Chapter 28
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
ANGEL
“Can’t breathe,” I rasp under Garrett’s weight after we both collapse to the ground.
“Fuck.” He hops off me and I roll onto my back and draw in a deep breath. “Sorry.” That’s all he says as his hand dives through his hair, a confused look on his face as he stares down at me.
I’m completely naked and he’s standing there fully dressed, pulling his pants back over his hips while still staring at me. Suddenly, I feel exposed. Not ashamed, just… exposed. I pull my coat over me like a blanket.
“Ah, fuck,” he says, turning his back to me. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!”
“You can leave if you want,” I say as I slowly pull my clothing towards me.
It’s scattered all over the ground. I don’t even remember how he undressed me so fast. When I lift my ripped shirt, my body heats all over again as I remember how bright the teal of his eyes had been, how his hands moved over every part of me…
it was as if he’d been waiting a long time to touch me.
“Leave you alone while you’re naked and vulnerable? Hell, no.”
“You almost sound like you care.” I nearly kick myself for my callousness, but I have to know if this is more than just sex to him. Or if I pushed him into something he truly didn’t want, at least not… with me.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” He paces like a caged wolf, never meeting my eyes.
“This… isn’t how I meant things to go between us.”
That gets his attention. He spins around, teal eyes brighter than usual, but his jaw tight, hardened. “You pushed me past my limits, even when I warned you. And don’t you dare say you didn’t hear me.”
“I heard you.” I put my shirt on backwards, so the ripped panel will be in back, beneath my jacket where no one will notice.
“Then why didn’t you stop?”
My eyes snap to his. “Isn’t that obvious by now? I wanted to be with you. I just didn’t think it would make you so…. mad.”
“Do you even know why I’m mad?”
“Because you’re still in love with Marla.”
“Fuck Marla. I never loved her. Thought I did, once, but that’s because I didn’t know what the fuck love was. Hell, I’m still not sure.
“But I can’t get you out of my mind, Angel.
No matter what I do, I find myself looking for you, worrying about you, wondering what the fuck you’re doing and if you’re safe, happy…
It’s downright confusing, and doesn’t calm down until I’m with you, or at least have you in sight.
And then there’s my packmates. The shifters who don’t know how to mind their own fucking business.
They’re in my face every time I turn around, saying I shouldn’t let you get away, that you’re good for me. ”
“Am I?”
“Now’s not the time to ask me what I feel about anything. I barely know where my head is.”
“I thought you’d enjoy…I mean, you were so open and flirting with me earlier…”
He storms off and that makes my stomach sink. As for my wolf, she’s tucked her tail between her legs and is no help. I went into this alone and that’s how I have to find my way out of it.
By the time I finish dressing, Garrett’s back, holding the scarf I lost earlier. He doesn’t hold it out to me, as if he’s afraid to get too close.
“I shouldn’t have claimed you,” he says.
How the hell did things go so wrong? Things got intense between us, but for him to be this mad at me… I’m the one who screwed up, but he’s bearing the brunt of the responsibility.
I force a smile. “I don’t expect anything from you. I’ll move back to the women’s cabin today, and find someone else to train me. No one needs to know what happened here. I mean, it’s not like we blood-bonded. It was just sex, right?”
“Ah, fuck.” He pulls me in against his chest and wraps his arms around me. “You’re staying with me and I’m going to keep training you, as long as you want.”
Tears start rolling down my cheeks, but I try to swipe them away before he notices. “Why?”
“Because I care about you. What happened here….”
“I know, it shouldn’t have happened. I promised not to seduce you.”
A derisive laugh leaves his body. “I want to say it’s not you, it’s me, but that will sound like a line.”
“Then what? You think I’m too broken for you? Or you’re simply not attracted to me? All the scars and—”
His lips stop me mid-sentence, the kiss soft and gentle, but no less intimate than what we just shared minutes ago.
“You’re the most beautiful female I’ve ever known, but you’re also vulnerable. You have been since before I brought you back here. Letting things go that far when I’m still messed up. It’s not right.”
“Don’t treat me like I’m a piece of glass. I survived the WSSO.”
“But it left scars, and I don’t mean the burns. Scars that run deeper. You’re starting to heal and I don’t want to keep you from recovering.”
I don’t deny it. I’ve lost my pack, my confidence, my bearing in life, but I still know who I am.
My palms rest against his chest as I tilt my head back and look into those beautiful eyes that rescued me long before he pulled me from that dog cage.
