Chapter Sixteen
Melissa
January 24, 2025, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.
It had been six weeks since Danny walked away from his family and left Oklahoma. Almost a month since Dante had followed him. Despite his text every evening, letting me know they were both alive, I had nothing to give Dani.
I was limited on how much I knew about them both. I didn’t know how long they had been together or exactly how they met. Dante had shared bits and pieces of their relationship, but not enough for me to share with their daughter.
I chose not to go into my office today. Rescheduling the handful of patients I had felt right, considering how distracted I was thinking about my current situation. I didn’t know how to explain it or what it meant, but something was off, and I just wanted to spend the day with Dani, not thinking about anything or anyone but her.
I had found pictures of Danny and Dante among the many bags Dante had carried in the night he asked me to keep Dani. Every day, I showed them to Danika, and we practiced saying Papa. I wanted her to have their name fully entrenched in her heart so that when she saw them again, there would be no doubt as to who they were to her.
Her fathers.
Dani and I made breakfast together. We mixed up some muffin batter, and she giggled with every cracked egg. Her little fingers dipped into the bowl when she thought I wasn’t looking, and I let her believe she was doing something naughty she could get away with.
It was just another way for Dani to learn about relationships and boundaries. Something that had been denied to her for the last two years. Eventually, she would learn to push her boundaries and assert herself, but I wasn’t in a rush for that time to hurry along.
After breakfast, Dani and I spent time watching YouTube and practicing our sign language. Even though she had begun using words, sign language was easy for her to pick up. A child’s motor skills for hand movement developed earlier than their ability to produce speech sounds, allowing them to communicate their needs and wants more effectively. I often thought she was better at it than I was.
For lunch, we had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Peanut butter was something Dani really enjoyed, and the high fat content was beneficial not only for her little body, but for her brain as well.
I had been making lists for Danny and Dante so that when they came home, they would know her favorite foods, her favorite toys, her favorite places to visit. It would make things easier for them.
If they came home.
I tried not to let myself get caught up in the wondering. I knew nothing about the things Danny and Dante were involved in. Knowing now they were bikers, my imagination went wild with all the things I knew were possible.
After lunch, Dani took a nap. It was part of her schedule. Something else I was working on, for when Danny and Dante came home. It would make the transition from my home to theirs that much easier for her if she had a routine they could follow, allowing Dani to feel secure in the familiar. Rather than feeling like she was thrown into a brand-new place with brand-new people.
While Danny and Dante were not brand-new people, they were people she hadn’t spent nearly enough time with to form the bonds needed for a successful parent and child relationship.
Softly closing the door and keeping the baby monitor close, I decided I needed to talk to my friend. While I couldn’t share what was happening in my life, just hearing her calm voice helped to ease the turbulent emotions I had been feeling since taking on the role of Dani’s caretaker.
Who was I kidding? I wasn’t just her caretaker. I was her mom. I bathed her and dressed her. Fed her and comforted her fears. I made sure she was happy and secure. That was what a mother did.
That was the role that was bestowed upon me by her fathers. One I didn’t think I could handle, but now took pride in.
Settling myself down on the couch, I dialed Haizley’s number. I was excited and not at all surprised when she answered right away.
“Hey! You never call during the day,” she said, concern etching the edge of her voice.
“I took a day off. Mental health day.” I was sure that answer would only cause her more concern, but it was the truth. Dani and I both just needed the day with each other.
“You?” She hesitated and then quietly asked, “Everything ok?”
“Yea, just a few tough cases,” I assured her, releasing a heavy sigh that spoke of the weight I held on my shoulders.
“Guess what I did?” She sounded anxious, and I couldn’t help but push my own dreams on to her.
“Listed your house for sale so you could move back home?”
She laughed out loud. “Nebraska is my home, silly. I’ve lived here my entire life.”
“Except for the eight years you were in Oklahoma with me. That is almost a third of your life somewhere else,” I argued.
Haizley knew I desperately wanted her to come back. It wasn’t something I kept a secret. I missed my friend, and I let her know about it often. I had no shame and even told her I would keep asking until I wore her down.
“Sorry, hon, I’m a Midwest girl. But I did do something very un-midwesterner yesterday.” Her voice practically squealed as she waited for me to guess.
“Just tell me. You know I’ll never guess it.” I chuckled at her excitement.
“I got something pierced.”
Sitting up straight on my couch, my mouth dropped open like I was trying to catch flies.
