Chapter 15
Zosia
W e have a chance – not to win, necessarily. I am not looking that far ahead. But the likelihood of Bren being torn from me tomorrow morning is much lower now, and I am grateful for the reprieve.
Addington’s far-reaching influence and power had me worried that it would be us against the entire supernatural community. Detective Marks’ words confirmed that we aren’t alone. Other honest people exist; they’re a valid reason to keep fighting.
Bren’s obvious eagerness to transfer his power eases the lingering doubts in my mind. Thankfully, writing the contract isn’t one of my duties. My mind is too full to consider formulating the precise wording of a magically binding agreement.
When Duggar appears suddenly, I jolt in my chair and realize I’ve been lost in my thoughts and the magic of Avery’s hands. He’d almost lulled me into sleep.
For the second time that evening, Duggar opens the massive book to the proper page. Outwardly, the tome doesn’t reveal its magical and historical content. The binding is modern, but the first third of its pages are yellowed and rough-edged. Neither the rust-red cover nor the spine bears a title or description. For an unassuming book, it has altered my life in immeasurable ways. It is about to do so again.
Before I can fully process the cascade of emotions that my exhaustion inspires, Avery circles my chair to crouch before me. His silver irises glow with concern. The vampire’s solid and unwavering support has been crucial to my well-being all day. It’s unfortunate that I’ve barely had a moment to reminisce on our time together. Memories flood my mind at his nearness.
I doubt my impressive imagination could have created a more extraordinary experience for my first sexual encounter. I’m honored because the media and accounts from other women had led me to believe this was rare. Perhaps my night of intimacy was normal by supernatural standards, but it had exceeded my mostly magicless expectations.
My climaxes before last night had been hasty or subdued with worry that I’d be interrupted or discovered. Locked doors weren’t permitted at the orphanage, and locks don’t prevent a ghost from slipping through. Avery’s patient selflessness allowed me to experience the kind of mind-blowing orgasm I’d only read about.
Avery doesn’t speak; he doesn’t need to. Knowing someone is privy to all of my emotions is disconcerting, but there are also benefits. The vampire knows which ones necessitate a response, and he doesn’t call forth unwanted attention. Perhaps he can teach Kodi discretion when the ghost gains the same ability.
The vampire unexpectedly places his palms on my thighs, and my entire body heats. My legs are overly sensitive and unaccustomed to touch. Although the bones didn’t heal properly, the nerves are fully functional. I keep inventing excuses to delay Garrett’s massage, but the shifter is more inflexible than the stone gargoyles. I’m worried my self- consciousness will negate the therapeutic quality of his attention.
Realizing that Avery senses my scattered emotional state, I reassure him by clasping his hands. “I’m okay. I’m overly emotional because I’m tired.” My words waffle between truth and dishonesty because I don’t offer details; it’s a lie of omission.
Avery nods with acceptance and leans forward expectantly, but he lets me decide whether to close the distance between us. Heat rises to my cheeks when our lips meet for a brief kiss. The others might be distracted by the contract, but I’m still not used to semi-private displays of affection – or any affection.
When Avery rises with a small smile, I maneuver my chair towards the table where Bren is currently reading the contract. Unlike other contracts, the text appears legible, and I’m tempted to read over Bren’s shoulder. Despite my urges, I force my gaze somewhere else. I want to trust Sage and Bren, and my mind has been overly influenced by the magicless world. Besides, being aware of the possible repercussions and consequences if something goes awry will only make me more worried.
Even from a distance, however, the contract seems twice as long as the oaths of guardianship. My head starts aching when I imagine the complex legalese and millions of caveats and exceptions.
Bren reads silently for several minutes. With each word, the frown lines between his dark brows deepen. His brother edges away from the table and begins pacing down the center of the room.
“It seems long,” I say to Duggar. Like Garrett, I’m conscious of breaking Bren’s conversation, but I can’t pace to ease my worries.
The goblin’s wings rustle and his dark gaze is unreadable. “Sage is apologetic. This contract is a singular anomaly in her lengthy history, and she had to pull language from several law texts to complete it.” His raspy tone is weary and agitated. It’s been a long day for everyone – not just the humans.
