Chapter 28
As we stand looking out at the audience, the atmosphere is electric.
The DJ has whipped everyone up into a frenzy with his banging tunes.
Jets of cold-water vapour are bursting from the DJ booth to cool down the bikini-clad revellers, and from the stage roof, streams of ticker tape and coloured smoke bellow out at regular intervals.
Hundreds of people are dancing by the pool, lounging on inflatables, being squirted with foam jets, relaxing on the private cabanas under straw-roofed parasols and, generally, just having an amazing time.
I’ve never seen anything like it. Palm trees dot the surrounding area with huge swathes of bunting and balloons strung between.
There’s a giant bird of paradise in the air with a brightly painted trapeze artist dangling from it, doing an amazing acrobatic routine.
Giant screens show partygoers splashing around in real time.
Every now and again, Eddie flashes up on screen, clinking glasses with people.
Mostly women. Young, hot, gorgeous model-types.
I chuckle to myself. If anything will trigger Liberty, it will be that.
Those girls won’t stand a chance against her.
Then the screens show us on stage, lined up and ready to go.
We take a final look at one another, a silent message of Good luck, let’s sock it to them.
This party ambiance is highly infectious, and we can’t wait to be a part of it.
The DJ introduces us to a roaring cheer.
We stride to the front and take our positions.
I’m first to lead, a cappella. I lift the microphone to my lips and belt out the opening line.
There’s a brief moment of silence where everyone in the place turns their attention to the stage, before the DJ blasts out our opening track.
The whole place jumps at the same moment, hands reaching for the sky, hair flying, cocktails in the air as we take over.
Matteo, Eddie and Sister Kevin are standing to the side of the stage.
They have a perfect view. Matteo and Eddie have been in deep discussion between numbers.
As talent promoters and producers in the music industry, they must have much in common.
Every now and then, Liberty runs up to Eddie during a number to give him a kiss.
He seems delighted with the attention. I, myself, am behaving professionally and am not allowing my libido to run away with me.
Even Tash has resisted the urge to dry-hump Sister Kevin.
I have, however, noticed them exchanging tender looks and knowing smiles, so hopefully they are over whatever spat they were having.
Once we are off stage and over at Ged and Liam’s cabana, all is revealed.
‘Soooooo, me and Kev have a bit of an announcement to make,’ says Tash. She takes his hand and swings it back and forth like you do when you’re four years old. She has a goofy grin on her face.
‘So do we!’ blurts Big Mand, taking one of Big Sue’s hands in both of hers. Big Sue baulks at this shock announcement and immediately goes the colour of the Skanky Lady cocktail she is holding.
‘Hold your horses there, lasses. Me and Eddie would like to say a few words first.’ Liberty is beaming up at Eddie and he is beaming at her.
‘Right after I make this toast,’ Ged says. ‘About our pre-moon.’
‘It’s like announcement Top Trumps,’ Matteo murmurs in my ear, causing me to giggle. Ever since we ironed out all the misunderstandings, it has been like a weight has lifted. ‘I have to ask you something.’
‘Sure, what is it?’
‘How do you like surprises?’
I don’t get the opportunity to answer him because Ged raises his glass. ‘Can I just say that this week has been…’ But he doesn’t get the chance to finish because a loud squeak from the PA system almost deafens us. The DJ stops playing.
‘Party people, we have a special surprise for the birthday boy. Where is he? Eddie, if you can, give us a wave.’
Eddie swivels round and is caught on the big screen. He frowns playfully. This must be a genuine shock to him.
‘And Connie Cooper, where are you? Could you make your way to the stage, please?’
Oh, my God. What is happening? I cast my eyes around the group in panic. Everyone looks confused except Matteo. He has a… I’m not sure what expression that is, but the DJ has more to say.
‘Come on. Don’t be shy!’ He laughs into the microphone.
‘And while we get set up, here’s a trip down memory lane.
’ He plays some moving background music as images of Eddie throughout the years appear on the screens.
Eddie as a cute baby, Eddie as a scruffy-looking toddler, Eddie with a series of terrible haircuts, Eddie dressed in hand-me-downs with dirty cheeks and a raggedy bike held together with string.
It is clear Eddie had a very humble upbringing.
Liberty has a pained look in her eyes as she clings to Eddie’s arm.
Eddie laughs, clearly mortified, but is being gracious about it because his reactions are live on some of the giant LED screens.
