Chapter 18
God help him, Roper needed to find a job.
He couldn’t just sit, and he’d thought about grad school, but that would require letters of recommendation, financial aid, proof that he wasn’t a dumb shit, the GRE. Again.
He wasn’t sure he could do that.
Well, he could retake the GRE. He could figure the money. He could prove he wasn’t a dumb shit.
But letters of recommendation?
Fuck no.
Still, while he was sending out resumes and all, he arranged to retake his GRE at the apartment while Toby was gone, and shit, the amount of drama in a home test.
No pee breaks.
No water.
No food.
No leaving the room.
One whiteboard to make notes on.
Seriously, he’d been so fucking stressed that Toby would come back home early—
He should have just gone and taken the test somewhere else.
Still—even though he had to wait for his essay scores, and those didn’t worry him—he had his quantitative scores immediately.
He stared at the screen, checking the number over and over again.
168.
160 would have been amazing, 162 enough to get him where he needed to be, what he’d done before, but this?
Damn.
He looked again.
He wasn’t sure how he was going to be able to not crow when Toby got home. He wasn’t going to tell, because he didn’t want to disappoint the man if he couldn’t get into a program leading him to NanoBioNYC.
His phone buzzed.
Ryder
What’’s wrong
Roper
I’m fine, Ry. Just took a test
Ryder
GRE? You going to school
That made him smile.
Roper
Maybe. Dunno. How’s you
Ryder
Good. Just got back from Japan. Fucking Japan, Ro.
Roper
Cool. Send pics
God, he hadn’t even known. He…he needed to get out of the house, and Toby would be home soon.
Roper
Gotta bounce.
Ryder
K Love you
Roper
Love you more
Then he shut his computer and grabbed his shoes. He had to go.
He started to head for the elevator, but his physical therapist had told him to use stairs when he could, so he rolled his eyes, ducked through the fire door and headed down the stairs.
Where he heard whistling.
Not anyone’s whistling, but the distinct, just barely on-key whistled version of We Wish You a Merry Christmas. He only knew one person who whistled Christmas carols in July.
“Hey! Where are you headed?” Toby caught him before he could turn around.
“I was going for a walk to, uh, clear out the cobwebs.” And think. And make some decisions.
And squeal a little, purely internally.
“More cobwebs, huh? Want company? I just need to drop off my work stuff.”
Did he? Maybe. Maybe not. But one way or the other, he didn’t want to hurt the Professor’s feelings.
“Sure. If you’re cool with it.”
“I’d love to go. Wait here.” Toby disappeared through the fire door and was gone all of two minutes before returning in sneakers and without his teaching jacket. “See? I’m quick.”
“Like a bunny. How was your day?” Mine was exhausting. And exhilarating. And wild.
“Good. No cobwebs here.” Toby followed behind him taking the stairs at his pace. “I’d love a coffee. You?”
“Totally. Sounds great.” I got a 168 on my quant GRE score. That gets me in any program that I’m wanting. I’m so excited and scared and tickled and wigged the fuck out.
He felt the warmth of Toby’s hand between his shoulders. “Everything okay?”
He nodded. Shook his head. Nodded again. “What kind of coffee do you want? I’m thinking a white chocolate iced with an extra shot to cut the sweet.”
“Hm. That sounds great, but you’re having a decaf latte. You can pick the milk.”
A frisson of pure electricity buzzed through him.
Fuck, he was lucky.
“Decaf? That’s not fair. I need a little buzz.”
Toby snorted. “You’re already buzzing.”
“Not purring?” He fluttered his eyelashes. “Meow.”
“No. Vibrating. Like a live wire. Your eyes look like you’re on coke.” Toby winked at him.
“I swear, no illicit drugs. Not even licit ones.” Was licit a word? “I’m just bouncy.”
Toby nodded as they rounded the corner toward the coffee shop. “Are you going to tell me why? Or wait for me to start adding spankings to your count for the day?”
“Does there have to be a why?” He didn’t want to say, but…fuck, he really did. He wanted to just dump it in the Professor’s hands and go, “Here, feel me”.
“Are you telling me there isn’t?” Toby glanced at him, and he almost felt the raised eyebrow, even if he didn’t see it. “And don’t answer my question with a question, boy. That’s two. One for the question and one for the tone.”
Even though Toby had just done the exact same thing…
“Now you’re just being petty. I didn’t say whether there was or wasn’t. I just asked if there had to be. You’d never said there was a rule about answering a question with a question.” He could feel the tension inside him changing into excitement.
“What fun is it if you know all the rules ahead of time?” Toby laughed and opened the door to the coffee shop.
“You want me to order?” Maybe he could sneak in his caffeine.
“Sure, but if you say anything other than decaf latte, you will pay for it and not drink it.” Toby stepped up close behind him as they approached the counter.
