Chapter 31 #2
“That rule of our agreement was for both of us,” said Quinn.
“And since we both broke it, I need you to stop giving me a way out, and please explain what happened. You’re not scaring me, August. I just don’t understand what’s going on.
You told me the nosebleeds and migraines were from stress, so what is it? ”
August’s eyes were glimmering with tears. Quinn wanted to go to him, but he needed the truth before he ran his mouth and made everything worse.
“It’s so easy to walk out that door, Quinn—”
“It’s also easy for you to use your communication skills and tell me what’s wrong,” Quinn shot back. “Are you not hearing the subtle hints of me saying that I’m in love with you? We’re both fucked, and if the only way out is forward, then take my hand and let’s get through this together.”
August’s voice was shaky when he spoke.
“Alright. You’re in love with me, and I’m in love with you.” August took three deep breaths before he continued. “But the crazy thing is, I’ve never stopped loving you. I still love you as strongly as I did ten years ago. I just…forgot.”
Every function in Quinn’s body screeched to a halt, except for his mouth, because he spoke the words before he could think better of it.
“What do you mean you forgot?”
August winced as if Quinn had slapped him, but he kept talking.
And that was how Quinn learned the full story about why August ghosted him. Sitting on the cold bathroom floor, his ribs threatening to crack from the panicked tightness in his chest, and vomit bubbling in his throat that he had to continually swallow down as he listened to the story.
He felt sick. He felt anguish. He felt fury, hate, rage and anger.
Most of all, he felt terror—terror not of August, but for him. August was dissociating through most of his explanation, sounding robotic as he described how he killed his father and the fallout from losing his memories.
Quinn didn’t give a shit about any of that.
What he couldn’t wrap his head around was how August had managed to be a successful, functioning human being after his mind had been broken.
Somehow, he’d split himself apart so completely that the August from ten years ago, and every memory that belonged to him, had stopped existing.
That was why August didn’t recognize Esme. Why he struggled with faces and names. Why his personality had shifted after he moved away.
And why he’d ghosted Quinn.
It also explained the night at the charity ball and August’s reaction after they kissed. Quinn had unknowingly taken a sledgehammer to the repaired fractures in August’s mind and split them open again. Now the two versions of August were colliding, and his body was paying the price for it.
It was hard to accept that the stress Quinn had been helping August manage was something he’d caused himself.
The realization pissed him off, but he leaned into the guilt and owned it.
He hated that he’d done this—yet now that he knew how to fix it, there were more important things demanding his attention.
Quinn put the water bottle that had been sitting on the counter into August’s hands, making him take a drink before he sat back down.
“Is that everything?” he asked.
August held the blanket to his chest. “No.”
Quinn waited until August relented and explained.
“As fucked up as all that was, I was getting through it,” said August. “The plan was to woo you and keep you close until the season finished, and then I was going to ask you to be my boyfriend and go to therapy over the summer. It was working well, and I was feeling more confident about us, but then we went to the rink with your nieces and the final part I forgot about—it came back.”
Quinn hated how casually August was brushing off his mental breakdown, but he had a feeling he was about to learn why he had bolted the previous day.
“I felt awful because I knew you would blame yourself,” said August. “But when I heard his voice and saw his face, it fucked everything up again. I couldn’t look at my phone because my mother was calling, and she’s connected to him, so I couldn’t tell you why I left.
And then I decided it would be better not to contact you at all, so you wouldn’t be dragged into this. ”
Sensing that something terrible was about to be revealed, Quinn crossed the space separating them and climbed onto August’s lap. Once they were wrapped around each other and Quinn’s fingers were raking through soft, white hair, he braced himself.
“You need to call your friend and tell her not to bring her kid to the rink anymore,” August said softly—distantly. “You need her to tell every parent there not to return, and you can’t bring the twins there ever again.”
Oh god.
Oh fucking god.
Coach Perry’s familiar interaction with August had happened right before he bolted, and if Quinn was putting things together correctly—
“Quinn, I remember everything.”
Quinn felt his blood run cold.
“I couldn’t understand why my memories weren’t coming back when I was doing better,” said August. “I knew I was missing something, but then he showed up, and by the time I realized Niko had picked me up and brought me home, it all came rushing back.”
Quinn’s arms were burning from hugging August so tightly, but he couldn’t bear to loosen his grip.
“My dad and his church buddies were a bunch of sick fucks, and that coach was one of them. I don’t know how much I comprehended as a child, but by the time I realized what he was doing was wrong and told my father, I was scolded for asking for help.
My father let that motherfucker groom me.
They both took turns making me feel worthless to keep me compliant, and eventually I gave up trying to stop it. ”
Quinn only let go of August so he could reach for the bucket because he knew he was going to need it.
