28. Chapter Twenty-eight
Chapter Twenty-eight
Samantha
What a terrible, no-good week. I was in the worst mood of my life, and anyone who got in my way was going to feel the brunt of it.
It was all Nate’s fault.
If he’d kept his damn mouth shut, I could have still been having the best sex of my life. But nooo…he had to go and ask for something real. As if his dick in my ass hadn’t been real enough.
I shifted in my seat, getting annoyed all over again that I couldn’t feel the ghost of him inside me anymore.
I was tired. Instead of putting on my comfy pajamas and climbing into my bed after a long night spent putting out fires at work, I was in my suit, searching for a parking spot at two in the morning.
This was Nate’s fault too.
He’d stolen all my good pajamas. Lacy little things I had no intention of wearing anytime soon were all I had left. I wanted my baggy T-shirts and boxers back, and I was going to get them tonight.
Sure, maybe I’d been the one who’d left them at his place.
And yes, it was possible he’d texted I could come get them anytime or he’d leave them at Adrian’s if that was better for me.
So, also yes, maybe he wasn’t actually holding them hostage.
And no, it hadn’t extinguished the fire fueling me on my way up the elevator.
If anything, his consideration pissed me off more.
Then I got further pissed when it took him no time to open his door after I knocked—I scowled, folding my arms over my chest.
“You should be sleeping.”
Brow furrowed, he dragged his fingers through his hair. “I—Samantha?” He looked tired. Exhausted to the bone.
After all the work I’d done on his bedroom, this was the thanks I got? He should have been tucked in his comfy bed, sawing logs, dreaming about rainbows and the Rockies finally winning the World Series or whatever it was men dreamed about.
“Who else?” I brushed by him, marching toward his kitchen island, and flung my jacket on the back of a stool along with my purse. His laptop was open on the counter, some spreadsheet on the screen. I sighed.
“Are you okay?” he asked, moving beside me.
“No.” I whirled to face him, poking the center of his chest. “You have all my good pajamas.”
He blew out a slow breath. “And you’re here to pick them up?”
“Yes. Of course.”
He gave my suit jacket a pointed look. “Seems like you’re planning on staying.”
I kicked off my shoes with a little more force than necessary. “I might make some nachos before I leave.”
All he said was, “Okay. Do what you need to do. I’ll go get your things.”
Watching him walk away in his cute plaid pajama bottoms made my heart twinge. They were so dorky, but not when he wore them. I was beginning to think Nate could wear a clown suit and make it work.
He returned moments later with a reusable shopping bag stuffed to the brim with my abandoned clothing. I hadn’t remembered leaving so much, but I had spent more nights at his place than my own recently, and I hadn’t bothered taking anything since I’d known I’d be coming back.
He placed the bag on the counter beside my blazer. “I think it’s all in there. Let me know if I missed anything.”
I didn’t know what came over me. Could have been more irrational anger or the finality of it all. Maybe it was how detached Nate seemed. Then again, it could have been the near week of poor sleep and my shittastic mood.
Whatever the reason, I yanked my camisole over my head and tugged off my bra.
I shook out the T-shirt on top of the pile, assaulted by the fresh scent of his laundry detergent—because of course this nice bastard had done my laundry—and pulled it on.
Then I slipped my pants off, hung them over the back of the stool, and put on the first pair of boxers I found.
Through this demonstration, Nate stared.
I blew my hair out of my face. “There. That’s better.” Then I pulled out the empty stool. “Take a seat. I’ll make us something to eat.”
Nate didn’t sit. He rooted right where he was, watching me take over his kitchen. I’d done this a dozen times since this…thing between us began, but tonight, my movements were jerky and foreign. I wasn’t even hungry, but I didn’t know what else to do.
“Samantha,” Nate uttered. “Stop.”
I exhaled slowly and closed the refrigerator before I could take anything out. Bracing my hands on the counter, my head fell between my shoulders.
“Come here,” he said softly, but there was no mistaking it was an order.
I walked right up to him, my head still hanging low. He wouldn’t allow it, though, nudging my chin up with his knuckles. His eyes darted between mine then swept over me, and he nodded, like he’d come to a decision.
Wrapping his wide palm around my nape, he put his mouth beside my ear.
“What you need is a good night’s sleep. You came here for a reason, so what we’re going to do is go to bed now.
You’re going to shut your mind off for the night.
Whatever you’re thinking about will still be there tomorrow. Now, it’s time to rest.”
My breathing stuttered, then something—everything—in me loosened. I nodded, and my body swayed. His free hand found mine, holding it tight.
“Okay, Nate,” I whispered.
He shut the lights off on the way to his bedroom and led me into his en suite. There, he stood behind me while I brushed my teeth with the toothbrush he hadn’t packed. When I was finished, he made me wait for him while he did the same, then he walked me to his bed.
“We should—”
He tapped my lips. “No. Not right now. Get in bed.”
He sounded a little mad, but I wasn’t afraid of him or his anger. It wasn’t why I climbed into bed. I almost wished I could have used that excuse, but that wasn’t it.
It was him. That voice. The way he looked at me.
And because this was where I wanted to be.
I hated myself for it, but I didn’t dwell on that. Not right now.
Nate flipped the lamp on his nightstand off and lay in bed beside me. It was quiet, and I was tired, but I was blinking in the dark, unable to shut myself off as easily as the lights.