“Can I at least have chocolate?” He could feel the electricity between them.
“Why? Are you celebrating something?”
Dammit. “I don’t know. Yes? Maybe. I’m getting chocolate.”
“You may have chocolate.” After a moment’s pause, Toby added, “And decaf.”
“So mean to me,” he whispered, then louder. “You want the same, Professor?”
“No. I’m going to have an iced vanilla latte.”
“Ooh…”
Toby fastened him with a look.
He blinked up. “What? It sounds good.”
Toby mouthed “decaf latte” at him.
“Add ice and choc-o-late,” he mouthed back.
God, he was so fucking in love it hurt.
Whoa.
WHOA.
His eyes went wide, and his heart started beating so hard that he seriously got sparkles filling his vision.
And to make it worse, Toby pinched his ass.
In public.
Then whispered, “Tread carefully, my boy,” in his ear.
He wiggled, taunting his Professor, and then he ordered his iced decaf chocolate latte and Toby’s drink.
All the while his brain was rabbiting at him.
Toby paid for both, then crossed his arms and stood still as a stone as they waited for their drinks.
“Do you want to sit? Are we walking after?” Roper had never been good with silence in the chute. Ryder chattered at him. “It’s a good evening. Pretty. Not too, too terrible hot.”
He was in love.
He was in love with Toby.
He was in love, and he’d gotten a 168, and he was going to explode.
Fuck him raw.
“It is a lovely evening. And what we do next depends on what you’re about to tell me. Or not tell me.”
“I—” He blinked up at Toby, totally frozen. Like balls to bones offline. How could he tell the man he’d fallen in love? How was that even…reasonable? Dear you, I’m in love. Please understand. Me.
Toby gave him a curious look. “You—?”
“Vanilla latte and chocolate latte.” The barista interrupted, saving him for a second.
“Thank you.” Toby picked them both up. “Go sit. Corner table by the window.”
“Yes, Sir.” He slipped into a seat, grateful for the respite, rubbing the back of his neck, a cold sweat popping up there.
Toby set his drink down in front of him. “Are you all right? You’ve been wired since we left the apartment.”
“I—Yes. Yeah, I’m good. I am wired for sound.”
“So what are we celebrating, chocoholic?”
He guessed his GRE news was so much safer in every sort of way than his other news. “I took my GRE today.”
“You didn’t!” Toby smiled and his eyes went wide. “You did? Really? You got a score, right? How did you do?”
“I—I’m pleased. My quant score was solid.” He took a deep drink of his drink, his cheeks on fire.
“Solid?” Toby stared at him. “Boy. What the hell does solid mean?”
“It means I scored a 168.” It meant he had shit to figure out, like how to get recommendations.
Toby blinked, then carefully set his coffee down. “I’m sorry—did you say 168? As in one hundred and sixty-eight?”
“Uh-huh.” His foot started tapping. He was fixin’ to have to get up and go. This felt big.
Toby sat very still for another second, then picked up his coffee and stood. “We should walk.”
“Cool.” So that was weird and anticlimactic, but that was probably all right. He was probably okay with it.
He needed to walk, because no matter what, he was in love, dammit.
Toby led him out onto the sidewalk. They took about three steps before Toby stopped him. “You got a fucking 168! Oh my God, Roper, that’s fucking amazing!” Toby put an arm around him and danced him in a circle. “What are you going to do? This is amazing!”
He held on tight, almost losing his coffee. “I—I want to… I mean, I’m thinking about—Who knows?”
“Well, grad school, obviously. But where? For what? I’m so proud of you!”
“I don’t know if I can get all the other bits, but the biomimicry PhD program at NYU looks… I mean, I don’t know.” Now that it wasn’t a secret, he was scared.
“What other bits?” Toby took his hand and held it tight.
“Letters and stuff. I didn’t know if I could even pass, and—”
“Come on, now. You knew. It was scary because you didn’t want to be wrong, but you knew.”
“Can we walk and talk? Please? I’m a little—in my own head.” A little in love.
“Of course. You think best when you’re walking.” Toby sipped his latte through the straw, sighing when he’d swallowed. “Mmm. So good. How is yours?”
“Excellent. I do like their chocolate—it’s rich and dark.” And I am in love with you.
“It’s well deserved.” Toby chuckled. “I stand by my caffeine restriction, however.”
“You were just being mean, I know.” He figured he was in a safe place to push, out here in public.
“Mhm. I’m terrible to you. Just to prove it, you will add two to your count for today.” Toby’s tone was dry, sarcastic.
He stuck his tongue out at his Professor, but he cracked up even as he did it.
“So, what the hell is bio-mim-er-whatever-thing you mentioned?” Toby gave him a toothy grin.