46. Sable
SABLE
My back is glued to the hard stone behind me.
The last thing I want is to be caught eavesdropping.
Bitter jealousy swirls in my stomach, pushing everything I ate back into my mouth.
I hate that I feel this small, so damn stupid.
My cheeks redden as if someone watched me getting shut down by Soren.
I really didn’t feel bad when he didn’t want to kiss me.
In a way, I was even relieved. He’s the first person in Bellthorn to treat me like a real human, and that felt good.
It doesn’t anymore because all I can think now is that he said yes to her and no to me.
The girl hanging on him is the same cheerleader who bothered me over Parker the first day?
Is she fucking him too? And why does that make me so jealous when he and I are on the outs and I’m sure he’s keeping some weird secret?
It doesn’t help that she’s Liliana’s new best friend.
I wish it didn’t bother me that she still hasn’t spoken to me now that I’m at Bellthorn, but it does.
How can someone get over losing a friend like that?
I had no idea that losing your best friend would hurt as much as breaking up a relationship.
Actually, that hurts way more than any relationship I’ve ever had or the jealousy I feel for the guys.
But Soren didn’t fall for Arabella's charms, unlike Liliana. The thought doesn’t soothe my soul in the slightest because Soren doesn’t belong to me.
He might have the keys to my room, but it’s obvious he doesn’t want to use them.
I wonder if I should just go back and hide under the covers until this feeling goes away, but I know that’s stupid to even consider. It’s my first time being allowed to walk around Bellthorn by myself. I’m not giving this away because of a boy or a couple of them.
Silence in the corridor tells me Soren and Arabella are long gone, so I finally come out of hiding.
Since Lex brings me around through the hidden paths and many spiral staircases, I only know how to reach the cafeteria from here.
Thanks to Orion, who loves parading me around, I can get a few places from there.
It’s fine. It doesn’t matter that I don’t have money.
I’m not going there for food but for freedom.
Walking by myself is definitely different. Some people still look at me, but way less than when I’m escorted by one of them. I wonder if it’s them that the people love to watch, or if it’s the combination with me that is explosive. Whatever it is, I feel lighter as I step into the cafeteria.
Some heads turn to watch me, some even cover their mouths and gossip while their greedy eyes are glued on me.
But there’s no shame in my walk today, and I don’t care about their whispering.
I stick my chin up, walking around the tables with my eyes fixed on the back door.
I'm pretty sure I saw a glimpse of a garden in that direction. Fresh air would be amazing.
“Sable,” Liliana calls out to me.
It’s been a long time since she spoke my name. She’s always careful not to associate herself with me. Her voice is enough to stop me in my tracks, and biting a curse, I turn to face her.
Her hungry eyes take me in, shining with something I don’t recognize. Arabella is, of course, right beside her, and I fear she ran right to her with whatever she thought she saw. I’ve never been on the opposite side from Liliana, and I find myself wondering what she sees.
The clothes I wear are expensive, thanks to that beautiful closet inside my gilded prison.
My hair is soft, not blow-dried like I used to keep it, but wavy and natural.
I wear less makeup these days, too. Getting ready was always joyful, and it’s been a long time since I felt enough joy to put lipstick on.
I’ve never felt less than her, but as I look over every polished inch…
“Hey there, Liliana.” My voice sounds tired even to my own ears.
Her name tastes different on my tongue, and it’s not just because it’s been a long time since I used it. I feel like another person, shaped not only by my tragedy but by the way people see me. Some hungry eyes are already gathering around us.
“I was telling Arabella everything you’ve been through, you know?” Liliana says. “It’s super sad.”
My gaze shifts to the woman beside her, but it’s clear she doesn’t think anything I’ve been through is sad.
No. Arabella is smiling. That shouldn’t surprise me after how she acted last time, and after “catching” me with Soren, she’s out for blood.
I almost thank her for revealing her true self in a timely manner.
“Why?” I click my tongue and turn back to Liliana. “She can’t read?”
Arabella gasps, “What did you say?”
“What are you talking about, Sable?” Liliana feigns offense.
