Chapter 23
After a rather sleepless night, Ged, Liam and I arrive at Newcastle Airport ready to travel to Benidorm.
This is the build-up to Ged and Liam’s pre-moon spree.
With their wedding potentially only months away (they are currently floating the idea of a pop-up ceremony), this is them going out with a bang to celebrate their last weeks of freedom in style.
And everything needs to be perfect. And by perfect, I mean micromanaged like a Las Vegas casino heist.
The three of us are waiting at the check-in desk with our luggage trolleys piled impossibly high when we hear an almighty racket coming from the other side of the concourse.
I know without even turning around that it is the Dollz.
Like us, they have a trolley each, piled high to an excessive degree.
They are squabbling over whether they should split the fees for being ‘overweight’ between the group or whether poor individual packing and case management is to blame.
‘We could use my credit card but it’ll get declined,’ offers Cherry without any further explanation.
‘Mine is chocka full,’ says Liberty. ‘We put all the ciggies and duty-free on it last time, remember? You all still owe me.’
‘I don’t have one,’ says Big Sue. ‘On principle.’
‘Definitely split all the fees,’ I say firmly, bringing an immediate halt to the argument. The costs for this trip are escalating by the second. ‘Add them to our WhatsApp total and I’ll work out how much it is for everyone while we are in Vegas. For now, let’s dump everything on my credit card.’
This brings a sigh of relief from the girls. Tash swoops towards me in a cloud of perfume and hairspray. ‘Thanks, babes. I haven’t got the headspace for working things out right now. I just need to focus on what’s important.’ She flicks Ged and Liam an adoring smile.
‘Honey, we love that you’re all so invested,’ Liam says, beginning to well up. ‘Celebrating this happiest time in our lives with us, it means everything.’ He swishes his hand over his face. ‘Everything.’
Ged steps in. He has been practising a variety of speeches all week.
‘You are like family,’ he says, taking his fiancé’s hand and clamping it to his heart dramatically.
‘There’s no one we’d rather share our happiness with.
This week isn’t just about us. Please don’t make us the centre of attention the whole time.
We just want you all to have an amazing experience. ’
Ged and Liam do namaste hands at us. If there’s one thing I’m certain of, it’s that this week is all about them. They absolutely do want us to make sure they are the centre of attention the whole time. And it’s all about them having an amazing experience. And my job is to make that happen for them.
‘Thank goodness,’ says Tash, beaming. ‘Because I’ve invited Sister Kevin to come to Vegas. And we’ll need a bit of quality time together now that we’ve taken our relationship to the next level.’
Ged and Liam’s faces fall instantly. ‘You’ve invited him to our pre-moon?’
Tash carries on as though everyone is now riveted at her plans for the week. ‘No, don’t be silly. I would have asked you first.’
‘But he’s still coming to Las Vegas at the same time we’ll be there celebrating?’
This is a bit rich coming from Ged. Only five minutes ago, everyone was muscling in on my big romantic break away with Matteo, and nobody seemed to mind about that. I’ll have to let it go.
‘Yes. It’s his BIG birthday next week,’ Tash says, seemingly oblivious. ‘And we are in a mutually exclusive relationship now, remember?’
‘How BIG is this birthday?’ Liam is quick to ask.
‘Big,’ Tash says, leaving it at that.
‘Couldn’t you take him somewhere else afterwards? For his BIG birthday?’ Ged asks.
‘No.’ Tash begins to screw her eyes at him. ‘I’m organising a surprise for him. And it needs to be in Vegas.’
This is the first we’re all hearing of Tash having alternate plans for the week. This is just what I need. An added complication to factor in.
‘He looks about thirty-five to me,’ says Cherry, causing us to silently ask via eye contact with one another whether this is, in fact, a BIG birthday. ‘What surprise have you got in mind?’
‘I thought I’d surprise him…’ Tash beams at Cherry and excitedly grabs her hands before looking at each of us in turn. She takes an exaggerated breath in and squeals loudly, ‘…with a baby!’
We all take a beat to let this land. Questions fly through my mind.
They’ve only been together for a few weeks, and most of that has been under the influence.
Where will she get a baby to wrap up? It’s not like you can just go into a shop and buy one.
Unless she has bought one online already.
I hear between Shein and Temu you can get just about anything.
The mystery is revealed.
‘You’re pregnant?’ Cherry chokes on the words.
Very recent memories of Tash, paralytic at the Sinfonia end-of-tour party, making a huge show of downing a bottle of Prosecco and then throwing it dramatically over her shoulder, come flooding back.
