Chapter 11

Garrett

I might not be able to feel Zosia’s emotions like the vampire yet, but I know what she’s thinking. I have the same worries despite my reassurances.

I won’t let Bren forge ahead until I’m certain he understands what he’s sacrificing. He’s never craved power, but Tremayne’s tales of historical atmospheric mages hadn’t surprised me. The part that bothers me is that Addington was also obsessed with channeling Bren’s power into a container. Our motives and container are different, but the similarity is worrisome.

Passing excess magic to the library isn’t problematic …, but Kodi? What if Bren somehow harms the freak of nature? My brother won’t be able to handle the guilt or Zosia’s resultant heartache. Farseeing abilities are a seductive trap, especially when Bren focuses on the future he wants and ignores all other possibilities.

Before we can tackle that mess, however, the library needs to turn Zosia’s biological father into a gargoyle. I never thought my life would be so bizarre, but I’m not exactly complaining. I almost punched the hairy-faced wizard when he suggested Addington might be Zosia’s father and nearly kissed him when he recanted. It was all too easy to imagine the jerk trying to date Karasi. She had power and beauty – both of which mattered to the alpha shifter.

The woman in my arms might be my beast’s fated mate, but that hardly matters anymore. My need to touch her stems from more than primal instinct. Carrying her up the many flights of stairs is an excuse to be close to her, although I understand she might consider it an affront to her independence and pride. My alpha nature longs to nurture her, and it has nothing to do with her past injuries or limited mobility. Unfortunately, Zosia has a difficult time seeing it this way.

I take the stairs slowly, purposefully staying behind the struggling shifter. Perhaps Zosia inherited her stubborn independence from Ansel. Avery hovers nearby, ready to assist. I’ll never understand the vampire’s eerie sight, but he’s less annoying since he bonded with Zosia. Or … maybe I’m the one who has changed.

The thought unnerves me, so I deliberately focus on gargoyles. I’m excited to watch the transformation and slightly embarrassed about my eagerness. I’ve been fascinated with the strange almost-shifters since I first saw them as a kid, and I agree with Ansel. The offer is an honor.

An existence as a library sentry sounds peaceful and purposeful; they wake only to protect and guard the library and its caretakers. Retaining human memories for a hundred years might be difficult, but at least my humanity wouldn’t vanish in an instant. As long as desire faded with my flesh, my recollections would be peaceful and soothing. Remembering how it felt to be human while I still craved sex, food, or exercise would be torture. Kodi is living – nonliving – proof. The ghost is a special case, though. Everything about him seems to defy all the rules.

While I stood sentry on our first day of work, I’d quietly schemed about how to introduce nutrients and exercise into my companions’ daily routines. Zosia seems particularly exhausted. Learned prejudices seek to lay the blame on the vampire. Did he take too much blood or push her too hard last night? Is she drinking sufficient water and supplementing enough to account for the blood loss?

At least my beast has calmed down when it comes to his mate’s other partners. My entire life has been a lesson in self-control, but jealousy still overcomes my common sense occasionally.

Supervising college students isn’t physically demanding, but it is mentally challenging. Because I was starting to like the other guardians, I’d nearly forgotten how thoroughly I despised other people. Apocrypha’s student body is an immature, entitled, bratty bunch, and I’ve been taught to be condescending. Neither is helpful in my new position.

The repulsive creature that tricked my brother was lucky that her head remained attached to her body. I’d barely restrained my beast’s murderous rampage by focusing on Zosia’s soothing presence. Worrying about the explosive unpredictability of Bren’s magic had also distracted me. My griffin considers my brother a member of our pack. We’d both protect Bren without regard for our personal lives.

“How are you … after today?” Zosia’s question is timid like she’s afraid to startle me.

She doesn’t understand that I could never forget she’s in my arms. Despite the millions of thoughts and worries swirling through my mind, most of me remains focused on her. My body is continuously aware of the lean muscles in her arms, the softness of her curves against my chest, and the softness of her bare fingers against my neck.

While she might be self-conscious about the way her legs fall crookedly over one arm, I barely notice. I will spend as much time as necessary reassuring her that her differences don’t make her lesser. I understand more than she knows. Addington made it his life’s work to tear Bren and me down so that we second-guessed every decision.

