Chapter 18 #3
Touched by her kind words, Grant deeply resented the tears that came despite his desperate desire to make them stop. “I couldn’t help Steve.”
“I know, but there’s a very good chance that Steve was killed on impact.”
“We’ll never know that for sure.”
“No, but you have to find a way to live with what happened. You did the best you could in unimaginable circumstances. No one blames you, not even Steve’s mother. You have to find a way to forgive yourself.”
“I’m trying.” He used the back of his hand to brush the tears off his face.
Stephanie shifted onto his chest, pushed his hand away and finished the job, peppering his face and lips with soft, sweet kisses. “I love you, and I’m so proud of what you did out there. I’m choosing to focus on what you were able to do, not what you couldn’t. I wish you’d try to do that, too.”
“I will. I’ll try.” He tightened his arms around her, drawing strength from her love. “Thanks.”
“For what, babe?”
“For staying home with me tonight, for standing by me this last week, for not giving up on me when I would’ve given up on myself.”
“I’ll never give up on you. I love you too much. Way too much.”
“Not as much as I love you.”
“Want to bet?”
“I’d bet on you any day, baby.”
“I bet on us. There’s nothing we can’t handle.”
He would do his best to get past what’d happened. He would try to stop thinking about the awful choice he’d been forced to make. He would focus on what he had rather than what had been lost. As long as he had Stephanie by his side and in his arms, he was confident he’d get there eventually.
It was after one the next morning when the party at the Surf finally broke up.
Fortunately, Abby had traded champagne for water hours ago.
Other than a few curious looks, no one had made much of her sitting close to Adam all night, which had been a relief.
No one really seemed to care that they were spending time together.
With his hand on her lower back, he escorted her across the street to the Beachcomber.
“What’s this about you renting my sister’s place?” he asked.
“She’s decided to take a year off from vet school after the baby comes.”
“So I heard.”
“They need a bigger place for the baby. When she said she’d be renting her place, I snapped it up.”
“I love her house. It’d be perfect for you.”
Her heart ached at the reminder that she’d be back to living alone, no closer to her one-time goal of being a wife and mother.
That was okay, she told herself as they took the stairs to the third floor.
She’d make a happy, productive life for herself, and if she fell in love again someday, it would be with someone who wanted her more than he wanted his next breath.
Being with her friends tonight, she’d seen that kind of love in action and wanted nothing less than what she’d seen among the other happy couples.
“What’re you thinking about?” Adam asked as he watched her withdraw her key card from her bra.
“You ask me that a lot, you know.”
He leaned forward to kiss her forehead. “It’s because I genuinely want to know what’s going on in there.”
She smiled at him, amazed once again at how attentive he was. “I was thinking about how happy everyone seems to be. Mac and Maddie, Luke and Syd, Tiffany and Blaine, Evan and Grace, Laura and Owen, Janey and Joe… Engagements and babies… They’ve all found the one they were meant to be with.”
“I confess to feeling a twinge of envy over that tonight.”
She opened the door and went in ahead of him. “Really?” she asked, turning to him.
“They’ve got it all figured out. They know who they’re going to spend forever with. It must be nice to have all the questions answered so definitively.”
“They’re lucky to have that.”
He put his arms around her. “I want that,” he said. “I want the answers to the questions.”
“Despite my statements to the contrary on the ferry the other day, I suppose I do, too.”
“Have you considered that this, right here, might be the answer for both of us?”
Abby stared up at him, amazed again.
“I’m sorry,” he said when she didn’t reply. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“No, I mean yes. Yes, I’ve considered it.”
“You have. Really?”
She nodded. “I’ve let myself entertain a few fantasies in which you play the starring role.”
He took her hand and sat on the bed, tugging lightly to bring her down next to him. “Tell me about them.”
“I can’t. You’ll think I’m crazy. I left Cal only a few days ago. I’ve got no business having fantasies about you.”
“Tell me anyway.”
“It’s embarrassing.”
“After the stuff we’ve done together, you’re still embarrassed around me?”
“This feels more intimate somehow.”
He caressed her face, his touch setting off a riot of sensation that traveled to all her pleasure points. “Before you tell me, I have a confession that might make you never speak to me again.”
She couldn’t imagine never speaking to him again. “What’s that?”
“When I found you on the beach last night? It was because I programmed your phone so I could find you. I felt guilty about it the minute I did it, and I felt worse when I actually used it.”
“I don’t understand why you would do that.”
“Because I was worried about you. I didn’t want some dickhead like that guy in the bar taking advantage of you. Selfishly, I wanted you all to myself. I’m sorry. Are you mad?”
“I want to be.”
“My intentions were good even if I went about it the wrong way. I wanted to make sure you’d be safe. That’s all. I promise.”
She handed him her phone. “Turn off whatever you did.”
Adam took the phone from her, clicked around in the settings and handed it back to her. “Sorry.”
“Don’t use your mad techno skills on me again. You got me?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Could I ask you something that might make you mad?”
“What’s that?”
“What happened with Grant today?”
“That doesn’t make me mad.” He relayed the story of what had happened to Grant after the accident.
By the time he was done, Abby had her hand over her mouth as she blinked back tears. “Poor Grant. What an awful thing. Is he okay?” She shook her head. “That’s a stupid question. Of course he isn’t okay.”
“He will be. In time. We’ll all see to that.”
“Is it okay that I asked about him?”
“It’s fine, honey.” He kissed her cheek and then her lips. “Now, you mentioned some fantasies that involve me… I want to hear about them.”
“I’d feel foolish to speak of things that’ll never happen.”
“Haven’t I shown you that it’s never foolish to ask for what you want?”
“That might work in bed. It’s not as cut and dried in real life.”
“It can be. There’s nothing you could say that would make me think you were foolish.” He corralled her hair into a ponytail that he held with one hand. With her hair out of his way, he bent to kiss her neck, leaving a trail of fire in his wake. “Tell me. I really want to know.”
It was hard to form a reasonable thought with what he was doing to her neck.
“I had this thought about running my new store while you served as the island’s resident computer geek.
See what I mean about it being foolish? Everyone knows you have to go back to New York at some point.
You’ll have to get back to your real life. ”
“What if that’s not my real life. What if this is? What if you are?”
“Don’t say those things. You don't mean that.”
“How do you know? The last few days I’ve spent with you have been the best I’ve ever spent with anyone. Do you know what I adore about you?”
His use of the word “adore” killed her. “What?”
“That I can be totally myself with you. I don’t feel the need to put on an act so I can be what you want. It seems you like me exactly the way I am.”
“I do. How could I not like you? You’re…”
“What am I?”
“You’re amazing.” Was there any other single word that could better describe him? Not that she could think of.
“Abby…” Their lips came together in sweet communion. His hands on her face made her feel safe, treasured, adored. The kiss turned hot and potent when he wrapped his arm around her, as if he needed to be closer to her.
Abby returned his embrace and let out a sigh of completion when he urged her to lie back on the bed.
Wrapped up in his arms, Abby allowed herself to be swept away by the possibility that he might be the answer to all her questions.
Wouldn’t that be lovely? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to feel this way all the time?
He drew back from her, gazing at her intently. “I want to make love to you. I want to show you what might be possible.”
“I’m afraid.”
“Of what, honey?”
“Of how you make me feel, of what will happen when you go, or what will happen if you stay…”
“Let’s live the fantasy. For one night, let’s pretend it’s exactly the way you imagined it.”
She looked up at him, so handsome and dear to her, and decided to take a gamble. “Okay.”