Chapter 22
Sitting in the doctor’s office, Paul heard what was being said, but he couldn’t seem to process it. Late-stage dementia, difficulty swallowing, bedridden, vulnerable to infections, risk of pneumonia, unable to speak or communicate…
This was a whole new ballgame.
“I know it’s a lot of information to take in all at once, but we feel it’s imperative for you to prepare for what’s ahead sooner rather than later.”
Hope’s hand covered Paul’s, and her warmth made him realize he was freezing in the air-conditioned office.
“Mr. Martinez, I’m sure you must have questions.” The doctor’s deep voice permeated Paul’s frozen state. The man looked at him with piercing blue eyes, but the only thing Paul could seem to focus on was his paisley bow tie. Who wore paisley these days?
Paul couldn’t think of a single thing to say. There would be questions. Hundreds of them. But right now, there was only despair.
“What are your thoughts about continuing to care for Mrs. Martinez at home on Gansett Island?” Hope asked.
Paul would have to thank her for that later. It was a good question and one that needed to be asked.
“I believe it’s going to become increasingly more difficult to care for her at home. That’s not to say it can’t be done, but it won’t be easy.”
Over the next thirty minutes, Hope quizzed the doctor on every aspect of his mother’s care.
While Paul sat like a useless zombie, reeling from the shock, they covered practicalities such as medication and equipment and how to handle the inevitable agitation that Marion would experience as her symptoms worsened.
Paul’s tongue felt too big for his mouth, like if he tried to speak, nothing would come out. It had been years now since his mother was first diagnosed, but this was the first time his own brain seemed to shut down at one of her appointments. He simply couldn’t get his head around it.
Thank God Hope was here to do it for him. When she stood, Paul realized they were wrapping up the meeting, and he’d yet to say a word.
“Is he okay?” the doctor asked Hope.
“Paul.” He blinked her into focus. “Are you all right?”
“I’m… Yeah, I’m sorry. It’s just a lot to take in.”
The doctor handed each of them his card. “I’m here to help in any way I can. You and your brother have some big decisions to make, and if I can be of assistance, please let me know.”
“Thank you,” Paul said, humbled by the kindness of a stranger.
“I’ve signed the discharge paperwork.” The doctor handed a sheaf of papers to Hope. “The nurses will have your mother ready to go home.”
Still feeling dazed, Paul shook his hand, thanked him again and followed Hope out of the office, through a maze of hallways that led to the room where his mother waited to go home.
“There you are, George,” she said when they walked in. “I’ve been waiting so long to see you. Where have you been?”
The tears in her eyes finally snapped Paul out of the stupor he’d been in during the meeting. He went to her and bent to hug her. “Sorry I made you wait, Marion. It couldn’t be helped.”
“It’s okay,” she said, stroking his hair like a lover rather than a mother. “You work so hard. I understand.”
“What do you say we go home?”
“I want to go home. I’ve been telling them that.” Her arms were covered in bruises from the many needle sticks, and her hair was in need of Chloe’s special touch.
“We’ll get you home,” Paul said.
“Who’s she?” Marion asked, casting a suspicious glare at Hope.
“That’s Hope. She’s our friend. I’d like you to be nice to her, okay?”
“Of course, George. Whatever you want.”
The nurse came to push Marion’s wheelchair, but Paul told her he’d do it.
“Why am I in the hospital, George? Who’s staying with the boys? Are they all right?”
“They’re fine,” Paul said.
“What about work? You can’t be away from work, especially this time of year.”
“I left Louis in charge,” Paul said of the man who’d once been his father’s right hand. “And Hilda is with the boys.” Louis and Hilda had been gone longer than his father had, but the information pacified his mother.
Hope squeezed his arm in a show of support that he appreciated.
By the time they arrived home three hours later, Paul was spent.
The break from reality he and Hope had enjoyed was but a distant memory, obliterated by the more pressing reality of his mother’s deteriorating condition.
Naturally, Alex and Jenny wanted to hear everything the doctor had had to say, and after Marion was tucked into bed for a nap, Hope did most of the talking for him.
“Fuck,” Alex said on a long exhale, summing up the situation rather succinctly.
“So what does this mean?” Jenny asked.
“I don’t know,” Paul said. “Maybe it’s time to look into a permanent solution on the mainland.”
The comment was met with resounding silence.
