Chapter 32
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
ANGEL
After shifting, I race up the trail as fast as I can to get away from Garrett, before I follow every instinct and race into his arms. I try to shut down all thought, let my wolf take over, but a scent—familiar and elusive, that’s haunted me for days—pulls me up short just before I reach camp.
Veering off the path to investigate is nothing more than a distraction, a way to ignore what I don’t want to face… Garrett’s inability to trust me.
I can’t believe he thought I was using him to train me so I could go after those shifters even after I told him I wasn’t. My promise meant nothing to him.
There it is again, that familiar scent that doesn’t belong here.
I shift to human form, leaving the protection of my wolf behind. “Show yourself.”
The longer I wait for someone to step onto the path, the more foolish I feel. I’ve become too confident in my skills. Garrett would laugh and tell me I have a long way to go.
I can’t return to him, not until he learns to take me at my word, to see me for who I am, which is not the ghost of a dead shifter.
Why did he have to question me like that? I’ve never lied to him.
My wolf whimpers, curling into herself. I’d like to do the same, except the more I think of it, the angrier I become.
Instead of waiting for some non-existent shifter to step onto the path, I march into camp and head straight to the women’s cabin.
I fling the door open, ready for a fight.
“Problem?” Olivia asks, barely raising her eyes from her book.
“I’m sleeping here tonight, and for as long as I need,” I announce. No more miss nice gal for me. No one’s going to push me around or question my character or—
“Not sure why you’re ready to rip out my throat over something our alpha already approved.”
That makes two of us. “Sorry. I’m pissed at… someone else.”
“Talk to Ellis. She’s the expert on boyfriend problems, seeing as she always has them. Problems, that is. Though, boyfriends, too.”
“I don’t have a boyfriend,” I snap.
“You sure about that? You reek of a male. I’m holding my nose, because I really don’t want to know who you’re hooking up with.”
Damn it to hell! Damien must have picked up Garrett’s scent on me.
And Tess, and… I sniff the air, then my hair, and an arm.
Garrett’s scent is faint but clinging to me like mold on bread.
By now, everyone’s smelled him on me. Just because I’m too used to his scent, doesn’t mean I need to be so fucking stupid.
I plop onto my bunk, which is precisely as I left it.
Unmade and bereft of any personal items. Pictures, ribbons, little mementos decorate the frames of the other women’s beds because they view this cabin—this pack—as home.
The more I look around, the more I see a temporary place to crash, no different than an empty cave in the mountains.
Cold air rushes in as the door opens and closes. The temperature’s already dropping outside. So much for an early spring.
“I see the newbie’s back,” Ellis says as she takes off her jacket.
“Boyfriend trouble.”
Ellis sniffs the air. “Spent too much time in the tall grass tonight, newbie?”
“My name’s Angelina.”
“I heard it was Angel.” A boot drops with a thud. “That’s right, you only let your friends call you that.” Now the second boot.
“It’s nothing personal. I don’t really know you.”
“All you need to know around here is that Theo’s mine. Stay away from him. Stick to Garrett. He’s more your speed.”
The fact that she can smell Garrett on me irritates me more than it should.
I slide under my blankets before I end up snapping at her.
The chill of the cabin and scratchy, crappy blankets further irritate me, but not as much as the realization slowly sinking in that I’m not truly mad at Garrett.
I’m mad at the damage Marla caused… I’m mad at a shifter I never met, one who’s dead and had her own issues.
I can’t blame this on her. This is about Garrett and me, and he’s trying so hard to move past his trauma.
Maybe I’m the one who’s frozen in time, unable to move on, to forget.
I’m afraid to forget.
And Garrett’s afraid to trust.
What a pair we make.... Damn. He really is trying. And I lost my cool. All because I’m off in a way I’ve never been before and it’s slowly unraveling me.
“Do you think if I apologize for what I said, he’d take me back?” I ask of no one in particular. Ellis and Olivia don’t know what happened, but they’re all I have right now. My friends, family… entire pack… are gone.
“Guys aren’t as complex as we’d like to think,” Ellis says. “A quick roll in the grass and all’s right with their world again.”
I smirk under my covers, not because I agree with her, but she cared enough to answer. This isn’t my pack, but they’re not bad shifters.
And neither am I. I just have to figure out what’s wrong with me.
“Honesty,” Olivia adds from the top bunk. “That’s more powerful than sex.”
“When’s the last time you even had sex, O?” Ellis says.
