Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
Leo
The rich, savory scent of Suki’s cheese fondue makes my stomach grumble with hunger.
I follow Carter into the kitchen, say quick greetings to Suki, Charlotte, and Dex, and then grab a hunk of bread and dip it into the fondue fountain.
Once I pop it into my mouth, I groan with satisfaction. Suki’s monthly fondue night is better than a lot of holidays.
“Whoa. What is that?”
A teenage girl I don’t recognize approaches the fondue fountain with Olivia. Must be one of her friends.
“It’s cheese fondue,” Olivia says. “Suki made it.”
“Hey, Liv.” I smile at the girls.
“Hi, Uncle Leo. This is my friend Macy.”
“Nice to meet you, Macy.”
“Thanks, you too.”
Carter has told me and Bash about Olivia’s volatile teenage moods, and I don’t envy him having to navigate them. She’s not around as much when I’m over, but she gets good grades and keeps out of trouble, so I assume she’s just busy with friends. I know I felt awkward as fuck at her age.
I let the girls have full access to the cheese and chocolate fondue fountains. Carter and Dex are sitting together, both eating, when I sit down next to Carter in the dining room.
“Hey, Leo,” Dex says. “Where’s your faux beau?”
“No idea. We haven’t talked since she went to a team party with me a few days ago.”
“What a game last night. You guys smashed it.”
Carter’s brows rise. “You watched it, Dex?”
“I did. I added a hockey all-access package to my obnoxiously expensive cable plan. I’m a Crush fan, of course, but between us, did you guys hire those refs last night or what? They’re probably still scrubbing shit out of their hair from having their entire heads up your coach’s ass.”
I scoff. “Not every call is right, but it all evens out. You win some, you lose some.”
Dex sets down his celery stick. “No. Lucien should have been called for boarding. Twice. The ref was looking right at him.”
Carter shrugs a shoulder. “I saw one time he should’ve been called. But it was John McMahon getting boarded, and that guy’s a massive douchebag, so fuck it. And when you win 6–2, a few different calls wouldn’t have changed the outcome.”
“You’ve really gotten into the game,” I say to Dex.
He shrugs. “Suki makes us watch games when we’re over and they’re on, and it’s really grown on me. I was on a business trip recently and I was that guy , asking the bartender at the airport bar to change the channel so I could catch part of a hockey game.”
“Leo, hi,” Suki says, coming into the dining room and giving me a quick arm around the shoulder hug. “Aren’t you going to eat?”
“Yeah, I was letting the kids go first.”
Darling follows her into the room, his tail swishing when he sees me.
“There he is,” I say, putting my hand out. “Come get your head scratches, big guy.”
He loves having his head, ears and back scratched and rubbed. When Mara and I were taking care of him, she’d absently rub his back for a solid hour at a time, scrolling her phone with the other hand.
“Where’s everyone else?” I ask Suki.
“Harry had to work, Lainey and Bash will be here later, and I don’t know about Mara. She bought some cookies from someone at the courthouse who has a side business, and she was planning to bring them. But she texted and said she didn’t know if she would make it.”
I feel a twinge of disappointment. We had a nice time at the party, and I left for a quick road trip the morning after.
More than once, I thought about her smile when I changed into the sweater-vest she got me.
Her sudden grin was bright and warm and so damn happy, and it was directed entirely at me.
I’ve seen her smile that way at Suki before. But when Mara looks at me, her shoulders usually slump with disappointment. I get glares and eye rolls. Sarcastic laughter. I liked her sincere, light expression when I stepped out of my car, where I changed into the vest.
We drove separately to the party, so we just said a quick goodbye at the end. Anson had already left, so there was no need to fake a kiss.
I was hoping to see her tonight. There’s one more team holiday event I’ll need her to be my date to, and then the New Year’s Eve thing. I’ll have to text her the dates and times.
Lainey and Bash come, and after I say hi to them, I make myself a plate of bread, meat, veggies and fondue. About to head back to the dining room, I hear someone come in the door that leads from the garage into the kitchen.
It’s Mara. Her eyes are red, the skin around them puffy, and she’s holding a white box in her hands. She puts a finger to her lips and whispers softly.
“I just want to drop these sugar cookies off and go.”
“What’s wrong?” I ask, keeping my voice low.
She presses her lips together, her expression pained. “Horrible day at work. It was either stay home and eat this entire box myself or drop them off. I can’t people right now.”
Everyone has bad days at work. When I get home from road trips, I usually can’t wait to get home to my quiet house. My anxiety can be exhausting, and time alone helps me get out of my own head.
I should let Mara slip out and go home to recharge, but something makes me set my plate down.
“I’m fine,” she says.
“I’ll walk you out,” I offer.
“You don’t have to.”
I ignore her, opening the door to the garage. She sighs heavily, hikes the strap of her bag over her shoulder, and walks out the door.
“I’m okay, really.” She turns to me once I’ve closed the door. “I just don’t want to have to explain why I look like hell. I want to crawl into bed and be alone.”
“You sure?” I cross my arms over my chest, concerned. “I could hang out and watch a show with you. I won’t talk.”
She shakes her head, and my worry grows deeper. I’ve never seen Mara like this. Everything about her expression says she’s defeated.
“It’s just work?” I ask.