The crack it made along the entire length of the mirrored wall could be heard over the music.
It sounded like gunfire, judging by the screams from the poor people sitting at the tables below.
Tash takes in our shocked expressions and shakes her head, laughing. ‘Not yet. No. But nearly. You know. When we get there.’
‘So, the plan is to trick him into impregnating you, then you surprise him with the news on his birthday?’ asks Big Sue in her stern social worker voice.
I’m also pretty sure that if you’re going to raise a family with someone, it’s the done thing to at least find out his surname first. Tash has only known him as ‘Sister Kevin’ since we met him and the rest of the bearded nuns in Benidorm.
‘And we’ll definitely be naming the baby Vegas!’ Sparkles are shooting out of her eyes. ‘Whether it’s a boy or a girl.’
‘That’s not really a reason to do the deed in Vegas, love,’ says Big Sue. ‘You could do the deed back home and still call the baby Vegas.’
Ged and Liam are nodding vigorously at this more than reasonable suggestion.
‘Everyone calls their children after where they were conceived these days. I’m not going to name my baby Cowgate or whatever town Sister Kev’s from, am I? No. Vegas is the place. I wouldn’t dream of anywhere else. Baby Vegas. It sounds so…’ Tash sighs happily, unable to find the right word.
Big Sue gives Ged and Liam an apologetic shrug.
‘I’m surprised you haven’t considered Elvis,’ says Big Mand dryly. ‘Or Slot-Machine as a fun middle name. You do know I deliver babies for a living, don’t you? And they are not all that, I’ll tell you that much for free.’
‘Or Bellagio sounds nice,’ says Tash in a world of her own. ‘Baby Bellagio. Baby Vegas. Baby Elvis.’ She drums her fingers lightly on her huge bottom lip. ‘I can’t choose.’
‘I don’t know what’s more disturbing,’ says Big Sue, rattling off some stats to do with single mothers, unwanted pregnancies and benefits claims.
Before the rest of us can react, the queue has disappeared, and the airline attendant is beckoning us all forward with our huge towers of luggage.
She is calling for assistance and complaining that we should have filled out a notification of excessive luggage online ahead of the journey.
There will be hefty financial penalties to pay. Everyone turns towards me.
My poor credit card.
* * *
No one has had the courage during the flight to tackle Tash on her ‘surprise’ bombshell.
It has somewhat put a dampener on the proceedings.
I can tell by the way Ged and Liam keep whispering to each other that they are not best pleased.
Liberty is still barely talking to any of us after the club incident with Luke.
She blames us for him walking out. Cherry is unusually quiet and has not even leapt up to dance in the aisle. Not once.
When we finally pile through the exit at Alicante Airport, the heat hits me, and I am immediately transported back to a few weeks ago.
The sizzling heat, the Latino music, the smell of olives mixed with taxi fumes wafting on the hot air.
As the warmth of the sun penetrates my bones, I breathe deeply to inhale the familiar scent of Spain.
The midday sun is blazing in the cloudless blue sky, and everyone on the bustling concourse appears to be smoking cigarettes as though we have arrived in the 1970s.
I quickly switch on my phone to discover that I have missed four calls from Matteo.
I hurriedly text him to say that I’ve been in flight mode and have just arrived in Alicante.
He texts me back immediately to remind me that he is thinking of me and hopes the flight over has gone well.
He signs off as Mr Window Seat. I stare at his message as a surge of longing powers through me.
This is where we first met. Where our incredible journey of self-discovery and personal growth began.
Where passions were ignited, where truths were…
‘Connie, for fuck’s sake, we haven’t got all fucking day!’ Tash yells at me.
She’s going to make a lovely mother.
They are all loading their cases onto an already overloaded roof rack. Our small, wiry driver from the last trip, Jorge, is visibly sweating as he forces cases into tiny crevices on the minibus. He is bewildered at the amount of luggage we have. His face drops when he sees me lug my trolley over.
‘Hoargghhhay says we might have to sit on the cases because he can’t get them all in,’ says Liberty in a sulky tone. ‘Apparently, someone should have notified him beforehand.’ She trains her gaze on me.
‘When are you going to get over yourself, pet?’ booms Big Mand. ‘We’ve just about had enough of your sulking. Haven’t we, lasses?’
We all nod.
‘It wasn’t our fault that your Norwegian prince took off. Double-dipping is what you were doing,’ Big Mand says firmly.