Chapter 26
Fine. I’ll be your wing woman
“Ohmygod, you’re a savior.” I accepted the to-go cup of coffee Jules handed me the next morning. I took a hefty sip, not a care in the world if I burned my tongue.
“What’s going on with you? You look wrinkled.”
“I went out with Cassie last night. I’m a bit hungover.”
“You, hungover?”
“It doesn’t happen often. We both had a rough couple of days.”
Craig walked past us.
“Hey,” I greeted him.
He nodded in reply and kept strolling down the path.
I was sure Mason would appear, but my heart deflated when I realized he wasn’t around. Knowing him, he was probably busy planning another grand gesture to prove we belonged together.
“What’s on your mind?” Jules asked.
“Nothing important.” Who was I kidding? If it weren’t, then it wouldn’t occupy so many of my thoughts.
I came to an abrupt stop when a figure I recognized halted before me.
My friend elbowed my side. “Who’s this?”
“You good?” Evan Nichols asked. His fists were clenched at his sides, and an angry frown marred his forehead. Even though his words sounded calm, his clipped tone said otherwise.
I forced a plastic smile onto my face. “Yep.”
“Tell Pierce I said hello when you see him.”
“You can tell him yourself at practice tonight.”
“Oh, you think you’re a smartass once again, huh? Anyway, I just wanted to say hi.”
“Okay, then. Bye.”
“What the hell was that?” Jules asked, once we were far enough away that Nichols couldn’t hear us.
“A guy on the football team.”
“You would tell me if you were in trouble, right? He looked mad at you.”
I shrugged, pretending I was unaffected. “I think he may have anger issues. Anyway, I don’t know him. I only saw him a handful of times at Lola’s, and he always acts like a jerk.”
“If I were you, I’d stay away from him. He’s bad news.”
If only she knew.
A week later, Donovan met me after practice in the poolside bleachers. We both unwrapped our lunch—a turkey sub for me and a tuna sandwich for him. We did that sometimes when we both had some free time after swimming laps in the middle of the day.
He washed his food down with a sip of iced tea. “Any more encounters with Football Hottie Number One?”
“No. It’s like he’s avoiding me. To be honest, I’m avoiding him too. I don’t have a clue what I would tell him if he were standing here right now.”
“The truth?”
“Which is?”
“Only you know, girl. I was thinking. Don’t get mad, okay, but you should kiss him. You’d know whether he’s the one or just a friend with benefits you can screw around with. Tongue play is the ultimate test. It won’t lie.”
“Tongue play, really?”
He smirked.
“What if it sucks?”
“Then your future is destined to end either as friends or fuck friends. Nothing more.”
“And what if it doesn’t suck?”
“It means it’s time to listen to your heart—and your vagina—and screw his bones and fall in love and all this shit.
You guys have lost enough time as it is.
You have years to make up for. The sex should be out of this world with all the tension you’ve been ignoring.
Lucky you. I wish I had someone just like that.
Is Football Hottie Number Two free? You make me wish for a jock too. ”
I nudged his side. “You have no chance. Have you checked the basketball players? I heard there’s one who plays on your team.” I’m also aware there’s one on the football team, but it’s a piece of information I won’t disclose.
“Thanks for the tip. I’ll have to keep my gaydar on. How do you feel about checking their practice next time? I’ll get their schedule.”
We finished eating and discarded our food wrappers. I linked our arms together after we put on our jackets and traipsed toward the exit. “Fine. I’ll be your wing woman.”
“Deal. In exchange, I’ll ask my mom to send us her newest recipe. She’s making appetizers these days. Her latest creation is some mushroom thingy with herbs and bacon. It’s supposed to be decadent.”
“Oh, I can’t wait to try them. When she opens that catering business, no doubt it will be a huge success.”
We climbed down the staircase to the main floor, coming face to face with a bunch of male athletes.
Donovan’s eyes brightened. “It’s like we’ve arrived in heaven.”
“Come on, Don Juan, let’s get out of here. We have classes to attend.”
“Just a minute, girl. Let me enjoy the view for a little longer.”
I tugged at his sleeve, laughing.
When I spun forward, I hit a muscled wall. His scent made me weak in the knees. Driftwood and pine. A warm hand locked around my arm, keeping me upright.
“Mel.”
“Mase.”
“How are you doing?”
I swallowed. “Good. You?”
Donovan came to stand next to me, extending his hand. “Donovan. You can call me Don.”
Mason met his palm with his. “Mason.”
I found my voice. “Mase, Don. Don, Mase.”
“Nice sausage,” Donovan said, referencing the hot dog episode, or at least, I hoped deep down he was.
I gasped and whispered through gritted teeth. “Stop.”
He flashed me a thousand-dollar grin and winked. “I have places to be. We’ll catch up later.” He kissed my cheek and sauntered away. Before he pushed the door open, he watched me over his shoulder and mouthed, Kiss him.
Unbelievable. I shook my head, feeling hot all over.
“You okay?” Mason asked.
“Sure.”
“You’re a bit flustered.”
I cooled my burning cheeks with my hands. “It’s nothing. How are you doing? Sorry, I haven’t been present lately. A lot is going on. Are you still…huh… abstaining?” I cringed at my choice of words, but I had no idea what to say without raising suspicions.