“Go to sleep,” he grumbled.
“I’m trying. It might take me a minute or two. Don’t mind me.”
More time passed. We were both breathing like it was a well-practiced maneuver, not an automatic part of being a human being. I was close to considering getting up and going home. The last thing Nate needed was something else keeping him from sleeping.
Then, the sheets rustled, and his hand brushed my shoulder. “All right. Come here.”
I turned my head, finding his eyes glittering in the dark and his arm open. “Are you sure?”
He sighed as heavy as an anvil to the chest. “Not at all. Come here anyway.”
I crossed the divide, aligning my body with his and finding my spot on his shoulder to rest my head. His arm circled around me, holding me against him.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
Another sigh, this time as deep as the ocean. “I know.” He pressed his lips against my head, lingering for a few fluttering heartbeats. “Go to sleep.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, barely stopping myself from pressing my own lips to his skin. Snuggling was bad enough. Any more than this, and I’d crack.
“You too, Nate. Go to sleep too.”
He held me closer, tucking his nose in my hair, and before long, everything faded.
For a moment, it was perfect.
I knew exactly where I was and who was holding me. I was right where I wanted to be with the man I’d been missing for days.
Missing.
Oh. Right. I wasn’t supposed to be here. I’d told him I couldn’t do this—couldn’t do more—and the only fair thing was to stop everything. Go back to being acquaintances who orbited each other without ever coming close enough to collide.
Gentle fingers touched beneath my chin, tipping my head back. I steadfastly kept my eyes closed.
His laugh was a brush of warmth against my cheek. “You’re a loud thinker and terrible actress. No one would ever believe you’re still asleep.”
I cracked an eye open, and my stomach swooped violently when I was greeted with Nate’s crooked grin.
What a way to wake up. What a first sight to see in the morning.
How dare this man be so disgustingly perfect.
“I’m sorry,” I rasped.
“I know.”
I pressed my forehead to his chest. “We said this, didn’t we?”
“We keep saying the same thing. You’re sorry for not wanting more, and I accept your apology. I think we’ve got it covered.”
Both of my eyes flew open. “That’s not why I’m apologizing.”
He cocked his head. “No?”
“No.” I pushed myself up on my elbow. “I’m sorry for coming here last night and further muddling things.”
He gave me a half-smile. “You had to get your pajamas.”
“Neither of us is buying that very thinly veiled excuse.” I huffed a sigh.
“I missed you. And even saying that isn’t fair when I can’t give you what you want.
I promise this is it. I’ll take my pajamas and leave you in peace.
I’m not the kind of person who plays games, and I really don’t want to do that with you. ”
He looked at me for a long time, long enough for me to want to swallow back every word and lay my head on his shoulder again.
Finally, he nodded. “You’re always welcome here, but…yeah, maybe not for sleepovers. Like you said, let’s not muddle things.”
“Okay.” I sat up, suddenly disoriented.
This was it. I mean, it should have been it days ago when I’d told him I couldn’t give him the real he wanted, but now, this was definitely it.
I tried not to be a huge asshole as I went through life, and the last thing I wanted was to cause Nate any harm.
But getting out of this bed and leaving seemed almost impossible now that it was time to do so.
Nate made it a little easier by getting up first and holding out his hand to me. And I nearly wept. Why did he have to be so kind? He didn’t know it made everything so much more difficult?
Still, I let him pull me out of bed, and my hand lingered in his. “Thank you.”
“Of course.” He let me go and took a step back. “Doing anything fun today?”
“Not really. Nothing except—” My eyes widened. “What time is it?”
He tapped his phone, bringing the screen to life. “7:23.”
“Oh, shit!” I slammed my hands into his bare chest, panic making me immobile. “My spin class. I’m supposed to meet Ade—”
Nate took me by the shoulders, giving them a squeeze. “Calm. You have time. Let’s think about this. There’s some workout gear in your bag, and I’m pretty sure your sneakers are in your car, aren’t they?”
I nodded dumbly. When he pulled out that smooth, assured, domineering voice, I really didn’t have a choice but to listen and believe whatever he said.
“All right. Let’s get you dressed and downstairs to meet Ade. No problem.”
He would have been right about all of it. I got myself dressed in one of my favorite athletic sets in record time. Teeth brushed, hair pulled back, face washed, and I was at the door, my suit crammed into my overfilled shopping bag.
Nate held the door for me, and I really wanted to hug him one more time, but that was being selfish. So I smiled.
“Thanks for putting up with me, Natey.”
He jerked his chin. “Get going, Sammie. Adrian’s going to be waiting.”
I drank him in for one more second, wondering how I ever thought he looked like an older version of Adrian.
Nate was a man all unto himself. His brown eyes were soft and vulnerable, his jaw steely and resolute.
His smiles were hard-won, and the way they lit all of him up made them more than worth it.
I didn’t think I could go back to seeing him as just Adrian’s older brother, but I was going to try.
“Bye,” I whispered as I turned, rushing to the elevator.
After the doors closed and I pressed the button for the lobby, I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes.
That was a lot. Too much for this early in the morning. At least I was going to make it—
The elevator stopped too quickly for it to have reached the lobby. My eyes opened at the same time as the doors.
And standing on the other side was Adrian.
His head jerked, and he shot me a befuddled smile. “Sammie? What are you—?” He looked up, his brow furrowed, then stepped into the elevator. “What are you doing here?”