My gaze flits back to the book, and a single word catches my attention. Although it’s the same as every other word, my vision latches onto it as if it’s written in all caps, bolded, or in a different font. Eradicated.
Unable to resist, I move my chair forward until the wheel hits the nearest table leg. Still, the type is very small, so I scoot to the edge of my seat. “What does this mean? If the subject’s power is so great that it threatens the safety and integrity of the items stored within the library, the subject will be eradicated. Eradicated? What a horrifying word choice. Does it mean death? Also, which items? Any of them? All of them? How is integrity defined?”
Duggar’s wings flutter with such frantic energy that they propel him into the air. “The library felt she needed to include language that would cover every imaginable eventuality. She doesn’t know what to expect.” Gilly appears next to him, entwining their hands. It’s the first sign of any human-like relationship I’ve ever seen them exhibit. His wife’s presence must offer comfort because he stops bouncing back and forth in the air.
“There is too much at stake,” Duggar continues with a very human sigh. “The libraries are connected, so it’s not just this one we have to consider. The balance of the universe is at stake.”
“Here we are talking about the universe again.” Kodi’s mutter is mostly ignored, but I file it away in the back of my mind. He has a point.
“I understand,” Bren says from beside me. He’s no longer hunched over the book. Instead, he’s looking into the distance and a swirl of pastel color tints his gaze. “Contracts are meant to be precautions. They cover every eventuality, no matter how far-fetched. It needs to be unbiased in order to convince the bureau. The bureau can’t have any reason to believe the library might be making an exception for her guardians.” When Bren turns to me, his eyes have returned to their usual pale green. “‘No man is above the law and no man below it.’”
“Who said that?” I whisper. Bren’s gaze captures mine with such intensity that I barely find the breath to ask.
“Theodore Roosevelt.” Garrett’s angry answer shatters the moment between Bren and me. His emotions are so clearly written on his face that they don’t require a bond. Anger and helplessness war with resignation. “Is there no other way?”
Bren turns his attention toward his brother. “My visions are clear now. This is the only way forward.” A lie hides within his words, but it pertains to the nature of his visions; they are never truly clear.
Without further hesitation, he pokes his right thumb and signs his name. Why hadn’t I noticed he’s left-handed until now? The inconsequential detail must have waited for the perfect moment to distract me.
The lurid red blood stains the white page, destroying every protest anyone might have uttered. I have a single glimpse of his new surname before Bren closes the book.
“It’s done,” he states with measured calm.
The shifter’s massive shoulders sag under the gravity of his brother’s decision as silence envelops us. In that quiet, the book and pen disappear without fanfare. Nothing can erase a library contract.
My rational brain understands that he made the best choice under horrible circumstances, but I can’t help but feel responsible. What if he’s still captured? What if he dies because of me – like Kodi? Did my mother also die because of me? Ansel, my father, did to some degree. The sudden rush of emotions nearly suffocates me and tears cloud my vision. “This is all my fault,” I sob.
Bren grabs the arms of my chair and turns both of us until we’re sitting in the same position we’d been in when we worked together to save Kodi. This time, anxiety doesn’t overwhelm me at the idea of his legs touching mine. It’s a monumental change that I barely notice.
“Look at me.” The thread of command in Bren’s voice is so unexpected that I obey without thinking.
Kiwi. The word pops into my brain without warning, and it takes me a second to connect my thoughts. His eyes are the color of kiwis – the fruit, not the bird.
“Did you give birth to me?”
The question is just as peculiar as my mental search for the perfect way to describe the color of his eyes. “What?”
“You didn’t give me this power, Zosia Abram.” He grasps my hands and speaks the words clearly and firmly. “I understand that a lot has been laid upon your shoulders since you realized your birthright, but this weight isn’t yours. I chose to come here and be a guardian. It’s on me if something bad happens, especially since I can see the future. People make their own decisions, Zosia. Kodi chose to save you. Ansel chose to become the interim protector of the library. Your mother chose her path when she left the library. I chose to sign the contract. Our love for you might have influenced those decisions, but that doesn’t mean you get to take on all the responsibility for any consequences.”
