Chapter 29
TWENTY-NINE
DAKOTA
Music pulses from the main lodge. Actual music. Julien’s fingers are loosely tangled with mine, the casual touch so new it sends electricity skating up my arm. His hair is still damp from our shower, darker, and I want to run my fingers through it again.
We reach the lodge’s wooden porch, steps creaking beneath our boots. Just as I reach for the door handle, Julien wrenches me sideways, around the corner where shadows pool deep against the log wall. His hands find my waist, backing me against rough wood as he crowds my space.
“Jul—”
He kisses me. Deep and thorough, tongue sweeping into my mouth like he owns it.
Like he’s trying to memorize the taste of me.
My hands fist in his shirt, yanking him closer even though there’s no space left between us.
This still feels forbidden. Us, together, out in the open.
Like any minute, someone will tear us apart, or I’ll wake up.
“We just showered,” I manage, lips tingling.
“I know.” He cups my jaw, his thumb brushing across my lower lip, and his eyes tracking the movement. “Can’t help it. Wanted you a little more to myself before we go in there. Can you blame me?”
Heat floods my cheeks. My core. Everywhere. “You’re ridiculous.”
“Maybe.” He kisses me again, softer this time. “But you’re here.”
I am. I’m here with him. Not disappearing. The realization makes my chest tight.
“Are you really okay?” I whisper, suddenly nervous. “With me staying with Amelia for now?”
His expression doesn’t change. “Yes.”
“Julien—”
“I understand you need more time.” His hand winds around the back of my neck, fingers tangling in my damp hair. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Thank you.” I rise onto my toes, pressing my lips against his in a kiss that turns deeper than I intended, his hand on my hair holding me in place.
The door beside us bangs open, spilling yellow lamplight and laughter into our hiding spot. We jump apart like teenagers caught by parents, and Sienna stumbles out, nearly tripping over her own feet, the plastic cup sloshing liquid on her hand.
“There you are!” She points an accusatory finger between us. “I was just coming to find you. Get. In. Here.”
My face burns hot enough to melt snow. “We were just—”
“Uh-huh.” She takes a long sip from her cup, eyes dancing with amusement. “Sure you whatever you were.”
Julien straightens. “Everyone inside?”
“Yep.” Sienna grabs my hand, steering me toward the door. “Come on, I need backup. Your sister’s been hogging the good whiskey.”
I glance back at Julien. He nods once, a small smile tugging at his mouth, before following us inside.
The lodge has transformed. Lanterns hang from ceiling beams, casting warm pools of light across the open space.
Someone’s arranged the furniture against the walls, creating a makeshift dance floor in the center.
Cameron stands by the far wall, fiddling with what looks like an ancient MP3 player connected to surprisingly decent speakers.
“Look what Ramirez found!” he calls, holding it up like a trophy. “Old caretaker’s stash. Thing’s got thousands of songs!”
Sienna doesn’t stop, pulling me toward a table where Amelia sits with Ramirez, both nursing drinks in mismatched cups.
“Found them.” Sienna finally releases my wrist.
“Dakota!” My sister’s cheeks are flushed pink, a half-empty glass in front of her. “I thought you weren’t coming.”
“Sorry, I was—” Having sex with Julien. “—taking my time getting ready.”
Sienna snorts into her drink.
I shoot her a look that promises retribution later.
She just grins wider, dropping into a chair and patting the one beside her. “Sit. Ramirez made some kind of punch. It’s actually not terrible.”
“That’s my queue.” Ramirez stands, nodding to me. “I’ll leave you to catch up.” He crosses to where Julien and Cameron are debating song choices, clapping Julien on the shoulder like they’re old friends.
Sienna pours me a generous cup of something that smells like fruit and rubbing alcohol. “Drink. Doctor’s orders.”
“You’re not a doctor.” I slide into the seat.
“I took a first aid course once. Close enough.” She lifts her cup. “To not dying today.”
“Setting the bar high.” But I clink my cup against hers and Amelia’s before taking a sip. It burns all the way down, settling like fire in my stomach. “What is this?”
“Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to,” Sienna says with a wink.
The music shifts to a slower beat, and Cameron appears at Sienna’s side, hauling her to her feet. “Dance with me.”
“You’re such a dork.” But she’s laughing, letting him spin her into the center of the room.
They move together like they’ve done this a thousand times, his hand at her waist, hers on his shoulder. It’s sweet.
Amelia watches them too, wistfulness softening her features. “They’re cute.”
“They are.”
“I wish I had that.” Her gaze drifts to where Julien stands with Ramirez near the speaker, accepting a drink. “Someone who looks at me like that.”
Heat crawls up my neck as I remember exactly how Julien and I spent the last hour. His hands on my body. His mouth. His voice. His…
I shift in my chair, thighs pressing together. “Like what?”
“Like Cameron looks at Sienna.” Amelia takes another sip. “Do you think he likes me?”
“Who?” But I know. I know before she says it.
“Julien.” She doesn’t look at me, still watching him across the room. “Do you think he likes me?”
My throat closes. Words pile up behind my teeth—he’s mine, I slept with him, he kissed me against a wall before we came inside, he said he needs me—but they won’t come out.
Because she doesn’t know.
Because I haven’t told her.
Because I’m a coward who’s been sneaking around instead of being honest.
“I—” My voice sounds strangled. “Why do you ask?”
“He’s been so nice to me. Taking me to the lake, carrying me when I couldn’t walk.” She hides behind her cup. “And he’s… I mean, look at him.”
Julien laughs at something Ramirez says, head thrown back, throat exposed.
