44. Chapter Forty-four
Chapter Forty-four
Nate
After five weeks of residential treatment, the plan was to spend a week at home reacclimating before I got back to work and life. It was a good plan. It made sense. I’d been gone a long time. Easing back in was smarter than jumping into the deep end.
Samantha was in California, overseeing the construction of her and Adrian’s new club. It wasn’t a surprise not to find her waiting for me. All part of the plan.
I lasted one night alone in my condo.
She’d been staying here most nights, and before she’d left for California, she must have cleaned it from top to bottom. When I buried my face in her pillow, searching for her scent, I found nothing but fresh laundry.
One thing I’d learned in therapy was to be flexible with what worked for me. Just because I thought I was making the right decision at one time didn’t mean I had to stick with it when I discovered it wasn’t going the way I needed it to.
Another week without Samantha was the last thing I wanted.
We’d spoken through short calls and long, soul-baring emails, but it wasn’t the same as seeing her in person and holding her in my arms.
Me: I think I need to go to California.
Ben: you guys owe me 50 bucks.
Roman: No way. He lasted a whole night. You said he wouldn’t make it through the day.
Ben: Dude, it hadn’t been 24 hours. That still counts.
Roman: Don’t think so.
Adrian: Good thing I went ahead and chartered the jet.
Me: Am I that predictable?
Roman: Yes.
Ben: Yes!
Adrian: YES.
Roman: But in a good way.
Ben: Yep. Makes me all tingly you’re excited to see your girl.
Adrian: We don’t need to know about your tingly spots, Benny.
Ben: Mazzy likes my tingly spots!
Adrian: As she should.
Me: Before you get further off track, when does the plane leave?
Adrian: Thank you for saving us from Ben’s tingly spots. You leave in 3 hours. Get your ass in gear.
Roman: Good luck. Tell her hi from us.
Adrian: But not while you’re naked.
Me: I’ll try to remember that. No promises.
Ben: A man after my own heart. When it comes to your girl, all rules are out the window.
I made it the whole flight and car ride before I got nervous. And by nervous, I was two seconds from throwing up.
Standing outside the building that would soon be a high-end sex club, I wondered why I thought surprising Samantha would be a good idea. She was working. I should have asked her if she was ready to see me.
My hands opened and closed at my sides as I worked up the guts to walk inside. It’d been a long time since I’d been nervous. I didn’t care for the feeling.
And the only way to get rid of it was to step through that door.
I forced my feet to move, loose gravel crunching under my shoes as I crossed the parking lot. Before I made it to the entrance, it swung open, and a man in jeans, a grubby T-shirt, and a hard hat stepped out. Right behind him was Samantha in a sleek black suit, a hard hat tucked under one arm.
My heart stopped as I drank her in. It’d been weeks since I’d seen more than her face, and that had been through a screen.
This was nothing like before. It was like I was seeing her true form for the first time. Like I’d finally gotten the right prescription after wearing the same old glasses for too long.
She was sharp and clear. Her hair swung around her face in vivid hues of buttery yellow and creamy wheat. Her mouth moved with confidence as she gave directions to the man beside her. Pink lips formed each word precisely, her hands swanning through the air to emphasize her meaning.
She was different but the same. My hands twitched with the need to run my fingers through her hair, to know for myself if it still felt like silk or something softer I couldn’t name.
Her name was on the tip of my tongue, but she turned her head before I could say it. Her eyes rounded, and she stared at me for a long time, like she couldn’t quite believe what she was seeing.
I smiled. God, I couldn’t help myself. Seeing her was exactly what I’d needed.
“Turns out, the plan sucked.”
She nodded. “It was a stupid plan.”
Without looking at the guy beside her, she shoved her hard hat into his hands. Her first step toward me was tentative, but then I took one toward her, and all bets were off.
We collided in a rush, arms wrapping, hands grappling. She was off the ground and in my embrace, her face in my neck, mine in her hair.
She laughed, and it was lighter than I’d remembered it ever being. Like gravity couldn’t touch her happiness.
My heart swelled, leaving no room for the doubt and nerves that had been crowding my gut. This was it. I’d come full circle, back to where I’d started, with an entirely new outlook and steady ground beneath my feet.
She pulled back to press her lips firmly to mine. “You’re really here.”
“I am. I’m really here.”
I was. Here, with her, grounded in this very moment. Not drowning in dread or consumed with worry. My mind and heart were hers entirely.
She shook her head, like she still couldn’t believe it. “God, Nate. You’re a sight for sore eyes. All I want is to bundle you up and hide you away, but I—”
“Have to work.” I set her on her feet, keeping her flush against me. “I knew that when I came here. I don’t want to get in your way, but I had to see you.”
“I did too,” she agreed. “I can give you the key to the place where I’m staying or—”
“Or. I choose or.”
She laughed. “Let me finish.”
“Fine. But my decision has already been made.”
