Chapter 17
After a few hours in the Old Town, sitting in a quaint tapas bar, we have successfully dissected and analysed what we think Alex’s problem is.
‘She’s unfulfilled. She has a crush on her business partner, and after the way Connie threw herself at him on stage, she now sees her as a threat and is determined to get her off the scene. ’
I swallow, amazed at how astute Liberty is with her observations. It’s incredible. Just goes to show you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.
‘Yeah,’ says Tash. ‘Connie, do you have a massive crush on the boss?’
What sort of question is that to ask? We’re not twelve.
‘No, of course not,’ I lie, my whole face burning up.
‘He’s definitely a hunk of spunk,’ she says. ‘And he looks super shredded to me.’
‘Does he?’ Christ, I hope they don’t probe too much. ‘I hadn’t really noticed.’
‘It’s just that we heard you singing earlier in the shower. Your voice really carries. And you were singing a love song.’
‘So?’ I say, aware of the defensive tone creeping into my voice.
‘It was about a moody, dark-eyed fella who refuses to love you back.’
‘No, it definitely wasn’t about him.’
‘And you mentioned the name Matteo quite a lot. It’s a difficult one to rhyme, isn’t it? Mind, you gave it a good go, didn’t you, pet?’
Crap.
‘The way to a man’s heart is through his loins,’ says Liberty with some authority. ‘It’s all about confidence. Not size, colour or shape.’ She sweeps an eye over our group, stopping at me. ‘Connie, you have no confidence.’
While the Dollz discuss my inadequacies at great length, I fight the sinking feeling that Alex is surely more Matteo’s type. She’s sophisticated and well groomed and successful.
‘I say we finish these cocktails and take Connie shopping,’ says Big Mand.
‘She needs to find her own style,’ agrees Tash. ‘And I know just what that should be.’
‘And maybe some leg tattoos,’ says Big Sue.
‘And definitely some sex appeal,’ says Cherry. ‘We should teach her how to move her body properly. She’s all legs and no rhythm. Like a drunk on stilts.’
The Dollz discuss the pressing issue of what I should wear to the festival tomorrow and the shortfalls of my ability to lure men.
‘What time are we meeting the nuns?’ interrupts Liberty, glancing at the time. ‘They’ve really made the holiday – I mean, work trip – haven’t they?’
Tash rolls her eyes and accuses Liberty of being unable to take two steps outside the villa without getting fingered by one of the nuns.
Liberty goes a bit red. ‘I have experienced an unusually high amount of fingers up there this week compared to normal.’
Delightful and charming.
‘Come on then, let’s get Connie sorted out with some decent clothes.’
‘Yes, that a woman of her age would wear.’
‘I’m only twenty-seven,’ I protest.
They raise their eyebrows as if to make a point.
‘A woman who cares about how she looks.’
‘A woman who has regular and satisfying orgasms. Men can’t tell but women can. It’ll give you the glow that you currently lack.’
I blink rapidly. ‘Or how about clothes that say I’m classically trained, come with me on a spiritual journey ?’ I say in a feeble attempt to regain the upper hand.
Cherry glowers at me. ‘That’s the musical equivalent of cock-blocking, pet.’
‘Connie, love, if you want us to transform you into a sex kitten then you’ll have to loosen up,’ insists Liberty impatiently.
‘You want Matteo to find you sexy and exciting, don’t you?
And you want to bring some sparkle to your performance, don’t you?
Well, the two things are intrinsically linked.
’ She points a manicured nail at me. ‘But you have to find you sexy and exciting first.’
I nod warily. I mean, that is definitely true and it does seem like the next natural step in my bid to stray out of my sexual comfort zone. ‘But Alex has warned me off him, and to be honest, after last night, I should really just back off and leave him alone. I’ll be gone in a few days.’
They look at me aghast.
‘A few days is a few days,’ bellows Big Sue as we troop off through the cobbled streets of the Old Town. ‘Anything could happen. You could fall in love tomorrow, pluck up the courage to act on it and elope the day after that. Who are we to deny our fate?’
We all stop to stare at her.
‘She’s right,’ Big Mand says, turning the colour of tomato soup.
‘Yes,’ says Tash. ‘Anything could happen. Connie, you need to be more optimistic, honey.’
