Chapter Ten #3
“It’s nothing, really,” she said quietly, in a tone that said quite clearly it was not nothing. “It’s just… Well, partnering with Brighton Prison and trying to help women who are leaving its loving embraces into work… I just feel like if the opportunity to earn an honest living is there—”
“You have partnered with the prison?” Bernard interrupted, dazed at how thorough the woman’s planning had been.
Lucy stared in clear surprise. “Well, yes. We’ve spoken about this before. I am going to make a difference.”
Of course she was. Bernard wondered why she wasn’t mayor of Brighton, though now that he came to think of it, was there a mayor of Brighton? Well, it was almost certainly a man if there was one.
This woman was going to change the world—no, had already changed the world.
For Mrs. Marithorpe, and Miss Sharpe, and those other women, their worlds had already been changed.
Their lives would never be the same again: a skill, a trade, that was something that would put bread on the table not just today, but for the rest of their days. As long as they could work, they would.
Those fortunate few would all survive this challenging life, Bernard could not help but think, thanks to Lady Lucy Chance.
“You’re looking at me that way again.”
Bernard blinked. Lucy’s cheeks had passed pink and were now approaching red. “‘That way’?”
“Like—like that. Like you…admire me.”
There was hesitancy in her voice, but Bernard was clever enough to see that there was hope there.
Hope, that he truly did admire her.
Bernard swallowed. This was dangerous territory; even he could see that. Any day now, Hovell would appear from the ether and spirit him away to… Well, he did not know where. Not here. Not with Lucy and her family.
And even if there was no Hovell, he couldn’t stay. He couldn’t marry her—what had he to offer her, even should he reveal the truth, but a broken family and no money to speak of?
“I do admire you,” Bernard said quietly. Well, how could he deny it? “You are a woman who puts her money where her mouth is. You believe what you believe, but you then act on it. You… You are a very special woman.”
Lucy laughed and looked down at her hands in her lap. “Oh, I don’t know about—”
“I do,” interjected Bernard. “Trust me. There are plenty of people in the world who say they wish to help, say that they would do something if they could. Well, most people could. Most people can. But they don’t do anything. They wait for someone else to fix the world and complain in the meantime.”
Her laughter this time was kinder, and she lifted her gaze to meet his. “You sound like me.”
“I think we are rather alike in this matter,” Bernard said honestly, perhaps saying more than he should.
He could see immediately that he had made a mistake. Lucy leaned forward, clearly eager to know more.
“Tell me,” she said urgently. “Tell me what you did before… Well, before your descent into skullduggery.”
Bernard could not help but laugh. “Lucy!”
“Well, you know what I mean,” she retorted with a toss of her head and a smile. “You strike me as a man who follows through on his statements. Who does, as well as talks. So what did you do? What will you do, now that you are free of your criminal dealings?”
And that was when Bernard realized there was no future for them at all.
How could he tell her?
How could he reveal his past, his true past—any of it? His true name, his family of birth, the tragedy that had struck, his disappearance…the work he performed for his country, all of which had to stay a secret, anyway.
None of it could ever be revealed to her. None of it could ever be known.
And that meant he would never truly be known by Lady Lucy Chance.
And she… She knew him to be not just a man born too low to marry an earl’s daughter, but a criminal, to boot. There was no way she would ever consider matrimony with him, and she would not ruin her chances at a proper marriage by ruining herself with him, either.
Bernard smiled painfully, the realization that he was separated from her forever causing a slicing agony in his gut. “Oh, I’ve talked a lot of talk, Lucy. That’s how I can recognize the real thing.”
The trouble was, Lucy was far too intelligent for that. “You’re lying.”
A flicker of uncertainty. “Maybe.”
“But—”
“What I keep from you, I do for your own good, as well as my own,” Bernard interjected, seriousness in his tone and a finality in his air that he hoped would be sufficient to shut down any further questions.
Lucy examined him silently, and Bernard could almost feel the weight of her examination upon his skin, flickering like a caress.
It was perhaps the only caress he would accept from her.
Finally, Lucy sighed. “Well, I suppose we should go for our walk. Along the beach, if you don’t mind? Percy will come with us, and I am in a desperate need of a paddle.”
Trying desperately to put the lewd and extremely delicious thoughts from his mind, Bernard instead directed them at the one thing he knew would quash any semblance of desire.
The beach. The ocean. The water.
The knot in his stomach that never truly went away tightened. “Fine,” he said quietly. “Lady’s choice. The beach it is.”