Give Me Butterflies

Chapter 1

Erin

“Go on,” Dr. Monica Armstrong said. She sat with her right leg crossed over the left, her foot bouncing in a steady rhythm. I watched her. “You were talking about your family. How is your sister doing?”

I sank into the cushion and sighed. The chair was so comfortable, sometimes I wondered if the only reason I continued to come to therapy was for the chairs. It was one of those oversized, could-definitely-fit-at-least-two-people kind of chairs with the high armrests. I rested against the back and wiggled my toes in my boots, looking across the room at Monica. We sat in a heavy silence as if I hadn’t seen her for five years. She smiled at me.

“My sister?” Where was I supposed to start with my sister. It seemed like she only ever popped up when she got in trouble or ran out of money, but she was still the sparkle in my mother’s eyes any time she was around.

As if on cue, my phone buzzed in my pocket, causing me to jump. My heart pounded against my rib cage, and I put my hand on my chest. I always turned it off before the session, and I blushed. “I’m so sorry for the interruption,” I murmured in a half-whisper, pulling my phone out and silencing it. I saw the name that flashed across the screen.

Elizabeth.

I flipped the phone from vibrate to silent, getting ready to tuck it back in my pocket when the screen lit up again. Why was she calling me a second time? My stomach sank. More than one call was never a good thing.

“Is everything okay, Erin?” Monica asked.

I blinked, hoping that when I opened my eyes, the screen would be black again. It wasn’t. Her name was flashing on the screen. “I, uh, need to take this.”

I hit the green button as I stood up, pressing my phone to my chest and hurrying from the room before Monica could object. When the heavy oak door closed behind me, I put the phone to my ear.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, expecting the worst. My pulse roared in my ears, and I tried to calm my heart rate, but the frustration overwhelmed me—just like it always did. It felt like I was going to pass out. The floor beneath me pretended to move. I braced my knees, putting a hand out to the side before my head started to hurt. A slight blur formed in the corners of my eyes, and I blinked to clear them.

“Why does something always have to be wrong? I can’t just be calling you to say hello?” My sister laughed loudly, and I pulled the phone away from my ear.

“You never call me. Let alone to say hi, especially not twice in a row.” I straightened my back, preparing for the real reason she was calling me. “What do you need, Liz?”

She gasped theatrically, but then she sighed. “I need your help.”

I knew it.

I rolled my eyes as if she could see me. “How much do you need?”

“I don’t need your money,” she snapped, sniffling. My stomach churned, and I bit down on the inside of my lips to stop from responding too soon. If I waited, she would continue. She always did. “Jacob dumped me.”

I groaned. I didn’t want to listen to her boyfriend drama. “Listen, now really isn’t a great time. I’m kind of busy.”

“What are you busy with?” she asked, and I looked behind me at the door that separated me from my therapist. I wasn’t going to tell her the truth. Knowing my sister, she would take it and use it against me in some way that would benefit her in the future. Most personal things were better kept to myself.

“I’m—” I looked around until my eyes caught on the stack of magazines in front of me. One was a fitness magazine, and I nodded. “I’m at the gym.”

I knew Liz didn’t believe me before she said anything. “You’re at the gym? Since when do you go to the gym?”

“I’ve gone to the gym for a long time!” Why was I being defensive? It wasn’t worth fighting with her as if I went more than once a week. Saying once a week was probably generous. I was more of a go-for-a-walk-after-a-big-meal kind of girl. “Why can’t this wait until another time?” I asked, exasperated.

“It’s the only time, Erin. He’s kicking me out. He told me I need to be gone by tonight.” She sounded desperate, panic making her voice higher in pitch. “I don’t know what to do.”

I looked at my watch. “It’s three o’clock. You’re over an hour from here. What do you expect me to do?”

When Liz huffed, I could almost see the tantrum she was throwing. It wasn’t out of character for her. She was the baby of the family, and she always got what she wanted, even if she had to throw a fit to get it. “You’re my sister, Erin! I really need your help,” she whined. “Can’t you come help me move out?”

“You seriously expect me to drive all the way out there to help you pack? We haven’t spoken in a month! It’s not like we’re close.” I swallowed the frustration that formed like a lump in my throat. Dread weighed on my shoulders when I felt her defenses rise.

“Kinda, yeah.” Unbelievable. “I don’t have anyone else.”

My chest squeezed. She could always get me with that. I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and pointer finger and took a slow, deep breath. “Fine. I’ll be there soon.”

“Thank you!” Liz cheered, clapping. Suddenly the sniffles were gone, and her faux tears no longer decorated her words. “I will see you soon. Love ya, bye!” she said so quickly it sounded like a single word. Then the line disconnected.

I made sure my phone was still on silent before I tucked it in my pocket and brushed my hand over my cotton dress to smooth out wrinkles that didn’t exist. When I opened the door and walked back in, Monica was waiting with her hands folded in her lap. I closed the door gently behind me, longing for the comfort of her chair but staying in the doorway instead.

“Is everything okay?” she asked, tilting her head to the side.

I nodded. “Yeah, sorry.” I hesitated. “Actually, something came up at the office. I need to head out.” I didn’t want to tell her Liz had called. She knew Liz was a problem in my life—she was a common topic of discussion.

“There’s still twenty minutes left in our session.” She stood up from her chair, but she didn’t move closer to me.

“I—I know. It’s work.” I tried and failed to come up with an emergency that the rest of the team couldn’t handle without me. I settled with a half-shrug and a vague wave. “You know how it goes.”

Monica furrowed her brow. It looked like she was torn between convincing me to stay and asking for the truth or letting me go. It was like she didn’t believe me. “I understand,” she finally said. “Work is important.”

I opened my mouth and then closed it again, settling for a curt nod instead. Before the doors on the elevator had even closed, I was dreading my next appointment.

She definitely didn’t believe me.