Chapter Twenty #2
‘Yes, even vampires,’ he says seriously.
‘Those stories originated from plagues, illnesses, fear, people who drank blood believing it would extend their life. Think of leeches and how they were used in medicine, for drawing blood. Not that they actually helped. Anyway, I didn’t say I believed in vampires.
But I do believe there are more supernatural entities than just ghosts. I mean, look at you.’
I’m indignant. ‘I’m not supernatural.’
‘Okay, you’re preternatural. You’re outside of what’s considered part of the natural world.
’ He looks at me, taking in my furious glare.
‘It’s not an insult, Holly. It’s true and it’s special and you should celebrate it.
But my point remains the same. There’s more in this world than we understand.
’ His phone buzzes, vibrating across the floor.
‘Pizza’s here. I’ll go grab it. Are you going to be okay? ’
I wave him away. ‘I’m fine,’ I tell him, dragging his laptop towards me.
Now I understand why Callum was approached about the case.
His knowledge is far broader than mine. I do ghosts.
He does immortality, theological arguments and transformation of the human soul.
Even though the afterlife is part of my everyday life, I never think about it.
What happens to the spirits after I do my thing, may be something I don’t want to know.
I look at the photo of Edward Western again. Even in his seventies, he was a damn fine-looking man, but there’s something unnerving in his appearance. The strange golden eyes even shine out of the photo. I remember Martha Parish’s words. Evil is in his blood . I shudder.
I forward Ola’s emails to myself, then move across the other open tabs, checking each page for any new snippet of information that might answer one of my hundred questions.
I’ve opened the tab with Callum’s Facebook feed before I realise what I’m doing.
I go to close it, then stop, glancing at the door.
I shouldn’t snoop. I really shouldn’t snoop.
I duck behind the cover of the screen and start to snoop.
It doesn’t look like he uses it much. In his profile picture, he’s with a little girl, maybe three years old, and he looks younger – it must have been taken a while ago.
He’s wearing a birthday hat, and they’re both pulling faces, their fingers in the corners of their mouths, dragging their lips apart.
Maybe that’s Jason’s niece. I peek at the door again, then I open his photo album.
As I quickly scroll through I see that it’s mostly shots of Callum and Jason.
There’s one of the two of them wearing brightly coloured Christmas sweaters and overly serious expressions.
Callum’s hair is longer and flops messily around his face, while Jason’s is shorter, almost a buzz cut.
Then there’s a photo of Callum holding a baby asleep in the crook of his arm.
Jason’s niece again? Unless he has a kid he hasn’t told me about?
But the next photo shows Jason holding the same baby beside a man who looks like his brother.
Then there’s a photo of Callum in bed, looking half asleep, dishevelled and surprised and I wonder who was there to take it.
An all-too-familiar feeling begins to scratch at my insides.
I quickly click back to his profile page.
I don’t want to look at anything more, I don’t want to feel that feeling.
I’m done with that feeling. And that’s when I notice the post.
It’s dated two days ago, under a photo of a much younger Callum standing beside a snowman.
Hey babe, remember this? It popped up in my memories! FB is so cursed. How’s the trip going? I texted you, but no answer! Playing hard to get isn’t usually your style. Lol. Call me if you ever see this! xx
I click on Krissy’s profile. She’s pretty, with shiny chestnut hair, the kind they make shampoo commercials about. In her cover photo she’s at the beach snuggling a tiny fluffy puppy.
I chew on my thumb; I should close the tab and move on.
But instead I click on Callum’s “photos of you” album.
And there they are, Callum and Krissy, draped around each other, smiling, laughing, happy.
When I see a photo of Callum, his eyes closed, his lips pressed to her cheek in a lingering kiss, dated only a month ago, my heart plummets.
Because I recognise that kiss. I’ve felt that kiss.
I know its promise. I relived it for two years.
I hear Callum at the door and quickly click the album closed, call up another tab, then push the laptop away from me, skidding it across the floor. Grabbing my notebook, I pretend to look busy.
‘Dinner is served.’ He has a large pizza box in his hands and a bottle of red wine tucked under his arm. ‘Find anything interesting?’
I’m focusing on the page in front of me and seeing nothing as the words swim before my eyes.
‘What? No,’ I snap.
Callum’s eyebrows pop up. ‘Okay.’ He puts the pizza box on the floor and ducks into the bathroom, returning with a couple of hand towels, a box of tissues, and two glasses.
I spiral, well-worn anxiety taking hold, fear and doubt rising up as everything crumbles around me.
He has a girlfriend – or something. Why didn’t he tell me?
Why did he let me go on as if I mean something to him?
As if I could ever mean something to anyone.
I’m such a fool to think I could have a real relationship.
Why did I trust him? He already let me down once. I’m so stupid.
I reach for a slice of pizza and jam it in my mouth. I can feel Callum’s eyes on me. I can’t stand it.
‘What?’ I say, the word muffled through cheese.
‘What happened while I was downstairs? Did you see something?’