“Your silence tells me your mouth is hanging open in shock,” she said, laughing at the way she knew she was right.
“What did you pierce?” I asked. Still in amazement that my best friend—the Thelma to my Louise; the Bert to my Ernie; the Ethel to my Lucy—had done something crazy, like getting something pierced. I didn’t even have something pierced, and I was the crazy one out of the two of us.
“I had my hood pierced,” she whispered, like she was afraid to say it out loud.
“WHAT?” I winced as soon as the shout left my lips, praying I didn’t wake up Dani.
“I know. Can you believe it?”
“No! You spread your legs for a strange man to put his fingers all over your va-jay-jay?”
“Oh, God no! The piercer here is a woman. And she came to my home. I laid on my kitchen table!”
I laughed out loud, unable to contain myself and the pride I had in my best friend for doing something so unlike her.
“On the table? Eww, I am never eating at your house,” I teased.
“I know. I keep looking at it wondering if I cleaned it enough. I might need to get a new one.”
It was good to hear her laugh. I missed her something fierce, but I knew she was where she needed to be, just like I was.
Or at least, I thought I was.
I hadn’t told Haizley about selling my practice. But if Danny and Dante did come home and take Dani back to New York, well, I might follow them. I loved this little girl like she was my own. And every little girl needed a mom.
Or at the very least, a really cool aunt.
Haizley and I talked for a while longer before she had to let me go for her next patient. She did all her sessions online. Her town was very small and from what she had said, there weren’t many people who would even admit they could use therapy let alone actually book an appointment.
Her talents and brain were being wasted in small-town America. But it’s who she was. Who she would always be.
I puttered around the house while I waited for Dani to wake up. Cleaning up her toys and doing the few dishes from breakfast and lunch.
After her nap, Dani and I went outside. We played in the backyard, absorbing the afternoon sunshine. Dani loved to wander around exploring the yard, searching for flowers, and collecting sticks and stones.
I had ordered her some outdoor toys online and had them delivered, but she would rather spend her time moving about nature. I wouldn’t complain. I loved the way she expressed herself and explored what made her little heart happy.
Bugs had become an instant fascination. Whenever she found one, she would lie in the grass and watch it until it got away. One day, she found a baby snake. She picked up the wiggly little creature and tried to eat it.
I blamed myself since we’d had spaghetti the night before and I taught her how to suck a piece up through her lips. We had fun making a mess with the sauce and then she had a bath.
That was another milestone. Dani loved taking baths now. The water table at the office had given her a safe place to explore water, and I couldn’t help but wonder where her fear had started.
Seeing her now as she splashed in the tub, you would never know she had once been terrified of the clear liquid we took for granted. Danny would no longer have to hold her in the shower while Dante washed her through her screams.
As evening fell, Dani and I went inside and made dinner. She had her bath after dinner, and we snuggled on the couch to watch a movie together. Dani loved Moana and The Princess and the Frog . We ate cookies while we cuddled in front of the television and Dani drifted off to sleep.
All that sunshine had wiped her out.
Picking her up, I tucked her into her crib and so began our nightly ritual. Only tonight was different. I sat on the couch with the baby monitor as the time passed by slowly and quietly.
When I heard Dani stir, I said to myself, fuck it. Tonight, we weren’t waiting for the third strike. We weren’t even waiting for the second strike. I crept quietly into her room. I always stayed quiet, waiting to see if she would settle on her own. If she soothed herself, I wouldn’t give in to my own need to snuggle her close.
She was a comfort to me as much as I was security to her. But when I stood by her crib and she sat up and peered at me with her big brown eyes, I caved and gathered her into my arms.
Bypassing the rocking chair, I carried her into my room, and we burrowed under the blankets. My nose buried into her hair as I inhaled her baby scent and sighed. I didn’t know how I would ever give her up.
But maybe I wouldn’t have to.
Maybe whatever Danny and Dante were off doing would prevent them from coming back to their little girl. It wasn’t something I wanted. Dani deserved to live with and be loved by her dads. She deserved to have the whole world laid before her.
Unfortunately tonight, when nine p.m. rolled around and my phone stayed silent again, I had to acknowledge the possibility.
It had been three days since I received a text letting me know they were still alive.
No unknown numbers reaching out to assure me they were doing their best to come back for her.
No enquiries about her well-being. No concern about her safety and security. I knew it wasn’t a lack of caring or love on their part. I knew it for what it was.
Something had happened to them both.
And now I had a decision to make.