Epilogue
I am officially as big as a house. When I thought to myself, hell yeah I wanna have Gabe’s baby, apparently I failed to consider how fucking big Gabe is. Also, fun, fact, did you know that Gargoyle gestation is twelve entire months? No? Neither did I. It’s so long because apparently it takes about a million years to grow babies this big. I’m eleven months, so any human baby would have been long evicted by now, and this little guy is estimated to weigh twelve pounds already.
“There.” I place the last box on the shelf in our new game den and look around, pleased. The renovations on the house are officially all done—it’s all been restored to it’s proper Victorian glory, not a greige tone in sight. Tonight, our friends are coming over for our first game in the game den. The whole basement looks like a medieval tavern, with dark wood paneling, loads of bookshelves, a huge table and mood lighting that Gabe can control from his seat. I know that the basement won’t actually be a big reveal, everyone has helped us get it together, after all, but hopefully folks will still act surprised.
We’re still not used to playing anywhere but the game shop, so Gabe had to run last minute to get a few things. I check my watch, and yeah, he really needs to hurry home, we’ve only got fifteen minutes until people start showing up. Fifteen minutes means I should probably get the chili cheese dip in the crock pot. I waddle over to the stairs, because I waddle now, and frown when I notice something on the ground.
A box.
Thankfully, it’s a few steps up, because I stopped fully bending over a few weeks ago. If something falls on the ground now? It’s gone into a black hole only to be retrieved by someone else. Unless it’s really important of course.
The box is a generic looking shoebox that has been wrapped in blue paper. There’s wear on the paper that tells me it’s at least a few years old, and a little note tacked to the top… addressed to me.
I open it up and gasp.
Gwen-
I’m not sure you believe me when I tell you how long ago I fell for you. I planned on asking you out this way the first time, but I think it works just as well for this, now. In the room, there’s a switch under the table at my seat. Go switch it on.
-Gabe
I blink back tears. Is this real? It’s odd timing though… unless our friends aren’t actually coming at all. I turn around and when I feel under the table, there is a switch there. I flick it and the projector in the ceiling puts a grid on the table. In one corner, there’s a spot that says “place mini here,” so I grab little Rena and plonk her down on the table. As soon as I do, Gabe’s voice plays over the speakers that we’ve mounted for surround sound.
“Hello there, little thief. I’m afraid I have some bad news. Your party has been captured, and you find yourself in a field. Next to you is a sign, declaring that there are buried mines and it’s very dangerous. Something in your pocket buzzes against your leg. When you take it out, it’s a small piece of parchment that shows the area immediately around you.”
As he says this, the grid projection changes. Several of the squares immediately around Rena stay blank, but farther out some around her say “1” and a few say “2.” At the top, near where Gabe will sit, is a little flag that shows “10.”
“On this map, there are seven mines buried in the ground. If you can locate them, and disarm them, you will earn a prize. Once you have located all seven, you will be able to cross the field and free your captive party.”
The projection changes again, showing my friends’ minis in a cage at the end. I squint at it for a second, because it seems familiar… mines… numbers… blank spaces… it’s minesweeper! When we got the computer for the shop, Gabe taught me how to play, and I’ve gotten pretty good.
My heart is racing, because this is apparently something to show his love for me, and it’s super fun that I have to “earn” my prizes. The first mine is pretty easy to locate, since it’s sticking out into the “clear” area with “1’s” on each side.
“When you are ready to disarm a trap,” Gabe says over the speakers. “Place a red counter on the space.”
I pickup a red counter from one of our little bins sunken into the table and confidently place it down on the space. When I do so, the lights dim in the room, and Gabe’s voice plays again.
“Very good, little thief. You’ve located my first mine. To earn your prize, you’ll need to disarm my traps. You’ll have three chances to roll high enough, after which, the mine will explode and there will be… consequences.”
I pick up my d20 and shake it in my hand before rolling it in my inset rolling tray. A sixteen, surely that’s high enough?