Zosia’s new position brings a certain measure of power and protection, but it hasn’t offered immunity against cruelty. I’d needed every ounce of my hard-won self-discipline to stay calm amid the whispers of the student body. The majority of the comments were speculative instead of outright insulting, but they still ruffled my feathers.

My more beastly half growls. Fuck curiosity. My mate isn’t part of a circus act. Anyone who harbors a morbid fascination with pain and disfigurement deserves to be banned.

My humanity, however, understands some of their fascination. Our world expects powerful people to be perfect. Whether this perfection is achieved through genetics, money, or magic is of no consequence. I don’t think perfection exists among humans, and experience has taught me that beauty can hide great ugliness.

Addington is a prime example. He claims prestige as one of the most handsome supernaturals and successful entrepreneurs. He ranks highly as a business prodigy and a consummate leader, and he’s earned more accolades than I can list. His handsome face and polite demeanor hide the monster beneath, however. Zosia is the opposite. Her crooked limbs and inability to walk disguise her formidable strength.

A lie automatically springs to my lips; it’s what I was taught. I push it away, though, and meet her bright blue and gold gaze. “The students irritate the shit out of me, but it isn’t that different from the work I’ve imagined doing. When it’s time, I’m also prepared to manage the politics as the library’s delegate. Addington and Walthers currently control Apocrypha, and I’m looking forward to cleaning up.” I can’t mask the eager satisfaction in my voice.

Zosia’s lips part, but I’m not finished yet. Kodi’s attempts to coddle the stubborn librarian are often met with failure, but my protective nature insists. “I’m worried about you. You seem more tired than usual. Did you drink enough water today? Could you be anemic? I can make an extra smoothie for breakfast tomorrow.”

As predicted, her features twist into dramatic revulsion. I didn’t expect it to be so cute, though. I almost trip over the next step, which is stupid. I don’t want to hurt her or give her a reason to forbid me from carrying her.

“Please don’t,” she replies with a shudder.

“They don’t taste as horrible as they look,” I argue defensively. “The natural sugar in the fruits disguises everything else. It can’t be as bad as the canned or processed food you ate at the orphanage.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” she replies playfully.

I don’t know if she’s conscious of it, but her fingers graze the nape of my neck as she fidgets with the collar of my shirt. Her touch, combined with the memory of the kiss we shared earlier, makes my dick twitch. I concentrate on the steps before I end up with my fourth hard-on today … or maybe my fifth. I’ve been semi-hard since I first saw her.

As we reach the eighth-floor landing, I notice Avery is practically carrying the shifter. Ansel’s feet still touch the stairs, but the vampire appears to be supporting most of his weight. We’re closer to the roof than I thought, which means I’ll have to release the woman in my arms. I don’t want to.

“I am a bit tired,” Zosia begins haltingly. “That physical therapy session we agreed to ….”

“Nope.” I shake my head before she can finish. I know if I let her back out now, she’ll keep resisting. Besides, it had taken me a few days of shoring up my courage before I could ask in the first place. “Sorry, kitten, but I’m going to be as stubborn as you. It won’t be long, though, and it shouldn’t require much effort. I’ll start by loosening your muscles, which should decrease your morning soreness. Believe me, you’ll be grateful.” My brow furrows as I mentally sort through my belongings. “I should have some medicinal salve from my last muscle strain. It will help.”

“I have some. Ansel gave it to me when I arrived. I can apply it myself, though.” Her cheeks redden.

I hate pushing her, but her protests aren’t only because of fatigue. She’s very self-conscious about her legs. “You should get used to the idea of my hands on your body, kitten. I promise I won’t change my mind about wanting you. It will be the opposite.” Imagining my hands sliding over her oiled flesh erases my earlier attempt to stave off an erection.

Taking the matter into my own hands only worked the first time I tried it. After that, I ended up frustrated. I’ve even considered calling that phone number displayed in advertisements for a magicless medication. A shifter usually doesn’t worry about maintaining an erection for four hours. We call it a good time – not a medical emergency.

