Chapter Twenty-Six Mo
Chapter Twenty-Six
Mo
Mo turned onto his parents’ street, a light charge of tension cementing itself between his shoulder blades. It was a perfectly lovely Saturday afternoon and he should have been in a good mood, on the way to celebrate his father’s birthday with his family. But he’d been under a cloud for coming up on two weeks and he didn’t know if he had the ability to “people,” even with ones that he loved.
Those first few days, an hour hadn’t gone by without Mo turning Jess’s arguments over and over in his mind, trying to understand how she could see the pain of breaking up as less than the pain that might have come from supporting her in her grief. The conflict between appreciating her desire to protect him and the pain of being rejected made it hard for him to see straight. It also drove him to lift to the point of fatigue multiple times a week, and to double his production of the goods they were going to sell at the Faire.
At least Doug’ll be happy.
The care and attentiveness Jess had shown by researching what it meant to be a Highly Sensitive Person had led her to become intentional about supporting him. Unfortunately, that concern had turned into overprotection. Mo wondered if it had been because she hadn’t been able to protect Cassie.
“I’m so excited,” Madison said, drawing his attention back into the truck as she bounced in her seat.
“I can tell, sugar plum,” he said, parking along the street.
“You’re gonna be okay, Daddy,” she said, catching him off guard as he unbuckled his seatbelt. He looked up at her and smiled sadly.
“I am okay, Maddie. Don’t worry about me,” he said.
She unbuckled her seatbelt and leaned across the seat to hug him.
“I love you and so does everybody else here,” she said. She squeezed him tight and hopped out of the car.
Mo’s nose burned a little, so he sniffed to make it stop. He hadn’t told Maddie that he and Jess had broken up, but words weren’t necessary. She’d seen through him the moment Diana had dropped her off that Sunday evening. Maddie was demonstrating more and more HSP traits with each passing day, which saddened him. The upside, he reminded himself as he stepped out of his truck, was that Maddie didn’t get as overwhelmed as he did at the same age.
He walked through the empty kitchen and into the den in time to see Maddie launch herself into Khalil’s arms. He caught her and swung her in a circle, laughing as he almost knocked his wife, Vanessa, out with Maddie’s foot.
“Hi, Mo,” Vanessa said, laughing. She pushed herself off of the couch and came over to greet him. “It’s good to see you,” she said, reaching up to give him a hug, careful not to spill the Coke in her hand on his shirt.
He smiled and hugged her back.
“How’s it going?” he asked.
“Pretty good,” she said. “But better now that Khalil’s getting his Maddie fix.” She laughed, and Mo followed her gaze over to where Khalil and Maddie were in the middle of a complicated-looking special handshake. Mo smiled, feeling free for a moment.
“I think she’s happy to have her fix, too,” he said. “How are things at work?”
Vanessa nodded, looking back at him.
“Very good, thanks for asking. We’re in the process of acquiring another tech company. It’s a little stressful, but I think it should be worth it.”
Mo was impressed at first, but then he realized he shouldn’t have been surprised. This was Vanessa he was talking to. If anyone had the acumen to choose the right sort of company to acquire, it would be her.
“I can’t wait to congratulate you on the acquisition,” he said, trying to give a supportive smile.
“Thanks,” she said, patting his arm. “But no chickens before they’re hatched.”
“I understand,” he said. Vanessa squeezed his arm and returned to the couch, taking small sips of her Coke.
“Maddie!” Karim’s wife, Isadora, said as she walked through the open sliding glass door that led to the deck. “I’ve been looking for my husband all over. Thank you for finding him for me.”
“Auntie Isadora!” Maddie gasped. She ran into Isadora’s arms for a hug. “I didn’t know you’d be here!”
Isadora hugged her back, laughing.
“But that’s Uncle Khalil,” Maddie said. “Not Uncle Karim.”
Isadora kissed her head.
“I know, sweetie; I was joking. But I am looking for Uncle Karim, have you seen him?” Isadora asked.
“No, I haven’t, but I’ll help you find him.” Maddie grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the living room. Isadora waved at Mo and mouthed a “hey.” He waved back.
He wanted to smile. He had a lot to smile about. Brothers who cared about him and his daughter. A family that had never done anything but accept him, apart from teasing him when they felt like it. But what stung, as he watched Khalil lean down and kiss Vanessa before he went out on the deck, was his loneliness. He hadn’t felt that way before meeting Jess, but now it was a bone-deep feeling that was getting harder to manage.
He wove around the back of the couch and went to look for his dad outside. As expected, he found him next to the grill, in a hushed conversation with Mo’s mom as she flipped the burgers.
“Hey, Dad, happy birthday,” Mo said gruffly, reaching out for a hug.
“Mo, so glad you’re here,” he said, squeezing tight. “Where’s my poulette?”
Mo smiled.
“She’s inside with Isadora. Hey, Mom,” he hugged her, too, and started to step away from the heat of the grill, but his mom put her hand on his cheek.
“Mo, is everything okay?” she asked, searching his eyes. He couldn’t look at her.
“Yeah, some stress at work,” he said. He caught the quick glance between his parents.
“Are you sure?” she asked.
He nodded. She raised an eyebrow.
“If you say so,” she said. “Is it…just you and Maddie with us today?” She was looking at the chicken thighs she was nudging with the tongs. Mo cleared his throat.
“Yes,” he said.
“What lucky parents we are,” she said to Mo’s dad. “All of our boys here together.”
Mo appreciated what she was doing. His dad nodded at him and clapped a hand on his shoulder.
“We are lucky,” he said.
—
Twenty minutes later, his mom called out to the house in general, letting everyone know that the meat was ready, so they could sit down at the large table on the deck. Mo and Khalil volunteered to get the cold things out of the fridge. Reaching the kitchen, Khalil turned around quickly.
