Chapter 6
Chapter Six
Neither had set an alarm before falling asleep, and Charlie had no plans to get up early. Sam probably would; rising before dawn was ingrained in him and even without an alarm he was usually up at the same time. That’s how it went when you grew up on a working spread.
Charlie, on the other hand, had broken the habit when she’d gone off to school. Most mornings she set her phone alarm for eight, simply because it felt lazy to be the only person on the ranch asleep. By then Sam was usually up and gone from the bedroom, but he tried to be quiet while he got showered and dressed so it rarely woke her.
So when his phone rang before the sun had even begun to creep through the window, she expected him to take the call out of the room so she could go back to sleep. Instead she heard the rise of his voice as he barked a sharp, “What?”
It caught her attention, and she rolled over to make sure everything was okay. The look of stunned incredulity on his face concerned her.
“Nick, it’s five in the damn morning. This better not be a prank.” Sam’s voice was still rough from sleep.
Charlie could make out the low hiss and mumble of Nick’s voice on the other end of the phone, but couldn’t tell what he was saying. She sat up, pulling the blankets around her naked body as she watched Sam. She was hoping he’d see her interest and put the phone on speaker, but he wasn’t paying any attention to her. Whatever Nick was telling him had all his focus.
“Armored cow ? What do you mean armored? That’s … how is that even possible?” Sam’s eyes narrowed and his head tilted. “You’ve got to be kidding. What were you even doing out in the pastures at this time of—oh.” And then after a few more seconds, “Well, fuck.”
There was more talking. Sam would interject occasionally with a curse or some surprised sound, none of which helped fill in the pieces for Charlie. It was irritating.
He listened, shook his head, and laughed.
The laugh reassured her somewhat. Whatever had happened couldn’t be that bad if he was laughing, even if it was a strained unhappy sound.
“You can’t be serious… ugh. Fine. Yeah, I’ll get dressed and meet you at the barn. Not sure we’ll be able to handle it alone. Might have to wait until some of the hands get in, but… yeah, I know. Okay, I’ll be right there.”
Nick said something else, and this time Sam’s laugh had more humor to it. “Yippee-ki-yay, to you too, cowboy.” He hung up and turned to Charlie. “Guess what?”
“Just tell me, Sam!” She’d been quiet and patient throughout the whole phone call and now she wanted to know what had happened.
He dropped the phone on the nightstand and swung his legs off the bed, shaking his head. “Some fool cow stole a feeder and went running off with it.”
“The… what ? You mean one of the big round bale feeders?”
“Yep.”
“But how? Those things are huge.” She couldn’t even picture it.
“They sure are. Nick said she got stuck inside somehow and just walked off with it. Problem is she left a trail of hay behind her so all the other cattle in that field just… followed her.”
Charlie snorted a laugh and tilted her head. “Sounds funny to me.”
“Oh, it is… or it would be, except for one thing…” He grabbed his jeans off the floor. “Stupid heifer charged the fence, and with the big metal feeder as a battering ram… guess who won?”
Charlie’s eyebrows shot up. “The… cow?”
“Yep. Knocked down the fence and then just walked out. That’s going to be fun getting back up in the cold.” He stood up, yanking his jeans into place.
Things like this were why Charlie was glad she didn’t actually work on the ranch much. “Ouch. Can’t it wait until the sun’s up though? I mean they aren’t going to go far, especially not in the dark.”
Sam let out a long-suffering sigh. “Well, she got as far as the barn… trailing a few dozen cattle, and a hundred yards or so of barbed wire and fence posts. Now they’re clustered outside the main doors making all kinds of rackets and upsetting the horses. It woke Nick and that’s how he knew what had happened. Otherwise they wouldn’t have found it until they made the rounds.”
That made sense. The foreman’s cabin was right behind the main barn. “Oh no…” She covered her mouth with both hands trying to hold back hysterical laughter as she pictured the scene.
He shot her a narrow-eyed look. “Glad you think this is funny, brat. It’s going to be hours undoing this mess. Not what I planned for today.” He grabbed his shirt off the floor and pulled it on over his head.
“Do you want some help? Sounds like you’re going to need it.” She didn’t especially want to make the offer. It was cold outside, and the bed was warm, but it sounded like an extra pair of hands would be necessary.
“Naw, we’ll work it out,” he said as he disappeared into the bathroom. But a few minutes later, he returned saying, “Actually, you know what? If I have to suffer, so do you. Get dressed. I’m not sure how long we’re going to be out there, so I’m going to make a pot of coffee for the thermos. We might need it.”
She couldn’t really complain, since she’d offered, but getting out of bed was hard. She muttered insulting things about cows as she struggled to find some warm work clothes. She was still searching for something warmer when he came back.
