Chapter 29
The moment they were outside and alone, Shane turned to face her. “I’m so sorry, Katie. I’ve been trying to get to you for hours now so I could say that to you. I was completely shocked to see her, and I reacted badly. It kills me that I hurt you and made you cry after you put such faith in me.”
After a long pause, Katie said, “Why did she come?”
“She had things she wanted to tell me.”
“What things?”
“It doesn’t matter. It has nothing to do with you and me.”
“Is there still a you and me?”
“Yes, Katie! I sent her away. She’s not the one I want.”
“And I am?”
“God, yes. Every minute I spend with you makes me want more of you. For the first time in longer than I can remember, I feel hopeful and happy. Because of you.”
“That’s very nice to hear.”
“But?”
She took a deep breath and seemed to be summoning the courage to say what was on her mind. “I’d like to know what Courtney said to you today.”
“I don’t want to talk about her. I sent her away. It’s truly over between us.”
“Hmm, see, I thought it already was—before today.”
“So did I! I had no idea she was going to suddenly show up here the way she did. I hadn’t seen or talked to her in more than two years.”
“And when you saw her, the first thing you did was let go of me. That hurt me, Shane.”
“I know.” He leaned his forehead against hers and put his hands on her shoulders. “I’m so, so sorry I did that. You have no idea how badly I’d like to go back and have that minute to do over again.”
“What would you have done differently?”
“I would’ve introduced you to her as my girlfriend. If I had done that, you’d know what you mean to me, and she’d know there was no hope of reconciliation.”
“That’s what she wanted?”
Shane wanted to shoot himself for telling her that. He was truly batting a thousand today. “It’s what she wants. It’s not what I want. I want you.”
“You were with her for years, Shane. You’ve known me for days.”
“And I’ve loved every minute we’ve spent together. I told your brother earlier that you’ve been more right for me in five days than she was in five years. He said I ought to tell you that.”
When she sniffled, he realized she was crying.
“Katie, please… I’m so sorry. The last thing in the world I want to do is hurt you or make you cry. It’s killing me to see you cry.”
“You talked to Owen? About me?”
“Um, yeah, he basically tortured me by not telling me where you were and dragging me along to dinner with him and the guys. He’s not too happy with me for making you cry.”
“I don’t blame you for what happened earlier. You had no way to know she’d be there waiting for you.”
“I didn’t know. I swear it.”
“I believe you.” She took a deep breath. “You were married to her for a long time, so it’s only natural that the sight of her would make you feel guilty for holding hands with someone else.”
“I don’t feel guilty being with you, Katie. Not one bit. I’m single, and I have been for almost two years.”
“And in all that time, you wondered why she left you. Isn’t that what you told me?”
“Yes,” he said, resigned to having this conversation when all he wanted was to take her home so they could be alone to work this out.
“Did you find out why?”
“She said it was because she had to testify against some big-time drug dealers to get immunity on being prosecuted herself for dealing. Or something like that. Apparently, the big guys were convicted yesterday, and she’s now free and clear.”
“So she divorced you to protect you?”
“That’s what she said. Who knows if it’s the truth?”
“Would your father know? Doesn’t he have connections with the court?”
“What does it matter at this point, Katie? I don’t want her back. I don’t want a life of always wondering where she is, if she’s lying, what she’s doing, who she’s doing it with. I almost lost my mind being with her. It’s not what I want anymore.”
“When did you decide that?”
“You want an exact date?”
“An estimate would be good.”
“I don’t know. Last winter, maybe? I thought about what I’d do if she sought me out. And quite some time ago, I made up my mind that when or if she came looking for me, I wasn’t going to be available.”
“So before you met me.”
“Long before.”
“And when you saw her today, how did you feel?”
“Shocked. I never actually expected her to come after the way she dumped me. Plus, I didn’t think she knew where I was.”
“Did you feel anything else besides shock?”
“I feel like I’m on the witness stand here. Let’s cut to the chase. What do you really want to know?”
“Do you still love her?”
“No!”
“And when did you know you weren’t in love with her anymore?”
“I’ve suspected for quite some time, but today I knew for certain.”
“That’s what I was afraid of.”
“I do not love her. I do not want to be with her. Judging by the way I felt earlier when I had no idea where to look for you, it’s quite possible that I actually love you, and I know for damned sure I want to be with you.”
“You… You love me?”