She touched her lips to mine. “I love you so much.”
Cupping the back of her head, I smiled. “I love you too. Now, tell me about this ‘or’ you’re offering.”
“It involves sitting in my office, watching me work.”
“Will you be bossing big, tough construction workers around?”
“Probably.”
I rubbed my nose against hers then pressed our foreheads together. “There’s not much I want more than to watch you do that.”
We spent the next few days like that. I did some of my own work alongside her, but mostly, I watched her do hers.
She and Adrian held conference calls with their designer, she argued with her contractors, made decisions about materials, and in between, she did her regular tasks for the club in Denver.
I did my therapy sessions over video. Samantha did hers too. Sometimes we talked about it afterward. Other times, I sat outside by myself and wrote in my journal. It was surprisingly easy to fit these things into our new normal.
In the evenings, we walked along the beach near her rental apartment. The first time she’d reached for my hand, I hadn’t thought about it until later, but it’d been a long time since we’d done that. Falling back into each other was as natural as it had always been.
At night, we had dinners at restaurants she’d been wanting to try and watched horror movies on her couch. Our conversations were light. We did a lot of looking at one another. Holding hands and snuggling.
I slept well. I had been for weeks. Night one, I fell asleep first. Samantha had been delighted to report that back to me in the morning.
Sleep was all we’d done in our bed. I wanted her more than I could even say, but I was following her lead. I could wait.
On my fourth night in California, I was in bed, and Samantha emerged from the bathroom in a silky, rose gold nightgown.
“I recognize that.” My throat was suddenly thick, my cock stirring from hibernation.
She tugged at the lace hem barely clearing the apex of her thighs. “It’s the same one I wore that night in the hotel. When you’d stolen all my comfy pajamas.”
She approached my side of the bed, stopping beside me. Her fingers slid through my hair and brushed along my jaw.
“You’re beautiful.” I curved my palm around her hip.
“I missed you, Nate.” Her lids lowered, lashes brushing her cheekbones. “I really missed us. As happy as I am that you’re here, and as much as I like just being with you, I was hoping maybe you’re ready to get back to that.”
I sat up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed, and pulled her to stand between them. I pressed my face to her belly, rubbing back and forth. Shuddering, she braced her hands on my shoulders.
“The last time didn’t go so well for me,” I mumbled against her.
Her stomach rose as she inhaled deeply. “I get that. And if you’re not ready yet, we don’t have to tonight.”
“I’m ready.” I took her hand, bringing it to my erection. “I want you, Samantha. Always. Even when my body doesn’t cooperate, I want you.”
“Me too. Always, Nate.”
There wasn’t a lot of speaking after that.
I tossed her onto the mattress and got reacquainted with every inch of her, learning her anew.
Her skin was twice as soft as it had once been.
Her touch on my cock was even more addictive.
The taste of her on my tongue nearly sent my eyes rolling out of my head.
And when I finally sank into her, I couldn’t make it last nearly as long as I wanted to.
Her heat soaked into my core. Her nails dug beneath the surface, all the way to my heart.
She grabbed me deep and left her mark there.
We were skin to skin, face to face. Our hearts echoing one another.
Her legs surrounded me. Our lungs traded breath.
I let her see through me. She smiled and asked to see more.
Months ago, I’d dreaded every one of my heartbeats. They were another chance to fail her. Now, my heart quickened as I moved inside her, but I wasn’t measuring myself. I was simply with her.
We held each other and came back together through the night.
Sometimes we went easy. Other times, it was all desperation and claws.
All of it was good. Great. Otherworldly.
If I hadn’t been so sore, I would have questioned whether I was having some kind of break from reality.
But this was real. Samantha and I were real. I didn’t doubt that anymore.
There wasn’t a lot of sleeping. And for once, that was all right.
She didn’t have to work in the morning, so we napped in a pile, nipping at each other in the warm light sneaking through the curtains. When we woke for good, showered, and got dressed, we ended up back on the beach eating sandwiches.
“Do you like it here?” I asked between bites.
“I’m surprised by how much I do.” She tipped her head to rest on my shoulder. “But you know me. I’m a mountain girl. I couldn’t live here full time.”
“I feel the same way.” I squeezed her knee. “I’d like to come back with you, though.”
“I’d like that too.” She lifted her head, and I turned to meet her gaze. “I think we’re going to be okay, Nate. I’m pretty sure, in fact.”
“I think you’re right. We’ve got this.”
“Are you scared?” she asked after a minute.
“A little.”
Her mouth twitched. “We’re going to do it scared.”
I couldn’t keep from smiling. “Like we always do.”
She’d once tried to leave me at peace, but that was never going to work.
Peace wasn’t being alone or finding somewhere quiet. It wasn’t the absence of fear. It was this: her hand in mine, the promise of another day waiting for us.
I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring…
But I finally wanted to find out.