Chapter 36 - Alexei
“You had no right to do that.”
I stood in front of Dimitri. My eyes were cold but he didn’t flinch.
He folded his sleeves and leaned against the table, crossing his arms. “If I would have tried to convince you, you wouldn’t listen to me. But I’m assuming you won’t break a promise to him.”
I wasn’t sure how right he was about that. In normal circumstances, yes, I wouldn’t break a promise to Marco, but every cell in my body, every functioning piece of whatever I was, was screaming at me to break it.
“Why the fuck are you meddling?” I glared, and I never really glared, but right now I wanted to beat the shit out of him. “Wouldn’t this be good for you? Rei would be very sad if he lost Marco, you know?”
He tilted his head and I kept going. “Or are you scared you can’t handle an empire without me? Is that it?”
Dimitri sighed. “Alexei, what exactly do you think you are to me?”
I answered without a moment’s hesitation.
“Your right hand. A spare.”
“You’re my family,” he corrected, and I arched an eyebrow. “You’ve got other cousins. I’m sure you’d survive.”
The deflection was automatic and Dimitri sighed again, heavier this time. “I have a lot of people I’m blood-related to,” he nodded. “That’s true. But you know how shitty I grew up.” He shrugged. “Ivan was a skunk.”
The word was mild for what Ivan had been. He trained Dimitri the way one trained dogs. “Everyone always only looked at me as something they had to tame,” Dimitri said. “Something they had to shape.”
His eyes found mine. “You and Ilya are different. I consider you both part of me. You’re both my brothers. You’re not a tool for me, Alexei.”
He pressed his lips together and I could see he was struggling to speak the next words.
“I don’t want to lose you.”
He wasn’t the type to voice sentimental shit out loud, well, unless your name was Rei Kurosaki.
I didn’t know how to react to it. “If this was about Rei, you’d do the same.”
He nodded. “I would. But would you stand and watch? Would you not try to stop me?”
Would I stand and watch?
Would I let it happen?
No.
No, I would not.
I swallowed because I couldn’t argue with that. “You’ll lose me either way. My heart may keep beating, but if Marco’s doesn’t… then what exactly would be left of me?” I locked my eyes with his and let him see what was left of me if Marco died.
Nothing.
The void would come back.
It would seal itself shut and I would go back to being what I had been before.
Actually, no. That’s wrong.
It would be worse. Before Marco, I was empty, but I don’t think I could ever go back to being that hollow.
I have him now. I’ve known what it feels like to be alive because he exists beside me, and if I lose him, there will be nothing left to return to.
I would simply remain behind in the wreckage of us, existing in agony, with no idea how to become the person I was before him.
I would be a body that breathed and moved and functioned but was not, in any way, alive.
Dimitri looked at me and there was empathy in his eyes.
That was strange because I didn’t think Dimitri was capable of that. He stepped forward and put his hand on my shoulder. “Then we will do our best to prevent that.” He pulled me into a hug, and I let him.
***
I went back home.
The apartment was warm when I entered. I saw Rei and Luca were sitting on the couch with Marco.
Marco was between them.
His eyes weren’t as bright.
That was one of the things that hurt me the most. His eyes had always been bright.
That was one of the first things I had noticed about him, all those years ago, in a garden in Italy.
A sick boy looked at me with hazel eyes that burned with a brightness that outshone all the stars in the sky.
That brightness had been the thing that cracked me open.
And now it was dimmer.
Like a candle that was burning low, like a star that was losing fuel.
His body trembled subtly.
I could see it from across the room and my heart hurt constantly from seeing him so frail.
Marco turned his head and saw me.
“You’re home.” He stood up and swayed, then he waddled to me and he hugged me.
I hugged him back carefully while I caressed him. “I missed you, little star.” I kissed his head. “Are you hungry?”
He nodded. “A bit.” Most of his nutrition was given through IV now and he couldn’t eat the majority of foods because the medications were too strong, but he could handle soups on most days. “I’ll make you something.”
Then I looked at the couch. Rei and Luca were glaring at me and I arched an eyebrow.
