Chapter 3
Chapter Three
Leo
“This is what I get for trusting you, isn’t it?”
I’m talking to a pig, so it’s not like I expect an answer, but I’m immediately suspicious when I don’t find Darling in the living room with me, where I’m sweeping up the dirt from a houseplant he knocked over.
It’s my second day alone with Darling, Carter’s new family puppy, and my new dog. I brought the mama dog home with me and named her Birdie because I love golf. The girls named their new puppy Noodle.
Between taking the dogs out and cleaning up after them and a four-hundred-eleven-pound pig, I’m always busy. How does Suki ever leave the house?
“Darling, get in here,” I call over my shoulder. “I know you’re lazy as fuck, but you’re acting like a toddler who just slammed a Red Bull.”
He likes being talked to, so when he doesn’t come waddling into the room with his massive ass wagging with excitement, I put down the broom and dustpan to go look for him.
When I walk into the kitchen, the refrigerator door is wide open. Darling is on the other side of the kitchen island, only his curly tail visible. Groaning, I move closer to see what he’s into now.
He looks up at me, a block of cheese in his mouth. I shake my head and glance at the refrigerator.
It’s ransacked. The pitcher of green tea I brewed and put in the fridge to cool is knocked over.
It’s dripping off the shelves of the fridge, a pool of tea on the floor.
Several containers of yogurt have tooth marks, some of them completely smashed.
A trail of tiny white footprints stretches across the kitchen, ending where Noodle is licking a container of yogurt.
I pinch my brows together and glare at the pig, who gives zero fucks about the messes he made. “So you can open the fridge. That would’ve been good to know.”
His attention is back on the cheese. It’s a big hunk of cheddar, and it’s too dense for him to get a bite off of it. He sets the cheese down and cocks his head at me.
I bark a laugh at him. “You want my help with it? Yeah, I’ll get right on that, bro.”
He lies down and rolls to his side, unbothered, and I throw away the ruined food, wipe down the fridge and mop the tea from the floor.
“Okay, let’s finish the plant cleanup. Then maybe you can stop being a dick for five minutes. I’m always sneaking you food, so be cool.”
Suki showed me how to put him in his enclosure, which has thick metal bars and is filled with soft blankets and pillows. They had it built in their sunroom for when the whole family has to be gone.
I tried to get him to go into the enclosure before I left for my workout this morning, but he acted like he couldn’t hear me. Wouldn’t even budge. And while I’m strong, I’m not risking my back by trying to carry four hundred pounds of ambivalent swine.
Birdie is my shadow. Wherever I go, she follows. If I’m in the bathroom, she’s waiting outside the door. If I leave, she waits by the door I went out of. I took her to Carter and Suki’s veterinarian, who said she’s probably around four years old, but she’s an old soul.
She trails behind as I carry Noodle to the living room. Darling follows, then walks up the ramp at the end of the sectional so he can watch me clean up while lying on the couch.
“They needed a vacation from you, didn’t they?” I hold up a chunk of Suki’s giant aloe plant, which is oozing aloe from the tooth marks all over it.
He rests his head between his front feet, huffing out a tired-sounding sigh.
“I can’t keep up with you guys. We’re gonna have to work something out, man.”
When I finish cleaning up the dirt and torn-up shoots from the aloe plant, I flop down next to Darling and look over at the plant. It’s mangled. Suki won’t be happy.
Darling scoots closer to me, struggling to move his bulk. He puts his head in my lap and I scratch behind his ears.
“Just please don’t get the shits from whatever you ate. We’ll have movie night tonight, but I’m not watching Babe .”
He huffs, and I could swear he knows what I’m saying. The girls watch the movie Babe with him all the time, and while I’ve never caught it from start to finish while over here, I’ve seen parts of it enough that I know it well.
I order steamed chicken and vegetables from a local Chinese place on my phone, and just as I’m hitting the button to pay for it, I smell something.
When I glance up, I see that Noodle just took a big shit on the floor. I look at Darling, who’s smiling.
“Why did I agree to this?” I mutter. “I could have hired someone and enjoyed my break. I could be out on a date with Kelsey right now. She likes it in the ass, man. No strings. Just dinner and sex and see ya next time.”
I get up to gather what I need to clean up the mess, stopping when I lock eyes with Mara. She’s standing between me and the kitchen, arms crossed, scowling.
“This may come as a shock, but Kelsey’s faking. She had high hopes that a pro athlete manwhore would know how the clit works, but sadly, that athlete is you.”
I groan. “What the fuck are you doing here? Did your broom break down?”
She rolls her eyes. “You’ve used that one more than once, but who’s surprised? You probably can’t even spell IQ.”
Dressed in a black cardigan and pants with a gray shirt that comes all the way up to her neck, she just needs a pointy hat and a wart on her nose to complete her snarky witch look.
