Chapter 5 #2
She didn’t expect her mother to laugh at her question. “Charlie would tell you it’s moved slower than molasses. It took me almost a year to kiss the poor guy. Nothing about this has been fast, honey.”
“I guess it’s old habit to worry about you.”
“And I’m sorry you had to for so long, but I promise you there’s nothing at all to worry about where Charlie is concerned. He treats me like a queen.”
“You certainly deserve that.” Katie stared out at the ferry landing where the boats came and went just about every hour all day long in the summer. “Where do you get the moxie to take a chance on another guy after what you went through?”
“It’s not so much taking a chance on just any guy.
It’s about taking a chance with Charlie.
He showed me night after night, week after week, month after month that I had nothing to fear from him.
And for all that time he didn’t know why I flinched every time he moved too quickly or why I shied away from the most innocent of touches.
He never asked, and I never told him, yet he kept coming back. ”
Katie found herself riveted by her mother’s words as well as the strength and determination she heard behind them.
“He proved himself to me one minute at a time, Katie. He showed me who he was over those months of friendship and companionship. Our relationship didn’t become romantic until right before your father’s trial, when I had no choice but to tell him where I was going and why.”
“What did he say?”
“All the right things and other things I never expected to hear—like how much he loves me and how badly he wants a future with me. I sure as heck didn’t see that coming, although with hindsight I should have. I realized I’d been in love with him for quite some time at that point.”
Katie realized she was crying when her mother reached over to wipe the tears off her cheek. “That’s such a lovely story.”
“Yes, it is, and if I hadn’t lived it myself, I wouldn’t believe such things were possible after having endured life with your father.”
“I hate him for what he put you through. What he put all of us through.”
“Don’t hate him. Don’t give him that much of your energy.
He doesn’t deserve it. Take all those negative emotions and turn them into something positive.
I wish I’d left him years ago and spared all of you from having to grow up the way you did.
I wasn’t strong enough then. I was never as strong as you’ve always been. ”
Katie shook her head, laughing bitterly at the irony as tears fell in earnest now. “I’m not strong. I’m weak and frightened of everything and pathetic in so many ways.”
“Why in the world would you say such awful things? You, all of you… I admire my children more than anyone. That you survived and thrived in spite of the nightmare you lived through… I give you tremendous credit for that.”
“I’ve survived, but I haven’t thrived. I’ve avoided men like the plague and erected a fortress around myself to keep them at arm’s length.”
“How long has this been going on?”
Katie wiped away her tears, hating how weak they made her feel. “Always,” she said softly.
“Katie… Sweetheart, that’s no way to live.”
“You sound like Julia.”
“You know I never take sides with my children, but I have to agree with her.”
Katie looked over at her mother. “Shane asked me to go to dinner with him.”
Sarah’s eyes widened with pleasure that stretched across her face in a wide smile. “Did he now?”
Katie nodded.
“Are you going?”
“Only after Julia shamed me into it.”
Sarah hooted with laughter. “Good for her.”
“My first date at age thirty-two. How ridiculous is that?”
“I think it’s lovely that you waited for one of the nicest, sweetest, kindest men I’ve ever had the good fortune to meet.”
“Really?” Hearing her mother’s ringing endorsement of Shane, Katie felt her heart begin to beat faster with excitement and anticipation.
“He’s wonderful. He’s quiet, so it takes a while to get to know him, but he’s so sweet and devoted to Laura and the baby.
He’d do anything for me and for Owen. We’re all quite fond of him around here—and not just because he’s Laura’s brother.
And now, after hearing what he did for you yesterday, he’s earned a permanent place in my heart. ”
“That’s nice to hear.”
“You have nothing—and I do mean nothing—to fear from him, Katie.”
“I keep telling myself that, because I want to change. I want to be more courageous and take some chances.”
“Then that’s exactly what you should do.” Sarah paused, seeming to choose her words carefully. “You should know… He hasn’t had it easy either.”
“What do you mean?”
Sarah shook her head. “That’s for him to tell you—if or when he decides he wants to.
Until then, take my word for it. He’s a good guy, and you should go out with him tonight and enjoy yourself and relax about all the things that have held you back in the past. Think of this as a fresh start, a whole new you. ”
A whole new me… Was that what she wanted? Yes, she decided right then and there. She desperately needed a change, and going out to dinner with Shane would signal the start of a new phase in her life, one in which she wouldn’t spend so much time being afraid.
Everyone who mattered to her had endorsed him as a good guy, and he’d shown her that himself with the way he’d come to her rescue the day before, not to mention the tender way he treated his nephew.
It mattered greatly that her mother and Owen thought highly of him.
Somehow that had to be enough. There’d never been a more ideal circumstance for wading into the dating pool than a night out with Shane McCarthy.
Sarah took hold of Katie’s hand. “I’m so glad you’ll be staying awhile. I’ve missed you so much.”
For the first time in a long time, Katie felt excited about something. “Me, too.”