Chapter 14
The assistant instantly recoils, disappointed.
With the atmosphere well and truly awkward, she hesitates over boxing up the gorgeous wedding rings.
‘Are they happy tears to be marrying your one true love, or do you want to see something more expensive perhaps?’ she asks hopefully, handing me a box of tissues, oblivious to making things worse.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I say, mortified. What a show I’ve made of myself. ‘I’m not sure what happened. It must be the jet lag,’ I say, pulling the tissue from the box to wipe at the stray tears collecting in the corners of my eyes.
Jet lag, my hairy backside. I know fine well what happened.
I got swept up in the moment. I’m allowing my brain to fantasise that all of this is real and that Matteo feels the same way.
This magnificent, hunk of spunk who lives part-time in LA, who is already incredibly successful and sexy, and who knows what he wants from life.
Matteo is clearly bewildered by my outburst as he puts his arm around me. ‘Okay. That’s settled. We are not going through with this. Not if it’s going to upset you this much.’
Ouch. He really doesn’t feel the same way. How could he? We barely know each other. I sniff up my tears. How am I going to convince him I’m emotionally stable enough to go through with it?
‘I’m not upset. I promise. I think it’s a great idea. Really. I do.’
He seems unconvinced. ‘Are you sure?’
‘One hundred per cent.’ I lean over to kiss him on the cheek. ‘I have overactive tear ducts, that’s all.’
Matteo gives me a thoughtful look. He has mopped up more of my tears than he probably cares to mention.
The assistant is speedily wrapping up the rings, a smile plastered to her face, and puts the sale through the register before we can change our minds.
Matteo waves his card at the machine as she hands me the bag and wishes us a life of blissful happiness.
‘This is the only guaranteed way to get Birdie and Luke off our backs. Lord knows what grand gesture he’ll come up with next, now that the midnight proposal didn’t work,’ I babble as we walk towards the lift.
‘Besides, we’ve already bought the dress and…
Argh!’ I grab his arm and yank him down behind a rack of coats, putting a finger to my lips.
‘What? Who did you see?’ he whispers. He follows my lead, and we peer through the coats.
There, walking out of the lift, hand in hand, completely loved-up and carefree, are Big Mand and Big Sue, dressed in brightly coloured tropical-print matching sarongs.
Big Sue is wearing her blue, green and pink birds of paradise wrapped around her waist with a vibrant green bra top while Big Mand has hers tied around her neck, flowing gently to the ground.
It has been a long while since I last saw Big Sue out of khakis.
They stop in front of the jewellery counter, where Matteo and I were mopping up my tears only a few moments ago.
They keep smiling at each other while they browse the trays of rings.
After a few moments, Big Sue places a hand gently on the back of her girlfriend’s neck and plants a light kiss on her lips.
Big Mand responds by gently rubbing Big Sue’s left buttock.
Big Sue trails her fingers casually up and down Big Mand’s back while the assistant tries to get them to touch something other than each other.
Big Sue is pointing at her toes. The assistant pulls out a tray of shining gold and platinum toe rings.
Wedding toe rings. Who knew? Next, Big Sue is down on one knee, fitting a toe ring to Big Mand’s foot as she flicks off her slider and lifts her leg.
It’s all very romantic until Big Sue slides her hand up Big Mand’s leg and forgets to stop.
Matteo nudges me, alarmed. ‘What?’ I mouth silently. He nods repeatedly to the other side of the department store, over to the dresses where we were earlier.
I peep over and put my hand to my mouth to muffle a gasp.
Tash and Sister Kevin are hiding behind a rack of white princess-style wedding dresses, their faces peeking through the billowing netting and silks.
Their eyes are glued to Big Sue and Big Mand as their public display of affection carries on way past what is acceptable.
I see Tash whispering something into Kev’s ear and he gives her a sheepish shrug.
When the women finally finish kissing and draw apart, the assistant is beaming and hurriedly indicates the engagement rings for fingers section.
This has Big Mand squealing with delight.
They are so engrossed in the trays of rings, holding hands and giggling, that they don’t notice Tash spying on them with a euphoric expression on her face.
Nor do they hear the ping of the lift, and Liberty and Hank Junior emerging, their arms wrapped around each other’s waists.
They, too, are acting like loved-up teens, giggling and stroking each other.
Liberty points to the cowboy and cowgirl Gettin’ Hitched section full of white Stetsons, rhinestones and elaborately fringed wedding attire.
