3. Ghost
Ghost
“You good over there?”
“It’s nothing.” I ran my hand over my face. “Yeah, just tired.”
“You sure?” Goose pushed, his voice low and concerned. “’Cause it seems like you’ve got something on your mind.”
“I said it’s nothing.”
“If you say so.” He glanced over his shoulder and shook his head as he looked at Whitney and her son sleeping in the backseat. “You think they’re gonna be able to bounce back from this?”
“I don’t know, but for the kid’s sake, I hope they do.” My words were laced with disapproval as I muttered, “Gotta wonder what the hell she was thinking... She should’ve never put him in this position.”
“You say it like she knew this guy was gonna wale on them.”
“There’re always signs. She should’ve paid better attention.” I shook my head. “She’s his mother. It’s her job to protect him.”
“Sounded like she did the best she could.”
“Did she?” I snapped. “’Cause from where I’m sitting, it looks like the kid went three rounds in a bar fight and lost. Hell, why even have a kid if...”
“Fuck, man. Keep your voice down,” Memphis hissed from the back. “She’ll hear you.”
“And what if she does?” I spat back. “It’s not like what I said isn’t true.”
And with that, the truck fell silent.
I’d fucked up.
I’d crossed a line I had no business crossing.
I don’t know what the hell had gotten into me. There was just something about this woman and her kid that had me on edge and feeling things I didn’t typically feel. Thankfully, my brothers knew me well enough to know that I wasn’t some douchebag who thought it was women’s fault when they got knocked around.
They knew it was my past talking, but I still felt compelled to say, “Sorry, I’m just having a bad night.”
“It’s cool. We all have ‘em.” Knowing we needed a change of topic, Goose looked back at Memphis and snickered, “So, what’s the deal with your ol’ man and Kay?”
“Nothing. What do you mean?”
“Is that denial, or do you really not see it?”
“See what?” Goose and I both chuckled, which only aggravated him more. “What the fuck are you two trying to say?”
Goose shrugged with a smirk, and Memphis immediately snapped, “No fucking way. They hate each other.”
“There’s a fine line between love and hate.”
“That’s crazy.”
“I’m serious, brother. The flame between those two is far from dead.”
“No fucking way!”
“I’m telling ya, people don’t fight the way those two fight unless there’s a reason, and it’s not because they hate one another.”
“Okay, that’s enough,” Memphis grumbled. “I’m done listening to this shit.”
“I would’ve thought you’d be happy that mommy and daddy were getting back together,” Goose goaded.
“Fuck you. They aren’t getting back together. Hell, Dad can’t wait to be rid of her. He sent her to California for Christ’s sake.”
“Yeah, she’ll be back, and when they ...”
“Enough! I don’t wanna hear another fucking word!” Memphis growled, then leaned back in his seat with a huff, putting an end to our conversation. I almost felt bad for giving him such a hard time, but it gave me a much-needed distraction from the two sleeping in the back of the SUV.
It was almost sunrise when we finally got back to the clubhouse, and we were all wiped and ready to get some shuteye. Unfortunately, we still had to unload the month’s take from the truck and get Whitney and her son settled in a room. I was eager to get them out of our hair, so I volunteered, “I’ll take ‘em to their room.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, I’ve got it.”
“Alright, then.” Memphis handed me their duffle bags as he said, “Put em’ in one of the back rooms. It’s quieter.”
“Will do.”
I motioned my head for Whitney and Toby to follow as I started for the door. Neither of them spoke as they followed me inside and down the hall. Once we got to the room, I kicked it open and said, “This is it.”
“We have our own room?”
“Yeah, it’s not much.” The room was small, but it had two beds, a TV, and a dresser. And it had its own bathroom. “We’ll get you two into your own place when we can.”
“This is great.” She stepped inside and said, “Thank you.”
