38. Chapter Thirty-eight
Chapter Thirty-eight
Samantha
If I hadn’t stopped at the grocery store for tortilla chips, I would have missed it. But things with Nate had been off lately, and I was on a mission to fix it, deciding nachos were the thing.
Everyone liked nachos.
They’d brought Nate and me together. Surely, they’d reel him back in.
Or maybe I was assigning magical properties to melted cheese because I was running out of ideas.
Yesterday, I’d tried having a quiet evening with him.
Over the weekend, I’d invited him to spin class—something Adrian and I never did because we held that time sacred between us.
I’d bent for Nate. Last week, I’d greeted him at his door with a drink and blow job every evening before I left for work.
In the past, sex had always worked. After last night, I wasn’t so sure that was the answer here.
He was drifting. Even if he still told me he loved me often and rarely let me out of his sight, he wasn’t leaving me.
His body was beside mine. His eyes found me whenever I entered a room. But part of him was somewhere I couldn’t follow, staring at something over my shoulder I couldn’t see.
If he were any other man, I would have ended it. But he was my Nate, and I needed to make things right. There were only so many times I could fold myself until there was nothing left to change. And if I turned into the smallest version of myself…
What if it still wasn’t enough?
So nachos…even if I was grasping at straws.
I rushed through the aisles, my basket hooked over my arm, filled with tortilla chips and cheese, when a couple came around the corner pushing a cart. I barely looked at them, but a familiar laugh snagged my attention.
I knew that laugh.
My feet stopped before my brain caught up.
Kelly was at the cart’s helm with a man beside her, his arm wrapped around her shoulders, his face turned into her hair.
Her blissed-out expression almost made me smile. After everything she’d been through, she deserved to find happiness.
Then the man faced forward, and my stomach bottomed out.
What the hell was she doing with Josh? All those tears, the nights locked in my guest room…and she’d taken him back?
The clatter my basket made when it slipped out of my hand jerked their heads in my direction.
Kelly’s eyes went wide. “Samantha, hi. I didn’t know you shopped here.”
My face was hot. My heart thundered in my chest like I’d run a hundred miles in five minutes. “Are you kidding me?”
Ducking out from under Josh’s meaty arm, she took one step toward me, both her hands raised. “It’s kind of a funny story. I’ve been meaning to call you, but—”
Josh hooked his arm around her waist, pulling her back against him. “She’s been busy.” He nodded toward my basket. “Better be careful you don’t trip over that.”
I ignored him, focusing on my sister. “You’re back together?”
Her smile was uncomfortable, but she made no move to step away from him. “We’re working through things. Once I listened to him, I understood where he was coming from, and I’ve been able to forgive him.”
“He cheated on you with your best friend.”
Josh smiled like we’d run into each other on a Sunday stroll, not the aftermath of a train wreck.
“Shhh. There’s no need to rehash things,” she said.
“He laughed at you behind your back,” I reminded her.
Josh smashed a kiss to the side of her head. “Lucky for me, my girl accepted my apology for being an idiot. All we needed was the outside interference getting out of our way.”
Kelly nodded mutely, and I was surprised at how disappointed in her I was.
At the same time, it was like seeing myself in a distorted mirror. She was doing the same thing I always did—folding herself up to fit beside a man who didn’t deserve her.
The realization was a gut punch. Suddenly, the basket of desperation at my feet seemed so utterly ridiculous I almost laughed.
This wasn’t the way. I didn’t want to be this person. I’d promised myself I wouldn’t do this again. Yet here I was, slipping back into old habits instead of opening my mouth to ask Nate what the hell was happening.
I…needed to take a breath and find the right words.
“Samantha?” Kelly’s voice quivered in a way I’d never heard. “Are you okay?”
I took one long look at her, then spun on my heels and walked out of the grocery store, my head high and a thousand thoughts whirring in my brain.
Originally, my plan had been to head to Nate’s after this, but I found myself pushing into my house instead. I had to think, and there was no way I would be good company to him. Not when I was this angry.
I wasn’t mad at him. This was all on me.
And…well, Kelly.
Josh too. God, was I angry at Josh. He could eat dirt, as far as I was concerned.
Slumped on the couch, I took my phone out and texted Nate.
Me: Hey, love. I’m sorry to cancel, but I’m going to stay at my place tonight. I’m in a foul mood and need the space to sulk for a while. Love you.
He texted back instantly.
Nate: Are you okay?
Nate: Is there anything I can do?
Nate: You’re never in a foul mood. Did something happen?
I laughed to myself, clutching my phone to my chest. There he was. This was my Nate—the guy who looked concerned if I sneezed twice in a row—the man who’d taken on making me smile like a full-time job.
Things were strange, and not quite right, but I felt his love like an embrace. That was why I had this visceral need to repair what was strained.
Tomorrow, we’d talk. We’d figure it out. And I hoped we’d end up laughing at how silly I’d been for thinking I’d ever lose him.
My phone started ringing before I could reply, Nate’s name on the screen.
“Hey,” I answered.
“Are you okay?” he rushed out. “You weren’t answering, and I kept thinking—”
“Nate, I’m fine. Promise.”
He released a ragged breath. “Okay. That’s—okay. So you’re going to stay at your place tonight, but I’ll see you tomorrow? Maybe I can come by in the morning. No, that doesn’t make sense. I have to be at work, and you’ll be sleeping, so I won’t see you until tomorrow night.”
I sat up, distant alarm bells sounding. This didn’t sound like Nate. He wasn’t one to ramble. That was more my thing.
“Nate, love, you’ll see me tomorrow,” I said as gently as I could. “If you want to come over in the morning before work, I’d welcome a snuggle. Just let yourself in, okay?”
“Morning. All right. I can make it to morning.”
A confused laugh bubbled out of me. Make it to morning? It wasn’t like we were spending a month apart.
Maybe he missed me that much.
More than likely, he needed a good night’s sleep.
“You’d better get some sleep tonight.”
“Oh.” He paused, like he hadn’t considered that. “I will. Sure I will.”
I wasn’t convinced. “You better.”
Another pause. This one longer. “What got you in a foul mood?”
“I ran into Kelly at the grocery store. She’s back with Josh.”
“That isn’t good.” Just like that, his voice emptied.
The urgency that had colored every word a minute ago had vanished, leaving me with someone distracted, like he had something far more important he’d rather be doing.
“No, it isn’t.” Not good at all. “I can’t believe she actually took him back.”
“Hmmm.”
I waited, hoping he’d say something, anything else. All I got was silence.
“Nate?”
“Sorry.” His voice came back like he’d been miles away. “What?”
My stomach tightened. He always listened to me, even when I rambled. He made me feel like everything I said was important.
Tonight, I wasn’t sure he’d heard anything I’d said.
“Nothing,” I whispered. “It wasn’t important.”
Just my heart breaking. That was all.