Yeah, I saw something. You kissing your girlfriend . I wipe a hand towel across my mouth. ‘No, why would you think that?’
‘Because I can tell something’s happened and I can tell you’re lying, because you’re not very good at it.’
‘Well, that makes one of us.’ I sit up and glare at him. He stares at me, confusion pulling his eyebrows together. ‘Who’s Krissy?’ I regret the words the instant they’re out of my mouth.
Callum’s frown deepens. His gaze moves slowly from me to his laptop then back to me again. He takes a deep breath and shuffles across the floor until he’s sitting with his back against the bed.
‘Were you snooping on me?’
‘No. I was looking at the sigil and your Facebook just—’
‘Magically opened up?’
There’s the hint of a smile on his lips and it’s infuriating.
‘You haven’t answered my question,’ I say.
‘Krissy is a friend.’
‘If you have a girlfriend, Callum, you should have told me. I would never have kissed you. I don’t do that kind of thing. I don’t like cheaters.’
He drops his head and scrubs his fingers over his brow. When he looks up again, he shakes his head.
‘She’s not my girlfriend, Holly. Christ. What do you think of me?
She’s a friend of mine. We used to have a thing back in college, and sometimes when she’s in town she stays at my place.
We have a bit of fun together, but that’s it.
Nothing more, and neither of us wants it to be.
In fact, the last time she stayed, all we did was play pool and drink way too many margaritas. ’
His eyes fix on me. I look away and furiously flick through my notebook. ‘Oh, okay, fine. Well, she wants you to call her. Let’s do some work.’
‘Holly, it’s not like that.’ He sighs. ‘I didn’t do anything wrong here.’ He reaches for me, but I pull away.
‘Please don’t,’ I say. ‘I thought I could do this, but I can’t. I don’t want to have to scrape myself off the floor when you get a better option and disappear from my life. And you will, I know you will.’
Callum’s not smiling anymore. ‘You’re the one who ghosted me,’ he says.
‘I had a pretty good reason.’
‘And I’m so sorry for that, you know I want to make it up to you. But unless you give me that chance…’ He runs a hand back over his hair. ‘Krissy isn’t my girlfriend. I promise.’
We sit there on the floor staring at each other for one heartbeat…
two… three. A full-blown panic attack is brewing inside me.
Why is it that, when it comes to anything to do with actual living people, I don’t know how to handle it?
With the dead, I’m brave, strong, confident.
With the dead, I know where I stand. They don’t scare me. But the living? They terrify me.
I flop back to the floor and stare at the ceiling. I hate this. I hate feeling like this. Weak and stupid. I’m no good at relationships, I don’t know what I’m doing. I sit up again. ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have invaded your privacy. If you want to see Krissy, it’s none of my business.’
‘But Holly, I want to be your business. It’s you I want to see. It’s been you for a really, really long time. But I can’t go on not knowing, so if you honestly don’t want this’ – he points between us – ‘then say something now.’
I press my lips firmly together and say nothing.
Callum sighs, his shoulders relaxing. ‘I’m taking that as no news is good news.’ He pulls out his phone and types.
‘What are you doing?’
He holds up one finger, asking me to wait, then turns his phone to me.
Hey K, sorry, I’ve been super busy. Remember that girl Holly I told you about? I think we’re kind of a thing. At least, I want us to be. Wish me luck! xx
He pushes send and I almost gasp.
I stare at him in silence as he stares back at me. Then a ding echoes through the room.
Callum’s eyes travel over the message, a smile lifting his cheeks. He gives me his phone and I take it with shaky hands.
Oh, babe, that’s great! I remember how obsessed you were with her. I was actually messaging to say I’m coming for a weekend next month – guess I’ll have to find another couch to crash on, but maybe you can introduce me to your new girlfriend? xx
I hand him back his phone and he tosses it onto the bed.
‘Are we okay?’ he asks softly.
I groan and flop backwards again, draping an arm across my face. ‘Why am I so weird?’
He shuffles over to me. ‘You’re not. Feelings are messy. I’m as freaked out as you are. It’s part of the fun.’
‘Your idea of fun is not the same as mine.’ I laugh lightly. ‘I’m so sorry. I don’t mean to be such hard work. It’s just difficult for me to believe things will turn out okay when they never have before and when everyone keeps leaving me.’
‘Your mom and your grandmother didn’t leave you.
Celeste didn’t leave you, just like my folks didn’t leave me.
Not on purpose anyway. But I know it feels like that sometimes.
I feel it too. I’m terrified of losing people.
Terrified I’ll look around one day and everyone I love will be gone…
You’d think that stuff would go away, right? ’
‘You’d think.’
‘You’re not the only one who’s scared, Holly. And you’re not the only one who just wants to be accepted and belong somewhere, to have a connection, family or whatever you want to call it.’
‘So, basically what you’re saying is that we’re both completely messed up?’
He sweeps my hair from my face and tucks it behind my ear.
‘Not completely, just a little.’
Then he smiles that smile that makes everything feel okay, and I catch myself believing that maybe it will be.