“My dad’s friends thought it was funny,” August continued.
“That pedophile had a camera in his office to record what he did, and he would take pictures, too. He never…touched me, but it didn’t stop him from making me do things to myself.
Then the pictures and videos would get passed around their friend group like some sick joke, and my father would make sure I could hear them all laughing at me when they talked about it. ”
“And your mother,” Quinn gasped, pausing to gag before shaking it off. “Did she know?”
August nuzzled his face into Quinn’s hair, which only made the urge to cry worse.
“She knew, but how could she stop it?” said August. “She was subservient to my father, who was the head of the household. She would have let those men do worse to me and never lift a finger to stop them.”
Quinn was going to kill her. He didn’t know how he would do it and get away with it, but he would find a way.
“They stopped when I hit my growth spurt, and I grew tall enough to tower over them,” said August. “I was no longer cute and small, so they found someone new to abuse since I was beginning to fight back, and my father moved on to different methods to keep me compliant.”
The scars that Quinn’s hands were touching suddenly felt like livewires under his skin.
“I’m sorry for being such a massive asshole in high school,” August said, as if any of that fucking mattered.
“I was beaten every night, and the fear of being caught with bruises consumed my every waking moment because if my coaches said anything, the beatings would get worse. I had to keep people at a distance and only care about myself, but that’s why you and Esme were so different.
I thought you were crazy for defying your parents and then coming to school to brag about it, but in the end, knowing you gave me the strength to confront my father. ”
Quinn leaned away because he wanted to see August’s face. His tone wasn’t matching the heaviness of the conversation, and it was throwing him off.
August was still pale and in obvious pain, but he smiled when Quinn looked at him, taking his hand to press a kiss to Quinn’s knuckles.
“I was going to come back to you that day,” said August. “I went home to pack a bag and grab my hockey gear, but I was coming back.”
Tears finally broke free, running in hot streams down Quinn’s face, blurring his vision.
“And then I forgot about you. You were the only thing that made me happy, but I didn’t remember that until ten fucking years later. No wonder I’m such a loser.”
Quinn wiped the tears away and cupped August’s face in his hands.
“Don’t you dare talk about yourself like that.
I know you’ve been doing all the talking, but have you been hearing anything you’ve said?
Normal people don’t walk away from abuse like that unscathed, August. There is always trauma, and some carry it better than others, but you’re the furthest thing from a loser. You’re a survivor.”
August opened his mouth to argue, but Quinn gently covered it with his hand.
“Do you trust me?”
He pulled his hand away and waited for August’s answer.
“Unquestionably,” said August.
Quinn studied him, searching his face for a hint of doubt, but there was nothing. August was an adult capable of making his own choices, but Quinn couldn’t help but feel like he was talking to the child inside his heart whose cries had gone unanswered for too long.
But not anymore.
“Do you want me to take control?” Quinn asked because he had to be sure.
“Please,” said August. “Please help me, Quinn.”
Smiling softly, Quinn leaned in and pressed their lips together. He felt August give in to him—felt the tension ease from his muscles, the trembling in his body fading into nothing.
“Okay,” Quinn began. “I’m going to run the bath, and you’re going to get in while I make a few calls.”
He had to tell Bea so word could get out before the morning. He also had to message Eren once his game was finished, so he knew why Quinn was pulling the girls out of hockey for now.
He was going to make sure that monster never touched another child again, but August had to come first. He was his priority from this point on.
“After I’m done with my calls, I’m going to join you. I’ll have Harrison bring us some Advil and broth for you to try. Once you think your pain levels are tolerable and you’ve eaten something, we’re going to get dressed and go to my therapist’s office.”
Quinn paused to make sure August had no objections, but none came.
“I know it’s late, but she works from home, and she’ll answer for me,” said Quinn. “She’s amazing, and she’s discreet. I promise you she won’t tell anyone about your visit, so don’t worry about being benched.”
August nodded, and he looked so exhausted that all Quinn wanted to do was hold him and never let him leave the house, but that wasn’t possible. If August was going to continue playing the game that he loved, then he needed professional help, not just love and support.
He was going to do for August what dozens of adults had failed to do in his life. He was going to protect him.
“You’ll take a week off,” Quinn said sternly. “Give me a week of cooperation, and I’ll have you back on the ice by the end of it. Shit is going to get hard over the next few days, but you’re so fucking strong that I know you can handle it, and I’ll be right beside you the whole time.”
August was biting his bottom lip, so Quinn tugged on it with his thumb to move it out of harm’s way.
“You promise?” August asked.
Quinn touched a hand to his heart. “I swear on my life.”
He knew he had said the right thing when August sighed and scowled at the tub. “Alright…turn on the damn water, I guess.”
Quinn smiled and kissed him one more time—then he got to work.