I didn’t give them much attention. What they thought of me didn’t mean anything. I walked Marco back to the couch and settled him down.
Then I turned to face the glares.
“Do you know how to cook?” Rei asked.
My eyes went harder on him. “Your boyfriend is teaching me. So if I don’t know, then it’s his fault.”
Rei tsked. “Dimitri cooks like a pro. It’s your own bad skill if it turns out shit.”
He pulled his sleeves up and stood from the couch. “Let’s go to the kitchen. I’ll help so you won’t poison my Marco.”
“He’s not your Marco,” I nearly fucking snapped.
Rei put a hand on his hip and looked up at me.
He wasn’t that short but I was still taller than him.
However, he didn’t seem intimidated. In fact, it seemed he wanted to kick me in the balls.
I think he liked doing that to people, considering he nearly maimed Dimitri’s dick the first time he came close to him.
“He’s been mine longer than he’s been yours,” he said.
I chuckled because that wasn’t true. “I beg to differ.” Not only did I meet him when I was ten, but I fully believe Marco had been made for me by the universe before either of us were born.
He was mine.
He had always been mine.
Rei scoffed and grabbed my wrist, then yanked me toward the kitchen.
Marco blinked at both of us and watched us go, then leaned against Luca.
When we were in the kitchen, Rei released my wrist and went straight to the fridge. He opened it and surveyed the contents.
“He can’t eat anything heavy,” I reminded him, and he glared at me. “I know. I’m not dumb. How about miso soup?”
“I don’t know how to do that.”
Rei rolled his eyes. “Yeah, no shit. I’ll make it. You just help. Make yourself useful and cut that tofu into cubes.”
He pointed at a block of tofu that had apparently been in my fridge this entire time without my knowledge.
“Can you even cook? Dimitri is the one doing it for you all the time.”
“I’m decent. I can make things that are edible.”
I started cutting the tofu while Rei chopped green onions. Until the soup came together.
“It needs to simmer,” he said, adjusting the heat. “Five minutes. Don’t touch it.”
“I wasn’t going to touch it.”
“You were looking at it like you wanted to touch it.” He scoffed, and I was seriously considering drowning him. On a scale of one to ten, how mad would Dimitri be? Never mind. Marco would probably be too sad.
After we brought the bowl to Marco, Rei reached for it.
“I’ll feed him,” he said, his hand closing around the bowl, and I grabbed it back.
“I’ll feed him,” I argued, and Rei glared at me, then scoffed.
But he let it go.
I sat beside Marco on the couch and I blew on the soup, then I lifted the spoon to his mouth. “Is it good?”
He nodded. “It is. Did you make it?”
Rei spoke before I could. “I made it. He was useless.”
I was seriously debating going over there and zipping his mouth closed, but then I heard Marco chuckle.
The sound was weak but so cute it immediately grabbed my attention. He reached out and his hand found my head. His fingers slid through my hair. “Thank you both.”
Rei smiled at him while I fed him slowly, forgetting all about my irritation with that flower boy. My entire attention was fully on my little star.
After Marco ate, they both left.
Rei and Luca kissed his cheeks and I felt the aggression in me rise so violently. I was really jealous, like abnormally fucking jealous. I envisioned taking their heads off their shoulders, but I’d never do that. Maybe months ago I would have, but not now.
I promised myself that I would not hurt the people he loved, that I would not let my all-encompassing possessiveness cause him pain.
When we were alone, Marco turned to me and hugged me. The top of his head fit under my chin. “Thank you.” His voice was muffled against my shirt.
I rested my hand on his head. “For what?”
“For being nice to them.”
I looked down at the top of his head. “I wasn’t nice.” I was barely civil if you ask me.
“You were.” He tilted his head up and got on his tiptoes, then kissed my head. “Do you want to take a bath with me?” He giggled.
I smiled.
I smiled so much when I was around him, especially when he was happy. It was my favourite thing in the world and my body naturally mimicked his joy. “I won’t say no to that.”
Marco’s giggle widened into a smile.