Never On Your Own
The next morning, I woke up feeling lighter than ever before.
Having her bare-faced, wearing my shirt, and in my lap, while I told her I loved her, will be a memory that plays on repeat.
The gentle caress of her words as they wrapped around my fractured heart, smoothing the edges that she never broke.
She healed the different parts of me broken by the ones who were supposed to love me the most and help me grow.
That scared little boy who didn’t know where his mom and dad went for days at a time, that angry teenager who acted out because any attention was better than no attention in his mind, and that lonely adult who wanted someone to finally give a damn.
Seeing her love so deeply for those close to her, and always making sure everyone around her was taken care of.
Allie may have walls built to protect herself, but once you earned the privilege of being let in, she loved fiercely.
How I ever got lucky enough to have a woman as amazing as she is, I will never understand, but I will spend my life showing her how grateful I am for her and her heart. Because if there was one thing I knew to my very core, is that she was going to be Mrs. Allie Grace Parker one day.
I grabbed my phone to check my socials for the month. I didn’t share much, but she was the one thing I wanted to show off. She stirred next to me, wrapping herself around me and pressing her feet against my legs.
“Jesus Christ, woman, why are your toes like icicles?” I let out a yelp as I tried to pry them off me, but she wasn’t having it.
“Nooo, you’re so toasty, let me stay.” She was a dramatic little thing.
“You’re lucky I love you because you’re so cold it hurts.”
“Mmm, say it again,” she said as she tilted her head up to me, eyes still closed, but a smile gracing her beautiful pink lips.
“I love you, Allie Grace.” She finally cracked open those mesmerizing forest eyes, and a lazy smile spread across her face.
“I love you, Spencer James.” She pressed her lips to mine and ran her fingers through my hair. Damn, that felt good to hear. Knowing this amazing woman opened her fortress around her heart for me, I’d protect it no matter what and show up for her every day.
“Can I be honest?” I could feel her body stiffen under me. I’m sure her brain was already going through the worst scenarios. “Relax, sweetheart, it's nothing bad.”
“Maybe start with that instead of can I be honest after I just said I love you!” She pressed her icicle toes harder into me as retaliation.
“Okay, I deserve that one.” I pulled her legs further between mine so she could warm them up more easily.
“What I was going to say was, honestly, I wanted to say that to you so much sooner. Sooner than what’s probably acceptable, but I dunno. It had felt right. There may have been a couple of times I almost slipped and said it too.”
“Honestly? Me too. Things have just been… easy with you. In a way I’ve never experienced before.” She traced random patterns on my arm as she spoke.
“Even more honesty? I was head over heels for you the moment I saw you. Something about you drew me in.” She smiled lazily at me and placed her hands on my chest.
“It was probably my charming and welcoming personality, or the big boobs.” I barked out a laugh at her.
“Christ, woman, what am I gonna do with you?” Shaking my head and laughing, I pulled her closer to me. “What do you wanna do today?”
“Well, this coming weekend is our girls’ trip, so I need to buy a few last-minute things. We could grab some lunch and go together if you want?”
“Oh yeah, I forgot you had that this weekend. Are you excited for some time with your family?” As much as I’d miss her for the three days she’d be gone, I knew it would be good for us. I could catch up with Carson and Jacob, play a few games, and hit up the gym too.
“I really am. I know it’s probably corny to a lot of people, but it’s so nice getting to spend that time with them. We’re all at a point in our lives where our schedules are hard to align, and it’ll only get worse as Olivia gets older and is off to college, so I’m excited to soak it in.”
“You’re an amazing sister and daughter. They’re lucky to have you.
” My chest ached; I meant every word of it, but I wish I had someone to say the same about me sometimes.
“Come on, let's get up and head to the gym, and then we can come back and get ready.” I nuzzled into her neck, not wanting to separate from her at all.
“Yeah, this last week was busy, so I didn’t get much time in, but I’m all for a good gym date!”
“You’re not going to make us wear matching outfits, are you?” I asked her skeptically.
“Whaaaat? Noooo, I’d never do that to you.” She batted her eyelashes, and her tone was a little too cheerful.
Forty-five minutes later, we’re getting into the car wearing matching black outfits with checkered Vans on. “I can’t believe I let you do this.” I shook my head as I got into the passenger seat.