I slow down as if I’m talking to particularly dumb children. “I asked if your friend can read. I know you can. Since you read the papers instead of talking to me.”
“Your trash, and you want to know if I can read?” Arabella seethes.
“Keep your friend away from me,” I tell Liliana.
“Why are you being like this?” she whispers, but she knows exactly why.
“Because you abandoned me.
“That’s not true, Sable. Don’t be dramatic,” Liliana argues while people whistle around us. “We naturally drifted apart.”
I laugh and don’t understand why she’s trying to sound like the good guy. Bellthorn doesn’t give a crap about torn friendships. The assholes who cheer about a leash around my neck won’t judge her for dropping me as her friend. People here would drop a friend for less.
“Sure.” I don’t argue because it doesn’t matter, and she’s stupid if she thinks it does.
The crowd wants gossip. It doesn’t care what type.
Arabella’s eyebrows arch. I almost see the venom dripping down her delicate chin, and I know that she’s about to give what the people want.
It was only ten minutes ago that I watched Arabella get rejected by Soren, so I know why we are here.
She blames me for the downfall of her relationship, and this display is to make me pay.
“Are you enjoying being a whore?” Arabella asks.
Every eye is on me, and once again, I have to push all my real feelings down because of the cardboard cutout version of myself I need to hold up.
The Sable who doesn't hurt when her best friend cuts her off. The one who doesn’t care if people talk about her parents' death as if it were just another subject in the gossip magazine.
“At least I’m getting paid for it. You fuck them willingly.”
Arabella shrieks her rage, but true disgust fills my old best friend's face. “It’s good that your mother is dead, Sable.” Liliana speaks her first honest thought in years. “She would be as disgusted with you as I am.”
The humiliation that I learned to ignore, the feelings I push down so well, all surge to the surface at once.
The pit of my stomach swirls overwhelmingly, as if I’m about to spill my guts all over Liliana’s designer shoes.
Instead of being the victim, my arm lifts, my hand balls into a fist, and her perfect face forms my target.
My aim is good, and my fist collides with her nose.
A loud crunch satisfies my animal urges, and my stomach turns as her nose breaks beneath my knuckles.
Liliana screams as she falls flat on her ass, and my satisfaction and rage overpower the pain in my knuckles.
I haven’t hit anyone since I was ten years old, but I did put my all into it.
Her hands fly to her face. She whimpers as she touches the broken ridge of her nose.
She yelps when she pulls them away and finds the blood.
Oh no. She spent so much on that nose job. I’m a really bad friend.
My gaze shifts to Arabella, wondering if she might try to fight me on her friend's behalf, but she’s already taken several steps back, and she won’t look at me.
Everyone in the cafeteria shares a moment of silence for her nose before they break out in laughter and taunts.
If they’re talking shit to me, I don’t hear them, and none of them do a damn thing to me.
Rather than hang around with these assholes, I walk out.
I may not know my way around Bellthorn, but Soren let me out of my cage, and that’s going to change today.
When I leave the cafeteria, I walk like I’m ten feet tall, and despite all the awful things that have happened lately, that felt good.
I’ve been watching everything I say and do, trying not to fuel the press, but here in Bellthorn, I’m trash of the trash.
It doesn’t matter what I do. If my father’s actions didn’t ruin the Briarwick good name, it would be ruined now that I’m the Offering.
And it was that strange freedom that made my fist connect with Liliana’s face.
How dare she?
Liliana knew my mother. Her words replay in my mind like an echo that I can’t silence, and it doesn’t take more than twenty steps for the rush to start to wear off.
Tears sting my eyes, and I feel sorry for myself and my situation for the first time.
Mom would feel ashamed if she knew. She was such a proud and beautiful woman.
There isn’t a lap for me to crawl on and ask for forgiveness.
When you disappoint the dead, all you can do is carry the weight yourself with no hopes of salvation.
My hand stings like hell, bringing me back to the present moment. I open and close my fist, hoping I didn’t break anything by punching her stupid face. It all looks okay, just sore, and I don’t have time to worry about her. I have a university to explore.