I hear a click behind me, and when I turn, I realize that one of the books has popped out so that it’s sticking out more than the other books. It turns out not to be a book at all, but a box. Inside, there are a few pieces of old, crumpled paper. I open the first and flatten it on the table. This one looks like it’s been balled up repeatedly with how crinkly it is.
Gwen,
I’ve been meaning to tell you something I—
That’s it. The next is similar but it continues.
As you probably remember, Gargoyles take a bit longer to mature than humans and I’m pretty sure it’s happened. I look at pictures of you on my wall, and my heart beats fast, now. It doesn’t do that when I see anyone else, so maybe I just miss you?
On the last, Gabe takes a different tack.
Gwen,
I miss you. I miss you so much I can’t breathe sometimes. I think I’m in love with you, but it feels cruel to tell you while I’m away. Instead, I’ve decided to write you these letters, in hopes that when I’m home, you’ll be able to see how true my feelings are. So, I guess this is the first. It feels weird to start with “I love you,” but I think saying anything else would be dishonest. So… I love you.
Gabe
Tears prick at my eyes and I hold the letter close to my chest. I can just imagine Gabe, cramped in his tiny little flat on another continent, balling up papers and starting over. This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me… and over the last year, Gabe has done a lot of sweet stuff.
The next mine is a bit harder, but I am really motivated to find it now. I place the red token and then move Rena to what should be a safe space on the board. When I move her, more spaces open up around her, revealing what looks to be a treasure chest. I move her to it and a little happy chime plays. “Congrats!” Recorded Gabe says. “You’ve earned one helper!”
The door opens, and Jake walks in, carrying a platter of food. “Thank you, so much for freeing me—”
“Your character isn’t free you dork, you just get to help her now!” Brook’s voice calls from the stairs.
A peal of laughter leaps from my chest. “Hey! Thanks for the help, what’d you bring for snacks?”
“My famous… chicken tenders.” He places them on the table with a flourish. The man loves chicken tenders, I am telling you.
I pick one up and bite into it. “What do you think?”
“I think… that Gabe is a huge dork. But this is very cute. I also think that you know that I am no good at minesweeper… but that I helped Gabe hide all of these little hidden compartments around this room, so I’m your first helper in case any of them get stuck… sorry.” He smiles sheepishly, because he’s right, he’s garbage at minesweeper, but he’s been my friend almost as long as Gabe, and I wouldn’t want anyone else at my side. It’s sort of weird to see him without a baby. Hayley gave birth a few months ago and since then, Jake’s always got at least one of their triplets strapped to him.
“Kid’s all settled?”
“Snug as bugs in rugs. The nursery was a great idea.” Because we wanted to move game nights to the new game den, we set up a big nursery area on the second floor. Between Brooks’s grandpa and Matilda, Ssthress and Betsy, and my mom, we’ve got plenty of babysitters. Tonight is a Ssthress and Betsy night, because it’s Hayley and Jake’s first “night out.” Hayley’s aunts have been a huge help with little Stella, Ollie and Penny, so it made sense for them to do the first game night babysitting shift. If I’d let them, all of the extended relations would be here watching the kids, but Betsy and Sthress are more than capable.
My next roll passes whatever the DC is for the trap—Rena has like plus seven for traps when you add her Dex and proficiency modifiers. The next hidden compartment clicks and a box slides out from the side of the table, revealing more letters. These seem to span the rest of a semester at school, and are really just snippets. They are, I assume, the parts that he felt like he couldn’t put in his regular letters to me.
Talked to you on the phone yesterday, Gods I miss you. Just thinking about you gives me butterflies and I am starting to get worried if I will act all weird when I see you this summer…
You just told me that your dad is sick. It’s taking everything in me not to come home, but you told me you’ll be really mad at me if I do. I just… need to hold you, to tell you that it will be okay, and that I will always take care of you. I hate that I can’t do that from all the way across the ocean…
Do you think, if I told you how I feel, that you’d want to come here with me for my last year? It’s far, I know… but it’s so hard not to say anything…
Your dad is really sick. I’m looking into flights, because I can’t let you do this alone. I’m scared about how I’ll act when I see you when I do, but I can’t let you do this alone.
