Chapter 15
The following morning, Matteo and I go over the schedule while we sit up in bed.
We have been up since the crack of dawn to finalise the paperwork, confirm the booking for the gondola, choose a small flower arrangement for me to carry, and reserve a restaurant table for tonight.
Something special as it’s our wedding night.
Even though none of it is real, we thought it might be nice anyway.
And in light of all the sneaking around and the Dollz with all their drama and Ged and Liam wanting to spend every spare moment celebrity hunting, we’ve made the grown-up decision that it might be best to just keep our quickie fake wedding to ourselves and get it over with without any of them knowing or us hijacking everyone else’s time.
‘What time are we meeting everyone to “do” the High Roller?’ Matteo asks me. He has a loved-up glaze to his eyes and his voice is oozing pure manuka honey. I have placed a giant pillow between us. It’s all we can do to keep focused.
‘And we’ll keep floating back and forth until we are sure that Birdie and Luke have seen us. I arranged for Birdie to meet with a potential client at the bridge. Did you message Luke?’
I nod. ‘That way, they can see we’re serious about each other, they’ll leave us alone and our careers will be saved,’ I finish for him. ‘We are geniuses.’
Matteo half smiles at this. ‘Desperate times, desperate measures. And you’re sure the Dollz and Ged and Liam won’t mind being excluded?’
‘Only if they find out. But honestly, it’s a nightmare trying to get them to stick to the schedule as it is, without rounding them all up for 3 p.m. And don’t forget we’d then need to include them all in the wedding celebration at Caesars Palace, which might be a hassle,’ I say, justifying my actions.
‘This way is simple, just me and you and back here for our wedding night.’ A shoot of lust rips through me at the thought of Matteo seeing me in my wedding underwear.
Just the thought of how he’ll strip it off me.
What he’ll do. How he’ll do it. I swallow down the butterflies rising up from my stomach as our eyes meet.
‘Then tomorrow we’re on the Grand Canyon Safari all day for our honeymoon. ’
This is the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life.
‘Honeymoon?’ Matteo looks worried. ‘You do remember that this is all pretend, don’t you?’
‘Of course.’ I force a laugh as I adjust my sheet. ‘Of course.’
* * *
At breakfast, the whole group is sitting at the usual booth picking at a selection of pancakes piled high, drizzled with maple syrup and a generous side of crispy bacon. ‘At least we’ll be outside where it’s warm,’ Liberty is saying to Ged and Liam. ‘What’s the plan?’
‘I asked Connie to book us the Happy Half Hour Cabin with the full drinks package for Kev’s BIG birthday,’ trots out Tash, smoothing down her skintight gold metallic skimpy dress.
I take a second to absorb what I am seeing.
What the hell? Tash has come dressed to kill.
She is wearing red sky-high gladiator sandals, and her hair is perfect.
Whereas we are all in full regulation Daytrip Barbie and Ken wigs, oversized sunglasses, pink check bucket hats with a photo of Ged and Liam on the front, tight white T-shirts with a photo of Ged and Liam on the front, hot pink short shorts and white knee socks. As per the effing schedule.
The Dollz are eyeing Tash up and down with interest and Ged is giving me Well? Say something eyes.
I am flabbergasted. Is it too much to request that everyone sticks to the arrangements? My mind flicks ahead to this afternoon. Apart from me, of course.
‘Erm, nice outfit, Tash. Very nice. But we don’t have much time before our turn in the Happy Half Hour Cabin. Are you planning to get changed before we leave in…’ I make a big show of checking my phone. ‘…thirty seconds? It’s booked for twelve. The limo should be outside waiting to take us there.’
Tash bursts out laughing. ‘You and that schedule. This is about Kev’s BIG birthday. It’s not about the stag do. So, if anyone should change, it’s you lot.’
‘No,’ I say carefully. ‘If you check the itinerary, I booked SlotZilla for day one. Day two, roller disco. Day three, the High Roller and day four, Grand Canyon Safari. Day five, optional shopping day, or Omega Mart, before we do the birthday gig for Eddie at Talent Star. And day six, fly home.’
‘But it was my idea to book the Happy Half Hour Cabin,’ she says stubbornly.
Sister Kevin is standing behind her dressed smartly in chinos and a polo shirt. He looks very uncomfortable but at least his bust nose from the roller disco is healing nicely. ‘And then we have something special planned that we are doing.’