Nodding, he took hold of her hand and placed it over his chest where his heart beat so hard and so fast it was a wonder he didn’t pass out from the exertion. “That’s what my fear of losing you is doing to me. I just found you, and I don’t want to lose you.”
“You have unfinished business with her.”
“No, I don’t. Our business was finished the day our divorce was final.”
Katie shook her head.
“What’re you saying?”
“You need closure.”
“I need you.”
“What if… What if a year or two from now, you wake up one day and realize you let your true love get away?”
“Will you still be with me then? If so, my true love didn’t get away.”
“You can’t possibly know that about me in only a few days’ time.”
“Yes, I can.” Unable to refrain from touching her, he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. “I can know that. I do know that.”
Her hands curled around his wrists. “Shane…”
“Courtney is my past. You’re my future. I feel that strongly for you, Katie.
I think I knew it the day I pulled you out of the water and blew air into your lungs.
You’re mine. Mine, Katie.” Pushing the hair back from her face, he gazed into her eyes.
“If you send me away right now, I wouldn’t go back to her.
I’m never going back to her. Why would I do that when everything I want and need is right here in my arms? ”
“You have to be sure, Shane.”
“I’m three thousand percent positive.” He knew if they got a hundred years to spend together, Katie would never deceive him the way Courtney had.
She would never use him or steal from him or make him feel like shit the way his ex-wife had.
Katie simply wasn’t wired that way. “Will you please accept my apology for what happened earlier and give me a chance to prove I’m worth the risk? ”
“I want to. I really do. But I need a little time to think.”
“How much time?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“Katie, please. Don’t do this. Let’s spend that time together working this out.”
“I want you to know… I’ve heard everything you’ve said, and I appreciate that you apologized. I also respect the fact that you were caught off guard by her appearance here today. I understand all that.”
“So why do you need time?”
“I need to process everything that’s happened in the last few days and figure out where I go from here.”
“Where you go? I don’t get it. You said you understand what happened today, but you still want time?”
“I need time.”
He put his arms around her and whispered in her ear, “I’m crazy about you. I want to be with you. I want to work this out with you so we can get back to where we were before we were so rudely interrupted.”
“I want that, too.”
“Then let’s go.”
She extricated herself from his embrace, and the resolute expression on her face gave him pause. “I care about you very much. You know I’ve been closer to you than I have to any other man, and I loved every minute we spent together.”
Shane experienced a surge of panic that reminded him of a time he’d rather forget. “Why do I feel like you’re saying good-bye to me?”
“I’m not saying good-bye. I’m saying I need a few days to myself. That’s all.”
He’d said everything he could to convince her that he was genuinely committed to his relationship with her, but it hadn’t been enough. “Okay, then. I guess I’ll see you around.”
Shane felt like he was walking through wet cement as he left her, went into the house and headed straight for the door that would lead him out of there. He needed to get away from everyone and everything before he said or did something he’d regret.
Of course, Laura and Owen were right behind him as he went out the door.
Laura called out to him. “Shane, wait!” She grabbed his arm. “What happened? Where’re you going?”
“Katie needs some time to think, and I’m going back to the hotel. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“You shouldn’t walk home in the dark,” his sister said. “It’s not safe.”
Evan materialized out of the darkness. “I’ll take him.”
“Thanks, Ev,” Shane said.
“Will you be all right?” Laura asked.
“I’m fine. Go back to girls’ night. Apologize to Luke and Sydney for me, will you?” He kissed her cheek and left her with Owen while he went with Evan.
“Thanks again for this, Evan.”
“No problem.” After a long pause, Evan said, “So I take it things didn’t go well with Katie.”
“I’m not exactly sure. She said she understands what happened today and why, but she needs ‘time.’”
“Ouch.”
“Right? What the hell does that mean?”
“I wouldn’t want to speculate.”
“It’s not good, though, is it?”
Evan rubbed his face as he thought about that. “It’s not good today, but it might be okay in a day or two. You just have to be patient.”
“It took me two years after Courtney left me to go out on a date. The first time I went out with Katie, I knew she was special. Things were going really well with us, and then Courtney shows up and it all goes to shit in one minute?”
“Maybe Katie needs a few days to make sure she’s ready for a relationship.”
“Yeah, maybe.” Shane agreed with his cousin, but the sinking feeling inside was indicative of his true sentiments, which he kept to himself.
“You want to hear something I just found out?”