All this loud bickering and braying is making me nervous.
We are dangerously near the Jezebel Music offices as we coast by the main shopping lane and its window displays showing all the latest fashions from Zara, Mango and several Spanish boutique shops with lovely colourful prints and clothes that swish.
‘No. No. No,’ mutters Cherry as we pass by. I scurry along, keeping my head down as we pass Matteo’s office and duck down an alleyway. Along we go until she yells, ‘Here we are.’
I take in the neon sign swinging above the door and instinctively step backwards.
‘No way,’ I say as they crowd in.
‘We’re telling you, Connie. This is where to buy all your stage costumes. It’s where we get ours. Stop being such a prude.’
Sweet baby Jesus.
I look at the huge sign that says SEX SHOP , and after glancing surreptitiously around to make sure that no one is watching, I follow them nervously in. I can hand on heart say that I’ve never been in one. Ever. But once inside, I’m immediately surprised as I gaze around the shop.
‘See?’ says Tash. ‘It’s just like Ann Summers.’
Like I would know that.
I wander surreptitiously down the aisles trying not to gawp at the display of sex toys and weird-looking objects lining the shelves. I may not be very experienced when it comes to these things but I’m now feeling way out of my depth.
‘I’ve had to resort to one of these,’ says Cherry, picking up a large vibrator.
‘There’s an even bigger one over here,’ says Liberty, brandishing something the size of a two-litre bottle of pop.
‘Fashionable sex these days involves a minimum of two or three people,’ says Tash knowingly. ‘Filming on their phones as they go. It’s all about completely hair-free bodies, waxed skin and bleached bumholes.’
I freeze with alarm as the girls nod their heads in agreement.
‘But I have to say, girls,’ Cherry warns, ‘always get some sort of disclaimer signed otherwise some twat will post it online once you break up with them. Take it from me. I’m not a paralegal for nothing.’
‘What about this?’ shouts Tash, thrusting a small black plastic doggie poo bag at me. ‘It’s a jumpsuit.’
I take it cautiously from her. It’s very thin and clingy. And small. Very, very small. ‘Thanks,’ I say, praying they have something in a more substantial material; a viscose, a loose cotton, anything that won’t give me thrush.
It takes only a few minutes for the girls to grab items of clothes and sling them over their arms. ‘Here,’ Big Mand says. ‘These will look great on you. Try them on.’
There follows what can only be described as an X-rated, bondage version of Say Yes to the Dress as I wrestle with a series of laces, straps and rubber and parade in and out of the changing rooms to cheers and boos.
The Dollz insist on me trying on each item, some of which are carefully crafted out of nothing more substantial than dental floss while others ensure my boobs are hovering by my chin.
I’m finding the Dollz’ sense of frivolity and carefree attitude to all things ‘fetish’ increasingly infectious. I have never tried on clothes like this in my life, and after a short while, all my anxiety disappears.
‘You can’t put a price on sexual confidence,’ says Big Sue. ‘Well, you can at these cheap prices.’
‘So true,’ agrees Big Mand, handing me some egg-shaped ornaments. ‘Pop these in, hun. You’ll not regret it.’
‘We need to make her look like someone you’d want to have sex with on stage,’ adds Tash. ‘Your Latino hunk of spunk is going to die when he sees you in this lot. You look amaze, babes.’
That does it. An exhilarating feeling of confidence rips through me.
So much so that I agree to buy all of them on my credit card with the gusto of a high-class escort who can easily afford the investment.
I leave the shop wearing a tiny, figure-hugging, strapless playsuit in faded blue denim, the least rubbery of my purchases.
It goes well with my white trainers and makes my legs look like they belong to a baby giraffe. It is doing wonders for my confidence.
I step outside feeling bold and brave. Until I hear, ‘Cenicienta!’
Shitting hell.
Nacho is waving at us from down the alleyway.
He is looking at the SEX SHOP sign and raising his eyebrows.
The Dollz are very excited by his unexpected appearance and charge towards him like a herd of rhinos.
It’s only when I trail after them that I realise Matteo is with him.
I peep at him over the top of the girls’ heads.
My toes are curling, my whole face is glowing, and I could die of embarrassment as he tilts his head to eye my many, many bags baring the SEX SHOP logo.
