Chapter 8
Blaze
I wiped sweat from my brow and planted my hands on my hips, trying to catch my breath.
It didn’t matter that we’d won our biggest rival game of the season.
Our head coach wasn’t going any easier on us.
In fact, he was on a roll to make us correct what we’d done wrong until we perfected everything.
But goddamn, even if I knew I was only building on the skills I already had here so I might have a chance of being drafted, I was exhausted.
Because despite Jaxon’s promise that he wouldn’t commit suicide and that he’d come to one of us if he was having those thoughts, I couldn’t help but worry.
Sleep was hard to come by, and more often than not, I found myself slipping out of my own bed, creeping into his room, and sitting on the floor beside his bed just so I could hear him breathing through the night.
I always slipped out before he woke up, but my fear of losing him was visceral.
I couldn’t lose him.
“Your head’s still not in this,” Hunter said, dropping onto the bench beside me. Leaning his head back, he squirted Gatorade into his mouth from his water bottle. “I know it’s scary, but Jaxon wouldn’t lie to us, man.”
I sighed. “I know. But I can’t fucking help it, Hunter.
He… I…” My voice trailed off because what the fuck was I going to say?
Tell him my feelings about Jaxon? How I wasn’t interested in any other guy, but I was somehow attracted to Jaxon?
That didn’t even make sense outside of my head.
How could someone be gay for just one person?
“You… what?” Hunter asked, arching a brow at me. “In love with Jaxon?” My eyes widened. Fuck, he really did know. Hunter scoffed. “Samuel and I have noticed it for weeks, bro. Every time you look at Jaxon, you get the same look in your eyes that I get when I look at Samuel.”
I huffed. “But I’m not interested in any other guys. Seems impossible, doesn’t it?”
Hunter rolled his eyes at me. “No, dumbass, it doesn’t. You and Jax have been best friends even longer than we have. Falling for him doesn’t seem impossible when you two are so damn close. In fact, if you ask me, it might’ve even been inevitable.”
I shrugged, dejected. “Doesn’t matter when Jaxon is straight as fuck.”
Hunter grunted, the sound akin to annoyance, and stood from the bench just as Coach shouted at us to get off our lazy asses, stop warming the metal, and get back on the fucking field.
“I think you might be a little bit blind.” Standing, he clapped a hand to my shoulder, then jogged onto the field, tugging his helmet back onto his head.
I think you might be a little bit blind.
I frowned at his back as I yanked my helmet onto my head, jogging after him. What the fuck was that supposed to mean?
“Hey,” Jaxon greeted as I shut our apartment door behind me and began toeing off my shoes. “How was practice?”
“Coach is kicking our asses,” I told him. “But practice was otherwise fine.” I smiled at him, something that was easy and effortless with him. “Any headaches today?”
He shook his head. “Today is a good day, but I also haven’t had any screen time, and I don’t have any reading material this week, so nothing to give me one, though I’m sure one will just pop up randomly at some point. That’s just my fucking luck these days.”
I pursed my lips. “Maybe it’s time to ask your doctor to refer you to a neurologist,” I suggested as I headed for my room to put my gym bag down. After emptying it of my clothes, I tossed them into the washer, then headed back into the living room.
“Thought about it,” Jax said, picking our conversation back up.
“I have an appointment coming up in a few days though, so I’ll see what the doctor says then.
I think we’re supposed to do another scan of my brain, but I can’t remember for sure.
” His brows furrowed, frustration bleeding onto his face as he tried to recall his last appointment, and I hated it.
“Do you need me to go with you?” I asked. “I know remembering things can be hard. It might be helpful to have me there.”
Jax blinked at me, then his face softened, and he nodded. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “I actually hate going by myself. I never seem to get any kind of good news. It’s always the same shit. No improvement.” He shrugged one shoulder. “Hard to deal with that on my own, if I’m being honest.”
I wished he’d lean on me more than he did.
That he’d take the metaphorical hands I was offering him and cling to me.
Let me support him more. But I didn’t say any of that.
Instead, I just said, “Then send me your appointment date and time, and we’ll go together.
For now, I’m going to shower, then we can go get food. Thai sound good?”
Jax nodded. “Yeah, Thai is good.” And when he smiled, something inside me loosened. Today was a good day for him, and I was glad to see it. Maybe I could make it end on an even better note for him with food and maybe a movie he could watch with sunglasses on.