Nevermind. You just called. Your dad passed and I am across the world, where I can’t help you with anything. You told me not to come, that you’ll never forgive yourself if I come home… but you need me, I just know it.
We talked on the phone, and you reminded me that I will be home in two weeks and it was silly to leave during finals. I think I might need to tell you how I feel when I get home, because then maybe you will understand why it is so hard to me not to.
“That’s so fucking sweet,” Jake says over my shoulder, jolting me back to the present.
“Holy fuck, warn a girl!”
“Sorry, thought you knew I was behind you.”
“We aren’t all monsters with amazing hearing you goof!” I dash the tears from my eyes and squint at the map again. “Let’s get this done.”
I know my voice is hard but this last letter has really brought things into perspective. Because we are about to get into years of hard times in these letters and I am not looking forward to it. Because he came home and I surprised him that I was with Preston. It’s gonna get hard to read these, I’m sure. But if Gabe could do it, if he survived it, the least I can do it is go through this small amount of discomfort for him.
“Gwen, You okay?” Jake asks.
“Yeah, I just know where we are. He’s about to come home and I am about to tell him I am engaged to Preston.”
“Oof.”
“Yeah, oof.”
I find the next mine pretty quickly and successfully disarm it. This time, when I open the treasure chest, Brooks saunters in, tipping his cowboy hat.
“Excuse me ma’am, I heard that someone was in need of assistance?”
“Yeah, sure, why don’t you sit there and look pretty, that’ll help.”
“Playing to my strengths, Gwennie? You flatter me.”
“Sydney will be in as soon as you get her out of a chest. She’ll actually be of help.”
“Shut up, we’re having emotional time.” Jake says, fake punching Brooks in the arm.
“Oh. Sorry, Gwen.” He looks abashed as he sits and I finally turn my attention down to the letters in my hand. I don’t want to read these, but a part of me is also desperate to connect with him, to know what this was like for Gabe.
Good news. You’re with Preston and we own a Game Shop. Woo.
I hiccup, struggling with holding back tears. It’s not that I haven’t cried in front of the guys plenty of times, I just know I will struggle to read through the tears.
“Is she okay?” Brooks asks Jake.
“No, it’s sad emotional time right now. Gabe is coming home from school to find out Gwen’s engaged.”
“Oooooh.” Brooks and Jake look like they are watching a soap opera over there, shoving snacks into their faces, eyes trained on me.
It makes me giggle, if nothing else, and I press on.
I haven’t written much, because we’ve spent so much time together this summer. Its… hard. Now that I’m home, any questions I might have had about if I was actually in love with you have been resolved. I’m absolutely in love with you and now, at least, I know why you and Preston are engaged. You’re pregnant. You guys are getting married soon, like, real soon, Preston said something about not wanting a bastard, which felt a little pointed .
I place a hand over my belly, over my son who is even now, stretching inside me, distending my already massive belly, and I can’t help but get choked up about my first baby. I didn’t want a baby with Preston, but fuck if I didn’t love that baby. I still don’t know, never will, if they were a boy or a girl, but I know that I will love them until I die, regardless.
There’s no way I’m stopping the tears now. They spill out of my eyes and plop onto the table with big splats. This whole pregnancy, I’ve thought a lot about my other baby, and I like to think that they’d have motivated me to get away from Preston sooner if they’d lived. I tell myself that I’d leave him before he got a chance to die, because I’d know it was important to make sure they lived in a household that was filled with love, and maybe they would have, just as soon as Gabe and I got around to getting together in that lifetime.
Reading these letters isn’t just taking me back to where Gabe was at the time, it’s taking me back to where I was… who I was. I’d let Preston convince me that I couldn’t be trusted to make my own choices, and I was desperately trying to find happiness in the life I’d tripped into. Gabe and the game shop were my saving graces then, but Gabe still had one year of school left, so, after I lost the baby, and he went back to school, late because of said loss, I spent a lot of time drunk on Jake’s moonshine. It was probably the worst time of my life.