After a quick glance around, the kid stumbled inside and crawled into bed, quickly turning his back to us. Whitney sat down next to him and looked up at me with tired eyes, full of gratitude and weariness. Her injuries told the story of the hell they’d been through, and it made it difficult to look at her as she said, “I really appreciate you taking us in like this.”
“Yeah, no problem.”
I started for the door but stopped when she said, “You know... you were right .”
“Right about what?”
“Toby.” Anguish marked her face as she whispered, “It was my job to protect him.”
“Aw, damn. You heard that?”
“It was hard not to.” I felt like a complete ass, and I only felt worse when tears started to pool in her eyes. “But you were right. It was my job, and I failed miserably.”
“Look, it’s been a long night and...”
“Yes, it has.” She ran her hand over her son’s head. “We should probably get some sleep.”
As I stood there looking at her, I could see the tears starting to trickle down her cheek, and it gutted me to know that my words had added to her pain. I’d fucked up, and I had no idea how to fix it. So, I left it. I gave her a nod, then turned and walked out. I went down to my room and took off my boots and cut before collapsing on the bed.
I laid my head down on my pillow and closed my eyes.
That’s when the quiet crept in, and with it came the memories of my past. One by one, they started clawing their way back, and before I knew it, I was back to the day when my life changed forever.
It was a time when all was right in the world.
I was 28 and serving in Iraq.
I had a beautiful wife and adorable son, and while it was tough to be away from them, I’d made a name for myself and was making my way up the ranks.
And then, I got the call that changed everything.
It was getting late, and our shadows stretched long across the dusty ground as my platoon and I dragged ourselves back to base. We’d been on patrol for hours, and my muscles screamed with every step. But the tension I’d carried in my shoulders started to fade the second I heard the comforting sounds of the base. It was a sign that my day was coming to an end, and I’d survived.
As I headed toward the barracks, I was already thinking about dropping my gear and maybe scrounging up something to eat, but those thoughts quickly vanished when I spotted Captain Harris coming my way. He was moving with purpose, and his expression was a clear indication that something was up. He wasn’t the type to show much on his face, but there was a tightness around his mouth, a furrow in his brow that put me on edge.
The exhaustion of the day was momentarily forgotten when he called out, “Hey, Sutton. You’ve got a call.”
A cold dread settled in my gut.
We didn’t get calls at this time of day, so I knew something was wrong. I couldn’t help but think that something horrific had happened—maybe an awful accident or someone was sick. Maybe something had happened to Tracy or Grady. Or Mom or Dad. It could’ve been anything.
The possibilities hit me one after the other—each one worse than the last. My voice sounded tighter than I intended as I asked, "From home?"
Harris nodded with a flicker of sympathy in his eyes. "They’re patching it through to the comms room."
I nodded, then followed without a word.
The sounds of our boots crunching over the gravel cut through the silence as we made our way across the base. Everything else faded into the background. All I could think about was what was waiting for me on the other end of that call.
When we reached the communications room, a young soldier at the desk glanced up as we walked in, then nodded at Harris before handing me a headset. "It’s on the secure line."
Dread washed over me as I took the headset and slipped it on, feeling the cold press of the earpiece against my skin. I adjusted the mic, and the line crackled slightly as it connected. “Hello?”
There was a moment of static, and then I heard a familiar voice on the other end—shaky, thick with emotion. “Sutton?”
“Mom?”
“Yeah, sweetheart. It’s me.”
“What are you doing calling at this hour? Is something wrong?”
“Yeah, I’m afraid it is.” Her voice trembled as she said, “I have some hard news to share with you.”
“Okay... What’s going on?”
There was a pause, a silence heavy with unspoken words. When she finally spoke, I could tell she was on the brink of tears as she muttered, “It’s Grady.”
“Grady?” My stomach twisted into a knot at the sound of my son’s name. “What about him?”
I never knew it was possible for a heart to truly break until I heard my mother say, “He’s gone, Sutton. He passed in his sleep last night.”
“What are you talking about?”
“He’s gone, son.”