“Good. And yeah, I do.”
I tipped one eyebrow.
“I swear. The pool therapy really helps. Thanks for suggesting it.” Mason wasn’t jittery right now, so I believed he was telling the truth.
“Mase, I only want what’s best for you.”
Our conversation was so awkward I could barely recognize us. From an outsider’s point of view, we must have looked like strangers to each other.
“As much as I would like to stay here with you and catch up, I gotta go. My team already left.” He gestured toward the gym where his teammates had disappeared while we were talking. “Bye, Shepard.”
Just like that, he was gone. No funny remark, no kiss on the forehead, no flirting.
Did I wreck everything between us when I rejected him the day he showed up in my sociology class?
My heart cracked in my chest at the thought, and I felt like I’d be sick.
My eyes stung with unshed tears.
My gaze followed him as he retreated through the glass door, wondering if he was really doing better.
He pulled one guy into a bro hug and grabbed another one in a headlock, giving him a noogie, both of them laughing.
From where I was standing, his smile appeared genuine.
I waited a little longer, yearning for him to glance back at me over his shoulder like he would normally do, but he never did.
He walked further into the room, and I lost sight of him.
I looked at the vending machines set in a corner. Numbers started piling up inside my head. I held my breath. This wasn’t good. I couldn’t go there. I refused to go there.
I fidgeted with my hands, not sure how to occupy my brain and lock my thoughts away.
Bile rose in my throat. A strangling sensation formed in my chest.
I searched for Mason with my eyes, but I couldn’t see him.
Panic surged through me at a dizzying pace.
He was avoiding me. I needed him right now.
His grounding power and his calm. I had no right to depend on him.
I had told him once that I didn’t wanna rely on him.
I still believed it, even though in that instant I felt the exact opposite.
Confusion flooded me. What was happening?
My mind twisted into a maze of contradicting thoughts, and my breathing quickened.
I was the one who had blurred all the lines of our relationship and rejected him more than once. After what went down between us after I’d caught him shooting drugs into his veins, followed by the hot dog episode, no doubt he was done with me. I’d be done with me too if the roles were reversed.
My lungs collapsed. No air could reach my brain anymore.
Ohmygod, what had I done?
Had I destroyed everything between us?
Had I ruined what we had?
But most of all, was I the only one heartbroken right now?
“I messed up…huh… I think,” I said, dropping my shoulders in defeat.
Luciana’s attention drifted to me. “I guess we’ll start with you, Melinda, then. Tell us, what happened?”
“You know the guy I told you about, the one I used to be friends with? We’ve been growing closer again lately.
He-he wants us to be together. To date. So far, I’ve been doing my best to keep him at arm’s length, but he made that declaration the other day, after we got a little too up-close and personal, and I turned him down in front of a bunch of people.
Now he’s acting weird and keeping his distance. I have no idea what to do.”
“How do you feel about it?”
“Baffled. Sad. I don’t know. Many things have happened, which confused me even more.
The thing is that I relapsed last year because I thought I wasn’t pretty enough to be with him even though he said the opposite.
And now, I feel like that again. Not the relapsing part, though.
I…I’m afraid it could reappear if we ever get together for real.
Deep down, I believe it’s my fears talking, and I’m just using them as an excuse to avoid being brave.
My friends agree.” I buried my face in my hands. “Like I said, super complicated.”
Luciana leaned forward, linking her hands together, her gaze trained on me. “Do you think there’s a chance you will relapse if you date this guy, Melinda? Does he make you feel like you’re not enough or does he trigger your anxiety?”
“No. He makes me feel like I’m the only girl who exists in his universe. It’s kinda powerful. He makes me feel strong and capable, happy and excited all at once. Does that make sense?” I risked a look at her.
She bobbed her head twice. “It does. From what you’re saying, I don’t see a reason why being with him would hurt you, then. What do you think?”
I remained silent for a long beat, my thoughts spinning inside my head.
She tapped her pen on her notebook, waiting for me to say something.
“I think you might be right…and that my friends are too. I’m projecting my own insecurities about personal stuff onto him, using my past struggles as a defense mechanism.
” I couldn’t believe the words that had just left my mouth.
Cassidy would be proud. Her psychological jargon was rubbing off on me.
“Well said.” Luciana watched me with a pleased expression. “That’s a very grown-up observation.”
“Thanks. I’m not sure I’m ready for all it means, though. It’s kinda scary.”
“It’s your call, Melinda. Only you can decide the matters of your heart and who is important enough to be let in.”
“Yeah.” My voice dropped an octave, and I bet no one heard my single-word reply.
“Who’s next?” Luciana surveyed the space. “Melody?”
For the rest of the session, I listened and shared with the group, half lost in my own thoughts, half motivated to hear others’ stories so I could think about anything else but my relationship with Mason.
What Luciana had said sounded logical, but a part of me was still determined to prove to Mason he’d been wrong all along about us.
Why did my fears always take the lead when he was involved?
Why did they prevent me from reaching for what I secretly wanted, making me self-sabotage everything we could be—and my own happiness—in the process?