Chapter 10
Cope
Cope sat at the dining room table getting ready to wrap Christmas presents.
Tennyson was brewing a pot of tea, while Ronan munched on cookies one of the neighbors had dropped off earlier.
Everyone was rooting for Jude, she’d said.
Cope believed her. For as much of a pain in the ass Jude could be, he was also kind and generous to his neighbors.
He might bitch and moan about shoveling snow from their sidewalks, but he’d help Mrs. Blumenthal without needing to be asked.
Jude was the first to volunteer to help with block parties, school events, and whenever Ronan needed a hand in his yard.
After Everly finished talking to Jude, she’d been worn to the bone, but had been able to tell everyone what she’d told Jude and to pass along his messages to Cope and the kids.
He’d spent time in the room with Wolf talking to Jude and telling him how much they all loved him.
Everly had confirmed that Jude could hear what they were talking about, so he made sure that everything they spoke about in front of Jude was happy and encouraging.
He couldn’t help feeling a little bit jealous that Everly had been able to speak to Jude while Cope hadn’t.
He’d tried several times to get through the barrier between them, but he couldn’t do it.
After Wolf and Aurora finished visiting with Jude, Jace and Fitz had taken the kids home.
They were spending the night at Fitzgibbon’s house.
Cope was going to stay at his house and sleep in his own bed.
At this point, he’d barely slept in two days.
He needed to get a good night’s rest, if not for himself, then for the kids.
They needed his strength now, more than ever.
“Okay, let’s do this. Ten, you wrap the Santa presents and I’ll do the ones from me and Jude.” Cope grabbed the special Santa wrapping paper and handed it to Tennyson. Cope went into the laundry room to grab the bags of toys he’d hidden in the linen closet.
“Do you remember the time Jude and I dressed as chickens for the dunk tank to raise money for the school?” Ronan asked.
Cope snorted. “Jude kept pressing the button to send you into the tank when little kids couldn’t hit the target.”
“That’s right,” Ronan agreed. “It took nearly a week to get the water out of my ears. I was angry at Jude, kept telling him what an asshole he was every time he dunked me. The truth was, that I had the time of my life that day.” Ronan shook his head and took a seat at the table.
He grabbed a present from the stack in the bag and started to wrap it.
“Why the hell couldn’t I tell Jude how much fun that day was?
Why am I the asshole? He’s the best friend I’ve had in my life.
The best partner. I don’t understand how I can say those words so freely now to you, but not to Jude. ”
“Jude knows how you feel about him, Ronan. Don’t doubt that for a single second.
After that day in the dunk tank, Jude kept saying that he couldn’t wait for next year’s carnival to see what the two of you could cook up together.
Cope paused for a moment, searching for the right words to make Ronan feel better.
“The two of you are more alike than either of you want to admit. You both grew up gay and fatherless. Only someone else who’d been through that could truly understand what it was like.
Both of you erected walls around yourselves and very grudgingly let people in.
Jude let you in long before he did the same with me.
There were times when I thought I’d forever be on the outside looking in where he was concerned.
Everly turned the tide. She woke Jude up to how good life could be and from the moment you set your daughter in his arms, Jude’s done everything he could to dive in and live the best life possible, with me, our kids, with you and Fitz, Everly, Ezra, and Aurora. ”
“Jude is Aurora’s hero,” Ronan said with a grin.
“He’s the one who comes up with the best ideas to help Aurora with her sensory issues.
Jude ordered nitrile gloves in the smallest size available so that Aurora could play in the mud or in the garden or touch things that would normally gross her out.
When Aurora is feeling overstimulated, Jude would be the one to take her into a quiet room until she was able to rejoin the group. ”
“Everly said she told Jude about the road ahead and how hard he needs to fight to come home.” Ten pulled the backing off a green bow and stuck it to the present he’d finished wrapping. “She couldn’t see anything past today. I’m still not able to see anything either.”
“Same here,” Cope said. “I’ve been trying constantly and I’m getting nothing.”
“Do you think that’s because you’re burning yourself out? Plus you’re not really eating much or sleeping.”
“Says the man who has stayed up all night with Jude.” Cope grinned at Ronan.
Running Eagle was going to stay with Jude tonight, so that Cope could come home and try to get a few hours of sleep.
“Here’s the thing though, my gift is working like usual when it comes to everyone else but Jude.
Ronan’s in the mood for chocolate pudding.
The kids are begging Jace to get take out from Lobster Charlie’s and Mrs. Hickenlooper got her grandson’s telescope delivered today.
She was afraid it wouldn’t come in time for Christmas. ”
“My gift is all systems go too,” Ten agreed. “I’m a total blank when it comes to Jude.”
“Isn’t that the definition of faith?” Ronan asked. “Believing in something you can’t see? I know all three of us believe Jude’s going to wake up and come home. Maybe God’s testing our faith, by asking the two of you to let him take the lead on this one.”
It wasn’t like Ronan to talk about God. His relationship with the Catholic Church had been strained from the time he was a little boy in parochial school.
Ten, and himself, for that matter, didn’t have the best relationship with the Almighty either.
Ten had been forced to attend a church that railed against who he was inside.
He’d been turned out of his house and been declared dead to his parents when he’d come out to them.
As for Cope, his father only cared if Cope attended church for how it looked to the neighbors.
Buford couldn’t have given two fucks for faith, love, or hope. “You might be right.”
“It seems to me that you both feel like failures of a sort because neither of you can see what’s next for Jude.
That’s how I live every day of my life.” Ronan paused and grinned at his husband.
“When I cracked my head and woke up being able to see dead people a few years back, I remember being so happy that I could talk to my mother again. Seeing the future was interesting, but it took all the fun out of things. Knowing if the Patriots were going to win or lose. Seeing that Everly had been in a fight at school and knowing exactly how and why it happened. Somehow, I always felt like I was cheating by knowing things ahead of time. It took the fun and spontaneity out of life. I understand Jude is a different matter, but I’m getting an odd feeling that this is how things are supposed to play out. ”
Cope had to admit Ronan was probably right. He had faith in so many things; Jude, himself, Wolf, Lizbet, Ten, Ronan, his gift. Nowhere in that list was God. Ronan obviously believed God was going to bring Jude through this crisis. Who was Cope to say he was wrong?
Digging deep, Cope realized he was willing to run on faith in a higher power. He would do everything he could to get Jude through to better days, but he’d leave tomorrow up to God.