“No matter what you say, I’m still going to worry,” Zosia replies with genuine anxiety. I force my mind out of the gutter to focus on her. “I’m just used to hiding my legs.”

Although she’s been misled and mistreated, ignoring her concerns would make me an asshole. “You’re always in charge, but I’d like to convince you through showing rather than telling. My goal tonight is to ease your pain. And yes, you can do it yourself, but my hands are stronger, and you’re too tired to massage deeply.”

She nods but continues to chew on her bottom lip – a sure sign that I haven’t convinced her. It will take more than words to undo every mean word and sideways glance that has convinced her otherwise, though.

When we reach the roof, Zosia’s wheelchair is waiting. I set her down gently and reluctantly, deciding to pull Bren aside while Ansel recovers from the climb.

As I get my brother’s attention, I can’t help but notice the beautiful autumn evening. The puddles from earlier have disappeared, but the air is heavy with moisture and the scent of rain still lingers.

I hadn’t realized the view was so beautiful from the top of the library. Without a single cloud in the sky, the orange and pink shades of the sunset are brilliant. The woods appear to be on fire, especially with the changing colors of the leaves.

“I’ve made up my mind, Rhett. I’m going to do it.” Bren starts speaking before I can open my mouth. His tone is defensive.

We’ve only retreated a few paces away from the group, but I’m not concerned about maintaining privacy. “I’m not trying to change your mind. I just wonder if you’ve considered the possible outcomes. I don’t think you realize the extent of your power. What if something goes wrong? What if Kodi or Zosia gets hurt?” I hope the calm in my voice delivers my warning clearly.

Bren’s pale green eyes meet mine briefly, and I note the subtle spark of neon blue. The shade is generally unstable for a few days after his magic erupts, and he’s more volatile during the recovery. He could spiral into another explosion or sink into depressive melancholy with little provocation. Neither is favorable while under BSP surveillance, but I don’t want this to force him into a hasty decision.

Addington seldom mentioned the enforcement agency when we were younger. He grumbled about their inclination to stick their noses where they didn’t belong, but he also expressed rare envy toward the shifter detectives. If they’re typically incorruptible, we should consider an individual as opposed to the organization as a whole. One had definitely exhibited more twitchiness. At the time, I’d thought it might be a bad cop – good cop scenario, but the ruse should have been less conspicuous.

“Sage will protect Zosia. The library is stronger than me, and she’ll be able to control the flow of magic. Kodi ….” Bren frowns with confusion. “He’s already dead. As long as I don’t wipe him from existence ….” His voice is full of uncertainty, and he pauses to rub at his temples.

“My visions have been more scrambled than usual the last two days,” he admits in a softer voice as he leans closer to me. “Everything is unclear, but one scares me more than others. If I’m taken to the bureau for questioning, Addington wins, and it doesn’t end well for anyone. The other possibilities might be murky or have negative consequences, but this one is the worst. You know as well as I do, Rhett. We have to avoid it.”

He’s right. Since the first detail Bren shared with me, our life has revolved around disaster prevention. We aren’t necessarily finding the best outcome for us; we’re trying to minimize the damages of Addington’s rule. His success begins a cascade of horror that results in apocalyptic scenarios. Through it all, I’ve trusted Bren. He’s the reason I’m here right now.

I sigh. “Okay. I’ll stop hounding you. Just don’t put your magic into an object – that would be like asking for trouble.”

Bren grins and nudges me with his elbow. “I agree, and it’s why I’m willing to take the risk with the library and Kodi. I trust them more than a rock.” His grin widens. “What about me being capable of biblical disasters, though? Pretty awesome, right?”

I nearly choke on my spit at his joke. “Let’s just avoid being written into Christ’s second coming, or the rapture, or whatever the religious books say. Yeah?”

He laughs, but it lacks true amusement because we both know it’s possible.

We rejoin the others. I’m still full of worry, but a simple conversation won’t erase my fears. Just like I told Zosia, actions speak louder than words. I’ve built my strength to protect the people I love. If I can also protect the world, I won’t complain. I might have a massive hero complex, but it’s who I am. Besides, someone has to take responsibility. If no one steps forward, nothing changes.

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