‘What’s that?’ asks Big Mand.
Sister Kevin’s cheeks immediately redden. He fiddles with the neckline of his polo shirt and loosens the button. ‘Erm, it’s a birthday surprise.’
‘Exactly how old are you?’ Big Sue demands.
‘Oh, for God’s sake. We haven’t got time for this!’ Tash yells. ‘To the limo. Let’s go.’
Matteo raises his eyebrows at me. I bet he wishes he’d not bothered agreeing to come to this. But at least Tash and Sister Kevin won’t be around to witness our wedding.
‘And you can talk!’ Tash bellows, pointing at Matteo, who’s dressed in a casual dark denim shirt rolled up to his forearms, khaki combat shorts and sneakers. He looks magnificent but I suppose she has a point.
‘I’ve invited Hank Junior,’ says Liberty, standing with a hand on her hip. ‘He also won’t be in costume. Anyone got a problem with that?’
Dear Lord.
‘No,’ Ged and Liam say wearily in unison. ‘Everyone else seems to be fine with hijacking our trip. But you do know you’re on a pre-moon, not a stag do?’
* * *
Once the happy group have rained on Ged and Liam’s parade, it’s time to hurry to the waiting limo.
Hank Junior joins us as we fly past the huge sphere artwork at reception.
Liberty must have allowed him to wear his normal clothes today, and we are all impressed.
Hank Junior scrubs up very nicely. He is all head-to-toe expensive designer clothes.
The sharp lines and soft fabrics of luxury brands mould to his tanned and athletic body.
The latest must-haves are on his feet. We pile in the limo.
‘You sure as heck are funny, taking a limo,’ Hank remarks. Talk turns politely to the High Roller and who has been on it before. Hank Junior gives us a list of what famous landmarks to look out for on our way round the world’s tallest ever Ferris wheel.
‘I might get motion sickness, and I have a fear of heights,’ says Cherry.
How has this not come up already?
‘Connie, did you bring sick bags or are they included in the ride?’
‘I’m not great with heights either,’ adds Big Mand.
What? This is news to me!
‘We could wait on the ground for them?’ suggests Big Sue. ‘We could do some sight… seeing. While Libs looks after Cherry?’
The way she says sightseeing sounds weird.
They are exchanging secretive glances. Oh.
My. God. They are going to sneak off to buy engagement rings or get married or something.
There’s only room enough in the schedule for one couple to slope off behind everyone’s backs and that’s me and Matteo. Luckily, Tash is quick to pounce.
‘No. We are celebrating Kev’s BIG birthday and that’s final. It won’t be any fun if you lot don’t come.’
The rest of us try not to take offence. All too soon, just three minutes later due to a slight hold-up in the traffic, and we arrive at the giant wheel, dotted with pods large enough to accommodate forty people each.
We clamber out, embarrassed. ‘Connie, pet. How did you not know the hotel is practically next door to a giant wheel?’ Cherry asks.
‘We have had a lot going on,’ I say, smiling through gritted teeth.
‘And it’s been excellent so far,’ says Ged. ‘Hasn’t it, Liam? Franz has been the icing on the cake.’
As far as I can tell, they’ve hung out with Franz in their luxury suite more than they’ve been out and about.
‘Brilliant. He’s simply brilliant,’ says Liam, craning his neck to peer up into the sky. ‘Who knew there was all this going on in Vegas?’
Me. I knew. I have put a watertight schedule together.
As we walk to the entrance gate, I’m surprised to find the High Roller is so slow moving that it does not need to stop.
People are being guided into the pods by staff and the doors locked.
I show my tickets at the booth, and we are herded into a big queue.
Tensions are gathering steam. Cherry is rubbing her belly and claiming to already feel motion sickness even though we are on solid ground.
Maybe it is morning sickness and not the skip-full of sugar she has consumed.
Before she has a chance to go to the toilets, the staff yell for the Cooper Party to come forward.
‘Happy Half Hour Cooper party this way, please.’
Cripes. I hope Cherry can hold it for thirty minutes.
‘This is Manny. He will be your bartender while on board. Drinks are free. Tips are welcome.’
The Dollz burst into laughter. ‘Manny!’ shrieks Tash, pointing at his badge.
‘Manny!’ howls Liberty. ‘You couldn’t make it up.’
