Chapter 16 #3
Yeah, he was awake. And yeah, he was sitting on a chair in Quinn’s room.
“That dream shook you up pretty bad, huh?”
August let out a strained laugh. “I suppose you could say that.”
“And here I thought you were propositioning me. I’m sad.”
A sharp pinch to his ear made August jump, and he raised his head to glare at the man standing in front of him.
“There,” Quinn said, grinning. “The pinch proves it, and now you know you’re not dreaming. As cute as you are when you’re wearing that dazed expression, I prefer my men fully conscious during conversations.”
“I’m more surprised that you let me in here thinking I was propositioning you,” August countered.
He knew he had Quinn right where he wanted him when a blush lit up his beautiful face.
“You said you didn’t know if you liked men,” he said.
“I did,” August said softly.
“And you said that you trusted me to help.”
Had he?
“Yeah.”
Quinn’s mouth looked so pretty when he frowned. It looked pretty when he smiled, too.
“You can trust me,” said Quinn. “If you were being serious.”
Even though he didn’t want to, August dropped Quinn’s hand and leaned away from him. “I would never ask you outside of dreaming. I know ten years is a lot of time to heal, and you’ve definitely moved on, but I don’t like the idea of using you.”
That would be like cutting a dull knife through an old scar. August didn’t need Quinn to show him anything because he was ninety percent sure he did like guys, even if he was picky about it.
And since his plan of staying away was clearly failing, he would be happier to have Quinn as a friend, even if it meant lying to himself.
But Quinn didn’t look happy or relieved by August’s words; he looked frustrated.
“Remember what I said, August.” Quinn gripped the arms of the chair, slowly leaning into August’s space. “I’m going to use you. If I didn’t want you here, I wouldn’t have invited you.”
August had been so out of it that he hadn’t thought of the implications of being in Quinn’s room. Pieces of their conversation were sliding into place, building a clear picture of what was happening right now.
“Wait, you—” August shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose just in case it decided to bleed again. “You want to have sex with me?”
Quinn backed away, folding his arms and shrugging like he was unbothered by the suggestion.
“Don’t sound so shocked. I have very little time between taking road trips with Eren, raising my nieces and going to school.
You seem to be struggling with your bisexuality, and you’re just as busy as I am.
The fact that we’re always travelling together and staying in the same hotels makes the choice simpler. ”
August was…starting to feel dizzy again.
“You say the nosebleeds and headaches are happening because you’re stressed about your career,” Quinn continued, like he was laying out a simple way to solve a complicated math equation, not convincing him that they should fuck.
“Sex is the best stress reliever there is. I know I could use something fun to get me through all these boring hockey games and my coursework.”
August was not subtle when he pinched himself to double-check he was awake, and Quinn laughed when he saw it.
“What are you proposing?” he heard himself ask.
Tension flickered in Quinn’s eyes, but it was gone in the next second.
“Acquaintances with benefits,” said Quinn. “We fuck, and if you don’t like it, we stop. But if you do like it, we can continue for the rest of the season.”
August had never considered sex to be a great stress-reliever, but he was willing to try anything if it got rid of his headaches and stupid nosebleeds.
Maybe it would be different with Quinn. Maybe it had been different the first time, and he just couldn’t remember.
“Rules?” August asked because he needed to know where Quinn’s boundaries were.
Quinn smiled and said, “Don’t fall in love with me.”
August chuckled. Could he really fall if he had already hit the bottom and was now broken into too many pieces to be put back together?
“Kissing?” August asked.
“Unless you got bad at it over the years, I don’t mind,” said Quinn.
“Texting? Can I buy you things?”
Quinn checked his nails, which were painted in the colours of the Bigfoot team today.
“You can buy me whatever you want, and texting is fine. My hard line would be if you try to hide what we’re doing.
Eren will know because I’m not going to lie if he asks, and I’m sure Niko will catch on.
So don’t agree if you’re not ready to accept your sexuality because that would make the stress-relieving part of this pointless. ”
August was too fucked up to care about hiding anything. He knew if his mother caught wind of it, she would have something to say—probably loudly and in front of cameras. But one of the many benefits of his mental breakdown was that he was no longer scared of her.
His mother could call him out if she wanted, and August would let her tell her sob story for a while before he tore his shirt off and showed everyone the scars that she allowed to be inflicted on him.
“Think it over,” said Quinn, flashing August a wicked smile. “Take all the time you need. If you decide you’re not interested, that’s fine, but if you keep showing up covered in blood, I’m charging a nursing fee.”
That was…understandable. Quinn was telling him they could be friends even if August didn’t want to have sex, which was good to know, but he wasn’t sure friends was what he wanted.
He knew Quinn would never love him again, and August wasn’t delusional enough to think he could change his mind. He didn’t deserve to change his mind.
Friends or friends with benefits; those were the two paths open between them. One was acceptably platonic, while the other would get him as close as he would ever come to holding Quinn’s heart in his hands again.
And because August was a self-hating piece of shit—and because he deserved all the pain coming his way—he already knew his answer.
“Tonight, after the game,” said August. “I’ll knock on your door, and you’ll let me in.”
Quinn raised an eyebrow, but his expression gave nothing away. “It’s a deal.”