sigh and toed the ground with my shoe. Talking about how I felt was still tough for me and put me on edge.
“What, no? Why would I think that? Allie, your feelings are valid, and if something is upsetting you, then I don’t get to tell you that it isn’t.”
“I’m sorry, it was just my ex. Anytime I was struggling with my body or having a bad mental health day, he would always diminish my feelings and make me feel like I was crazy.
I already struggled with my body, and with his attitude on top of it, it was a lot sometimes.
I’ve worked through most of it, but sometimes that body dysmorphia still creeps in. ”
He pulled us out of the way of the map we were still blocking and gripped my chin, forcing me to hold his gaze.
“Allie, look at me, you are incredibly beautiful both inside and outside. You’re stunning from head to toe.
Your sparkling hazel eyes that I could stare at all day and get lost in.
Your beautiful, full pink lips that I wish I could kiss all day because they’re so soft and feel like home.
I love your short black hair, too, because it gives you this fierce edge.
” He reached out and twisted the ends in his fingers.
“The freckles that are splattered across your face and body? I would trace my fingers along them all night when we’re together if I could.” He lifted my arm and placed small kisses on the random splatters up my arm before kissing them on my face.
“And your fucking beautiful curves on top of all that? Every single inch of you is perfect. But you also have the kindest and most loving heart. You put everyone else before you to make sure they’re taken care of.
Plus, you are extremely intelligent on top of all that.
The way your mind works is amazing. Anyone who would ever, and I mean ever, say otherwise or make you think differently is a damn fool and has missed out. ”
Hearing those words from Spencer cracked those walls around my heart a little more, and it made me fall a little harder for him.
I knew I didn’t need anyone’s approval or acceptance of me, but for once, I wanted to be the one who was loved deeply and treasured by someone else.
I wanted someone who didn’t think I was too much or didn’t want to deal with the baggage I still carried.
To have someone who saw my wild heart and didn’t want to shatter that spirit.
Looking into his eyes and seeing the sincerity in his words made me feel a love I didn’t think I’d ever find.
And I know it sounded crazy, but I think I was already falling in love with Spencer Parker.