Matteo nudges me and whispers, ‘Go on. Go to the stage. There’s a surprise waiting for you.’
I make my way through the crowd, over to the stage area and behind the curtain. I’m greeted by a team of security man-mountains. They immediately block my way.
‘Oh,’ I say, feeling intimidated. ‘I was told to come to the stage by my… boyfriend. Well, actually, he’s my husband now.’ I start giggling out of nerves, and because it feels weird to call Matteo my husband out loud.
‘Who is that, ma’am?’ asks one of the guards in a tone that suggests he gets this all the time.
‘Matteo. Matteo, erm, Tolleado, no, that’s not it.’ I pause, trying to remember what my husband’s name is. ‘Marie-Carmen is one of the names. Grande is definitely the last one.’
The guard shakes his head. ‘Ma’am, seriously? You want me to believe that you don’t know your husband’s surname, but you married him anyway?’
When put like that…
I nod.
‘Guys. She’s with me. Let her through.’
I peer between the sets of beefy arms and nearly choke with shock.
‘Hello again. Don’t be freaked out. Matteo is producing my next album,’ the mega-superstar says quietly, leaning towards me.
‘Matteo played me your new song. I love it,’ he says.
‘I thought we could sing it as a surprise for Eddie. He manages my US tours. Your lyrics really speak to how grateful I am to the universe right now. I couldn’t do any of this without the support of my loyal family and friends. ’
I feel genuinely faint. One of the world’s biggest pop stars is asking me to sing with him. To be spontaneous. I nod mutely.
Oh my.
‘Now?’ I squeak. ‘As in right now, on stage… with you?’
He smiles that enigmatic smile, and I go to complete mush. ‘Come on. The VT is just about finished.’
‘So, erm, you’re the one working with Birdie and Matteo?’
‘Yeah. They’re great.’
I nod. One of them is. ‘I don’t suppose you could give Matteo the day off tomorrow, could you?’ I ask, receiving a wink in response.
‘Congratulations. I heard all about your accidental Vegas wedding. We’ve all been there.’ He laughs.
I make a ‘yikes’ face. ‘You don’t have to give Birdie the day off, though. I’m sure she would like to work tomorrow. All day long. Without any breaks if you can manage it, please.’
This is met with a snort of laughter. ‘She’s so fucking intense, right? I like you. We’ll get on just fine. Come on. Let’s knock ’em dead with your lovely song.’ He hands me a scrap of paper with my song lyrics and which bits he is going to sing and which bits he’ll harmonise over.
‘Wow. Great. Let’s do it.’
‘Just one thing. What’s it called?’ he asks.
Matteo the Magnificent, Volume One.
‘Well, erm, I haven’t really…’ Then it comes to me.
‘“Girls Gone Rogue”. It’s called “Girls Gone Rogue” because that’s how this whole haphazard week has been.
I took a risk. I stepped way, way, way out of my comfort zone to completely and utterly amaze myself.
You know, when women lean on each other, lift each other up, we can achieve anything, do the impossible. ’
He laughs understandingly. ‘Welcome to my world, lady. Ready?’ The next five minutes are like floating in clouds, looking down on myself from afar.
It passes in a complete rush of adrenaline.
One minute we are leading the crowd to sing happy birthday to Eddie, and the next we are dedicating my song’s debut to him.
Matteo has made a special backing tape and set it up ready.
When? When did he have time to do all of this?
It sounds incredible. I have no problem singing it this time round. Every single note is fresh in my memory. I search for him in the crowd but there are too many people between the cabana and me. I close my eyes and picture him listening to his song.
Our duet goes down very well. Mostly due to my famous singing partner being one of the most popular artists on the planet.
When we take a bow together, the crowd cheers and I can’t help doing a special shout-out to Ged and Liam.
The crowd roars. A special shout-out to my Dollz.
The crowd roars again. And a special shout-out to Eddie for not being who we thought he was.
The crowd roars again. They will clearly celebrate anything.
When I get back to the cabana, Matteo is there, waiting nervously. ‘Was that too much? Should I have warned you?’
‘Yes, and yes,’ I say, laughing. ‘But what a thrill! OMG. There is no way on earth I’d have done that if you’d warned me in advance. I’m about as spontaneous as a regular flat white with soy milk and no foam. Did you know he wants me to feature on his album?’
Gah! It’s like a dream.
Matteo nods, visibly relaxing.
I stare at him. ‘I can’t believe you made this happen.’