“We used to be close. Before everything.” Amelia’s fingers trace the rim of her glass. She is looking at him like he’s the answer to a question she’s been asking her whole life. “I always thought maybe, when I got better…”
And here I am. Sister of the year.
“Amelia—”
The door crashes open.
My father staggers through, clutching a bottle of brown liquor. His shirt’s untucked, hair mussed, face flushed red. “What the hell is this? Some kind of party?”
Ramirez reaches for the MP3 player, turning the volume down but not off. Cameron stops dancing, hiding Sienna protectively behind him.
Dad’s gaze lands on Amelia. “You. What are you doing here?”
“I—”
“You should be in bed.” He sways toward our table. “You’re sick. You need rest, not—” He waves the bottle vaguely at the room. “—this.”
“Dad.” I stand, positioning myself between them. “We’re just having a bit of fun. Amelia’s feeling better.”
“I am.” Amelia pushes to her feet. “I’ve been resting during the day—”
“Resting.” Dad laughs, sharp and hollow. “Right. That’s why you were out at the lake today with him.” He points the bottle at Julien, before his attention swings to me, eyes bloodshot. “And you. Where were you?”
“I—”
He stumbles closer, invading my space. The whiskey smell rolls off him in waves, turning my stomach. I flinch back automatically, chair legs scraping against wood.
“That’s what I thought.” He laughs again. “Too busy throwing yourself at the next best man like a whore.”
Whore. Is this all I deserve?
Julien appears at my side so fast I don’t see him move. “Don’t you dare.”
“Or what?” Dad faces him. “You’ll hit me?”
“Stop it.” My voice comes out small. Weak.
Why can’t I be stronger? Why do I always shrink when he—
Dad’s face twists. “I’m her father. I’ll talk to her however I damn well please. She’s been sneaking around, abandoning her responsibilities—”
Their voices blend, rising, but I can’t hear them anymore. The room tilts, sound fading to white noise. My father’s mouth moves, forming words I don’t process. Julien’s stance shifts to a defensive posture.
But all I can think is: this is it.
This is my whole life.
Shrinking. Apologizing. Making myself smaller so he won’t—
Won’t what?
Hit me? He’s done that.
Yell at me? He did that daily.
Make me feel worthless? That’s his specialty.
What exactly am I afraid of anymore?
The world already ended. Zombies hunt in packs. I killed the dead, survived a psychopath, learned to fight…
And I’m still letting this man make me feel like I’m nothing.
The memory of my tenth birthday rises unbidden—sitting alone at the kitchen table while Dad rushed Amelia to the hospital, again.
My untouched cake growing stale as hours passed.
At sixteen, I turned down a scholarship because it would have meant moving away, leaving Amelia without her daily caretaker while Mom worked.
Dad called it ‘being practical’ when I enrolled in the local community college instead.
Said dreams were luxuries we couldn’t afford.
I was ready to marry a man I didn’t love to save our family.
I gave everything.
All to be called a whore.
When is it ever enough? When I die?
When can I have something?
“Stop.” The word comes out stronger this time.
They keep arguing.
“I said stop!” My voice cracks across the room like a whip.
Everyone freezes. Dad. Julien. The entire lodge goes silent, even the music cuts off completely.
My hands shake. My knees threaten to buckle. But I lock them, forcing myself to stand tall. “You want to know where I was?” I stare at my father. “I was living my life. For the first time ever, I was choosing something for myself instead of constantly trying to be the good daughter.”
“Dakota—” Dad’s face darkens.
“No.” I cut him off. “You don’t get to talk anymore. You’ve talked enough for my entire life. Now you’re going to listen.”
Silence. Complete, suffocating silence.
“You blame me for everything. For Amelia being sick. For not being good enough. For existing.” My voice cracks. “You hit me when you were angry. Ignored me when you weren’t. Made me feel like I had to earn the right to take up space in my own home.”
He takes a step forward. “You’re going—”
“Don’t.” Julien moves with him, blocking his path to me.
“I spent years trying to be perfect for you. Getting good grades. Following your rules. Never complaining. Never asking for anything.” My nails dig into my palms. “I was going to marry Cameron because you told me to. Because you made it clear that was my job. My purpose. To save this family from your failures.”
“I was trying to help—”
“You were trying to control!” The words explode out of me. “You couldn’t control Amelia’s illness. Couldn’t control your business falling apart. Couldn’t control Mom. So you controlled me. Because I let you.”
His mouth opens, closes. No words come out.
“But I’m done letting you.” Tears blur my vision.
“I’m done apologizing for breathing. For wanting things.
For being alive when it’s inconvenient for you.
” My laugh sounds hysterical. “You’re a bully.
A drunk. A failure who blames everyone else for his problems instead of taking responsibility for once. ”
Dad staggers.
“I’m done. I’m done being your verbal punching bag. Your scapegoat. Your daughter, who only exists when you need someone to yell at.”
“Dakota…” Amelia’s voice, soft and breaking.
“No, Meli. He needs to hear this.” I turn back to Dad, who looks smaller now. Older. “I love my sister. I’d die for her. But I won’t die for you. I won’t sacrifice my entire life to make up for yours.”
Dad’s face cycles through anger, shock, and shame. I can’t tell them all and don’t care. He turns without a word and rushes out the door, the bottle still clutched in his hand.
The second he’s gone, my knees give out.
Julien catches me before I hit the floor. “I’ve got you.”
Sienna appears at my other side, hand gentle on my shoulder. “Hey.”
I can’t do anything but shake, the adrenaline draining out of me all at once.
Everything I just said, everything I just admitted, crashes over me in waves.
In a bad way.