They stop dead in their tracks as soon as Liberty recognises Big Sue and Big Mand from behind.
She silently pulls Hank Junior by the arm and steps backwards into the lift, jabbing frantically at the buttons until the doors slide closed.
‘What are we seeing? What is going on?’ Matteo hisses. ‘Why is everyone hiding from each other? Why are they all in the wedding department?’
Never mind that. Why aren’t they all sticking to the schedule?
They should all be keeping Ged and Liam company in the casino while I’m ill in bed.
Pity I won’t be able to call them out on it.
Matteo and I are stuck hiding in the coats until the others clear out.
Tash seems settled into the wedding dress rack for the long haul.
While we wait, I whisper to him, ‘Thank you so much for all of these beautiful things.’
Matteo blinks slowly, a pained look momentarily sweeping over his face as he wipes some smudged mascara from my cheek. ‘It seems a ridiculous thing to do. Pretending to get married just to put our unwanted admirers off. What are we thinking?’
Oh no.
‘It’s not ridiculous. Well, it is. Totally ridiculous.’ How to explain? His eyes are darker than ever but something about him brings me peace. A strange confidence around him that I’ve not known before.
A smile tugs at his mouth as he side-eyes me. ‘Okay, but if you have any regrets, we cancel the whole thing. Deal?’
I nod. ‘Deal. Although at this rate, we’ll still be stuck in this store until the end of the trip.’
‘Tell me. What’s going on with the Dollz?’ he whispers.
‘Good question.’ I snuggle into him and prepare to spill all the gossip.
‘Tash is toying with the idea of conceiving a child named Elvis while she’s here.
Big Mand and Big Sue are clearly enjoying their new relationship as a couple.
And Liberty… Well, Liberty is Liberty. Who knows what is going on there.
Today, she’s into huge murderer’s moustaches and toothpicks.
Yesterday, it was classical opera singers.
Tomorrow, it’ll be something else. She likes to take charge. ’
Matteo seems pensive before he whispers, ‘That’s the same as Birdie. Things ended between us years ago, but she seems annoyed that it was me who ended it rather than her.’
‘I think Luke is kind of being pressured into an arranged marriage and I think he sees me as a way out.’ I can’t help raising a tiny smile. ‘Like a fake marriage to get out of a fake marriage. Who would be that crazy?’
‘Who knew you’d be in such high demand for fake marriages? Is this two proposals in as many weeks?’
I nod.
He’s so nice it’s making me swoon. ‘What? Why are you looking at me like that?’
I’m undressing him with my eyes.
‘I’m, erm…’ I pause.
A small puff of air escapes his lips. ‘Disgraceful. I know exactly what you’re doing.’
I give him an innocent flick of my lashes and lick my top lip slowly. ‘Whatever do you mean?’
His eyes rake over my face and dip down to my boobs. ‘I can assure you. I’m doing exactly the same.’
* * *
Eventually, after much keeping our hands to ourselves, Big Mand and Big Sue move away from the jewellery section empty-handed and drift off to the bridal bikinis section for Beach Weddings.
I see the assistant who accosted us earlier make a beeline for them.
Meanwhile, Tash and Sister Kevin are making a run for the stairs.
I notice she has bags. Lots of large white paper bags.
Once we think the coast is clear, Matteo and I make a run for it too. He jabs at the buttons on the lift while I do a continuous sweep to make sure we aren’t spotted. We fall into the lift slightly out of breath and immediately burst out laughing.
‘Oh my God,’ says Matteo, trying not to laugh. ‘Nothing is ever straightforward with you, is it?’
‘I have no idea what you mean.’
‘Since you burst into my life it’s been one crazy thing after another. And it doesn’t seem to make a difference what side of the planet we’re on.’
His eyes are twinkling.
‘Your point?’
He steps towards me. His breathing still ragged. ‘My point is that I’ve not had this much fun with anyone, ever.’
Oh.
‘That can’t be true,’ I say, suddenly feeling shy. What about the French girls? His cheating ex-fiancée? The supermodels and professors with Nobel prizes?
He reaches for me. ‘It’s true.’ A spark of electricity shoots through me the moment he touches my arm, causing my lips to part and every fibre of my being to scream at him to kiss me.
He strokes his thumb over my lower lip and rips his gaze from it to look me dead in the eye.
‘I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. ’