Chapter 23 Jasmine
JASMINE
The whirlwind weekend was done, and technically, I should have headed back to work. Back to the grind for another weekend of being paid way too much money for what the firm really wanted me to do. Despite the fact that I was always bogged down with things to do, it wasn’t as if my job was hard.
But instead, I found my eyes fluttering open while in his bed.
Instead, I found myself staring at the wood paneling on the walls of the clubhouse, reminding me of the insanity I found myself in.
I wondered if I’d even get paid by the time Thursday came around.
“You’re awake,” Ghost said.
“Do you ever come to bed?” I grumbled as I slung my arm over my eyes.
“I don’t sleep, remember.”
I mumbled. “Didn’t mean you meant that literally.”
He chuckled. “Just thought I was joking about the trauma-induced insomnia?”
I paused. “Trauma-induced?”
When he didn’t say anything, I slid my arm off my face and rolled over in bed.
I found him perched at his desk where he usually was, staring at the cameras in my apartment.
He still watched them like a hawk. I tried to remember all of the things I did in my apartment ever since he put up the cameras, but I really couldn’t recall.
Everything was such a blur that my mind hadn’t really taken the opportunity to commit the little details of my life to memory.
To be honest, I wasn’t sure I wanted to remember specifics.
“I tried waiting up for you,” I said as I curled up and pulled his blanket over my shoulder. “You don’t even lay down. Doesn’t your body get tired?”
“Yes,” he said as he clicked on something before peeking over at me with those illustrious green eyes of his.
“Then why didn’t you come lay down? You don’t need to sleep, but I’m sure your body needs rest.”
He snickered. “Worried about me?”
“Is that such a bad thing?”
He paused before peering over at me again. “I’m fine. Plus, you’re a bed hog.”
I balked. “I am not!”
He chuckled as he continued clicking around. “You are. Spread eagle and all.”
I tucked myself deeper against the pillow. “I don’t sleep spread eagle.”
“You really do.”
I clicked my tongue and turned over onto my other side. I yanked the cover over my head, only to be met with a booming sound that ricocheted around in my ribcage like thunder.
He laughed.
It made me smile, even as I laid there, trapped beneath my makeshift prison.
“I’ll go get us some breakfast,” he said after his laughter died down.
I felt him pat the bulge that was the top of my head. “Could I get some coffee?”
“Of course, little firefly. Be right back.”
The nickname made me smile, but I must’ve drifted back off to sleep at some point in time. It wasn’t very long, however, before the smell of coffee pulled my eyes back open. The blanket got ripped from my head, and I groaned as the light of the bedroom cascaded against my harsh eyes.
“Ever heard of lights that are warm white?” I grumbled as I sat him.
He chuckled as I felt something sitting into my lap. “You’re really not a morning person, are you, firefly?”
I just grumbled as I smoothed my hair out of my face.
I looked down at the small tray that had touched down against my lap, and my mouth watered.
There was creamy-looking coffee that smelled of chocolate and buttered toast with some scrambled eggs.
There was a small bowl of fruit, and even a little bit of caramel to dip the fruit in.
“Do you have any ketchup?” I asked.
He paused. “Ketchup?”
I looked up at him and nodded. “For my eggs?”
He blinked. “For… your eggs.”
I tilted my head. “You don’t eat ketchup with your eggs?”
He looked at me like I grew a second head. “You do?”
My cheeks tinted with a small blush. “So that’s just a me thing?”
“Not in the slightest!” I heard Ariel call out as she passed by the door. “I’ll get you some, because I’m getting me some!”
“You’re both weird!” Amanda called out.
“Everyone shut up!” Ranger bellowed. “You’re scaring her!”
I furrowed my brow and looked over at Ghost. “Scaring who?”
Ghost still looked at me like I was an alien from another planet. “The woman Ranger’s been taking care of.”
“What?”
“The woman that was chased to our clubhouse by the car with the logo of your company on it.”
I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes. There was so much information. “Right, right.”
“Here you goooo!” Ariel sing-songed as a few ketchup packets came flying at me.
They scattered all over the bed, and I giggled as I reached for them. “Thank you!”
“No problem!”
“Sssshhh!” Ranger hissed.
But when my attention turned back to Ghost, gone was the incredulity of his stare, and in its place was that same intense look he always gave me whenever I looked at him.
“Eat,” he said before he got up and walked back over to his desk. “You need the energy.”
“Aren’t you going to eat?” I asked.
“Ate an hour ago.”
“Ah.”
I made up my eggs the way that I liked them and ate a few bites.
I kept stealing glances over at him while he kicked back in that rickety chair that I just knew was going to give out sooner rather than later.
He was dressed in all black, as usual, and part of me wondered if I threw open his closet, would I find any color in it at all?
I got a chance to study him while I ate.
The way he leaned back on the two back legs of the chair.
The way his eyes focused on the camera screens of my demolished apartment.
“Your super has come into your apartment a couple of times,” Ghost said. “You’ll eventually have some questions to answer.”
“I can only imagine,” I muttered while chewing.
“You have a good neighbor, too,” he said as he kept watching the screens. “She’s come across the hall each time to close your door when it keeps getting left open.”
That got my attention. “How many times has it been left open?”
Ghost peeked over at me. “Four.”
I damn near choked on my food. “Those assholes have been back there two other times?”
He nodded as he looked back at the screens. “Yeah, but I don’t think those assholes will be back again.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Just their posturing. They weren’t very confident in themselves the last time they were in your apartment. They’re losing hope that your laptop is there.”
“Good,” I muttered as I took another bite. “Jackasses.”
He chuckled, but didn’t say anything, and it gave me more time to study him while I ate.