“Has it ever occurred to you that you’re the reason I’m healing?
That you remind me of all the good in the world? You’re the reason I haven’t given up.”
He shakes his head. “That’s trauma bonding, Angel. Nothing more. You would have fallen for any other shifter who rescued you just the same.”
I slap him across the face. “Don’t you dare make me out to be some fragile female who falls for her rescuer. If anyone’s suffering from trauma, it’s you.”
He rubs his cheek where I slapped him. “I told you, I never loved Marla.”
“You don’t see it, do you? You’re afraid to get close because of how she betrayed your trust. You think I’ll do the same.
Don’t you think I thought about that when I asked you to help train me.
That you’d lump me together with Marla, expect me to break your trust.” My eyes go wide as I look around at where we are, in the middle of the woods, after having sex. “I guess I did, didn’t I?”
He takes my face in his hands, making sure I look at him. “What happened here between us has nothing to do with anyone else. I gave in to a weakness.”
“What weakness?”
“Don’t make me say it.”
“What weakness?” I physically push him back, taking my anger out on him. This mess isn’t his doing. I broke his trust in me, not the other way around. “What weakness?” I practically shout this time.
“You! You’re my weakness.”
We stare at each other, both breathing heavily.
“I’m sorry,” I say, barely above a whisper.
“You didn’t lose my trust,” he says, stepping forward and placing my hand over his heart. “You… me… I don’t know where we go from here, but I care about you, Angel. More than I realized, which is why this is so fucking confusing to me. Can we go back to how things were?”
My face must fall, because his eyes widen.
“I mean, can we start over? I don’t want to give up on…”
“Us?”
He nods.
“And my training? That won’t be a problem? I still need it. It gives me options, Garrett.”
“You mean in deciding to continue working with the kids versus helping out Langdon?”
I bite my lower lip, debating how I can explain this in a way he’ll understand.
He drags a thumb against my lower lip until I stop biting. “It’s okay, my angel, you don’t have to explain. Just be careful. Whatever you choose to do, be careful. I won’t survive losing you. I just… I have to know you’re safe, even if you leave here… If you leave me.”
Poor Garrett. I don’t know what to say to him, to give him that sense of security he needs. But I can give him back the control that seems to center him. “Do you really want me to stay in your cabin?”
“Yes.”
“On the bed, beside you? Or will you be on the floor again?” I hold my breath, then realize I’m doing it again. Pressuring him. “Either is fine,” I add quickly. “I just need to know.”
The corners of his lips turn up on the brink of a smile. “I know where I want to be, but I’m not sure where I should be.”
“And where do you stand on taking advice from a woman?”
“All for it. Except when it comes to mushrooms. Tried that once. Didn’t care for it.”
I tip up on my toes and brush my lips against his. “I say we try sharing your bed and see how it goes. If I’m too beastly or hog the covers, you can kick me out of your bed and your cabin. But I have one request, Garrett.”
“Anything, darlin’.”
“Don’t kick me out of your heart. That’s a loss I don’t think I’d survive, not after losing my pack.”
His forehead rests against mine. “Are you sure about this, Angel? What if I’m no good for you?”
“I don’t think that’s possible. But if you think I’m more trouble than I’m worth—”
“I like trouble.”
“No you don’t.”
“You’re right. But I’ll put up with anything if it means holding onto you as long as I can.”
“That sounds like you’re accepting my offer, shifter.”
“Depends. I’m still not sure where we stand on this mushroom issue. Are you going to threaten me with mushrooms every time I step out of line?”
“Would you prefer I spank you?”
“Oh, darlin’, don’t tease about that. I’m already getting hard.”
“I’m not sure I see the problem.”
He kisses me full on my lips, holding my face steady while we take our time. It’s even better than our first kiss.
A howl sounds in the distance.
“The Christmas celebration’s starting,” he says. “We can still make it if you want, or head back… home.”
Home? He called it home. My wolf’s jumping up and down, as am I. Then I sigh. “I promised we’d be there.”
He offers me his hand. “I wouldn’t want you to break a promise.”
“You mean another one. I promised not to seduce you.”
“And I promised not to hurt you.”
I clasp my hands around his neck. “You couldn’t hurt me if you tried.” His eyes go to where we just fucked. “No, my sweet shifter. You didn’t hurt me. You claimed me, and I claimed you. And if you’d like, we can ignore it, like it never happened.”
“No.” He doesn’t say more as he wraps the scarf around me, then takes my hand and leads me out of the woods to his pack.