Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
“I wish to accompany you today.”
Julian looked across the desk at Georgiana, confusion furrowing his brow.
“You and Mr. Eames are going to visit your tenants this morning, on the estate and in the village, are you not?” she prompted briskly.
He nodded. “We are.” Eames had already made the arrangements for them to make those visits.
Something Julian used to do on a monthly basis, so that he could listen to and rectify any problems his tenants and workers had.
The habit had fallen by the wayside during his brief marriage to Annabel.
Julian had not resumed the practice since, but continued to rely on Eames to pass along anything of relevance.
The reason he had not resumed those visits was obvious: he simply had not been able to bear the thought of any of those tenants, some of whom he had known his entire life, looking at him accusingly following the speculation that had abounded after Annabel’s disappearance.
It had been, Julian now accepted, a cowardly thing to do.
Just as he knew Georgiana’s unshakeable belief in his innocence was the reason he now felt able to hold his head up high and face those people again.
Truth was, he needed to escape, if only for a few hours, the damnable tension that had existed between himself and Georgiana these past four days and nights since their lovemaking that evening in the dining room. Hours and hours that had somehow passed with excruciating slowness.
Mainly because, despite the two of them spending a lot of time alone, either in Julian’s study or dining together, he had kept to his word and not instigated a repeat of their lovemaking. Even if every fiber of him ached to do so.
Having now made love to Georgiana, touched her, tasted her, he knew he had never wanted any woman as much as he now desired her.
And he was terrified of where that desire might take him.
That she was furious with him for his iron self-control, he had no doubt.
On the surface, Georgiana might appear as much the amenable secretary as she had been from the beginning. But beneath that facade, Julian could sense her impatience with him.
Both of which, he acknowledged, he fully deserved.
He had made love to Georgiana, they had made love to each other, and now he was refusing to repeat that euphoric experience. That his only intention by being so resolute was to protect Georgiana made no difference to how she felt in regard to his stubbornness.
A Georgiana who was obviously becoming increasingly frustrated with his resolve.
Something he knew from the hours they spent together in the mornings, going over and discussing whatever paperwork he needed her to deal with for that day.
During those mornings together, Georgiana had confided that she had received replies to her initial letters to her two friends, Lily, the Duchess of St. Albans, and Chloe, the Duchess of Hellsmere. She had shared the relevant contents of those letters with Julian.
Both those young ladies had informed her they had made extensive enquiries regarding the whereabouts of Annabel’s maid, one Mary Jones, and discovered that the young lady was not currently working in the household of any in Society.
Indeed, they had not been able to find any evidence of the young maid ever having resided in London at all.
Puzzling news, to be sure, when that young lady had supposedly been employed by Annabel.
Julian also recalled the maid informing him that London was her intended destination when she left Norfolk.
St. Albans and Hellsmere, on Julian’s behalf, had also looked into the whereabouts of Annabel’s aunt. What they had discovered had left Julian more disturbed than ever.
The house in Bloomsbury had only been rented for a month before Julian and Annabel met.
They had also confirmed that the aunt, despite Annabel telling Julian she was going to visit her only relative at her home on those afternoons she disappeared when they had resided in London during the Season, had ceased living in the rented accommodation very shortly after Annabel and Julian were married.
He was still uncertain as to the purpose of this complicated game of seduction, but he was now certain that it had all been a ruse from the very beginning.
St. Albans and Hellsmere had written that they would continue to make what inquiries they could into the matter, on his behalf, in London.
All of which left Julian not knowing what to believe about Annabel or their marriage.
Those uncertainties were not helping to foment his relationship with Georgiana.
She was so beautiful. So passionate. So steadfast. So loyal.
She had been all those things from their very first meeting. She remained that way still, despite Julian’s stubborn refusal to repeat their intimacy.
A refusal which caused him so much inner turmoil that he could sometimes barely breathe from the heaviness of it in his chest.