“I can, lover boy. Now get in and let's go!” She excitedly buckled her seat belt and then turned on her gym playlist as we headed into town. We shared an energy drink, and both munched on a protein bar. Once we pulled up, Allie put her keys and gym fob into my bag, making me the designated bag boy.
“Man, it’s nice not having to lug anything around. I could get used to this.” She said as she started to head toward the door, her arms swinging freely by her sides without a care in the world.
“Oh, is that right, princess?” I grabbed her hand and pulled her back into my chest, and she let out a little oomph. “Keep this bratty behavior up and watch what happens.” A blush started to spread across her cheeks.
“Me? Being a brat? Never.” She batted her eyelashes at me and stuck her bottom lip out in an over-exaggerated pout. Like I said, a brat.
“Let's go before we’re kicked out for public indecency.” I kept a hold of her hand and pulled her along with me. She followed behind, laughing.
“Riling you up is probably my new favorite activity.” She chirped from behind me.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m sure it is. Let's start stretching and warm up.” I found us an empty spot away from the crowds and grabbed two mats.
“Yes, sir! Anything you say.” She winked at me and then got situated to stretch out her legs.
Finishing up with our warm-up, we moved over to a squat rack to start our workout. I helped her load the bar up and do her set first. God, watching her up close was amazing. She moved so effortlessly, and you could see the muscles in her legs working.
After she finished, I hopped in and did my set. Thankfully, since I was only an inch taller than her, we could keep the bar at the same height and didn’t have to move it back and forth.
“Come on, up the weight, it’s moving too easily,” I said as I finished my set and went to add more to the bar for the next one, putting it at 180 pounds.
I knew she could do a hell of a lot more if she got out of her head about it.
She had mentioned as much during one of the nights we stayed up talking.
“What if I can’t get up, though?” She was rubbing her fingers against each other—a nervous habit I noticed she did when she was anxious. I walked to the edge of the platform where she was standing and cupped her face.
“First off, you can lift it; you're overthinking it. Second off, if you fail, then you’ve got me here to spot you, and I won’t let anything happen, okay?”
She let out a deep sigh, “Okay, I’ll try. Just don’t let me embarrass myself and drop this.”
“Pinky promise I won’t.” Sticking my pinky out, she wrapped hers around mine and let out a small laugh. “Now get under that bar and let's go.”
She stepped up, adjusted her shorts and hair, took in a deep breath, and unracked the bar.
I moved a few steps behind her in case she needed me.
She took in a deep breath, bracing her core, and started to move.
Even with 180, she was moving smoothly and easily.
She quickly knocked out six reps and then reracked.
“I did it!” She turned around, beaming at me, and then threw her arms around my neck.
“See, what did I tell you? I knew you could do it.” I gave her a quick high five and moved to do my set.
While in the middle of my set, she ran to the restroom, but she was still gone when I finished, so I quickly added more weight to each side, putting the overall weight at 195 pounds.
It was a bit of a jump, but I had a feeling she’d be able to do this with no issue.
A few seconds later, she came running back over.
“Sorry about that! Did you finish your set?” She asked as she braced the toe of her shoe against the platform, stretching her calf out.
“Yep, sure did, so it’s your turn now.”
“Alright, let's crush this.” She haphazardly tossed her phone to the ground, using the top of her foot to guide it toward the bag so it didn’t land as hard.
She hadn’t looked at the plates on the bar yet.
Hopefully, it stayed that way. She got under the bar, flipped her hair over, and unracked.
This time, I moved a few steps closer, just in case.
Deep breath in, and she started moving.
Down. Up. One.
She took a deep breath, a small furrow between her brows.
Down. Up. Two.
Fuck she was amazing. She was going for a third rep. I could see her legs shaking from the strain.
“Come on, sweetheart, you’ve got this. Up, up, up, let’s go.” She popped back up from the bottom, her breathing heavy. “Gimme one more. I know you have one more left.” Her eyes flared, probably remembering another time when I used that phrase.
She took a deep breath.
Down. Up. Four.
Before I could say anything else, she went for a fifth rep. The strength in this woman was unmatched. After she bounced back up, she re-racked the bar.