Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
Leo
“I can’t just sit here.” I get up from a couch in Carter’s living room and pace to the other side of the room. “There has to be something we can do.”
“All we can do is wait,” Suki says for the third time in the past twenty minutes.
It’s been two hours since Suki called to tell me Mara’s boss reached out to her, as Mara’s emergency contact, to tell her Mara is missing.
Not officially, but the cops know something’s wrong because of the threat from Drake and the fact that no one’s been able to reach her since she left to take a work file somewhere.
Why the fuck would her boss let her leave the courthouse by herself like that? She’s supposed to be getting escorted from her car and back to it again every day. If I had known she’d be alone in a parking deck, I would’ve been there.
“Do you think you can eat something?” Bash asks me.
“No, I can’t fucking eat!” I roar, my worry and anger boiling over. “Sorry. I just?—”
“Don’t apologize, brother.” Bash comes over and puts a hand on my shoulder. “You can punch me in the face if it’ll make you feel better.”
Dex took Olivia, Charlotte and Hattie out for dinner at Harry’s restaurant because Carter and Suki wanted to shield them from what’s going on with Mara. Carter, Suki, Bash and Lainey are waiting with me, and I know it’s hard for all of us.
“I should be out there looking for her,” I say.
“Looking where, though?” Carter says. “We don’t know where she is.”
My chest gets tight as I imagine what could be happening to Mara right now. My Mara. Our relationship developed unconventionally, but I’m all in. I’ve never been happier. Instead of feeling like a broken man hiding from himself, I feel like a whole man.
I don’t know how to handle her being in danger. My chest pain worsens and I sit down, pressing a palm to my chest and taking a few deep breaths.
“You okay?” Lainey asks.
“I don’t ... I can’t ...” I breathe harder, struggling to find breath.
Carter kneels in front of me. “Slow down your breathing, Leo. Take a nice deep breath through your nose and out through your mouth.”
I try, but when I imagine some crazed maniac putting his hands on Mara, the pain intensifies and I double over.
“Whoa,” Carter says. “Let’s get him lying down.”
Carter and Bash each take a side, awkwardly trying to get me to lie down. I’m so big that it’s a struggle.
“My meds,” I manage. “I need my meds.”
“Where are they?” Lainey asks.
“In my car.” I groan, the pain intensifying. Maybe this really is a heart attack. “The console. Atarax.”
“Get his car keys,” Suki says.
Bash digs them from my pocket, my vision starting to blur. I fight to get a breath into my lungs.
“Leo, listen to me,” Carter says. “Slow. Slow your breathing.”
“We need to call for an ambulance,” Bash says.
“No,” I manage, panting out a breath. “Anxiety.”
Carter takes my hand and puts it on his chest. “Feel my breathing and follow it. In through your nose ... good. Now out. Slowly.”
My chest still burns, but I feel the rise and fall of his chest, not thinking of anything but following it. I can’t get sent to the hospital right now. Not when Mara needs me to be strong.
“Here it is,” Lainey says from nearby. “And water.”
“I’m putting a pill in your mouth,” Bash says.
I open my lips and he drops it in.
“Take some water,” he says.
Water spills from the bottle onto the couch as he tries to get it into my mouth. I move my head to make it easier and swallow the pill.
“Keep breathing,” Carter says.
Once my breathing is under control, the pain lessens. I take a minute to get myself together before I sit up.
All four of my friends are giving me concerned looks. Bash and Lainey are standing together, his arm around her, and Carter and Suki are standing with Darling between them. Even the pig looks worried.
“I’m okay,” I say, embarrassment setting in. “I have anxiety and depression and I take medication for both. That medication I just took helps me with anxiety attacks.”
Carter furrows his brow. “How long has this been going on?”
I exhale deeply, scrubbing a hand down my face. “The anxiety and depression, around ten years. The medication, in the past year.”
“Oh, Leo.” Suki comes over and sits down next to me, putting a hand on my back. “I’m so glad you got help.”
I can’t even look at any of them. I feel like I just changed the way they’ll see me forever.
“You didn’t want us to know,” Carter says.
I scoff. “Yeah, it fucking sucks. I had an anxiety attack after a game last year and Caroline spotted it. She made me start seeing a psychiatrist.”
“Does it help?”
“Yeah. The meds and therapy help, but they don’t just take it away.”
“Everyone goes through shit like that,” Carter says. “Anyone who says they don’t is lying. I’m here anytime you want to talk.”
“Yeah, me too,” Bash says. “That was scary as shit, man. I hate that you thought you needed to go through that alone.”
“I didn’t want you guys to see me differently.”
“That’ll never happen,” Carter says. “We’ve been through too much together.”
I nod, my worries for Mara returning full force. “Mara knows, and she still—” I can’t speak past the lump in my throat. “I need her to be okay.”
Now I’m crying, for fuck’s sake. The only embarrassing thing left to do in front of my friends is to shit my pants—that’s probably next.
Suki leans against my shoulder. “I know. She’s—” She jumps away from me, scrambling to pull her cell phone from her pocket. “Hello? This is she ... okay.”
We all stare at her in complete silence. Her eyes are wide with fear. If Mara’s not okay, I’m going to find the guy who hurt her and make him pay. I don’t care about the consequences.