“Hooooo,” I blow out a breath, trying to ground myself and prep for the rest of these letters and look up to see both Jake and Brooks looking at me expectantly.
“I think we found the next one…” Brooks doesn’t sound sure, but when he points on the map, I play the logic out and I think they are right.
For the first time, I fail two times to disarm it, but the third disarms the trap and when I move Rena, I get two chests.
Ted and Sydney come in next and the second she sees me, Sydney shoots a look at Jake and Brooks. “What did you do to her?”
“Nothing! It was Gabe!” Brooks says, holding up his hands. “That motherfucker somehow thought sad letters were a good idea?”
“No, no, I think they were, I think they are!” I assure her as she hugs me. “It’s very sweet.”
I return to my letters and see that the next bit is a package of them. It’s tied together with twine and there’s a little note.
Enough sadness for a bit, read these if you want, when you want. I love you.
-Gabe
Gods, I love Gabe. The stack is hefty to say the least, and I would probably be a blubbering mess once I made it through this stack. Actually, considering how pregnant I am, I’d probably end up a heap of crying woman on the floor and he’d have to come scrape me up. We’d have to cancel this entire endeavor.
I set the stack down on the table and lean over, looking at the grid of what is left. It’s gotten trickier, but Sydney and Ted are leaning over the table, too.
“Do you think there might be one right there?" Ted says, pointing at a spot on the grid.
"It's either there or here." Sydney points at a different spot.
I know that I should be paying attention, but I worry that Gabe may have overestimated my ability to complete challenges while in a heightened emotional state. Thank goodness he gave me some back up.
Ted and Sydney debate where the mines might be and I take a minute to stabilize myself. If Gabe has bundled all of these letters so that I can read them at a time that is convenient and be emotionally prepared, it stands to reason that he is wanting to make sure that the rest of it should have a different tone, right?
He wouldn't have gone through the effort of acknowledging that these letters might be hard for me and bundling them up so I could read them later if they were going to keep being really sad.
Ted and Sydney look over at me expectantly,
"Sorry, what did you ask?"
"I think that there is a mine here, so we think we should position Rena here to disarm it."
I look at the conclusions they've drawn, and nod my agreement. When I place Rena, more open spaces appear, though no treasure chests yet. I roll and successfully disarm the trap on my first try. This time, the hidden compartment pops open a drawer on one of the bookcases across the room. Jake reaches back and fishes it out, placing it on the table in front of me. My hands are shaking when I pick it up.. No matter how many times I repeat in my head. That it's not going to be sad again I don't quite believe it.
I unfold the first paper, the date on this letter is from approximately three years ago. It's hard for me to think about what might have been happening at that time, so I suppose I'll just have to let the letter orient me.
Gwen,
Today something happened that I never expected. For the first time in years, I have an inkling of hope. Today, you very awkwardly, adorably so close asked me what I thought our options might be for getting our business in our name. I was confused, until you explained that you weren't sure if a judge would award you ownership if you divorced Preston. I know you've been unhappy, but I've tried to stay out of it. It didn't feel fair for me to do anything that could sway your thoughts on your relationship with Preston. It's one of the ways I've always felt conflicted. As your best friend, I should tell you that I don't like the way that he treats you, but as a man who is in love with you, anything I say on the matter feels serving. I don't know that I will ever think anyone treats you as well as you deserve, not even me, even though I'd try.
Anyway, I'm really proud of you. Because when I asked you about it some more, you really seemed to be considering what you wanted for the rest of your life, and that's really what I want for you most. I can't pretend that I am not overjoyed because perhaps visions that I hoped for my future might potentially be true, but more importantly, visions you have for your future might come true.
I love you (even if this is the only time I ever say it),
Gabe
So much for not crying more. Tears ran down my face and Jake ran around the table to give me a hug… and sneak a look at the letter, I’m sure.
“How much damage does a mine do in this game?” Sydney asks, looking at the map.