“Not dressed yet?” He smacked her ass to get her moving. “Hurry it up. Nick needs us down there ASAP.”
She yelped and narrowed her eyes at him. “I don’t have a closet full of warm work clothes like you do,” she reminded him, as she dug through her clothes. “Aha! I knew I still had these.” A pair of red Long Johns were rolled up at the back of her sock drawer, and she pulled them out triumphantly.
“Smart idea. Wish I’d thought about that actually.” He did look slightly jealous as she shimmied into the long underwear and then pulled a pair of her looser jeans on over them.
“It’s too early to freeze. I’m sure Nick can hold out against the battle cow for a few more minutes if you want to change?” Unlike her, he had a whole drawer full of them from his foreman days.
He hesitated and then shook his head. “Naw, better to get down there before they cause more damage, and I still have to set up the coffee.”
Charlie shrugged. “Don’t blame me when you turn into a Sam-cicle.”
A few minutes later they were both trotting over crunchy grass, heading down to the barn. She’d have preferred to take the truck… but Sam was afraid it would startle the cow, and send it barreling off in its metal cage, destroying everything in its path.
They could hear Nick cursing before they got to him. Most of it was R-rated, but as they got there, he’d switched to pleading with her. “Bessie, you have got to be the stupidest fucking piece of beef I have ever had the misfortune to run into. Will you please let me help you?”
Charlie and Sam both stopped short, staring. It was an amazing sight, and probably worth getting up before dawn to see.
The feeder wasn’t small or especially light. It was a good eight feet in diameter and made of galvanized steel. It was meant to surround one of the big round hay bales, so the cattle could feed without ruining half of it under their feet. It was pretty sturdy and could put up with a lot of pushing as the hungry cows crowded around it.
But somehow… somehow this oversized heifer had managed to get in the middle of it. And then she’d managed to get her head stuck between the bars. Charlie had been joking when she called it a battle cow, but she hadn’t been far off.
Every time she moved, the metal feeder banged into something, and inside the barn Charlie could hear the horses kicking up a fuss. None of it was quiet, and she wasn’t surprised it had woken Nick.
Their foreman was doing his best to get her head free, but the cow sure wasn’t helping. Instead of staying still, she shook her head and swung the feeder in a wide circle. It knocked him back and hit the side of the barn with another clang. “Stop that, you cantankerous fucker! I swear you’re going to be hamburgers if you don’t quit it.”
His shouting had the other cows scattering every which way, and Charlie could barely contain the laughter that wanted to spill out of her. It had to be the most hilarious thing she’d seen in an age, and only Nick’s obvious frustration as he struggled kept her from letting out the belly laughs.
Sam didn’t bother. It began with a snort but escalated until he was holding onto the corral fence to stay upright. After that, there was no way Charlie could keep hers in. She could feel tears of amusement freezing on her cheeks.
“Oh, ha-fucking-ha, you two. You just going to stand there hee-hawing like a pair of drunk mules, or are you going to fucking help?”
“I—I just… how?” Charlie managed the few words between giggles.
The cow bellowed a protest as Nick put his weight on the metal cage to keep her from following the other cattle.
“I don’t know how,” Nick snapped. “But judging by the amount of barbed wire she’s dragging, I’m guessing she pulled half the fence line down. We’re going to be out there all day rounding up these assholes.”
As Nick leaned down to untangle a strand of barbed wire, the cow snapped her tail and caught him right across the cheek. He snarled, “I will eat you right fucking now!” and pulled back in a hurry. “In this cold we’re going to lose some if we don’t find them all fast.”
That wiped away the humor pretty quickly and Sam straightened and moved to help. There were always losses over the winter, for various reasons, but there was a lean margin between profit and loss. They couldn’t afford to add to the usual numbers.
“I’ll round these guys up and herd them into the corral for now.” She left the men to deal with Battle Bessie. The cow didn’t seem bothered by her new accessory, but she didn’t like that she couldn’t wander, and Charlie doubted she’d be much help.
The stragglers didn’t give her much trouble, not once she grabbed some dried apple chunks to tempt them to follow. But every time she thought she had them all locked up, another would wander into sight making plaintive lowing sounds. It kept her busy until long after the cold had numbed her.
And still Nick and Sam hadn’t managed to free the leader from her armor. She leaned against the fence to watch as the cow continued to frustrate them. “Is there anything I can do?” she asked, when they paused.
Sam cursed and kicked at a clump of snow. “She’s stubborn. I’d swear she wants to keep it on.”
Charlie laughed. “Maybe she does. It’s probably the most entertaining thing to happen all month.” Cattle, she’d learned, could be curious, playful creatures. If there was any way for them to get into trouble, they would find it.
