Chapter 8 #3
The intensity of Lawson’s gaze and the sudden wave of unexpected emotion slammed into him.
No, not now!
He reached blindly over to the shower knob and turned it on.
He lifted Lawson upward, dragging them into the shower together, the water slicking and heating their bodies.
Lawson’s piercing gaze surveyed him, as though looking for something.
John intentionally ignored the concern reflected there and kissed him, hard.
Lawson hesitated a mere second before giving in, and they greedily took what they both wanted from each other.
John moved his hands over his jawline and neck, tracing the layered slopes of his defined back, loving the way their bodies seemed to fit together.
Lawson pushed his tongue inside John’s mouth, caging him against the wall of the shower. Their tongues clashed and battled. His cock hardened painfully between his legs at the torrid, wild kissing. Lawson tasted like whiskey, smoke, and apple. He wanted to taste more. So much more.
John began to move to his knees when Lawson shook his head, pinning him to the wall.
He shot him a questioning look, and Lawson licked over his lower lip, sucking it in.
“If you get down on your knees and I see my cock in your mouth…” Lawson groaned, pushing his demanding cock into John's stomach, “I will come in two seconds.”
John let out a whooshing breath and nodded, unable to form words.
“I need to touch you,” Lawson said, reaching for the hotel shampoo and massaging it into John’s chest, careful of the bruise as he worked his way up to his shoulders.
His body responded the way it did every time Lawson touched him—subdued and compliant, surrendering one muscle at a time. Lawson hummed low from the back of his throat, looking incredibly pleased, even smiling. “I love watching you do that.”
John’s eyes blinked open, head tilted back against the shower, letting Lawson go to work on him. “Do what?”
“Give me everything you can’t. But you fight it.”
John was surprised, and yet he knew he shouldn’t be.
Lawson, from day one, saw things about others—understood patients without words.
“How do you do that?” John heard himself ask.
Lawson seemed to understand the question and stroked his fingers up and down his neck, moving over the sensitive tendons.
“I spent my whole life around horses. Creatures that only communicated through nonverbal cues. People are very similar. We say more with our faces and our bodies than we sometimes do with our words. Especially you.”
He swallowed, and Lawson watched his throat bob and felt his shoulders tense.
“Want me to tell you what I see when I look at you?” Lawson asked.
“Fuck, probably not.”
Lawson smirked, “You’ve been a bit of a challenge, Dr. Donnelly.
” He rubbed and soothed the frozen shoulder as he spoke.
“I know you want me. I saw it that night, but you denied me. I watch your shoulders tense whenever you walk into the ED, but you never seem to take a day off. I know you’re tired and… raw, like an open wound.”
He clenched his jaw, refusing to show how close Lawson was to the truth.
“And you do that when you’re fighting with yourself,” Lawson commented, eyeing his jawline. “You have something to say, but you’re holding back—why? What are you afraid of?”
The nerve Lawson had been dancing around finally struck, and the steel wall inside John came down with a swift bang. He grabbed his wrist, squeezing him. “First rule, none of this.”
“What?”
“We’re here for one thing, let’s keep it that way. Keep it simple. I don’t wanna talk…”
Lawson’s eyebrows shot upward, the hot spray of the shower wetting and darkening his dirty blond hair. “I don’t know if I like that rule.”
“Then this stops now.”
Lawson reached for the hand gripping his wrist, eyes locked with his. “I don’t think I can.”
“Lawson,” John attempted, but the young man continued to rub, pressing him against the wall, the shower slickening them. “I need...”
“Control?” he offered flippantly, flicking his wrist downward and off him, arching his hips into him, making John feel everything. Lawson’s hard, smooth body and thick, wonderful cock spearing into him. He nearly whimpered.
God, I’m pathetic.
I can’t say no.
I’m weak for how good this feels.
For his touch…
“Order,” John croaked, attempting in vain to control this situation.
“Same thing,” Lawson retorted.
“It’s not,” he snapped, and sighed, scrubbing a hand over his wet beard. “I’m not ruining my reputation for a fling, Lawson. So, if you can’t respect what I’m asking for—”
Lawson’s fingers were rubbing so deeply that he winced, and his chin jerked out, sucking a hard breath.
“I’ll respect your damn rules, Donnelly,” Lawson’s grip eased over the sensitive tendon. “But on two conditions.”
Relief clutched in his chest, watching the water trickle over Lawson’s freshly shaved cheeks, down his tanned neck.