Big Sue and Big Mand are creased up. They are also pointing to his badge. Manny holds up his badge. ‘It is my name. Manny. Manny Fagnet. Why is this funny?’
‘Ah, shite. I’ve wet myself,’ yelps Cherry, choking on her laughter. She really isn’t having a good day.
‘We’ll explain when we get in there,’ says Tash, catching her breath.
‘Come on, Manny Fagnet.’ And off she goes, howling with laughter.
At least the energy levels and raucous vibes have returned.
Ged and Liam have also cracked up, which is nice to see.
For a second, I thought this trip was going to be a disaster.
Poor Manny. He has no idea why we are laughing until Liberty whispers something in his ear. Manny gazes around the group before he shouts, ‘I love it! I love it because it is funny. But it is funny because I also love fanny!’
Silence. Manny has taken things too far. Also, we are confused. Does he mean American for bum, or does he mean the English version?
‘Who wants a drink?’ he says, trying to recover the vibe, and luckily everyone is now in the mood to drink even though it is only noon.
Matteo sidles up to me. ‘See? What did I say about you all being batshit crazy?’
He’s not wrong.
As the drinks and colourful cocktails are speedily served by Manny, who has managed to get himself back in the good books by serving sparklers, giant straws and umbrellas with the drinks, Matteo sidles up to me.
‘Nervous?’ he murmurs into my hair.
I chew my lip. ‘A bit. What if they don’t turn up?’ I say very quietly.
‘If they don’t, we can always ring them mid-vows and hurry them along.’ He chuckles, wrapping his arms around me as we gaze out at the spectacular view.
I feel a little pang that Matteo is not taking it as seriously as me.
‘OMG!’ yells Liberty. ‘The Eiffel Tower!’
Hank Junior corrects her. ‘No. That is the STRAT Tower. It has the world’s tallest rotating restaurant. I will take you there tonight for our… celebration.’
Liberty squeals with excitement and kisses him full on the mouth in response. They then exchange what I’m going to start calling a ‘secretive’ vibe.
Celebration? Not these two as well!
Matteo spots it too. ‘Do you think they’re… up to something?’
I dig him in the ribs. ‘And look at Big Sue and Big Mand.’ I nod discreetly to where they are standing whispering to one another and pointing downwards.
Matteo and I glimpse out the window. We are directly over the Little Wedding Chapel.
In fact, there are many wedding chapels.
One on nearly every street corner. There are brides and grooms aplenty scurrying below us.
Tash points out the Bellagio fountain. ‘That’s where we’re thinking of…’ She stops mid-sentence.
‘Thinking of what?’ I ask, dreading the answer. Getting hitched? Conceiving a baby?
‘Thinking of doing a live for Tash’s followers,’ supplies Sister Kevin smoothly. ‘She wants me to be the sort of interviewer. Even though I’ve never done it before.’
Speaking of which. I whip out my phone. I keep forgetting the documentary I’m filming for Ged and Liam. I point the phone in their direction, but they are wearing disappointed expressions. ‘But we wanted to do a live from there for TikTok.’
This squabble proves popular. Everyone wants to do a ‘live’ from the Bellagio.
Hank Junior breaks from Liberty, who has much to say on the topic, to approach Matteo and me. ‘Hi,’ he says. ‘Can you delete any footage with me on, please?’
‘Yes, sure. Sorry,’ I say, instantly thumbing through photos to delete any with him on. ‘I always forget to check with people.’
Hank Junior waits until I have completed the action. ‘No problem. I just don’t like my image out there, is all.’ He swiftly changes topic. ‘Liberty told me about the jerk who keeps following you round.’
Oh.
‘Uh, yeah. He’s just…’ How to explain?
‘Well, just to let you know. I’ll take care of it.’ Hank winks at me.
‘Thank you, but what…?’
‘You’re welcome.’
‘No. I meant, sorry, did you say, “take care of it”?’
He taps his nose.
What is happening here?
‘Could you explain what you mean by that, please?’ I can barely get the words out. Hank is smiling at me like your everyday, very rich playboy about town.
Hank laughs, shaking his head. ‘You Brits.’
‘But when you say “take care of it”, what do you mean?’
Hank rolls his eyes as though I’m in on some sort of joke and wanders back over to Liberty. I turn to Matteo, who has gone deathly pale.
Oh, shit.