Nick snorted and rubbed a gloved hand over his messy hair. “It’s going to injure her if we don’t get her out—hell, it’s already caused me a few.” He scowled at the cow, who seemed to understand him and turned suddenly to swing the feeder into his shin. “Fucker!” he bellowed as he hopped back.
Charlie choked back a laugh. “Speaking of injuries. I’ll, uh, go check on the horses before one of them breaks a leg with all the kicking.” It was a good excuse to disappear, because it had the benefit of being true.
Horses didn’t like sudden or unexpected noises, especially at night. They’d all be wide awake and restless, waiting for a human to come and fix the problem. But Charlie wasn’t going to open the big double doors and let all the heat out. She slipped in the side and announced her presence in a low calming voice.
“Good morning, ladies and gentlehorses. We’re sorry for the disturbance outside interrupting your sleep, but I’m going to make it worth it,” she promised as she kept up a continuous chatter. The sound of her voice soothed them.
Having a human in the barn, talking and visible, eased a lot of their nervousness. Then she started doling out the special winter treats she’d just made the week before. The molasses and cinnamon smell instantly grabbed their attention, and they lost all interest in the chaos happening outside the barn.
“I know you don’t care about this, but the oats, flax and chunks of apple make them pretty healthy. The molasses and honey will give you some extra calories. I bet you could use those with all the fussing you’ve been doing,” she explained in a sing-song voice as she moved down the rows.
They didn’t understand or care, of course, but she didn’t have much else to chatter about as they snatched the sticky balls from her hands. It was basically horse candy, and they all loved a little treat. She gave her favorites, including her personal mount, Carousel, a little extra, whispering, “Don’t tell the others.”
By the time she’d visited every stall, the vibe in the barn was more relaxed. Some of the heads had started to droop as they drifted toward sleep. Charlie stopped at the office and turned the radio on. Slow, old tunes trickled through the speakers and would help to keep the horses calm if there was any more noise outside.
She made one more circuit of the stalls, and then ducked out the door quietly and headed around the side. When she got close, she could hear Sam and Nick talking and her name came up. Feeling nosey, she stopped to listen.
“Yeah, we sorted it out. I think you were right, and I was overthinking everything,” Sam said.
“See? Told you.” Nick laughed. “My recipe for marriage success: talk things out, blister her ass as needed, add plenty of hot sex and you’re good to go.”
Charlie rolled her eyes and wondered what Katie would have to say about Nick dispensing marital advice. Though, from what she’d seen, they did have a pretty perfect marriage, so maybe Nick did know what he was talking about.
“Well, I took care of all that. And then we were enjoying a nice deep sleep when suddenly my foreman called, ranting some insanity about armored cows.” Sam sounded more amused than irritated.
“Well? How the fuck would you describe it?”
There was silence. Sam laughed. “Probably about the same. It sure fits. Battle Bessy the Armored Cow.” Then after another pause. “Fuck. What a way to start the day, huh?”
“Tell me about it. Appreciate the coffee though. I didn’t take time to do more than throw on clothes. Wasn’t sure what the hell was going on at the time.”
“Had a feeling we’d need it.” Then in a louder tone, “Hey, Charlie, you going to stand there eavesdropping, or come get some of this coffee?” Sam called.
She jerked, startled as a sudden heat rushed to her cheeks. Oops, caught in the act . “I’m not eavesdropping.” She lied. “I just finished settling the horses.” She picked up her steps and hurried to join them.
“Uh-huh.” Nick chuckled. “Your fault, Boss. Can’t mention a lady’s name and not expect her to get nosey, Sam.”
Before Sam could say anything, Charlie decided to change the subject. She held up the bucket she’d brought from the barn. “I have an idea.”
Nick tilted his head. “Ain’t those the winter horse treats you made?”
“Yep. Big help getting everyone settled inside, which made me wonder… if maybe a bribe might get ‘Bessy’ to stay still while you get her loose.”
Sam and Nick exchanged looks. Beef cattle didn’t get a lot of treats, but they weren’t immune to the concept of bribery. “It can’t hurt,” Sam said, as he passed Charlie the steaming thermos lid, filled with hot sweet coffee. “You’re shivering. Drink this.”
She hadn’t noticed, but she set the bucket down and took the coffee gratefully. The heat in the metal cup soaked in through her gloves. The barn had been warm, stepping back out into the cold had somehow made it feel more bitter. “Thanks.”
The coffee revitalized them all and once it was gone, they surrounded the cow. Charlie stationed herself at the front with the bucket of treats. “Hey there, pretty girl. Hungry?” She used the same crooning voice that worked so well with the horses.
It didn’t have the same calming effect. The cows were less socialized, but once this one got a whiff of the food, she perked right up, and immediately snuffled at Charlie’s hand for a taste. The first one was a freebie.
