Chapter 13
Roper woke up on the sofa, wrapped up in the Professor’s arms, his ass burning, warm and comfy and totally at one with the world.
He blinked. Oh, God.
God, he’d fallen asleep on the man without even getting him off.
Oh shit.
Oh shit.
Oh motherfucking shit.
Toby must have felt him tense.
“Easy. You’re okay. I’m right here.” Toby’s voice was soft, his tone gentle. That didn’t sound like a man who was angry, but still…
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to doze off.” He’d just been so damn melted.
“No need to apologize. I’ve enjoyed sitting here holding you.” Fingers combed through his hair, brushed his cheek.
He arched into the touch, stretching. “I can still feel your hands.”
It was a sweet addiction.
“Good. That’s how it should be. I’m hoping that will be a regular occurrence. Later, you’ll feel my cock too, so tomorrow might be a more focused day for you.”
Fuck, he hoped so.
“Can I help you out? You didn’t get to come…” He wasn’t a selfish asshole.
“Thank you, no. I’m very much enjoying the buzz. I sometimes like to put off…gratification.” Toby chuckled. “You can rest assured; I’ll get what I need.”
“If you’re sure. I want you to get what you need.” Fuck, those long, slow touches made his eyes cross.
“You’re a good boy. Thank you for being so honest with me earlier. That will make this a much better experience for both of us. Trust is so important.” Fingers slid over his sore ass, setting the nerves on fire.
He rumbled softly, his toes curling with a deep pleasure. It had been so long, and Toby’s hand had been just right.
“I have a question. Well, it’s really two, but to begin with, what was happening in your mind or body when you swore? I was thrown a bit by that ‘dammit’ but decided since it wasn’t a safe word everything was okay. Was it just a reaction? Or a reaction to something specific?”
He tried to focus, to remember. “It was more just a ‘whoa’ and ‘hot’ and ‘dammit that’s big’. I was loving it. I didn’t mean to stress you.”
“Like I said, it wasn’t a safe word so I didn’t let it interrupt, but I’m glad I asked so next time I’ll know.
Which is the second part of my question.
You said you struggle finding your headspace so I thought it might have had something to do with that.
I was happy to hear you say you were feeling high; that’s at least part of the way there. ”
Hell, he didn’t care if he got anywhere, so long as he wasn’t pissing his Dom off.
“What part was the question, Professor?” He wasn’t being a dick, but he didn’t know how to answer.
“Your headspace. Subspace. You say you’ve never been there. What do you think it should be? What do you want it to be?”
Oh God… He didn’t know how to answer that. He just knew it was frustrating to Doms.
He pursed his lips, shook his head. “I don’t know what to say.”
“It’s a big question. It’s okay if you don’t know. Think about it though, let it simmer for a while. Personally, I think you were wonderful, and I feel great.” The emphasis on that last word was unmistakable, and it was clear that Toby was happy. Happy with him.
Roper felt himself relax. He hadn’t even known how much he was tensing, but that praise was…welcome in his soul.
“I’m in no hurry to let you go, but at the same time, I think you might need to move around a bit. You’ve been lying with me for an hour. What do you think?”
“Mmm… I think you’re right, even if I want to just stay.” He needed to stretch, pee, get a drink.
“Okay, let’s get you up.” Toby helped him shift to sitting and that was when he realized his jeans were still down around his thighs.
His entire body flushed as he pulled his underwear up. Oh, that burned so good.
Toby just chuckled beside him and got to his feet, offering two hands to help. “Ready to stand up?”
“Yessir.” He took the Professor’s hands and hauled himself up, almost—almost—stealing a kiss.
Toby just smiled and tugged his jeans up for him, hands roaming over his abs as he buckled himself back up.
He could be in real trouble. He’d forgotten how good it felt to have contact on the regular.
“Hit the head. I’ll make us a snack. You want water? Tea? something else?” Toby got out of his way and gestured for him to go ahead.
“Water, please. I’m thirsty.” He clomped to the bathroom and did his business, got clean, stretching a couple of times real quick to wake himself back up.
When he got back, Toby was scrambling eggs, and there was a bagel in the toaster oven. “I felt like we needed more than popcorn.”
“Oh, cool. What can I do? You want some coffee?”
“At this hour, I’ll never sleep. How about tea? Something herbal in the drawer over there under the coffee maker.”
“Sure.” He’d never known anyone who drank hot tea before he’d met some of the Aussies on tour, but he could figure it out.
He’d just have a glass of water.
Toby served up the eggs and put half a bagel on each plate. “Cream cheese or butter and jelly?”
“Just a little butter, please.” He glanced over. “You do your tea in the microwave?”
“Insta-hot on the sink.” Toby pointed. “The little spout on the left.” Toby sat and buttered his bagel.
