23. Chapter 23
My breathing was still ragged when the realization that Rachel was truly mine—that we could do this again and again—fully sank into my mind. I wasn't sure what had triggered making up her mind quicker than I thought she would, but I was grateful for it and swore I would show her every day how much her being my khadahrshi meant to me. I was sure I only understood half of what she was giving up for me and us, and I would never take her or her sacrifice for granted.
Having her here, near me, delighting in the heat of her skin, being anchored deep inside her, was a gift of the gods I wasn't sure I was worthy of.
"Rachel," I couldn't stop saying her name.
She reached up to kiss my lips. "That was incredible."
Pride filled me. "I will always make you feel incredible," I vowed.
A shadow moved through her eyes. Worry tore through me, but I had to know. "You unsure?"
To my relief, she shook her head. "No, not a bit. But I'll need to send a message to my family. I need them to know that I'm okay."
"Oh, Rachel"." I sighed, deeply sorry for the pain she was going through so we could be together. "I sorry. I wish there was another way."
"I know"." She placed her palm on my cheek. "It's okay. I made my decision. The rest… will fall in place."
"My wise khadahrshi"," I praised.
"What does that mean, khadahrshi?" she asked.
I pulled out of her. I needed to clean and feed her. "I'm the khadahr of Bramwell, responsible to keep my subjects safe, fed, and happy"." I tried to explain with the limited words I had learned in the English language. My responsibilities were more complicated than that, but I couldn't find all the words to explain it yet.
I wet a piece of cloth with water from my waroskin and returned to her side. Cleaning her gently between her legs and her thighs of the mess we made with our combined juices, she sighed happily.
"So what will I have to do?"
"Just be you. The rest will fall in place." I grinned as I threw her words back at her.
She threw a pillow at me as her face broke out into a smile. "I'm being serious."
"So am I," I assured her. "Every khadahrshi different. Tzar-Than and Dzur-Khan say that Gwyn and Amber found different ways of… finding their spot. Gwyn takes charge of human gallies, helping them find mates. Amber"—here I smiled, still a bit disbelieving—"Dzur-Khan say she training warriors in human fighting. My mother helped birth younglings. She keeper of medicine."
I folded the covers over Rachel. "Each khadahrshi different. Maybe you write news for us"." I winked.
She sat up, her face alight with energy. "Really? You think that will be possible?"
I nodded, and an idea filled me. "Sa, you write what happened at cave and Temple. To help Vandruks."
"What happened?"
With that question, I realized we hadn't had any time to talk about what she or I had learned from the others today.
"I go get food then talk," I promised, slipping back into my pants after rubbing myself down with the wet cloth as well.
I hesitated by the flap. Gods, she was so beautiful. The light of the glowing coals and the candle highlighted the deep reds in her hair. Hair still moussed from our lovemaking. Her lips were still swollen from our kisses, but what I liked most was how right she looked, covered in my furs. I didn't want to leave her, but she needed food.
Night had fully fallen outside, and only the guards were patrolling the largest camp ever seen in Vandruk history. Khadahrs had formed alliances before but never had all of us been united in one single goal.
A lone form stood out. The human male stood away from the camp, staring up at Koronae. When I followed his gaze, I realized I didn't have to search for Mynarra there any longer. She was alive. Alive and safe.
This thought was still hard for me to believe, just like the happiness singing in my heart. Here we were, on the brink of a war of unimaginable proportions, and I was the happiest I had ever been. I had a worthy khadahrshi, one I would lay my life down for, and my long-believed dead sister was alive.
The contrast of these two things was simply mind-boggling.
For a moment, I hesitated. It would be interesting to get to know the human male better, but I had other things on my mind.
Carl appeared to be asleep, leaning against a tree. I was eager to find out what secrets Amber would pull from him in the morning.