He clears his throat, embarrassed. ‘Your talent made this happen.’
How in the name of all that is sacred will I be able to match such a grand gesture?
‘If you two can stop drooling over each other for two seconds, I have an announcement to make,’ says Tash loudly.
‘Wait. Hold on. I’m not listening to a word until you tell us exactly how old Sister Kevin is,’ says Big Mand. It has become a fixation. One that we are all on board with. We gather around Sister Kevin.
He squirms. ‘I’m…’ he begins to say, when Tash bellows it out for him.
‘For fuck’s sake, he’s thirty-four!’
Sister Kevin looks surprised.
Then Tash looks surprised back. ‘Thirty-seven?’
He shakes his head.
‘Not… not forty?’ Tash says. I can’t help but notice her hand resting on her belly. It reminds me of Cherry when Cherry thought she was… Oh, my goodness. Tash is observing Sister Kevin intently. I wonder if he is inadvertently ageing himself out of the baby-daddy market.
Or is it too late for that?
‘What’s wrong with forty?’ says Liberty defensively. She gives Eddie an adoring stroke on the cheek.
‘Just let him tell us,’ says Big Mand, the frustration clearly getting to her.
Sister Kevin has a wide grin on his face. ‘I’m twenty-four.’
Tash drains of colour. ‘But you can’t be. I’m almost thirty-two. You’re still a baby.’ Her voice fades on her lips. If I thought it was bad to marry someone without knowing their full name, then I think planning to have children with someone without knowing how old they are might be a close second.
‘MILFs are all the trend these days. A huge age gap is nothing,’ Cherry says, waving it off. ‘Just look at Hugh Jackman. His wife is in her seventies now.’
‘They’re famously divorced,’ says Big Mand.
Sister Kevin swoops Tash up into his big, beefy arms. ‘Don’t worry, old woman. I’m sure I can think of plenty of ways to keep you young.’ He is laughing hard at his own joke. Tash’s eyes grow wide as she glares at him.
Oh no.
‘Tash? Tash?’ Sister Kevin is asking as he deposits her back on the ground. ‘Are you okay, babe?’
Tash has become unresponsive, like a mannequin version of herself, frozen in time.
But then, uncharacteristically, she bursts into tears, slaps Sister Kevin hard on the chest and runs away. Once again, he turns to us, baffled.
‘What did I do this time? What did I say?’ he pleads.
‘Dude,’ says Big Sue. ‘Old woman?’
His face falls a hundred feet.
‘She’s very sensitive underneath that cold, brash exterior,’ explains Cherry.
‘You’d think butter wouldn’t melt but it’s the little things that get to her.
Mind, she has been very emotional this whole trip.
Her hormones are all over the…’ Cherry trails off and frowns sharply at Sister Kevin. ‘Go after her.’
He visibly swallows as her words sink in, and he darts off in the same direction.
‘Poor boy,’ says Big Sue. ‘She’ll go apeshit over that comment. I doubt there’s any coming back from that.’
‘Not unless she’s…’ Cherry says.
‘No,’ says Big Mand. ‘She wouldn’t have. Would she? Things weren’t that serious between them, were they?’
Matteo gives me a knowing look. Now is not the time to admit we saw them in Macy’s wedding department. Along with the rest of the group.
‘I’m sure they’ll be fine,’ I say to lighten the mood. ‘Big Sue. What was your news?’
‘Nothing that can’t wait,’ she says, reddening slightly.
‘Libs, weren’t you and Eddie about to say something?’ asks Big Mand.
‘No. No, I don’t think so,’ she says, looking at Eddie. Liberty is also behaving oddly.
‘Champagne, anyone?’ says Eddie loudly. ‘I’ll have some sent over. Liberty, honey, there’s someone I’d really like you to meet.’ He pulls Liberty away and she is very keen to go.
‘What is going on with you lot?’ says Liam. ‘I’m getting seriously weird vibes from the lot of you.’
‘Forget that,’ Ged says. ‘Connie, babes. You just sang your own original song on stage in Las Vegas. My mind is officially blown.’
‘I know,’ I say. ‘It’s totally surreal.’
‘So, what now? Does this mean you’ll stay over here?’ he asks Matteo. ‘Are you taking our Connie back to LA? What’s the plan?’ Ged loves a plan as much as me. We live our lives by lists, agendas and schedules. They’re our security blanket.
Oh, God. I’m going to need a plan.