“Not funny.”
Ellis chuckles. “She has no appreciation for my wit, Angel.”
“Angelina,” I repeat.
“And there you go, unable to accept a shifter’s flaws. You gonna hold a nickname against me? Makes me wonder what you’re holding against the guy who dumped you.”
“He didn’t dump me.”
“Ah, you dumped him. Interesting.” Ellis’s bed creaks as she climbs in. “Regardless, Olivia’s right. Honesty goes a long way. And keep in mind, Angel, the males aren’t the ones who expect perfection. The question is, do you?”
No, I don’t, but she’s right. He values honesty, and I haven’t been entirely honest with him. Maybe that’s what’s bothering me.
“Thank you,” I whisper, as I close my eyes and drift off to sleep, thinking of my pack…. and Garrett.
Someone shakes me awake, making me jump with a start. “You’re okay,” Garrett says. “It’s just me. And I’m only here to talk, nothing else.”
He’s leaning over me, naked. He must have shifted and come here in wolf form.
“You can’t be in here. This is the women’s cabin. How’d you get in here without waking anyone?”
“Really, Angel? Are you questioning my infiltration skills, especially in a cabin?”
“Garrett,” I whine, because I’m still on edge. I don’t want to play games, not with him.
“I couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t stop thinking about you, us.
I’m not sure what I did wrong, what happened between us, but I had to come.
Tell you I’m sorry for whatever I did. If this is about Marla, I never loved her.
Thought I did at one time, but that’s before I knew what love is.
She was a big part of my childhood, and…
and, fuck, you’re tired of hearing about her, aren’t you? ’”
“A little.”
“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’ve been struggling with what happened. Guilt. Betrayal. For two years, I’ve been stuck, if that makes sense.”
“It does. There are times I feel like that too, like being here in your pack. It’s not home. But I’m trying.”
“I know you are, my angel. And I’m sorry I’ve been pushing you to get to know the shifters. I just wanted you to feel like you had a home again.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t apologize for trying to help me.”
He blows out a breath. “I’ve been a jackass to everyone. And now a hypocrite. I lost one friend and have been stuck in the past for two years. You lost your entire world, barely a year ago, and yet you’re at least trying to move on.”
“We make quite a pair, don’t we?” I say, jokingly.
Those teal eyes swirl with an intensity I haven’t seen before. “Don’t ever think less of who you are or what you’ve accomplished just because I’ve been an asshole.”
“I don’t know what to say to that.”
“Don’t say anything. Just listen. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and I’ll probably make a shit-ton more, but I need you to know you’re everything to me, Angel.
When you walked away from me tonight… Fuck, I couldn’t think, couldn’t see straight, couldn’t breathe.
I’ve never been so scared in my life. And I’ve been in crazy tight situations before.
Caught by humans, gun-against-my-head type of situations. ”
He’s starting to shiver and I’m not entirely sure why, but it’s damn cold in here.
The fire’s died out, but it’s the intensity in his eyes I’m having trouble coping with.
I slip out from beneath my blanket, suddenly quite aware I’m still naked, but I don’t dare turn back to face him.
I toss two logs onto the fire, then take my time walking back to my bed.
His eyes lock on me, following my every move, as if he can’t look away. And I don’t want him to.
As I climb back under the warm covers, he says, “You could have asked me to do that instead of giving up that cozy bed.”
“I’m not helpless.”
“Never said you were. You’re highly capable, at anything you set your mind to. No one else could have gotten me to go to that celebration tonight, let alone get me up on stage. And that’s something I needed. Would have fought it had I seen it coming, but you see right through me, what I need.”
“What do you need now?” I ask, tucking my hand under my pillow so I don’t reach out for his, which is all I can think about doing. “If you’re here for my forgiveness, there’s nothing to forgive. I’m the one who got overly touchy tonight.”
“Isn’t it clear, Angel? I need you.”
My eyes narrow, but I don’t hide my uncertainty. I meant what I said earlier. I need space from him.
But lying here, looking at him, seeing the vulnerability in his face… I can’t turn him away.
He’s deadly serious.
He’ll stand there all night, waiting for my answer, and never once push. He’s serious and committed to people, ready to do anything for those he loves, and those who just need a protector. He even takes the blame when it isn’t his to bear. Like now.
“You look cold.”
“I’ve been running for an hour. Ignored my wolf the entire time. Now he’s ignoring me, letting me feel the cold.”
“You don’t get along with him very well.”