“What?” I gasped. “No! That can’t be right.”
“We’re not sure what happened.” She struggled to keep it together as she told me, “Tracy couldn’t wake him this morning, so she called an ambulance and... Oh, Sutton. I’m so sorry.”
“No, that can’t be right.” My mind was flooded with images of my son, from his scrunched-up little face and furrowed brows when he was born to the moments before I left when he waddled over to me with his arms held up in the air. His blue eyes would light up whenever I picked him up, and his little hands would cling to me. It was all I could do to keep myself from hugging him too tight. “I just talked to them on Sunday, and he was fine.”
“He seemed fine when he went to sleep, but then... He wouldn’t wake up.” Mom was struggling to keep it together as she explained, “The pediatrician is thinking it might’ve been a heart defect.”
“A heart defect? What the hell are you talking about? He was fine! No one ever mentioned anything being wrong with his heart.”
“It might’ve been missed or maybe it was something new. We won’t know for sure until they’ve completed the autopsy.”
“No way. No autopsy.” The thought of them cutting my son to pieces brought bile to the back of my throat. “No one’s cutting open my kid!”
“They have to, Sutton. It’s the only way to know what happened and rule out foul play.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“They have to be sure that Tracy didn’t have something to do with it.”
“Tracy would never!”
“I know, but there’s no way to prove that unless they do the autopsy.”
“Damn.”
The thought of him lying on some metal table made my legs give way, and I sank to the ground. I kept the headset clutched to my ear, praying that she would eventually tell me that it was all some terrible mistake, but those words never came.
My son was gone—his present and future had been ripped away with one fated swoop. I’d never felt so helpless. I wanted to scream and punch a hole in the wall, but I remained planted on the floor. Tears blurred my vision, and I clenched my fists, feeling utterly hopeless.
I was thousands of miles away. I couldn’t hold my son one last time. I couldn’t comfort my wife. I couldn’t even be there to grieve with my family. I couldn’t do anything. “What about Tracy?”
“She’s completely devastated.” Mom’s voice was strained as she told me, “You know how she loved that boy. I honestly don’t know how she’s gonna get through this, but her mother and sister are on their way, and we’re here, too. So, she won’t be alone.”
The words were meant to be comforting, but they only made me feel worse. I should’ve been the one who was there for her, not her mother or sister. Anger surged through me, mingling with my sorrow and regret. It was all I could do to keep from completely losing it. “I should be there... I should’ve been there all along.”
“You can’t do that to yourself.” My mother’s voice softened, filled with the love and understanding only a mother could give. “Your son knew you loved him. He was so proud of you. We all are, and you’ll come home soon, and we’ll get through this.”
The call ended with more tears and broken words of comfort.
The days that followed were a blur.
I was given leave and made it to my son’s funeral, but I barely remembered any of it. I was a complete mess and was just going through the motions, and it was a struggle to keep it together as I stood there staring at the pile of dirt.
I looked past the graveyard and to the cars that whipped by, and I was in utter dismay. I couldn’t understand how their world continued when mine had been completely shattered.
I wanted my son. I wanted him to be there with me. I wanted to watch him grow up, play little league, and play on the football team. Instead, his life was cut short, and I needed someone to blame. It was the only way I could move forward.
That blame landed on Tracy.
It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t something a loving husband should’ve done. I should’ve trusted her. I should’ve remembered that she was a good mother and would never purposefully hurt him, but I was consumed with doubt.
I couldn’t stop thinking that she should’ve known about the heart defect . Maybe if she hadn’t missed those doctor’s appointments, they would’ve caught it. They would’ve seen that something was wrong and fixed it. Maybe then, our son would still be here and not buried in some stupid grave.
It was that doubt that ate away at our marriage and ultimately ended my life as I knew it.
Doubt is a treacherous thing.
It can lead you down roads that you have no business being on.
And tonight, it led me to hurt a complete stranger.
Now, I had to figure out what I was going to do about.