“A-fucking-men,” Kodi grumbles.
I can’t formulate a response. Like an idiot, I’m still stuck on one thing. Our love for you. Does he love me?
Before I can banish this thought, Bren turns to Garrett. “Same goes for you too, brother. I’d forgotten that I’d seen this moment more than once, so I was more prepared than I thought. If I die while protecting the library, then so be it. The alternative is rotting in a cell or becoming Addington’s puppet. He’d use all of you to make me dance to his tune.”
The grim acceptance on Garrett’s face echoes mine. We both know he’s telling the truth, but it doesn’t make the possible outcomes easier to handle.
“I trust the library,” he adds earnestly as he meets my gaze again. He won’t be satisfied until I’ve voiced some kind of understanding.
I scrunch my eyes shut to minimize the influence of his gorgeous face. Since he arrived, I can empathize with the ancient stories of men going to war for beautiful women. His heart is as beautiful as his face, though, which makes it even more difficult.
Pushing aside those thoughts, I focus on Sage. I don’t want her to speak. I want to understand the contract and her intentions. After several minutes of intuitive soul-searching, I nod and squeeze Bren’s hands.
“I trust your decision and I trust the library.” My words are barely more than a whisper. Bren leans forward and tenderly kisses my cheek. His lips are wet when he retreats, and I realize that my tears must have fallen without my notice. When he smiles, I nearly melt. The heat of my blush will probably evaporate any remaining wetness, so I don’t bother wiping my face.
Garrett doesn’t mimic my acquiescence. “This doesn’t mean we can’t ensure your safety. We have five days to research the transfer and experiment. The contract’s worst eventualities won’t manifest.” His confidence nearly makes me believe the declaration, but Bren studiously avoids his gaze.
“Who knew that working in a library would be so dangerous?” Kodi’s joke falls flat because he can’t disguise his worried tone.
Because I’m accustomed to disappointment, my mind entertains me with a glimpse of the worst-case scenario. In it, Kodi can’t absorb the power Bren offers and fades into nothingness. Bren’s magic backfires and creates a torrential storm inside the library. Every ancient, powerful relic and book is destroyed, leaving Sage weak and vulnerable. She doesn’t eradicate Bren though. Instead, Addington captures him.
I suck in a deep breath and shake my head to dispel the image. I’m certain Bren can offer me a quote about the mind being one’s worst enemy. It tortures me as easily as any human.
“Que sera sera ,” Bren whispers as he squeezes my hands tightly.
Can he see my horrible thoughts? I look into his eyes and echo the words. Whatever will be, will be. The mantra isn’t meant to be comforting, but understanding that I can’t control everything silences my mind.
As if the slight lull is a signal, exhaustion slams into me like a freight train. “We all need to sleep. There’s no more to do tonight, and the library will open like usual in the morning.”
I don’t look at Garrett while I say this, but my casual avoidance doesn’t work.
“I haven’t forgotten your promise, kitten. We’ll do it in your room. I’ll give you ten minutes to prepare and change. I need access to your bare legs.” His last sentence is so nonchalant that my mind stutters.
Baring my legs to someone I’m attracted to is my worst nightmare. Actually … no, I amend. My worst nightmare changed an hour ago. My altered life has definitely changed my perspective.
“Why does that sound so dirty?” Kodi asks no one in particular.
“Because your mind is perpetually in the gutter,” I remark without pause, enjoying the distraction of our familiar banter.
The alpha shifter is intent on challenging my deepest insecurities, and arguing or delaying what seems to be inevitable is impossible. Garrett is as stubborn as Kodi and me. He feels certain he won’t reevaluate his attraction upon seeing the parts of me I consider ugly and broken, but I’m not convinced. My chest tightens as panic threatens to unravel my tight control. In my mind, his rejection becomes the beginning of my earlier worst-case scenario.