I continue my walk into the kitchen, glaring at her as I pass. “Seriously, why are you here? I’m already watching a pig and two dogs, there’s no room for a pissed-off cat.”
“Suki asked me to check on some of her plants.”
I groan, picking up a roll of paper towels from the counter. “Make it quick.”
“What happened to that plant? And why are you letting the dogs shit on the floor?”
“Jesus fuck, can I have the number of just one dude who has fucked you, so I can ask him how he managed to stay hard with you nagging at him with that voice?” I make a dramatic face and imitate her voice.
“Why are you thrusting like that? You’re doing it wrong.
I never gave you permission to enjoy this. ”
She looks stunned for just a second before scoffing and shaking her head. “You run your mouth a lot for someone who doesn’t know shit.”
I bend to scoop up the liquid puppy shit, which she probably enjoys watching me do. “Do you need directions to the plants?”
“Have you been taking the dogs out?”
I stand and turn to face her, my blood pumping with anger. “Do you want to do it? I can leave if you feel like you need to take over.”
“I have to work. But I don’t want Suki and Carter coming home to a destroyed house.” She picks Noodle up and kisses his head.
No one bugs me like Mara does. She has a superiority complex and is about as nurturing as a cactus. I need to be the mature one and not fall into the traps she sets to annoy me.
“Look, I didn’t plan on taking care of a pig, a dog and a puppy, and it’s been a shit show at times. I can’t get Darling to go into his crate and I’m taking both dogs out once an hour.”
She wrinkles her nose and holds the puppy out in front of her. “He smells like shit.”
A choking, gagging sound draws my attention to the couch. Darling’s sitting there, a giant pool of puke in front of him on the couch.
“For fuck’s sake, Darling.” My shoulders sink. It’s all I can do not to laugh at this point.
“What has he eaten?” The snark is gone from Mara’s voice—now there’s just concern.
“Sweet potatoes, cheese, yogurt, maybe some green tea ... and part of that plant.”
I go into the kitchen and throw away Noodle’s shit mess, wash my hands and dry them, and walk back into the living room. Mara’s standing beside the plant, reading something on her phone.
“It’s an aloe plant.” She looks up at me.
“Yeah.”
A little crease forms between her brows. “They can be toxic to pigs.”
I exhale heavily, a knot of worry forming in my stomach. “Fuck.”
Mara goes over to Darling and runs a hand over his back, looking at me. “The vet’s phone number is on that list on the side of the fridge. Go call and ask what we should do.”
I go into the kitchen and call the number, but it goes to voicemail because it’s after hours. I leave a message and then call Caroline, our team doctor.
“How much of it did he eat?” she asks after I relay the situation.
“I don’t know.” I rub my unshaven jawline, feeling sick. “I have to fix this. He’s a family member. The girls will never forgive me if he dies on my watch.”
“With his size, I think he’ll be okay. There’s no direct treatment, but you need to monitor him.
He’ll probably have more vomiting and also diarrhea.
If he gets lethargic, call me immediately.
My biggest concern is dehydration. Don’t give him any food.
Check in with me in the morning and I’ll come look him over.
I can’t give him fluids, but I can call in a vet to do it at the house if needed. ”
“Okay, thanks.”
I go back to the living room and tell Mara what Caroline said. I’m expecting her to unleash her substantial fury on me, but she surprises me by staying calm.
“I don’t think we should say anything to Carter and Suki,” she says. “Suki’s been looking forward to this trip, and they’ll want to come home.”
I exhale heavily, looking at Darling. “This is my fault. I can’t even think about him not being okay.”
“Let’s not go there. Your doctor said she thinks he’ll be okay.”
“Yeah.” I look at the pig, wishing he could tell me how he’s feeling. “Pull through this and I’ll feed you Goldfish while we watch Babe as many times as you want.”
Mara clears her throat, giving me a look that says You’re a fucking weirdo . “I think we should spread towels and blankets on the floor.”
I meet her gaze, our verbal sparring forgotten. “You’re staying to help?”
“Suki’s my best friend. And I love Darling. Of course I am.”
I’m relieved for the help, even if it is from the woman who drives me mad every time she opens her mouth.
“I’ll buy them a new couch,” I say. “Once this is over.”
“Don’t worry about the couch. Just focus on Darling.”
Birdie comes up and sits down beside me, so close she’s brushing against my calf.
“Hey, girl.” I bend down to pet her. “You ready to eat?”
Darling gets all the way up and backs his way to the ramp, coming down to the floor. His legs are shaky and his smile is gone. I feel like such an asshole. Even though I didn’t know the plant was toxic, and I really don’t know why he never tried to eat it before, this is on me.
He walks one step before dropping a massive load of diarrhea on the floor, complete with squirting sounds. I sigh softly and walk into the kitchen without a word.
So much for movie night. There’s nothing in store for me but shit, shit, and more shit. But as long as Darling’s okay, I won’t complain.