She was just doing her job. She was trying to help a woman escape her abuser. That guy needs to try taking a swing at me so he can find out what it’s like to be outmatched.
“Okay,” Suki says. “Thanks for the update. Call me as soon as you know anything.”
She ends the call.
“They know where she is. She’s at the home of the guy who sent her the email.”
“Fuck.” I stand up, putting my hands on my head. “Why haven’t they gone in to get her? Where is it?”
“They aren’t telling us where it is. Her boss told me the police are trying to get cameras and listening devices in. They think she’s being held hostage.”
A wave of nausea washes through me and I brace myself with a hand on the wall.
“And we’re supposed to just wait?” I shake my head. “Why don’t they just go in and fucking get her?”
“They have to be smart about it,” Carter says. “You don’t want them blasting their way in when she’s in there.”
I push off the wall, feeling like a caged beast. “I want to sprint out this fucking energy, but I can’t because of my knee.”
“Yeah, you’re not doing that,” Carter agrees. “Let’s go cook dinner, just to give you something to focus on.”
Suki was just starting to make lasagna when she got the call about Mara. We all return to the kitchen, Suki browning the meat while I chop onions and tomatoes.
“So what happened with Mara?” Lainey asks. “This guy is someone she encountered at work?”
I recount Mara’s work on domestic violence cases and her talk with Libby.
“Wow,” Suki says. “She hasn’t told me any of that.”
“And the woman’s pregnant.”
“Shit,” Bash says. “I didn’t know Mara dealt with stuff like that at work.”
I finish chopping and Suki gives me a big block of mozzarella to shred, showing me how to use her automated shredder.
“Why don’t we all have a glass of Mara’s favorite wine?” Carter suggests. “I think she’d want us to.”
Suki laughs, her smile sad. “She would, as long as we still had more.”
Carter gets out a bottle of the red wine, pouring all of us a glass. I’m glad no one tries to do a toast, because now is not the time. I manage to drink almost half of my glass, following Suki’s lead on layering the lasagna ingredients.
“I love her so much,” she says softly. “I have all brothers, and she’s been the sister I never had since we met.” She meets my gaze. “I’ve never seen her happier than she’s been since you guys got together.”
“I’ve never been happier, either. She’s?—”
Suki drops a noodle and grabs a towel, quickly wiping her hands before taking her phone from her pocket.
“Hello?” She nods. “Yes.” She listens for a few seconds and her shoulders sink. “She’s okay?”
The entire room exhales with relief. The tightness in my body releases, and I feel like Jell-O.
“Okay, yes. Thank you so much.”
Tears shine in her eyes when Suki ends the call and looks at me. “She’s okay. The guy was holding her and his wife hostage, and his wife talked him into turning himself in.”
“Thank God,” Carter says.
Suki hugs me. I finally feel like I can breathe again.
“Now that we know she’s okay, I need to go let Rosie out,” Lainey says.
“I’ll come too,” Bash says. “We’re gonna just take off and get some carryout, so you guys can have time with Mara. Tell her we’re here if she needs anything.”
“We will, thanks,” Suki says.
Rosie is the puppy Bash brought home from the bachelor party. Lainey named her after a famous scientist. Bash bitched about the dog at first, but now his phone is full of puppy pictures he shows to anyone who will pay attention to him.
Once Bash and Lainey are gone, I leave Carter and Suki to finish dinner, sitting by myself in the living room. It’s a relief to know Mara is safe, but I won’t be able to fully relax until I can hear her voice or see her for myself.
There are so many things I want to say to her. I hold my phone in my hand, just staring at the screen. I know she’ll call me as soon as she can. She’s probably being questioned by the police.
The smell of baking lasagna makes me walk into the kitchen. Suddenly, I’m hungry, but I don’t want to eat until I see Mara.
Darling comes up beside me and nuzzles my hand, which is his way of asking me to give him some food. I scratch his ears absently.
The sound of the door—from the garage into the kitchen—opening makes all of us turn. Mara is walking into the house. Her eyes find mine and I go to her, wrapping her in my arms.
“I knew you’d be here,” she says.
I fight the lump in my throat, asking, “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
I pull back so I can look at her. Her mascara is a little smeared, but other than that, she looks just like always. I kiss her and pull her back into my arms.
“I don’t know if it just hasn’t hit me yet, but I’m feeling just fine,” she says. “Is that lasagna in the oven?”
Suki laughs. “Yes. If you’re hungry, you’re in the right place.”
“I’m starving.”
I reluctantly release Mara so she can hug Suki, then Carter.
“He’s going to jail, right?” Suki asks.
Mara nods. “Yeah. He’ll get prison time.”
“Are you sure that job is safe?”
“Nothing’s ever completely safe,” Mara says. “That’s where I want to be, though. I like it so much better than my corporate job. Even when I’m being held hostage.”
“Too soon,” I say, shaking my head. “That shit took about a decade off my life.”
“I feel like eating a giant piece of lasagna and then sleeping for about ten hours,” she says. “My boss told me not to come in tomorrow.” She gives me a hopeful look. “Can we binge an entire season of a show? Please?”
I shake my head, amazed at how quickly she seems to have moved on from what happened.
“We can do anything you want, babe.”
“Can we watch Love Island ?”
“Absolutely.”