Chapter 17 #2
Birdie is not the only one standing with her mouth agape.
Ged and Liam are beside her, jaws hanging open, eyes wide with shock, hurt and disbelief.
The Dollz are beside them, their faces a mix of incredulity and confusion.
Tash is slapping her own cheeks as though we are part of an elaborate hallucination.
Big Sue and Big Mand keep gawping at me then at each other.
Liberty has both eyebrows as near to her hairline as they can get and her mouth a perfect O.
Cherry is grinning as she chews slowly on a length of sugary rope, a knowing smile splattered across her face. She gives us a sly thumbs up.
Only Sister Kevin is clapping along to ‘Viva Las Vegas’ until Tash whacks him with her handbag.
Oh. My. God.
Things could not have gone any worse.
Loud singing penetrates the haze of confusion.
Oh, wait. Things can get worse. Much worse.
My ears filter out the cacophony of noise and yells from the bridge to make certain.
No. It can’t be.
A series of pitch-perfect notes and operatic singing booms out across the water. It sounds like Luke. He’s singing ‘Mi Amore Mi Amore’.
I swivel around to see where it is coming from.
At that moment, a spectacularly showy super-gondola floats beside us.
Luke is belting out the song dressed as a singing gondolier, complete with boater hat, cummerbund, unflattering striped T-shirt clinging to him and legs wide apart clad in flared black trousers flapping in the breeze while he thrusts the oar dramatically into the water.
A familiar-looking bride and groom sit opposite gazing affectionately at him.
But when the super-gondola floats serenely past us, Luke does a double take, causing him to lose a beat in his singing. He squints hard at me, his eyes raking over my wedding dress. His whole face drops as realisation dawns. His gaze flicks to Matteo, before he abruptly stops singing.
‘Connie?’ he bellows as they float past. He twists round, bringing the huge oar out of the water to try to halt the gondola’s progress as the music continues playing without him.
Then to everyone’s horror, the oar bashes into the orange Donald Trump who is marrying the couple, and we see two rings fly up into the air and land in the water.
The bride screams. The groom yells, and all the while Luke is trying to continue singing as though none of it was his fault.
The bride leaps to her feet and bashes her bouquet of flowers against Luke’s chest before pushing him in the water.
Tash is filming it all for her Instagram and has clearly recognised the famous bride.
‘You bastard! Find my wedding rings!’ she screeches. ‘And you can forget all about the million-dollar fee while you’re at it! I’ll sue you into the shitting ground for this.’
We float along, staring up at our friends, aghast. It’s hard to know where to look. Luke is splashing about in the water trying to make for the side while lots of people are shouting at him, and the bride is squawking about her dream wedding being ruined.
We glide under the bridge, momentarily out of everyone’s sight, and take a moment to stare at one another.
‘This was so not the plan,’ I say. ‘Ged and Liam are going to be furious. And Luke, he was actually here for work after all! Oh my God.’ My hand flies to my mouth.
I can hear him splashing about as a fast-forwarded reel of all our interactions with him plays out in my head. All I can recall is him repeatedly trying to convince us that he was in town for work and nothing else. Panic churns in my stomach.
Matteo puts his hand to his forehead. ‘Give me a moment to think of something.’
To give Elvis his credit, this is not his first rodeo.
‘You wanted to seal your love privately. I get it. You’re a hunk of burning love.
And she’s a cute patootie. But I’m not sure your guests seem so understanding.
’ He indicates to the gondolier to park up as quickly as possible.
He jumps up onto the seat and almost hops out of the boat.
He flicks through his paperwork as we clamber out after him.
Matteo holds out his hand to help me out of the gondola. ‘I’ll tell them this was all my idea.’ His hand is strong and capable. His kind, dark eyes are swimming with reassurance. His smile is comforting and safe.
I feel an overwhelming rush of love for him. He’s keeping a level head amidst all the madness as usual.
Then Luke, still swimming to the side of the canal, hauls himself out, exhausted.
He looks flabbergasted. Which is understandable.
I’m sure I would too if I’d just lost a million dollars and my singing partner had refused to believe me on the multiple occasions I’d tried to tell her I was here for work.
As the water drips off him, he gives me a filthy look.
I watch him stomping away without looking back. This wedding has clearly done what we needed it to do.
‘Forget him. That’s karmic payback for the way he went on in York.’ Matteo’s face grows serious as he tugs me to him. ‘Do not feel guilty.’
I can hear the thundering of feet over the bridge. I don’t have to turn around to know that it’s everyone charging towards us for answers.