The second came at a cost. As soon as she was lipping at the ball of sweet oats, Sam caught her around the neck. “Got her.”
It quickly became clear that he’d been overly optimistic. The cow bucked and yanked out of his grip. The metal feeder hit a fence post with a clang that rang in the early morning silence. It startled the penned cattle, and they all raced to the other side of the corral. Inside the barn there were several horsey squeals of outrage.
Nick hissed and shook out his hand. It had taken a hit from the swinging metal. “Let’s try that again, Boss, and this time actually hold onto her.” The suggestion came through gritted teeth and Sam winced.
“Sorry, she’s slippery,” he said, by way of apology.
“It’s okay, girl. Look, here’s another sweet for you. You want this, don’t you?” Charlie held her palm flat while offering more oats.
The cow was suspicious now. It took more coaxing in that calm, gentle voice, before she was willing to stretch out her neck to reach the treat. This time she snatched it and tried to pull back, instead of lipping at it—but she wasn’t fast enough.
Sam threw both arms around her neck and held her head in place while Nick wrestled with the bars, but even with that help it seemed impossible. There was a lot more noise, and frustrated cursing from both men just added to it.
“Okay stop. I’ve got an idea.” She’d been watching the cow, and how she deliberately seemed to twist in the wrong direction every time they tried to get her loose. “Sam, Let go of her and grab the bars instead.”
Nick’s eyebrows shot up. He was already holding the feeder though, so he just shrugged and moved over to make room for Sam.
“Like this?” Sam asked. He didn’t sound confident about whatever she was planning, but it was clear he’d try anything at this point.
She shook her head. “Hold the front side up so it’s not balancing on her neck. So it’s loose in the air.”
Sam shifted his grip. It wasn’t easy to hold the big circle of metal off the ground like that and the strain showed in his voice. “Can’t do this for long.”
“Perfect. Get ready to flip it on its side.”
“Wait how are we going to do that when her head is stuck?” Nick asked.
Charlie didn’t answer. They’d see soon enough if it worked. She grabbed the bucket and lifted it so the cow could plunge her head in for a mouthful of treats.
As soon as the cow got a taste of what was in there, Charlie set the bucket to the ground just beneath Bessie’s head. She quickly backed up. “There you go. All-you-can-eat buffet, girl. All you have to do is… reach it.”
Bessy strained to lower her head, but the bar under her throat stopped her. She made several tries and each time the weight on the feeder had Nick and Sam groaning. But then, smart cow that she was, she realized it was the cage keeping her from stuffing herself.
With absolutely no trouble at all, she backed up and pulled her head out, standing free and loose in the center.
“Holy shit. Lift it quick,” Sam yelled. He didn’t need to, Nick realized at the same time, and between the two of them, they managed to stand the feeder on one end, before Bessy could shove her big head back in between the bars.
“Woo-hoo!” Nick shouted as one fist punched the air.
The cow let out a concerned moo-ing sound, but her attention was fixed on the bucket of treats, and she carefully stepped over the bottom of the feeder to get to it. She feasted while Nick and Sam rolled the metal cage away. It was left to lean against the side of the barn, where it wouldn’t cause any more trouble.
“Smart plan, Charlie,” Sam said, grinning as he dusted off his hands and came to join her.
“I could see she was keeping her head there on purpose. Every time you tried to untangle her, she would lift her head, so it stayed stuck. I figured if she had a reason to want out…”
“Fucking cattle,” Nick grumbled. “You want to take that bucket away from her before she eats it all?”
“Aww… I guess. I feel bad though.” Charlie sighed as she grabbed the handle and pulled it away. “I mean, I did promise it was all-you-can-eat.”
Sam snorted. “You’d run out of treats before she ran out of stomachs anyway. Besides, I’m not sure Battle Bessie needs more energy.”
Between the three of them, they herded the cow into the corral with the others and closed the gate. “They’ll be fine until the hands arrive, and then we’ll go fix the fence.” Nick groaned and stretched. “Not how I wanted to start my day.”
“You could go back to bed and catch another hour?” Sam suggested.
Nick checked his watch and shook his head. “No point. Too wired now anyway. I’m going to get some coffee going, and then rearrange the morning schedule before everyone gets here. Sorry I had to wake you guys, but no way I could have done anything with her on my own.”
Sam laughed. “Unlike you, I can nap later. If you need help with the fence, give me a ring.”
Nick snorted. “Sure, old man. Get that nap in.”
“Don’t be jealous?—"
Charlie interrupted, cutting Sam off. “Well, I won’t be helping with the fence, because I am going back to bed.” She grinned at Nick, gave him a little wave, and then turned toward the house, without waiting for Sam.
Those two could stand there bantering all morning, if they wanted, but she was far too cold to wait while they teased and insulted each other.