Chapter 30
Kallias knocked gently on Lea’s door. Though he longed to burst straight in and wrap his arms around her, he knew she might be resting and didn’t want to startle her. “Lea? It’s me. Kallias.”
A quick rustle of movement sounded from within. “Kallias?” Her voice was breathless.
“Don’t get up,” he called, worried she’d overexert herself. “May I come in?”
The noises of movement ceased. “Yes,” she replied after a moment. Her voice sounded hesitant, almost wary.
He eased the door open and slipped through. The sight of her made bittersweet emotion well in his chest. They’d only been apart a few days, but it felt like months, and simply being in her presence sent a burst of joy through him.
Lea did not seem to share his joy. Her gaze was flat and unwelcoming. She lay on her bed, a white bandage wrapped around her forehead. The ill-tempered cat, Nyx, was curled up on her stomach. He emitted a low, menacing growl as Kallias took a step into the room.
“I see you’ve remembered the way here,” she said, scratching the cat behind his ragged ears.
“Lea, I’m so sorry. I wanted to come, more than anything, but…” In a rush of words, he explained everything: the emperor’s displeasure after his night spent here, Drusilla’s unexpected illness, Sextus’s departure and the note that had just missed her, and finally Velia’s assistance tonight.
Lea listened in pensive silence. When he finished, she exhaled. “I suppose now I can’t strangle you as I’d originally planned,” she said in resignation.
He took that to mean his explanation had been accepted. “It nearly killed me not to see you. I was about to attempt climbing the walls before Velia arrived.”
She snorted. “I’d have paid good money to see that.” Then she held out a hand, some warmth entering her gaze, though she didn’t smile. “I know what you’ve risked to be here.”
He stepped forward to take her hand, only to stop short as Nyx hissed, ears flat against his head.
“Nyx,” Lea chided. “Be nice.” She stroked the cat’s back. His yellow gaze swung from her to Kallias and back again, and then he seemed to relax, tucking his paws primly beneath his body.
Once Kallias believed he wouldn’t be mauled, he leaned down to gently fold Lea into his arms. She returned the embrace, fingers spreading over his back.
“How are you feeling?” he murmured when he drew away. “Can I look at your wound?”
She nodded. “My head feels like it’s going to explode, and my ears won’t stop ringing, but that seems to be the worst of it.”
He brought the lamp closer, then unwound the bandage from around her head with delicate fingers. The wound had been cleaned, and it appeared superficial, not requiring stitches. Kallias knew the real injury was beneath, and it would take days of rest for her to recover.
“I brought some things that may help.” He removed two clay containers from his satchel, one containing honey, the other containing an ointment of henbane seeds.
With a spoon, he mixed the two together.
The honey would help the wound heal, and the henbane ointment would dull the pain of the gash in her scalp.
He spread it gently on the wound, then re-bandaged it with fresh cloth.
Lea sniffed. “Shockingly tolerable,” she decreed.
He rolled his eyes as he withdrew a tiny glass vial from his satchel. “I also brought poppy juice. It will help your headache, but it will make you drowsy.”
“I’ll take some soon. I don’t want to fall asleep just yet. Can you stay?”
“Of course.” He lowered himself to the floor next to her bed, leaning against the wall. Nyx was still on her stomach, and he didn’t want to crowd her in the bed.
She reached out and ran her fingers through his hair. The pleasure of her touch took his breath away, and he closed his eyes in bliss.
“Kallias,” she said, her voice raw and unsteady. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
His eyes opened, and a ripple of tension passed through him. What did she mean? Earlier it had sounded like she’d forgiven him. Had he misunderstood? “You have every right to be angry with me—”
“I’m not angry with you. Believe me, I’d like to blame you, but I know the fault lies with me.”
He turned to look at her. The look of pain on her face seemed entirely separate from her injury. “What fault?”
She shifted, gingerly sitting straighter. “I lost a fight. And not because my opponent was more skilled. I lost because I couldn’t stop worrying about you. I could have died because of it.”
Pain lanced through him. “Again, I’m sorry—”
“No, it’s not your fault. I should have known better. I told myself I wouldn’t let it get like this. I wouldn’t let myself care. Because when you care for people, and they leave, or die, or disappear, it hurts more than any wound in the arena.”