“How are things with Jess?” he asked.
Of course Khalil would be the one to say Jess’s name. Mo took a deep breath and let it puff out his nose. Khalil’s eyes went wide.
“Mo, hi, I didn’t know you’d arrived,” Rachid said to him as he joined them in the kitchen. He glanced at Khalil, who was shaking his head hard. “Oh,” Rachid said. “I guess I shouldn’t ask about Jess?”
Mo exhaled again and walked past Khalil to the fridge. He wasn’t sure which big bowl to take out first, so he started from the top.
“I think it’s better to not mention her name,” Khalil said to Rachid as he accepted the bowl of Berber salad from Mo.
“Whose name?” Amir asked, walking in from the living room. Mo wanted to let the figs and burrata in his hands fall to the ground. He was not going to make it if everyone was asking questions.
“Don’t worry about it,” Khalil said.
Amir scratched at his disheveled hair. Mo assumed he’d been somewhere asleep as he always was when Mo came by during Amir’s visits from college.
“Just wake up?” Mo asked gruffly. It wasn’t that he didn’t love his youngest brother. He just had trouble with people who lived their lives imitating sloths.
Amir rolled his eyes.
“Not this again,” he said. “I’m a human being; I need sleep. We can’t all be Mr. Industrious.” He reached across the kitchen island. “Give me the mustard and stuff.”
Mo obliged, and Amir shuffled out of the room, yawning. Mo was contemplating whether he should take the cans of soft drinks out, but he’d noticed a cooler outside. Knowing his dad, it was already filled to the brim. He grabbed a large bowl of tzatziki and a similar one of hummus and nudged the fridge closed with his elbow. Khalil was right behind the door.
“Hey,” he said softly. “I guess something went wrong?”
Mo squinted at him.
“I um…I’ll take the extra napkins outside,” Rachid said, throwing a wary glance at Mo. He escaped the kitchen quickly as Khalil got even closer to Mo.
“What happened?” he asked.
Mo frowned.
“Don’t want to talk about it,” he muttered.
“Maybe I can help?” Khalil asked.
Mo frowned and kept his mouth shut. Khalil sighed.
“I’m here, okay?” he said.
“K.” Mo walked around the island to get outside and away from Khalil. He focused on the cold seeping into his hands from the bowls so he could get away from the prickly feeling in his heart.
—
Two hours later, with all the serving dishes and platters of meat picked clean, Mo tapped his sunglasses back into position to avoid crossing his arms again. He knew he’d brought the atmosphere down a little by failing to participate in the laughing and joking, but he couldn’t do it. The only thing prompting a little bit of levity for him was the powdered sugar dusting Maddie’s lips and cheeks from the phalanx of gazelle horns she’d devoured. He’d had the instinct to tell her to slow down, but it was his dad’s birthday; she could enjoy herself. He poked at his baghrir again. But they had vanilla in them, and he could not bring himself to force them down. Nothing had tasted good since he and Jess had broken up, but anything with vanilla was like swallowing ash. He crossed his arms again. His mom had disappeared into the kitchen, and Mo wondered if he should go help her, then she appeared with a small round cake, a lit candle in the center.
“Happy birthday to you…” she began singing. Everyone else joined in with energy, and Mo pushed himself to do the same. His mom carefully deposited the plate in front of his dad, who caught her hand and pulled her toward him to kiss her on the cheek. Mo looked away.
“Clafoutis! My favorite,” his dad said, blowing out the candle. “But…” He looked at Maddie. “There’s no way I can enjoy it without sharing some with my granddaughter.”
“Maybe you’ll enjoy it with another grandchild soon,” Khalil said. The table went silent as all eyes shifted to him.
“ Soon, soon?” their mom asked. Khalil shrugged.
“In a little less than seven months,” he said, grinning.
The table erupted. Their mom shot around it to hug Vanessa as their dad shoved his chair back and did the same. Karim clapped his hand on Khalil’s shoulder to pull him in for a hug. Even Amir clapped his hands and shouted his congratulations.
“Daddy?” Maddie’s voice was soft but urgent as she scooted close enough to whisper to him. “Does Uncle Khalil mean…is Vanessa pregnant ?”
“Yes, sugar plum,” he said to her.
“I’m going to have a cousin?” she asked, her face lighting up. He nodded.
“You are,” he said. She let out a small shriek and pushed her chair back to go hug Khalil and Vanessa. Mo’s arms were still crossed. He couldn’t undo them. Naturally, he was happy about the announcement. Small details he hadn’t fully processed suddenly made sense—Vanessa staying on the couch sipping her pop, the fact that he’d seen her walk out to the gazebo deep in the backyard, giving the grill a wide berth. She’d kept her plate relatively empty when everyone else was stuffing themselves. As she was still in the first trimester, she was probably nauseated out of her mind.
When the initial rush had subsided and everyone was chattering away, he pushed his chair out and went over. He squatted down beside her.
“Congratulations,” he said. “But are you okay? I’m sure everyone would understand if you needed to go inside.”
She smiled at him.
“Was I that obvious?” she asked. He shook his head.
“I only put everything together just now. You don’t have to push yourself, you know,” he said.
She nodded.
“I’m okay, the nausea has calmed down a little. But I can tell that you aren’t okay,” she said.
He blinked. She put a hand on his arm and leaned closer.
“Of course, I don’t know the details. Things might not be hopeless, though. Khalil told me how different you were, how clearly happy you were every time he picked up Maddie. And now…” Her lips dipped to one side. “I can see that you’re hurting. If Jess made such an impact on you, I think she might be worth fighting for.”
Mo wasn’t sure what to say. His throat had gotten scratchy. He swallowed.
“I don’t know,” he said.
She rubbed his upper arm.
“Maybe try again. For you,” she said.