I couldn’t help myself when I spoke again. “It’s not your fault, you know.”
“Hmmm?” he asked, not turning to face me.
“The trauma-induced insomnia. By definition, it sounds like it’s not your fault. Do you think maybe some sleeping medication might help?”
I watched the man freeze, as if someone had stopped the tape on his life. “Trauma-induced insomnia doesn’t really work like that.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah.”
My shoulders deflated a little bit as I poked around with my fork at a slice of strawberry. “Well, what if we—”
“Jasmine,” he said curtly.
I flinched a bit at his tone of voice. “Sorry.”
I promptly went back to finishing my breakfast.
My heart broke for him. Whatever happened to him, it was bad. If those scars I felt the other night when we kissed were any indication of what he had been through, then I had no business speaking on it, anyway.
I just… cared.
I cared that he wasn’t getting sleep.
That couldn’t be good for the body.
“Thank you for breakfast,” I said softly, breaking the silence as I took a sip of the coffee. I hummed over it. “This is good, whatever you put in it.”
“You’re welcome,” he said simply, his eyes still glued to those screens.
I wasn’t sure how to break the tension I created, but then, he moved.
He kicked his legs off the top of his scratched-up, second-hand desk, the chair thudded back down onto all four legs, and he stood.
He turned to me, all stoicism and deep thoughts in those green eyes of his.
I watched as he made his way to the edge of the bed and sort of… slumped down onto it.
“Gee?” I asked.
He peered over at me. “Gee?”
I shrugged. “You call me Jaz.”
His eyes crinkled a bit, and I smiled back.
I was glad that I could still make him smile.
He reached out and took my hand in his. “When I was in the military—”
I shook my head. “You don’t have to say anything, Gee. I don’t need to know your life story to know that you’re a good man who’s in my corner.”
His eyes met mine and he squeezed my hand softly. “I want to tell you.”
I was a bit shocked. “You do?”
He nodded. “I’ve just… never said it out loud to anyone. From front to back.”
My heart ached in my chest. “Oh, Gee.”
He looked down at our connection as the words poured forth. “My insomnia is what got me medically discharged from the marines. I was a Special Forces Lieutenant, and my job was to—”
Gone was the thought of breakfast. I released his hand long enough to pick up the tray and set it on the bedside table. I sat up and took his hand within both of mine, linking our fingers together and trying to hold his hand like I’d attempt to cradle his body if he wanted me to.
“I’m listening,” I said softly with a tilt of my head.
Even beneath the mask, I heard him swallow.
“There was an attack while I was deployed.” I stayed silent, giving him space to pause and continue as he needed.
“On this particular deployment, I was in charge of the night shift when it came to guarding the gates. We were on this sort of miniature marine installation, so we still had a lot of vulnerabilities that we had to clock on a regular basis. What we couldn’t fortify to the best of our abilities, we set up cameras around.
And I watched those cameras on the night shift in what was essentially a bomb-blast bunker. ”
I just nodded, but I couldn’t help but to see the similarities between what he described and the televisions over his shoulder that were mounted to the wall in the corner of his room.
He mindlessly gravitated to the bed, crawling in with me, and I held the blanket up for him. He slithered in beside me, his arm wrapping around my waist and pulling me close.
I laid my head on his shoulder and drew in a deep breath.
“I fell asleep,” he said, and his voice was tighter than normal. A bit deeper. “I don’t know how. I’d slept all day that day, just like I always did to prepare for the night shift. They counted on me, Jasmine. All I had to do was stay the fuck awake.”
My lower lip quivered and I chewed on it.
Now wasn’t the time for my emotions.
“Before I knew it, I was awoken to the sounds of my men screaming at me,” he said, his voice a bit choked off.
“Gee,” I whispered as I placed a mindless kiss on his shoulder.
“They screamed for help,” he said, staring off at the wall. “Screaming for me. Screaming for—for their mothers.”
I closed my eyes as a tear slid down my cheek. “I’m so sorry.”
He drew in a stuttered breath. “It was mayhem. They’d bombed the gate, and that was all it took to storm forth because I wasn’t awake enough to press the button for the fucking sirens. The enemy already raided our encampment by the time the commotion woke me up.”
I laced our fingers together and realized his hand shaking.
Fucking trembling.
I squeezed his hand as hard as I could, and he squeezed right back.
“It’s okay, I’m right here,” I whispered softly.
He sniffled. “Men died in my arms that day. Men crying for their mothers. Men yelling out for me, asking me where the hell I had been. And I… blacked out. I don’t remember anything after that second soldier died in my arms. He apologized to me, can you believe that?
I fell asleep and got him killed, and he apologized to me. ”
“Gee, it wasn’t—”
“I left no one standing,” he growled. “That was their punishment for taking my men from me.”
I just nuzzled against his shoulder because I knew there was nothing I could say.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered softly.
He sniffled before he dropped a masked kiss to the top of my head. “I don’t sleep. I can’t sleep. I don’t deserve the sleep, and my body apparently thought so as well.”
I didn’t bother arguing, I knew it was no use. He just needed someone to listen to him. He needed someone to sympathize with him.
“I’ve got you,” I whispered as I squeezed his hand.
In a flash, I was scooped against him. The world tilted, my body slid down a bit, and then we were lying down.
His arms wrapped around my waist as he held me close.
His nose buried itself into my hair. The full belly I had took hold, pulling me back down into a haze of laziness on a Monday morning when I should’ve been scrambling to get out the door for work.
“Maybe just lying down isn’t so bad,” he muttered into the back of my head.
I scooted back against him a bit, until my ass bumped up against his pelvis. “Maybe not.”
And within minutes, I was back out like a light.