“We knew it would get to this point eventually,” Paul said.
“Yeah, but we didn’t think it would be this soon,” Alex replied.
Jenny took hold of his hand, cradling it between both of hers.
“If I may…” Hope said.
“Please,” Alex said. “Speak freely. You have to know by now how much we value your opinion.”
“While the doctor painted a rather dismal picture, none of it is going to happen tonight or tomorrow or even next week. We can keep doing what we’ve been doing for the time being while you explore your options.”
“That’s true,” Jenny said. “It took two years for her to get to this point. The next stage isn’t going to happen all at once.”
Their comments brought a small measure of comfort to Paul because they were right.
“Let’s get through the wedding, and then we’ll start to look for places on the mainland,” Paul said. “We can take turns going over to visit her. We’ll figure it out like we always have since this began.”
Ethan, who’d been watching a movie in Paul’s room, came bounding into the room, looking for his mother.
He’d been clingy since she returned, which Paul could tell she loved.
She scooped him up onto her lap and put her arms around him, kissing every part of his face that she could reach.
He squealed with pretend outrage, but he loved the attention.
“I’d better get him home to start his homework,” Hope said. “We can talk more about all this after the wedding.”
“Thanks so much for everything today,” Paul said with the warmest smile he owned. “You saved me in there with the doctor.”
She returned his smile, but he noticed it didn’t quite reach her eyes the way it normally did. “I’m happy to do anything I can to help.”
Paul wanted to ask if he could see her later, but there was no way to do that in front of everyone.
So he let her go. For now. As soon as the coast was clear, he’d seek her out to continue what they’d begun at the Cape.
The thought of being with her later was the only bright spot in this otherwise dismal day.
Hope went through the motions with Ethan—homework, dinner, bath, bedtime stories, tickling, snuggling. After two nights apart, he wanted the full program, and she was happy to give it to him. His joyful giggles were a balm on the wound of this day.
Inside, however, she was dying from the realization that their idyllic time on the island would come to an end as soon as Marion was moved to a permanent care facility on the mainland. Just when they’d found their groove and settled into a new routine, it would all be upended again.
And Paul… She couldn’t allow herself to even think about the incredible interlude they’d had at the Cape. Other than every minute she’d ever spent with Ethan, it had been the most perfect time of her life.
“Are you sad, Mama?” Ethan asked, stroking her face.
He called her Mama only when he was sad or tired. Otherwise, she was Mom in the loudest voice he possessed.
“I’m just tired, honey, and so are you.” She kissed his forehead. “Time for lights out.”
“One more story.”
“No more stories. It’s a school night.”
“All right,” he grumbled, but his heavy eyes told the true story of how tired he was.
Leaving him with one last kiss, she turned on the night-light and left the door propped open so she could hear him if he needed her.
She went into the kitchen to tend to the dishes and was halfway through them when the tears reappeared.
The last thing she wanted to do was leave this wonderful place or the Martinez family, who’d begun to feel like family to her and to Ethan.
He’d be heartbroken. But the fact was, she needed a job.
After a costly divorce, she no longer had a cushion to tide her over between jobs.
She’d managed to save some money since this job came with a free place for her and Ethan to live, but her small nest egg wouldn’t last for long if she was out of work.
Sighing, she reached for a bottle of wine on the counter and poured herself a healthy glass, feeling guilty for letting her own worries get the better of her when Paul and Alex had much bigger ones weighing them down tonight.
She wouldn’t soon forget the utter devastation that had overtaken Paul in the doctor’s office.
He was always so strong and capable. To see him in such a state of shock had been upsetting.
She hated that this was happening to him and Alex, but she especially hated it for Marion, who’d never really know her grandchildren or the women her sons married. It was so unfair.
Hope had just had that thought when a soft knock sounded at her door. She went to answer it, knowing it would be Paul. He stood with his hands propped on either side of her door.
“Can we talk?” he asked.
“Come in.” When he stepped inside, she said, “Wine?”
“I wouldn’t say no to that.”
While he took a seat on the sofa, she went into the kitchen to pour him a glass and to gather her resolve.
If Marion were leaving soon, she and Ethan would be, too.
It would be better, in that case, to end this before it really began.
To let it continue would be to invite in heartache for herself and Ethan as well as Paul.
Even as everything inside her cried out for him, she knew it was what she had to do.