One way of escaping the rising sexual tension was for Julian to ride Shadow wildly across the sand and dunes for an hour or more each day. He did so come rain or shine, usually early in the mornings, when Georgiana was still in her bedchamber asleep or preparing for the day.
Today, Julian had decided to accompany Eames on his visits to the many Moreland estate tenants. Only to have Georgiana now state she wished to accompany them.
“We will be on horseback,” he warned her.
“All the better. I love riding Rosebud and I am in need of fresh air. It will also be interesting to meet new people,” she added brightly.
The latter comment wounded Julian. More deeply than he wished to reveal. It implied he was not enough company for her. Which, considering he refused to kiss or touch her again, was probably the case.
“Surely you acquire both those things when you go to the beach in the afternoons and meet up with Meggie?”
Georgiana sighed. “Meggie has failed to join me these past two afternoons, and I find I no longer enjoy my own company. To be truthful,” she continued as Julian winced, “I am a little concerned by Meggie’s absence and wish to see for myself that she is well.
I do not believe I have done anything to offend her…
” she worried. “But I can sometimes be a little…too abrasive in my speech for some people,” she allowed.
Yes, she could, but it was a trait that Julian valued rather than criticized. “I doubt Meggie would think that. Besides, I met with Eames yesterday morning to discuss today’s visits, and he did not mention there being anything wrong with Meggie.”
Georgiana’s brow cleared. “I am gratified to hear that. But I should still like to accompany the two of you. Primarily so that I might be of help in making any necessary notes, but also so that I might speak to Meggie myself. If that is agreeable with you?”
“Of course,” he readily agreed.
She blinked long lashes. “Much as I do not wish to bring up the subject I believe I must ask if you have considered—what you have decided must be done, now that my two-week trial has come to an end?”
Yes, of course Julian had considered it!
Indeed, he had thought of little else.
As for a decision on the subject?
If he told Georgiana the situation had not worked out, as had been his intention all along, then she must leave Moreland Park.
Her absence would instantly throw him into an even darker torment than being with her and desiring her every minute of every day and night.
If he allowed her to stay, then this current torment would continue, but at least he would still be able to see and speak to her every day.
Days when he would also constantly curse himself for the grave mistake he had made regarding Annabel’s true nature. Because that error in judgment now meant he could not be with the woman he truly loved.
He felt a love so deep and true for Georgiana that it had left Julian reeling from the realization he could never have truly been in love with Annabel.
Rather, as he had thought might be the case when he reflected back on that time, he had been a soldier returning from the blood and gore of fighting and had become enthralled by Annabel’s innocence and beauty and the return of devotion she had claimed to feel toward him.
The speed with which they had married had not allowed any time for second thoughts, or even time to question his first ones.
He now knew, to the depths of his being, that he not only loved Georgiana, he adored and worshipped her.
To tell Georgiana of his feelings would be unfair to her.
At the same time as he was too selfish to give up her company completely.
“With your agreement, I believe we might continue this arrangement for now,” he answered her evenly. “But I reserve the right to change my mind,” he added quickly when a wide smile illuminated the beauty of her face.
“As do I,” she assured dryly.
He nodded stiffly. “As is your prerogative.”
“I will bring a satchel with me today in which I can keep paper and a pencil. That way, I can make any notes you might wish me to regarding the tenants or buildings,” she added briskly.
Usually, Julian and Eames relied on their memories, but Georgiana’s suggestion would be much more efficient.
“Do not look so surprised,” she teased. “I am the daughter of an earl, after all.”
Of course she was, and at least this way, Julian would be able to enjoy spending time with Georgiana this morning. Hopefully, Eames’s presence would help mitigate the burning need Julian constantly felt to hold and kiss Georgiana.
His many fantasies of doing so had included laying her down on top of his desk and making love to her. Slowly and thoroughly.
Yes, it was better by far that they leave his study this morning to go out onto the estate in the company of a third person.
* * *
One thing that became very apparent to Georgiana, within minutes of Julian beginning his first visit to one of his tenants, was the pleasure the family felt upon seeing him amongst them once again.