As I had hoped, I found a fire with still roasting food. No plates were set out today. They were usually too valuable to take into battle; pieces of narran tree leaves served as plates tonight. It didn't matter. Actually, in my opinion, the slight tangy spice of the leaves only added to the food's flavor.
I filled a cut leaf and returned to our tent, liking the sound of our .
Rachel's eyes were closed when I entered, but the slight swoosh of the flap made her open them and greet me with the most breathtaking smile a male could hope for.
"You brought me food?"
"You must be famished," I stated, sitting down next to her and offering her the leaf and all its contents.
She picked a small cut of meat, but instead of bringing it up to her lips, she brought it up to mine. "You must be famished, too."
"I had snack," I replied, enjoying the blush my words brought to her face.
While we ate, I filled her in on what the khadahrs had discussed and then listened to her recounting what the gallies had talked about.
"We meet tomorrow morning. After Amber speak to Carl"," I told her, noting her slight wince. "You don't approve?"
"Strangely, I do. I understand. But part of me still recoils at the thought of waiting and witnessing another human being tortured."
"His choice," I reminded her.
She nodded. "I get it. And if anybody deserves it, it's him. Just alone for what was done to Amber's sister… it's just… we humans don't usually do this any longer…" She trailed off, leaving me to believe that she realized her words weren't entirely true.
That reminded me of the last question we had asked, and I decided to get the gallis's input on it. "What do humans think about Vandruks?"
"It's divided"—she picked another piece of meat—"after Tzur-Than's arrival, making it clear Vandruk wasn't as previously assumed void of intelligent life—"
I interrupted her, curious. "I found out when I visited IC that humans didn't know about Vandruks."
"No."
"What about people IC sent? Did they ask about them?"
"We took IC at their word that those explorers had vanished. We didn't know IC also sent soldiers. You have to understand that we all saw the footage of drones and robots disintegrating upon arrival. Most of us assumed the same fate befell the explorers or something similar. IC never admitted that they sent more. As far as we regular people were concerned, this whole wormhole project was a humongous failure, a waste of tax dollars like so many others. There were calls to have it shut down…" She stared at the smoldering coals. "I don't get it, if Weidenhof had told the public that there were people on Vandruk, it would have stopped any plans of shutting it down." She nibbled on her food. "This doesn't make any sense."
It didn't, but she hadn't answered my original question. I was about to repeat it when I realized that this would get us nowhere. We would just be speculating.
"Let's wait and see what Amber finds out," I suggested, "and get some sleep."
She agreed, "I think we'll need all our minds together on this to puzzle it out. What did the other khadahrs say they were planning? They can't invade Earth. IC will just shut the portal down at the sight of this army."
"Matt has volunteered to go through the portal and blow it up," I explained to Rachel the pamphlet and the hidden messages within.
"A suicide mission"." She closed her eyes. "Yes, the khadahrshies told me about it."
I took her hand. "You understand what it means?"
She opened her filled with anguish eyes and met my gaze. "That I will never see my family again, that I won't be able to let them know that I'm all right."
My heart bled at the sight of her obvious heartache. I lifted my hand and cupped her face. "I'm sorry, Rachel"." I wished with all my heart she didn't have to make this choice, but I didn't know what to do about it or how to make it easier for her. I could only be here for her. Why did happiness always have to come with a price? And why did she have to be the one paying it? I would have gladly carried her pain for her had it been possible. Watching her bear this was nearly worse, especially since it was me who was the cause of it. How could I ever forgive myself for this? Until now, I hadn't realized how selfish I had been even asking this of her. I tried to push down the guilt I felt, but it was stubborn.
"I go to Earth with you if I could." I felt like a coward saying these words, knowing that this scenario was utterly impossible. We would never be able to live happily on Earth. Her people would hunt me down, if not for revenge, then out of curiosity. No matter where we lived, I would always stand out, and people would always know who I was.
"I know"." She lowered her head, and a single tear fell down her cheek, piercing my heart as if it was crying too.