“Yeah. I fucked up. I’m sure you’d love to hear all about it.” Her tone is biting, and she cringes as soon as the words are out of her mouth. “I’m sorry. I just want to rage, and that’s why I shouldn’t be around anyone right now.”
Carter’s giant garage is a weird place to be having this conversation. His big SUV and Suki’s smaller one are parked inside the space, but there’s still lots of open room.
“You can rage at me,” I say. “I can take it.”
“Don’t, Leo,” she snaps. “Not right now.”
“Let it out. It’s not good to hold everything in.”
She sneers at me. “Are you my shrink now? I told you to leave me alone, so leave me the fuck alone.”
I’d usually respect that request, but somehow I know if I don’t push her, Mara will go home and marinate in her feelings of failure. Probably because I do it myself. Anxiety and depression can turn a tiny snowball into an avalanche.
“Did you get fired?” I ask her.
“No, I didn’t get fired. I’m just fucking hungry and exhausted and completely fucking—” She looks away, unable to finish. “I can’t do this, Leo.”
I can’t get over how absolutely broken she looks. It’s so unlike her—Mara is usually proud and steely, her resolve never showing so much as a crack.
“You’re human, you know,” I say. “You get to make mistakes.”
She shakes her head. “You don’t get it. My job is a lot different than yours. I’m not playing a game.”
I keep pushing. “Did some kids refuse to drink the potion you brewed? Did they not cry when you cackled at them?”
Her nostrils flare with aggravation. “I’m really not in the mood for your bullshit, Leo.”
“So tell me what happened and we can drop it.”
She pinches the bridge of her nose. “When have you ever dropped anything? You’ll be making fun of my bush at my damn funeral.”
I bark a note of laughter. “Me? You carry a grudge like no one I’ve ever seen.”
Her voice rises as she says, “Fuck you, Leo. Only you would kick me when I’m already down. This is why I can’t stand you.”
Tears shine in her eyes. I should listen to her and leave her alone, but I push her further instead.
“It’s probably not even a big deal. Are you just being melodramatic?”
She bursts open like a dam, her eyes darkening with rage. “Not a big deal? Kiss my entire ass, Leo! I need a woman to testify against her abuser, and I tried to convince her, but she won’t. She’s back with him! He’ll hurt her worse next time. He might even kill her. Because I couldn’t do my job.”
Tears stream down her cheeks, and my heart cracks. She’s usually prickly and defensive, and talk about a hothead, but Mara’s passion runs both ways. When she wants something, she fights for it.
“It’s not your fault,” I say, putting a hand on the side of her shoulder.
She crumbles, burying her face in her hands. “I thought I could do it. I’m so stupid. When I told her”—her voice breaks with a sob— “to think of her baby, she got mad. She wouldn’t even?—”
I bristle with anger. “Fuck.”
Quickly closing the distance between us, I put my arms around her. She resists for a second before going limp in my arms, crying harder now.
“You can’t blame yourself.”
She just cries for a full minute, then presses her palms to my chest and pushes herself back several inches, looking up at me. “I don’t know if I can do this job. And I couldn’t do the last one either, so ...” She laughs sadly. “Guess I’m fucked.”
“Of course you can do this job. They’re damn lucky to have you.”
She shakes her head, fresh tears pooling in her eyes. “Look at me. I’m not supposed to be a mess over something like this.”
“It’s because you care. A lot better you than some suit who doesn’t give a shit.”
She looks away. “I was taking a soft approach, but you know me. I’m about as soft as a battle-ax.”
That makes me smile. “Yeah, but how effective would a feather battle-ax be? You have to be tough to prosecute criminals.”
She almost smiles. It’s something. “I work in traffic court, Leo. My cases aren’t even felonies.”
“Then what were you doing talking to this woman today?”
“My boss is having me learn a little bit about domestics. Those are felonies.”
“You must be doing a good job with the traffic stuff, then.”
She sighs heavily. “I wanted to convince her so fucking bad. I wanted to help her so she could have her baby in a safe place and break the cycle of violence.”
“She has to choose it for herself. You offered her a hand, but it’s up to her whether or not to take it.”
“There’s no case without her.” She looks miserable. “He just walks free and gets to do it again.”
Though my job doesn’t compare to hers because of the real-world stakes in a case like this, I offer her the advice Dr. Laudner has given me for dealing with a shitty performance in a game.
“Think of an amount of time you’re going to let yourself feel bad about this. After that, move forward.”
She exhales heavily. “I guess tonight. Until I fall asleep. I’m out of wine, so I can’t drown my sorrows.”
“You sure you don’t want to come in?”
She furrows her brow. “No. Suki will want to talk about it and tell me I’m amazing, and I don’t want to hear it. She means well, but ... not tonight.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“Just cover for me with Suki.”
“Hey.” I wait for her eyes to lock onto mine. “You didn’t fuck anything up. She’s just not ready.”
She steps back, one of her palms lingering on my chest. “I know. I’ll be a battle-ax again tomorrow.”
“You okay to drive?”
She nods, dropping her hand. “I’m good. I’m getting a drive-through burrito and putting on my pajamas the second I walk into my apartment.”
“Text me to let me know you made it home okay.”
“Okay.”
There’s a spark of warmth in her eyes, and she almost smiles. Then she turns to leave, entering the code to close the garage door at the keypad next to one of the doors.
The door closes, blocking her from my view. But just like when I was on my road trip, I’m still thinking about her, even when I can’t see her.