Chapter 43 #3
She was pushing me away once again, but this time it was all my fault.
After everything we’d been through, I was the only one to blame for the clusterfuck about to split us up for good.
Yeah, I was losing her.
I was fucking losing my heart, and soon only a puddle of blood would remain behind. I didn’t know how to stop the hemorrhage from happening or if I was tough enough to do it on my own.
A single tear slid down her cheek. I was about to wipe it off when she beat me to it and dried it with her shoulder.
“I’m not sure I have enough strength to deal with all this.
I’m just starting to feel like my head is above the water and I can breathe.
This is a lot for me to tackle in addition to everything else I’m already going through myself.
I’m doing better, I really am, but I can’t risk going down that road again.
The last ten days have been traumatic. I’m tired.
And now there’s this doctor’s appointment hanging over my head.
It’s already stressful enough. You can’t add more weight to the pile.
It’s unfair. It would be different if you hadn’t lied to me for weeks.
I can’t keep making excuses for you. If I’ve learned something through my own struggles, it is that healing must come from you because otherwise, it’s useless.
Maybe you should listen to your parents and talk it through.
We’re all on your team, Mase. Your parents, me, Craig, your friends, and your teammates…
Your coaches too. The situation has gotten too big and out of control for you to manage alone.
I regret not snitching on you when I first found out.
” She shook her head. “You were right before. I feel like we’re back in Coach Vivien’s office last year, but in a parallel reality.
It feels surreal. I’m super extra sad right now. ”
“Just gimme a little time to get my life straight. I will do it.”
“Giving you time isn’t an option right now. You gotta do something. Tonight. It can’t wait anymore.”
“Mel, you’re right, but I can’t do this without you. I won’t survive losing my sport, and you on top of it. No fucking way. Don’t turn your back on me. You can’t gimme an ultimatum. That’s not how it works.”
“Listen, it’s not what I want either, but it has lasted long enough.”
“Then don’t do it. Don’t fucking leave me.”
“I’m still here, no? I just have no clue how to help you more than I already have… I need space. From you. To think. For real. And before you call me on it, it’s not my fears talking, but my brain. We can’t keep doing this dance. It’s unhealthy.”
“What does that mean? Are you…are you like breaking up with me?” The words tasted sour when they passed my lips. More tears built up in my eyes, but I blinked, trying to hide how this conversation was affecting me.
Melinda remained silent.
“Shepard?” I hated how unsure my voice sounded.
“Shepard, say something.” I waited, but she said nothing.
Everything inside me felt brittle. My heart was out of rhythm, my hands clammy, my head pounding.
“I need you. I will always need you. Remember what I told you earlier, you’re stuck with me.
For better or for worse. No matter what comes our way, we deal with it together.
As a team.” I tried to project confidence as I spoke, but it didn’t hit the mark.
“I can’t overcome this if you’re not by my side. What would be the point?”
“Mase.”
“Shepard, don’t let me drown. You’re the oxygen I need to survive.” My voice cracked on the last word. “I…I love you.”
An expression I had never seen before—something close to numbness—shone in her eyes. I blinked, not sure if I had dreamed it. No. It was still there. She watched me, but it felt as if a thick wall, made of glass, stood between us.
“Mase, I can be your moral support, but I can’t be the one saving you. Not this time. It hasn’t worked so far. You must be willing to do the work and save yourself first because you want to. Not because we ask you to.”
I swallowed my uneasiness. “Are…huh…are we okay?”
I caught sight of my brother in my peripheral vision and remembered we had spectators. For the past few minutes, I’d forgotten all about my parents and Craig witnessing our falling-out. Only Melinda mattered. Without her, I was nothing.
She remained silent, still staring at me, and for the first time in my life, I wondered if we were strong enough to face these new challenges together or if I had severed our bond and made her lose trust in me right after she had finally become mine.
“Mel? Why are you not saying anything?” I was about to explode into sobs. I needed the reassurance we’d get through this. Together.
“I love you, Mase, but I need some time away from you…huh…distance. Yeah, I need distance. Fresh air. A breather. We…we’ll talk later. I just can’t deal with you right now. The last thing I want is to say things I will regret.”
“Wait. No. Please, Mel. Don’t go. Don’t walk out on me. You know me, I always fix things. I’ll make it all better. I swear. I’ll fix this.”
“Prove it.”
“I…I will. I need time.”
“Already told you. It’s gotta be now. You have to make a change in your life and decide what matters the most. And it can’t be a temporary fix.”
“What do you expect me to do?”
Her expression said it all. Figure it out.
“Stay. We can talk it through. Upstairs. Far from prying ears.”
“No. I’m going to my place. I really need some distance from you. To make sense of things on my end. You’re good at strategizing on the field. Now put that skill to use… Make a game plan, a playbook, whatever it takes.”
“Easy for you to say.”
I sounded insensitive and regretted the words the moment they left my lips.
She gasped, but she didn’t call me out on my hypocrisy. She’d been in shoes similar to mine not too long ago, and she’d done the work to get better.
Instead of arguing, we stared at each other as if the answers to the situation we found ourselves in would reveal themselves. Instead, the chasm between us only grew wider.
“Mason, come sit. We’re not done, son.” Dad’s voice boomed from behind me, putting an end to our stare-off. Couldn’t he see I was about to lose the only girl I’d ever loved? That I had to do something to save my relationship, and that this talk could wait? Why was he even interrupting us?
Melinda took a step back. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this.”
“Mel, wait.” I reached for her hand.
“Let me go, Mase.”
“Mason,” my dad repeated. “Come sit. Now.”
All my bad choices were about to burst into my face, and there was nothing I could do to talk my way out of it. Nope. My charm and one-liners wouldn’t get me out of what was about to hit me.
I released Melinda’s hand, and it felt as if I was letting her slip far away from me. Like we really were over.
With a straight back, I turned around, bracing myself for what was to come.
Only then did I hear the front door slam behind me. Taking a big chunk of my heart away with it.
Thank you for reading the second part of
Mason and Melinda’s story.
Now that the lies have been exposed and nothing between them is the same, can their relationship survive what’s been uncovered?