How to explain? How?
He walks around the outside of the group towards me.
It’s more of a prowl. He has a dangerous aura about him.
Rough, stubbled and ready for sex, that’s the only way to describe him.
Unless he doesn’t, and I’m simply under the twin giddy highs of being in a sex shop while under the influence of the Dollz.
I am mesmerised by the muscles rippling beneath the soft fabric of his T-shirt and the way his denim shorts are clinging to his thighs.
He’s staggeringly beautiful. He doesn’t break eye contact with me the whole time, and I can’t tell if he is angry about the yacht incident, as his face is giving nothing away. In a few strides, he reaches me.
‘They’re not mine,’ I blurt, holding up my bags.
He raises a questioning eyebrow.
‘Well, they are mine, but they’re not for sex. I didn’t buy sex things.’
I must clarify.
‘They’re for the show. For stage. Costumes.’
It’s no good. I’ve become lost in his incredibly sexy eyes as he sweeps his hair from his forehead.
‘About last night and the fire,’ I say hesitantly. ‘I’m so sorry.’
Matteo shakes his head. ‘No worries. It’s been dealt with.’
‘Alex told us you were very angry.’
Matteo’s eyes widen. ‘You’ve been to see Alex?’
I nod. ‘Nancy told us to go and apologise. Did Alex not tell you?’
Matteo looks away as though he’s hiding his annoyance.
‘She told us you were furious and that I should…’ I blink. ‘I should stay away from you. Which, under the circumstances, is probably… wise.’ A thought occurs to me. ‘How do you all know each other? Nacho, I mean. Does he work for you?’
He hesitates for a moment. His fingers reach out and lightly graze mine, but before he can answer, we hear the girls shrieking and making a fuss of Nacho, pleading with him to come to The Strip tonight to ‘celebrate’ our night off.
‘We’re helping Connie find her true sense of self,’ I hear Liberty saying to Nacho. ‘A sort of fast-track professional development for beginners.’
Beginners at what?
‘And we’re showing her how to move properly on stage,’ adds Cherry. ‘She’ll be benefitting from my many years of TikTok choreography.’
‘I’ll be transforming her look,’ says Tash. ‘Contouring, shaping, smudging.’
Good Lord.
‘We’ll be in charge of making her sexy,’ says Big Mand, grinning from ear to ear at Big Sue. ‘She’ll be a total wang-magnet by the time we’ve finished.’
Oh my God, they are so not helping.
Nacho lets out a small laugh. ‘Wouldn’t miss it, Cenicienta.’
I blush instantly.
Matteo looks impassively back at me. ‘Sounds like you’ll be very busy.’ That chemistry between us is suddenly gone like a puff of smoke.
‘No, it’s very not what they are making it sound like.
I won’t be attracting any wangs . None. No wangs ,’ I blurt in panic.
I’m horrified. My eyes flick once more to the bags I’m holding.
I feel they are giving out the wrong impression.
‘I’m as far from a good-time girl as you could possibly hope to get! ’
The Dollz groan and start protesting.
‘We’ll be on The Strip at 9p.m. You’ll not miss us,’ Tash promises the men.
Nacho looks briefly at Matteo before confirming that he will see us there.
‘Try not to burn anything down, will you?’ Matteo says in a cool tone. ‘I’ll see you at the festival tomorrow.’
‘What? Aren’t you coming to see us tonight?
’ yells Cherry, not making it sound obvious in the slightest. ‘I mean, you don’t have to.
But if you want to, then Connie will be there.
I mean, you’re the boss so you probably should come.
Not that I’m telling you how to do your job or anything.
’ Cherry is the colour of the tomato she shares her name with.
‘But if you could please come that would be great. You won’t believe your eyes. ’
Pathetic. Utterly pathetic.
She’s crumbled even faster than me, making out that there’s going to be some big reveal that simply must not be missed.
‘Fine. Can’t wait,’ he says dryly before his phone rings and he mouths ‘work’ before disappearing off into the crowded lane, Nacho running after him.
‘Well,’ I say. ‘That didn’t make me look desperate at all, did it?’
Big Sue checks her phone and barks at us, ‘Look at the time. Let’s go! Move it, people. We only have until twenty-two hundred hours to complete the mission.’