“If I remember right, I think it’s like up to twelve fire damage, four thunder and three falling?” Brooks says.
“No, no, it’s twelve thunder, six fire, and two bludgeoning. Falling is bludgeoning, not falling.” Ted says. “I remember, because that thunder damage kicked my ass when we fought the storm giant.”
“That was because you were vulnerable, remember? The cultist cast Element Curse at you.”
“Oh yeah.”
I snort through my tears, trust the guys to make me laugh.
“Okay, can Rena take a mine or two?” Sydney picks up my mini like she’s going to move her.
“What?” Brooks stands up, a look of pure shock on his face. “Honey, you can’t just touch other peoples’ minis like that!”
Sydney snatches her hand back like Rena burned her.
“I’m trying to speedrun this bitch, Gabe needs to get his ass in here. He can’t be making Gwen cry and then expecting her to do all this!”
I wipe tears from my eyes and stand. “It’s good, I’m good. It’s really sweet, I promise. Good tears, now. Syd, do it, you have my full consent.” I stick my tongue out at Brooks and wink.
Sydney moves Rena and whoops in triumph when a new area of the map opens, revealing a chest. She slams Rena onto the chest triumphantly and Hayley comes through the door, cheering silently. Jake immediately abandons me for his mate. I’d call him a traitor, but I love them together too much to be upset. Plus, the way he kisses her head makes me melt… and then I think about Gabe and it’s everything I can do not to cry again.
I’ve only got two mines left to find and thankfully, Sydney’s locked and loaded on the map. Hayley looks over Jake’s shoulder at it.
“There’s one in that bottom right corner, and I think another one away from that far left mine.” Hayley says.
“Damn girl,” Sydney says after a moment. “I think you’re right.”
I square my shoulders and look at the map. She is right.
“I’m last because I’m really good at minesweeper.” She shrugs a shoulder and giggles when she looks back at Jake, who is staring at her like she hung the moon in the sky.
I roll to disarm that mine, and get my letter right away. This one is far less worn, and it’s dated a year and a half ago… after Preston died.
Overnight, everything has changed. I’ve blinked and Preston is gone. I have so many emotions I can hardly get a grip on them. I’m sad. Because he was my brother, and I think a part of me hoped that someday he would get his shit together and start being the big brother I’d thought he was as a kid. I’m relieved, because now you don’t have to figure out how to leave him and you’ll inherit the game store. I’m nervous… because there’s always been a reason I couldn’t be with you, so I didn’t have to think about whether you’d want to or not. Now, the future spreads before me like a vast plane where anything is possible… I’m anxious, because I know I need to give you time. You wanted a divorce, you didn’t want Preston dead. So, I’ll wait. I’d wait forever, I think. But, hopefully… in the next year or so, I’ll be able to stop writing you letters and never delivering them. Are you reading this Gwen? Honestly, I haven’t believed you ever will for years. But now? The possibility steals my breath, just like you do. If you are, know this: You are the best thing that ever happened to me, you’re the reason I wake up in the evening, and you haunt my dreams in the best way. I love you Gwen, I always have. And I always will. Love me back? Please.
I clutch the letter to my chest, like it’s the only thing keeping me tethered to this mortal plane. My nerves are jangling inside me now, and a deep peace has settled over me at knowing just how long and how deeply Gabe has loved me.
One more mine. That’s all, and then… well, I don’t really know the “and then,” but I’m starting to think it’s going to be a big deal. He’s made it clear that this surprise, because this is obviously a surprise, is some sort of big deal.
Hayley confidently taps the map. “That’s the last mine.”
“I agree with Hayley,” Brooks chimes in, obviously wanting to contribute. Sydney steals his hat from his head and plops herself in his lap. She plants a big kiss on his lips and gives me a thumbs up, apparently she agrees.
I pick up my mini and my die, because everything feels like a big deal all of a sudden. I move Rena so that she’s next to the mine, and drop the d20 onto the table, following its roll with my eyes.
