Book 25 Resilience After Dark #11
When they get home, Jace’s phone rings with a FaceTime call from Seamus.
The boys talk to them for about ten minutes, and then Jace sends them off to brush their teeth and get ready for bed.
Seamus seems upset when he tells Jace that the lady from the state is making a big deal about Jace watching the boys.
He breaks the news that Carolina’s son, Joe, would be there the next day to take over with the boys.
Seamus assures Jace that when everything is finalized, they will have no issue leaving the boys with him.
After checking on the boys, Jace goes outside to sit in the yard. He’s upset and tries to push Cindy away, but she isn’t having it. She sits right on his lap and tells him how unfair the situation is.
“Don’t you see? This is my life as an ex-con on parole for the next five years. People are going to judge you the same way they judge me.”
“No one who matters is judging you. Look at the way my family welcomed you tonight, and they know your story. We all see a man who’s worked hard to turn his life around, who got a big new job today, who has two little boys who adore him—”
“And are being raised by other people because I was in prison when their mother died.”
“I see a man who is doing everything he can to make up for the mistakes he’s made in the past by trying to be the best person he can be for the people he cares about. And I feel very, very lucky to be one of those people.”
“This is how it goes for me,” he says, sounding almost desperate to get through to her. “You don’t need to be dragged down with me when you’ve worked so hard to overcome your own shit.”
“I do need you, and I want you, and I probably even love you.”
“Don’t do that.”
“Sorry, too late.” She puts her hand on his face and compels him to look at her. “Don’t let this one thing derail all the progress you’ve made in building a new life for yourself. Who cares what one random person you’ll never see again thinks of you?”
“It’s what she thinks of Seamus and Carolina that matters.”
“And they’re dealing with her concerns. I’m sorry that hurts you, but if it’s what’s best for the boys in this moment, then that’s what needs to happen.
Seamus called you when Carolina got hurt, which means he trusts you.
That’s what matters here—the people in your life trust you.
I trust you. Seamus and Carolina trust you.
The boys trust you. None of us care if you’re going to be on parole for the next five years. ”
“I make a mess of everything, Cindy. You should look out for yourself.”
“You don’t make a mess of everything. You’ve had some tough hits to be certain, but does this, right here, feel like a mess to you?”
He holds her close. “No, it feels like heaven.”
“I rest my case.”
The next morning, Jace looks up how to make pancakes and has them ready for the boys when they wake up. He tells them that Joe is going to be there to watch them for the rest of the time Seamus and Carolina are away, because he has to go to work.
“We want you,” Jackson says
Have three words ever meant more to him than those do? “I want to be here, too, but this is better since I have to work at the bar until late tonight. You guys like Joe, right?”
Please, let them say yes.
“Joe’s cool,” Kyle says. “He lets us drive the ferries.”
“Then you’ll be in good hands for another day or two until Seamus and Carolina get home—and then you’ll have to be a big help to her, because she’ll need that for a while.”
“Will you come visit?” Jackson asks.
“I sure will. I promise.”
A few days later, Jace is still spiraling about what happened with the boys while out for coffee with Mallory, Quinn and Mason.
They’re upset for him, but they say he needs to move past it.
“Let it go, Jace,” Mallory adds in a gentler tone.
“It happened. It sucked. It’s over, and you’re still fine.
You have a great new job, a wonderful new relationship with Cindy and your boys are back in your life. It’s all good, so just let it go.”
Quinn reiterates that Seamus and Carolina knew his history and still called him to watch the boys. That’s what matters most.
While Cindy is cleaning up at the salon, Jace shows up with a beautiful bouquet of flowers to apologize for being a moody jerk. She accepts the flowers and apology. She reminds him to appreciate the good things.
“The bad has always outweighed the good for me.”
“What if that isn’t the case anymore? I mean, this, with us… It’s pretty good, right?”
“It’s way better than pretty good.”
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going to suddenly wake up and decide I don’t want this or you anymore.”
The vulnerability she sees in his eyes touches her heart. “How do you know that?”
“I love you, Jace. Those aren’t just words to me.”
He closes his eyes and leans his forehead against hers. “Those are the best words I’ve ever heard, and I love you, too.”
“You’re going to have to have some faith in me, in yourself, in this new life you’re building.”
“I’m not used to having someone who wants to share the load.”
“Well, now you do, and the only way this works is if you let me in, Jace—all the way in. Can you do that?”
He draws back to look down at her, and she’s relieved to see the tension that has gripped him for days is gone. “I can try like hell.”
Over the next few weeks, Jace and Cindy cheer on the boys at their fall baseball games, attend a recorder recital at school that makes their ears bleed and have dinner with her family to celebrate new jobs for Jace, Jeff and John, who invited Niall Fitzgerald to join them.
The two have been spending a lot of time together and seem content.
Everywhere he looks, Jace sees happiness. It infects every moment of his life with the kind of peace and tranquility that has evaded him before now. And nowhere is that truer than in his relationship with Cindy.
She’s the sun around which his life revolves.
“I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you and the way you love me, but it’s the greatest gift in a life suddenly full of amazing gifts.”
“You’re the best thing ever to happen to me, too. I hope you know that.”
He’d felt guilty to realize that as much as he’d loved Lisa, what he has with Cindy is on a whole other level. He’s overwhelmed every day with feelings he’s never experienced so intensely before. “That means everything to me, sweetheart. I promise I’ll never let you down.”
For once, he feels comfortable making a promise like that because he knows for certain he’ll keep it or die trying.