All he wanted to do was forget this conversation and trace the water running down the cowboy’s body with his tongue.
The pulse between his legs flared and he licked his lips, fighting himself, demanding discipline and patience.
Something he was normally good at, but right now, with Lawson’s cock sliding against his, he was slowly losing control.
And a part of him wanted to. To surrender to the tension between them and be absolutely fucking reckless. To explode in passion and desire.
“I want more than tonight,” Lawson whispered, the shower steam rising between them, surrounding them in a hazy wall of heat. “And no one else fucks you but me.”
John stared, stunned by the avalanche of his words crashing over him.
Fuck.
The possessiveness in his tone unhinged something primal inside him.
Almost animalistic. Except that more nights like this were dangerous.
He couldn’t afford to get close to someone else.
It took too much from him. It hurt too much when they left.
Because everyone who ever mattered to him left in the end.
He watched countless souls over the course of his career say goodbye too soon.
And he already said goodbye to his best friend, his brother, and now his father…
He wasn’t interested in experiencing more pain.
Besides, Lawson was young, practically screaming with sexual prowess and virility. He’d have his fun and fill with him and be done in a few weeks, maybe a month. And John would be left with nothing, right back where he started, and maybe even worse off.
He felt the door open in his soul once more, the empty void.
He shivered despite the heat from the shower and the feel of Lawson against him.
“Can you give me that?” Lawson asked quietly, his fingers reaching for his jawline, tracing through his beard, watching him consider his answer.
“I’ll think about it,” he said, closing the door mentally, returning to this moment.
“You asked me to follow your rules, Donnelly. I need your answer by tonight.”
“I can’t give you that.”
Lawson searched his face, frowning, and pushed John’s shoulder back down, not realizing it had stiffened and inched upward again.
“I wanna try something with you,” Lawson murmured, intently eying his shoulder.
“Is it going to hurt?”
“In a way, yeah. But you’ll feel better afterward.”
He hesitated, and Lawson kissed him, “Trust me.”
Heart racing, he nodded. “Don’t make me regret this.”
“You won’t. Turn around.”
He did, feeling the heat of the water slide down his backside, followed by Lawson’s hands palming him. “Damn, I love your ass. Your scrubs don’t do you justice.”
John chuckled out a moan, letting Lawson massage his cheeks, fingers slipping into the crevice, making him stiffen. “There are condoms in my bag…”
“I’m clean, I tested last week. You?” Lawson asked, his magical fucking fingers grazing over his hole, causing John to buck backward, breathing hard into the wet tile.
“Yeah, I’m clean. Tested a few weeks ago.”
Lawson let out a grunt and kissed his shoulder, “Can I fuck you raw? Or do you want me to wrap it?”
He moaned at the idea of feeling Lawson—all of him inside him—and filling him with his hot cum. Why did that idea turn him on so much?
Fuck. Fuck. I am so fucked.
“Jesus,” John muttered. “Yeah, we can…” He couldn’t even say the word; it felt too intimate somehow, but it was just sex.
Just sex.
Right, keep telling yourself that, old man.
Lawson let out a breathy moan and continued to graze over John’s hole, a little more urgently now, his hand reaching out to get more soap, working his shoulder again. This time, it was painfully deep. He let out a surprised gasp and tried to relax, but it was hard to do.
Lawson’s fingers began to edge inside around the tight rim.
He bit his lower lip, eyes shutting, feeling the sensations all over his body.
Lawson widened John’s stance, angling his hips out to accommodate his own aching dick as it throbbed between his legs, desperate for Lawson’s touch.
But he was busy painfully working his shoulder, tirelessly pushing on the same spot, digging deeper and harder.
John’s jaw clenched and he fisted his cock, already leaking as Lawson fingered around his hole, which he finally withdrew, replaced by the tip of his cock.
Lawson released the grip on his shoulder and spat into his hand, lubing his dick, and once more returned to John’s entrance, slicker now.
He was barely breathing, waiting in anticipation for the feel of Lawson inside him again.
The young man pushed slowly forward through the tight rim, and John sighed, his body sucking him in and then…
Lawson’s voice changed, becoming that deep timber, low and so unbelievably sexy. “Take a deep breath…”
Fuuuck.
Where did this man come from?
Lawson speared forward, slamming into him. John let out a cry of pain and pleasure, knees trembling. This was only his second time doing this, and he was still getting used to the sensation of being fucked.