“Is that why you dream of your solitary seaside cottage? So you can shut yourself away from anyone you might come to care for? That’s no way to live, Lea.”
The words came out sharper than he intended.
He’d spent his life alone. He had only the foggiest memories of his mother, and none of his father.
He’d formed transient friendships here and there, and some of those friends had turned into lovers, but the conditions of his life had never allowed him to attach himself to anyone, not in the way he craved.
This connection he’d found with Lea was the most precious thing in his life, and he wouldn’t turn his back on it, no matter the cost.
“And this is?” She jerked a hand at her bandaged head.
“I can’t do this, Kallias. Who’s to say this won’t happen again?
The emperor could turn on you like that.
” She snapped her fingers. “The only thing I truly have is my life. I can’t spend it worrying every day that the man I love is going to find himself on the wrong side of the emperor’s moods. ”
Kallias met her gaze. Ever since leaving the palace, a hazy idea had been swirling in his mind. Now, it coalesced into a decision. “I wouldn’t ask you to.” He reached for her hand, twining his fingers with hers. “I’m not going back.”
She blinked, brow furrowing. “What—what do you mean?”
“You were right. I can’t solve this with a plan that will take years to carry out. Especially with Sextus gone. I need something faster. I’m already out of the palace. So I’ll simply never return.”
Even as he spoke the words, panic seized him. What was he thinking? He had only the clothes on his back and a handful of items in his bag. This was a foolish, reckless idea. He should slink back to the palace, pray his absence wasn’t noticed, and come up with another, safer plan.
But then he looked at Lea. She was the bravest person he’d ever met. If he wanted a life with her, he had to do something worthy of her bravery…and perhaps her occasional foolishness, too.
Her eyes widened. “They’ll look for you, won’t they?”
He nodded, steeling his resolve. “So I’ll disappear for a while. As long as it takes for him to forget about me.” Knowing Gaius, that could be anywhere from a few days to a month or longer, depending on his moods.
“Where will you go?”
“It’s safer for you not to know.” He had a few ideas on that front, but he wouldn’t share them. He pressed her hand to his lips. “But I promise I’ll come back. And we can build a life together that will make both of us truly happy.”
The flickering lamplight caught on tears welling in her eyes. “Ouch,” she said with a sniffling laugh as one spilled down her cheek. “Crying makes my head hurt even more.”
He cradled her face in his hands and wiped away the tears with his thumbs. “And I hope it doesn’t need to be said, but every single sestertius that enters my possession is yours until your freedom is secured. And probably after that, too,” he added with a smile.
“I love you,” she whispered. “Philé emé.”
Kallias didn’t even bother to correct her usage of the feminine form. Her terrible Greek was endearing. He leaned close to kiss away another tear that had fallen. “I love you too, Lea.”
Nyx glanced over their display with disgust, then hopped off the bed and padded over to the closed door, pausing and looking back at Lea expectantly.
Kallias sensed what the creature wanted, so he rose and opened the door wide enough for the cat to slip through.
“How long do we have?” Lea asked unsteadily as Kallias closed the door.
“I expect my absence will be noticed by morning. I should leave before dawn.” That left them precious few hours to spend together before they’d be parted for an indefinite length of time.
The prospect pained him, but he could bear it if it meant a lifetime of freedom to love her.
“But you need to rest. I won’t keep you up all night in your condition.
I’d like to give you some of the poppy now. ”
“I’m not going to sleep away our last night together!”
“We’ll have a lifetime of nights together.” The vision of a future with her was murky and indistinct, but for the first time, it felt like a real possibility, something he could actually hope for. “For now, it’s more important that you rest.”
“Fine,” she muttered. “But don’t give me too much.”
Kallias uncorked the small vial and measured out a few tiny drops into a spoon, which he handed to Lea. She swallowed, grimacing at the bitter taste, then lay back against the pillows with a sigh. She patted the small space on the bed next to her.
Now that Nyx had departed, Kallias dared to slide into the bed beside her, his arms around her. How had she become so important to him in such a short time? Somehow, she’d captured his heart as easily as she’d knocked him down that day at the palace.
He knew one thing for sure: he never would have found the courage to escape if it weren’t for her. Her bravery had inspired him to take a leap, abandon his too-cautious plans, reach out to seize the future he truly wanted.
He only prayed it would be enough.