It slows and I widen my eyes when I see it rest on twenty. The room erupts in cheers and my friends jump up and down. I can’t even control the tears streaming down my face now, because it all feels like too much, too epic. The lights dim in the room, leaving only those highlighting the ceiling and it’s fabric swags. The music Gabe pumped into the room swells to a crescendo and then the fabric falls away and post-its and smaller pages flutter down all over.
I catch one out of the air and realize it’s one of my breakfast notes that Gabe left me, specifically the one telling me “I’ve only got eyes for you.” I gather them up, like I am a kid on that old TV show where they have to collect money in a tornado simulator. Everyone else is grabbing them too, awing over their cuteness.
I hear the creak of the door and then there he is. Gabe steps through, and I’m caught by how much I love him. He’s not in a suit or anything, just the custom “DM Daddy” shirt I got him for solstice last year. He’s wringing his hands, looking nervous, of all things.
“Gwen,” he says, his voice cracking a little bit. “I hope today has made you understand that you have always been the only one for me. My dream girl, my best friend, and my partner. Will you do me the incredible honor of being my wife?” He gets down on one knee and I am so grateful that I wear waterproof mascara because it keeps my lashes curled. With how much crying I’ve been doing, I’d have it running down my face otherwise. I hiccup between tears and nod my head, rushing over to him. On his knees like this, it’s easier to kiss him because my big belly isn’t in the way.
I close my eyes and know I’m probably getting tears all over him, but he doesn’t seem to mind.
When we finally break our kiss and I can talk, I stare into his gorgeous eyes, caressing his cheek. “Yes, of course.”
“Hey, uh, congrats, but we are still trapped over here?” Jake jokes, making everyone laugh.
Gabe stands, spinning me around and cupping his hands underneath my massive belly. Lately, he’s started lifting it for me to take strain off my back and I am so grateful because every time it feels amazing.
“Just kiddin’ congrats guys.” Jake kisses Hayley, and Ted comes over to clap an arm around Gabe’s shoulders.
Sydney smirks and winks at me, tipping Brooks’s hat. Beneath her, he’s got both arms in the air like he’s just won a race. He points at us and tells Sydney, maybe a little louder than he planned “I did that!”
She throws her head back in a full belly laugh and shakes her head.
When I look at Hayley and Jake, he’s holding her close and whispering in her ear. She blushes and he grabs her ass and I look up at Gabe behind me.
“We’re pretty lucky, aren’t we?” I ask.
“I’d say so, yeah. I love you, little thief.”
“I love you, too. Now let’s get this game on the road so I can save my party!”
Gabe releases me and claps his hands to get everyone’s attention, but he’s immediately lost mine.
I think I just peed my pants.
All the blood drains from my face and I tug on Gabe’s sleeve, trying to get his attention to tell him I need a minute to change. I’ve had a few “sniss” incidents while pregnant but this is the first time I have full on pissed myself. I didn’t even feel like I needed to pee, which is frustrating.
“Oh my god!” Sydney yells, jumping off of Brooks’s lap and pointing to my crotch.
For a second I’m hurt because I’d have thought my girls would cover for me.
“Cancel everything! It’s baby time!”
Oh.
Oh!
Gabe looks panicked when he looks down at me, and the room breaks loose into absolute mayhem. “We’re going to have a baby!” he whispers.
“I think we are!”
Either twenty years or hours later, I’ve endured a long labor and C-section and now I’m holding my little guy in my arms.
Gryphon’s a lighter grey than his daddy, but there is no mistaking he’s a gargoyle. Stubby little horns jut out of the top of a head that’s dusted with dark black hair, his fragile wings are tucked in tight to his swaddle, and his tail has snug out to wrap itself around my arm.
“He’s perfect,” I whisper.
“You’re perfect.” Gabe answers. “But he is, too.”
He kisses both of our foreheads before sitting back down on the edge of my hospital bed. “Sorry my proposal didn’t quite end the way I planned.”
“Yeah, someone else stole the show from his daddy, I guess.”
“True, but you still stole my heart, little thief.”
“And I’m never giving it back.”