“You—okay.” Weird, but cool. He’d never heard of such a thing. He grabbed a mug. “Does it matter which kind?”
“Just something without caffeine. There’s a nice vanilla in there, maybe. You’re not used to tea?”
“Iced, yes, and beef tea when I was sick. My mom did that a lot.”
“Beef…tea? What on earth is that?”
“Exactly what it sounds like.” Lord have mercy. How to explain this? “Mama takes a bunch of beef bones and scraps, boils them up, and you drink it. It is amazing when you’re real sick.”
“Interesting. I’ve never heard of that. I mean, beef broth, sure, but not something called a tea.” Toby took his tea and patted the seat next to him. “I buttered your bagel for you.” Toby had cream cheese and a little jelly on his.
“Thank you.” He offered Toby a warm smile. “It smells so good. Bread has the best scent, like a hug or something. Yeast is a magical fungus.”
“It does smell good. Maybe you should learn to make bread. That fresh-baking bread smell is the best.”
“Isn’t that really this super hard thing?” Wasn’t that something professionals did? He was fairly sure bread was impossible.
Toby shrugged. “I don’t think so. It’s just a recipe. Like cupcakes or chocolate chip cookies. It just needs yeast. I think. Maybe.”
“Huh. I’ll look into it.” Bakeries were there for a reason, right?
“Cool. It would give you something to do anyway. Maybe a reason to get back in touch with your brother?” Toby patted his knee.
“Too soon.” He winked over. If he learned to make bread, he’d do it on his own.
Toby nodded. “I understand. I’m sorry if I made that situation more difficult for you.”
“Nope. It has nothing to do with you. We’ll figure it out or we won’t. I miss him, but talking to him hurts right now. If he needs me, he’ll call.” Roper didn’t think Ry did. Not right now.
Toby reached over and rubbed his back, then went back to eating. “You mentioned wanting a job. Was that just thinking out loud, or are you actually interested?”
Shit, he didn’t know. He had a thousand ideas, and most of them were ridiculous. “I—I have some cash saved up, but I’ve got to figure my shit out, that’s for sure.”
“Assuming you can’t ride for a bit, I suppose so. If you want to brainstorm a little, let me know.”
He nodded, then put his bagel down. “I have some options. I can follow the tour and do signings, see if Doc will clear me to ride.” Okay, that was an option, not options…
“Both of which require leaving New York, and this Doc person will say no, I’m quite sure.”
“Prob’ly yes. He’s a good man, and…unless I can fool him, he’s going to red card me, so to speak.” He drew a line in his butter with one fingertip and sucked it clean.
Toby was watching him now. “Those don’t sound like great options to me, boy. Anything else you have in mind?”
“I keep thinking about the things I’d planned for after I retired, but they’re ridiculous.”
“Tell me.” Toby put his tea down. “Tell me what you’d planned.”
“I’ve thought about a lot of things—we talked about getting into the bucking bull business, we talked about starting a rodeo company of our own.
I thought about going back to school, but that isn’t going to work.
I guess I would be a good pet walker. Cat trainer?
Possibly a vet tech…” He wasn’t scared of poop, after all.
Or monkeys, capybaras, llamas, or cats.
“So…no real plan then?” Toby grinned at him. “That’s okay. It’s not a rush thing, you’re fine with me.”
“All my plans were for a duo.” And he wasn’t one now, so-- Damn, eventually he’d stop being mad.
“I heard that. I didn’t want to—well, I did hear you. I’m sorry.” Toby took his hand. “But, you have a chance to make your own way now, and I want to help. I will help.”
“I’ll figure it out, I swear. I have…” He had feelings. He didn’t want to have feelings like this, but he did. Stupid feelings. “…to do some research.”
Toby slid his chair back and patted his knees. “Come sit.”
He blinked, shocked for half a second by the request, but he stood before he thought to question.
“That’s it, good boy.” Toby waited for him to sit, then pulled his head down to rest on one shoulder. Toby’s arms went around his waist, one hand rubbing his back.
“I—” He felt like a pit bull who’d been picked up unexpectedly. He didn’t know what to do.
He wasn’t good, not like that, and his heart was pounding, and he didn’t know if he could breathe.
“Shhh. It’s just a cuddle, boy. A hug. To remind you you’re not alone.”
“Oh.” He hadn’t had someone hug him—really hug him—except for Ry in…twenty years? “Thank you.”
He filled his lungs, emptied them, and then repeated the action.
Okay. That was better. He was being a dork.
Toby held him a little tighter as he relaxed. “You’re welcome. I’m here for you. Things are confusing right now, I know.”
“Yeah.” But he was going to figure it out. No question. He just needed to breathe and let himself think.