Chapter Fifteen #2
“Aww,” I say, imagining him as a kid, all hopped up on excitement. “That’s actually pretty sweet.”
“Recently, I’ve been doing this thing: playing what ifs. What if the band had never got together? What if we hadn’t been at the local fair where we were discovered? What if I’d actually punched Jax that morning for pissing me off and we all fell out and none of this ever happened? What then?”
I stare at him wide eyed. “Why did you nearly punch him?”
“He was texting my girlfriend.”
“What?” I say, gobsmacked.
“Yeah.”
“But weren’t you like sixteen?”
He nods. “Yes. But I was in love with her.”
“Oh. Well. That’s cute.”
He laughs, shaking his head. “Unfortunately, it turns out she was in love with Jax all along. She was just using me to get to him.”
“Ouch.”
“Yeah. To be fair, I got over it very quickly.”
“Always a sign of a deep, endearing love.”
He elbows me gently. “My what if led me to what I would be doing now, if I hadn’t become a popstar.”
“And that’s photography?”
He shakes his head. “Honestly? I probably would have ended up doing carpentry with my dad and that would have been totally fine with me. But I loved photography, and art, growing up. After all the disposables, my parents bought me this snazzy camera for my thirteenth birthday, and I took it everywhere with me. So, I’m trying it out again.
And I’m enjoying it. I have a laptop back on the cruise. I plan on editing what I have so far.”
“So you want to explore it professionally?”
Gus sniffs. “I don’t think anyone is going to take me seriously. I’m just exploring the person I might’ve been. Eleven years of my life have been committed to music, entertainment, drama. I’m not sure how much longer I have in me for all of that.”
This piques my interest. I haven’t really asked him about his career much; I get the impression celebrities get bored of being asked the same questions again and again. But now I know how open he is, I indulge myself. “Was there always drama?”
He groans. “Always. Always, always, always. If it wasn’t me, it was one of the boys. If it wasn’t them – literally, we could do nothing – we’d be dragged into something we weren’t even involved with.”
“Yeah. I couldn’t do that.”
“What do you mean?”
“The speculation. The drama. The invasion of privacy. I could never be famous or date someone famous. It would send me wild.”
Gus holds onto that for a long moment. I realise what I’ve said and it’s too late to take it back.
Finally, he says, “I have nothing to compare it to, really. Because this all started when I was so young, but relationships are tricky to navigate when you’re in the spotlight.
In some ways, I’m spoilt for choice. In other ways, I find the people who want to date me, want to date me because of what I am and not who I am. ”
“That’s really tough,” I say, scrunching up my face.
“It is. And it sucks for me. They want Gus from Just4Summer. They don’t want me.”
“And those are different people?”
He shrugs. “No, I mean… I’m not faking it when I’m on stage. I’m not a different person. Two sides of the same coin and all that. But I do fear that one day, when that all fades away, and I’m a nobody, there’ll be no one left who’ll want me for me.”
I press my lips together thoughtfully. “Well, at least you’ll be rich.” Gus throws his head back with laughter. I’m sure he’s about to correct me on that matter but we arrive at the port office and wait in the queue.
There’re a few couples and a family ahead of us, but once it’s our turn, I say, “Good afternoon. Do you have any idea when The Adriatic Angel is docking in Kotor please? We missed it in Dubrovnik.”
The woman behind the desk speaks fluent English. I know because I’ve listened to her converse with the last few people. German and French too. But now she blinks at me, her expression wary.
“You have not heard from the cruise?”
I shake my head. “No. I haven’t had any messages today. They usually send updates.”
She purses her lips. “I see. Let me just speak to my colleague.”
She spins in her chair and starts speaking in another language. I flinch as they get louder, certain they’re arguing until they smile at each other, and she spins back.
“I’m sorry but your cruise is not stopping in Kotor.”
“Not yet,” I correct. “But it is going to. It stops here.”
She shakes her head. “No. I’m afraid it has gone straight to the next port.” She leans forward to type on her computer. “Ah yes, to Taormina, in Italy.”
It takes me a few solid seconds to register her words. “No… That’s… I don’t understand.”
I feel a large, warm hand press against my lower back as Gus interjects.
“Thanks for your help,” he says, his voice tactfully smooth. “Can you tell us why they’ve skipped ahead?”
She gives us a look like we’re completely out of touch. “Well, because of the storm.”
I share a look with Gus. We glance out the window at the pristine blue skies. Then turn to her again. She has to be messing with us.
“Sorry, what?!” we say in tandem.
She points at the TV screen on the wall behind us.
Slowly, we step away from the desk and head in that direction.
It’s a news update… Of course, it’s a local news channel so we don’t understand a word, but the graphics are decipherable.
A massive storm front is heading straight towards the Adriatic Sea.
What the…
Gus stands beside me; his hand still pressed against my lower back. I don’t think it’s something to read into. He’s probably relaxed like this with everyone. He has that kind of personable energy. Even so, I can’t deny I’m starting to like it.
It means nothing. Focus Sara!
I have bigger fish to fry.
I run both my hands through my hair and pull at the roots a little.
Fuck.